Finding You 4
Sakura was surprised when the next day had begun, first of all when Touya had woken her up, and later when Yukito didn't turn up, with the excuse of sickness.
Sakura had been truly worried, Yukito had NEVER been sick; she had immediately thought of coming over after school to check up on him.
But then, there was always the easier way…
While making sure she was still roller blading, Sakura concentrated on Yukito, seeking out his location and trying to see whether he was all right…
Oh…Sakura stopped, causing her brother to look back at her with annoyance,
She couldn't feel Yukito, it was so faint…like he was dieing, or on the over side of the planet…
Then it hit her, He wasn't there.
She tried to search for Yuy, concentrating on a memory of the guardian; his rare smile…that scent of purity she always felt around him…those gray eyes…Sakura found him.
She could feel his anger like so many other times, sitting in the clock tower, the angel-like guardian was once again thinking of Clow, this time, he was remembering…
Wow, that was…strange…
Sakura could see his memory clearly, their special bond allowing her access to the guardian's fragile mind, which at the moment was too concentrated on a memory of his first spell (or so Sakura guessed) to notice her gentle probes.
She felt bad for her guardian; the young girl could sense his sadness as the memory of his master's touch rolled on in his mind.
She also felt guilty, not only for practically breaking into Yue's mind, but for not being able to take the pain away from him, for not trying hard enough to help, for not doing the same thing Clow had done so many years ago, for not caring enough.
I should have helped him.
Yue shouldn't feel this pain,
He should be happy, I should make him happy,
I should hold him like that,
I should make his life worthwhile,
I should help him,
I should be a better master, a better friend…
I can't love any one, how can I love him?
How can I help him?
I can't…can I?
No.
"Squirt? Yo! You're gonna make us both late!!" said Touya, shaking his sister rather roughly.
"Huh? Oh…sorry. Sorry Touya, kinda…zoomed out…hehehe…" she answered, trying to smile although she felt nothing like it.
"Squirt? You're getting weirder by the second!" answered Touya, like always teasing his little sister.
"Touya!!" Sakura shouted, for the moment forgetting about her troubles.
"Come on, you still need to get to school." He said, then rode off, not waiting for Sakura to catch up.
***
Sakura had thought about going over and trying to catch Yue at lunchtime,
Then after school, then at dinner, but someone always seemed to be in the way, first he teacher wanting to discuss something with her.
A lunchtime she had spent day dreaming, or rather, half listening to her educator and half wondering whether her guardian would be there tomorrow, she doubted it.
Later, it had been homework she couldn't ignore, and Tomoyo's suggestions of finishing it together had turned into a nightmare when they spent too much time talking.
Sakura had wondered right through the discussion, wondering about what she could possibly say to the lonesome moon guardian, and ended up take way too long to finish her math.
Then, finally, dinnertime approached, but unfortunately her father had to stay out to work on some project, and Touya insisted she eat dinner at home and on time.
Finally… Sakura signed, getting up from the table and letting her brother clean the dishes, then going down the hall, pulling on her coat and saying she's be back by midnight before running out the door. Followed by Touya's scream of
"Midnight is too late!!!"
She ran down the street, way too distracted to try and see whether the angel was still there. Sakura ran right by a figure, roughly her own height, which seemed familiar, but couldn't quiet bother her, since the person she was heading towards took much of her thoughts.
"Sakura?!" said a familiar voice, and the young girl turned around to face the speaker, now a few meters away, "Eriol?! What are you doing out here? " She asked, completely puzzled.
"I could ask you the same thing, if I didn't already know." Answered Eriol's smooth voice, a little amusement showing in his speech.
"Wha…? I'm…" Sakura was completely puzzled.
"Your emotions were running higher then usual, and I saw you running down the street from my window, I thought something was wrong." Answered the teenage boy, dressed in a coat, and his khaki shorts with a t-shirt underneath.
"Oh…I was just…just…"
"Just going to see Yue, I know. I thought about doing the same."
"Why? Is something wrong…?"
"Sakura…"
"He's my guardian and my friend! What's wrong with Yue!?"
Eriol finally seemed to come to a standing conclusion, as he answered, his voice was a little less calm then usual.
"Nakuru went to talk to him today, and I heard about part of the conversation from her, I believe Yue is ready to give up."
"Give…up? What do you mean?" asked Sakura, suddenly feeling sick at the stomach.
"Give up on life, or so Ruby Moon informed me, and she looked pretty serious so I think it must have been a very…uncomfortable conversation."
"What happened?" asked Sakura, not being able to fully imagine Ruby Moon being anything but her hyper self.
"She was…a little teary, Nakuru-chan said that Yue was giving up on life, and she couldn't help him." Answered Eriol, his voice now showing a tingle of sadness.
"What? Yue is going to give up on life!? What happened?!" shouted the young card mistress, angst showing clearly though her voice.
"Nakuru said that he acted like he had no reason to exist, but…of course, to serve his mistress, who doesn't really need his protection." Answered Eriol, backing away from the fuming girl.
"WHAT!!?? Don't need him…Yue thinks I don't need him? And is going to give up because of it…?" she repeated, calming down slightly.
"Well, you are in no need of his protection, that's for sure. Sakura, you've grown into your powers and I'm sure that you could defeat any threat that arises without Yue's help, he knows that."
"But…I can't…? Without Yue? I can't fight without Yue, I can't live without Yue! I need him as much as ever! I need his friendship, I need to comfort him, I gotta go! I gotta go find Yue-chan!!" she shouted before sprinting down the road. Sakura almost fell over until strong yet gentle arms caught her, and Eriol whispered,
"I'll help too."
***
Yue was seriously considering what Ruby Moon had said.
Was there any real reason he kept away from his master, why had he been angry with her in the first place? Why had he secluded himself?
Then he remembered,
She wasn't Clow Reed.
That girl wasn't the person who had created him, she wasn't the person who had given him love and trust and a reason to exist, she was just a kid who was chosen, nothing more and nothing less.
And it pained Yue to know that the master who loved him and who he had loved back was gone, and all he was left with was a child, who, he had to admit, really didn't need his protection any more then she needed his friendship.
She had grown,
She wasn't a child; Sakura was a young woman with powers as strong as Clow Reed had ever been. Yue realized that really, his reason for staying in the shadows of Yukito's mind had gone away along with the helpless child he had first judged, her power was enough to support him for as long as he chose to "live" but did he want to?
No, he didn't.
With that little helpless child had gone the only reason he had for remaining, he wasn't needed, his mistress required nothing of him, Clow Reed was no longer there to cry for him if he ever chose to leave (Yue doubted that his master would have cried any way, but he would have certainly felt sorrow).
He had pretended to be needed, pretended that the six years had not gone by, that Sakura was still a child in need of protection from everyone,
That Clow had not left him alone many a year ago.
Pretended that Keroberus was still a young guardian like himself, that those days they had spent in the sky had been only a few years ago,
That he was still part of Clow's family,
That his brother would bounce about when he came back from his daily duties,
That he still had a life of his own.
He had been wrong…so very very wrong…
The reality, cruel, cruel reality was that he had pretended that he was still in a part of something that had crumbled with his master's death.
But that was gone,
Kero would never bounce into a sunlit room and shout out
"Yue's home!! Come on! You're late for our lesson!!"
He would never hear his master laugh.
He would never spend time watching his older brother enjoy a nap by the fireplace.
He was alone, no longer needed nor wanted.
And Yue felt sad for it. Sad and lonely.
It was time.
Time to go back to his other form, time to once again dream of days that were long past.
This time he recognized the feeling he felt every time he "changed" the feeling they called "regret".
For what?
He didn't have enough time to think of that.
***
A/N: So? What do you think? ANGST!!!! And lot's of it, more Yue torture coming soon,
And no, this fic isn't coming to a close in the next chapter, I think there might be another chapter or so left to this; honestly I didn't mean it to be this short! Sorry, oh yeah, sorry if this seems to turning into an ExS or Ruby MoonxYue, I'm just having them help out a bit.
TBC!!!!
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ENJOY!!!!