Dearest

In the word of Hamilton, I took a break. I'm so sorry. I hope you enjoy this chapter and hang in for the next chapter. I hope you all enjoy it.

TempeGeller.

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Chapter 4: A child like no other

7 months of loneliness had passed. 7 months, Leyviena never thought she would build a home without Severus. Yet right now she had to do it. Hermione grew up, she remained a quiet child. The only thing that was always heard through the house was her laughter. It was Leyviena's favourite sound. Hermione still communicated telepathically, yet she hadn't spoken yet. Leyviena believed it was shyness on Hermione's part. Hermione did pull herself up and take a few steps. She preferred levitating herself around the house. Leyviena had been lucky that she didn't have any friends. Hermione used her magic for almost everything. Toys and food were flying around the house, she had not yet learned to hide her magic. Some day they would need to talk about that, yet that was far in the future. She loved how her child saw magic as something good. She hoped Hermione would never find out what they thought about Half blood gods. She didn't want her child to be looked down on like everyone had looked down on her. No one had cared that she was smarter than anyone else. They kept saying she was less, mostly the people from Slytherin. She had not been popular from the first moment. Yet most people had grown to love her. Yet prejudice was horrible at first.

The house had changed since the beginning, she had put up pictures of Severus and Hermione. There were little pictures of her. Hermione would always go to the picture of her father and blow him a kiss. Hermione remembered Severus, Leyviena didn't know how. Yet the small child remembered her father. He was part of Hermione's dreams, the few hours she had known him had been burned in her memory. Those were memories that she would never let go.
Leyviena stared at the pictures, they were rare moments of Severus smiling. Most of the times it were moments that they were talking about important moments in their life. Hermione was a big part of them.
Leyviena sat down, she wrote down everything she wanted to tell Severus. It was not a diary, it was more a long letter. One she wrote every day, she put pictures of Hermione between it.

Dear Severus

She grows up so fast. Hermione is the light of my life. She would have been the light of your life as well. I'm sure that she is, I'm so sorry that I took off. I have apologized every day for 7 months and I will keep apologizing for all the time to come.
Severus, she's so smart! I was smart when I was little, but she's so much smarter. She's so much like me, yet she has your quiet nature. How many times I wanted her to speak. Yet it seemed that she's waiting to speak, until we're back together. I hope that's soon, I understand she wants you to hear her first word, but Severus I want to hear it. I want to hear that wonderful word. I can't put pressure on her, I need to let her grow up in her own rhythm.

I miss you.
Always yours
Ley

Today the letter was shorter. Partly because Hermione had not been doing new things. She watched her child as she moved to the kitchen. The small broom was on the kitchen counter. She wanted to give Hermione that broom, yet she knew the child would only be too young for it. Yet she kept thinking about her child on a broom. She had never been a quiditch player. Yet she always loved flying her broom. Yet she had been good enough to fly, yet she never wanted to play quiditch. It was no her sport, she even hated watching it. That was partly the reason why she and Sirius had broken up. He liked to talk about sports and she liked books. They were not a good match. She and Severus always had the same interests, sometimes it seemed that they had the same heart. They were soulmates and they would always be. She thought about Severus, she hoped he would not do anything stupid and get himself killed. Right now she understood what he had been feeling all this years. All the times that she had asked to heal him. She was a stupid child, only now she understood. She only changed when there was someone to protect. Hermione was the reason she changed.
When she looked down, she saw Hermione's big brown eyes. She pointed to the small broom.
"No." Leyviena replied. "You are way too young to fly a broom."
'But mommy!' Hermione's face showed anger.
"Hermione, it's way too dangerous."
'It's not if you hold me.' Hermione opened her eyes wider. There was a disappear on her face, almost like she would lose everything if she didn't fly that broom. It was too much to Leyviena. She hated not giving Hermione what she wanted. Some parents would say it was bad to always give children what they wanted, yet Hermione was different. She didn't expect Leyviena to give her everything.

Leyviena stared out of the window. If only Severus was here, he would know what to do. She was alone without his advice and his needs. She knew nothing about how he would care for Hermione. She doubted if Hermione would ever speak, maybe she would remain silent until Severus returned in their lives. She hoped that would be soon, if only she could bring down Voldemort all by herself.

Severus always carried a picture of Leyla with him. Even when he was at Hogwarts. She had always said he would be an amazing teacher, yet teaching seemed soulless when she wasn't around. When he walked around the school, her reminded every moment they spent there. It was almost that the school haunted his life. Minerva McGonagall hated him, he simple knew that. She had never been happy with their relationship, but since Leyla's disappearance 7 months ago she had grown cold and rude towards him. Almost like he had taken her child and grandchild from him. She never blamed him with many words, yet she did with her disapproving eyes. He never had to courage to actually talk to her. Before he said few words and she would glare at him from behind her glasses. Those interactions were pretty much gone now.

Today he was sitting in the headmaster's office, talking about Voldemort's plan. Dumbledore want Snape to get more in Voldemort's inner circle, yet Snape would always refuse. He told Dumbledore he would take those chances with Leyla and Hermione still alive. At that moment Dumbledore would open his eyes wider and say 'it was very important'. Yet Severus rather kept away from Voldemort when he needed. He was Voldemort's eyes in Hogwarts and only met him when he saw something.
"Severus, Leyla would have wanted you to…" Dumbledore pushed his glasses farther on his nose. "end this war, so she could come back to you. It's what we all want."
"Look Voldemort is someone who doesn't trust people easily." Snape replied. "It would…"
"Not if we give him some valued information." He replied. "Would you?"
"Leyviena will want me to take as little risks as possible." Snape stood up. "Albus, I have a child."

That very moment James entered the room, his forehead was covered in blood. He was pulling a death eater inside, when the death eaters eyes fell on Snape's. Snape became pale. He had never seen the man, yet he knew he was send to take out James Potter. Voldemort hunted valued members of the order of the phoenix. For so long Leyviena's name was shown on the top line.
Dumbledore levitated his hand and the man disappeared. Of to the where they kept prisoners for interrogation.
"Severus, you can go."

James remained in the room, he stared to Dumbledore. Both men were thinking different things. Yet when their eyes crossed, they knew their minds had jumped to the same idea.
"I need a man in Voldemort's inner circle." Dumbledore walked around the table. "Someone who can know more than Severus does today."
"Is there no way that Snape can work his way to Voldemort's inner circle?"
"He has a child." Dumbledore rolled his eyes. "He has a wife. He still has more loyalty to Voldemort then he does to me. Voldemort was willing to keep his wife alive and now he wants to remain alive for his wife. He doesn't want to take risks."
"What are you exactly saying?" James replied. "Are you going to make Snape believe his wife and child are dead? Fake their deaths?"
"Leyviena has always been very close with her aunt Katharina. Katharina is someone Leyviena would trust. What if we plan to burned bodies at the house with the death mark flying over it. That way Voldemort would have broken his oath, Severus Snape would have no reason to be so cautious with her life. He would go mad with grief."
"We need this man on the inside right?"

"Trust me. I have information that can bring Severus Snape from zero to hero."

Lily sat down next to Severus, placed her arm strongly around his shoulders and hugged him. He hadn't asked for the movement, yet feeling the arms from his best friend around his shoulders brought him to tears. He placed his head on her shoulders and cried. He hadn't let himself cry to anyone else. She moved her fingers through his hair. Her left hand moved in circles over his back. He didn't know why they had grown this close again. She had forgiven him completely. They were friend again and he knew what he had missed in all this years. There were times that all he could do was apologize to Lily, yet that had been long ago.
"Severus, they are fine. Hermione and Leyviena are fine." He stared at Lily, she was pregnant, she had told him right after her husband. The only thing he could think about was his child.

"How's the baby?"
"Kicking like a beater." She smiled. "Severus, did Hermione used to kick a lot?"
"She did." He took the picture of Hermione and Leyviena from his pocket and looked at it. "It seems that one hour is just too little to really know your child. Leyla should be here."
"Severus, be careful." Lily replied. "Leyla wouldn't want you to do anything stupid. You have to be alive when they come back. We'll take down Voldemort and then they'll be back."

"I don't know how you do it." Lily looked at him. "In that big house all by yourself, without anyone to keep you company. I invited you to live with us for a few times and I know it would seem suspicious. Yet I don't think coming to dinner would be. Imagine how much information you could figure out about James' plans."
"James doesn't want me there."
"James doesn't have the right to an opinion." Lily smiled. "He spends his days hunting death eaters. Surely I get to decide who comes to dinner. Isn't that right?"
"It would be too awkward."
Lily looked at him. He said nothing when he got up and moved away from her. He wanted to be by himself. He wanted to write to Leyviena. He wanted to tell her everything about what been happening the last months. Yet he couldn't keep up with his mind, so something he would not write down anything at all.

"Severus Snape, you're coming to dinner and that's the list thing I heard from that. You can bring something, if you want."
"Leyla used to make the perfect cupcakes." He cried. "She used to put chocolate on top. She would make triple chocolate cookies and we would eat them together. I think I have some in the freezer. She would make more when she got hungry. I haven't been able to take them out."
"Severus, you don't have to if…"
"I'll bring them." He stared to Lily.

"Severus, you don't need to torture yourself like this."

He walked away. When he entered his office he sunk to his knees. He didn't know if Lily followed him, but after a few seconds he noticed that she hadn't. He stared at the picture of his wife and the small baby. He knew nothing about Hermione, he didn't know if she showed magic. He didn't know if she would crawl. He didn't know anything about his child and he was missing everything in her life. Yet he could not be mad with Leyla. She had done what had to be done and that was the sad truth. He stood up and placed himself against the desk. He took a paper and a quill.

My dearest Leyviena

I'm sure I won't have to explain how I hate the advanced potions book. I wish I had the time to write a version of my own, minus all the mistakes that are in the original. I can't help but think what kind of idiots they are. No wonder some potions can't seem to be working.
You always told me I would be a wonderful professor. I was smart enough to be one. Yet I've grown cruel in the past months. I've grown mean and unfair. I can't watch these students with futures ahead of them, when someone took mine. I'm the head of Slytherin. And I wish I was better at it. I have grown in a bad person. Please help me, my darling. You would say so much. But hearing your voice in my head makes me cry. It makes me realize you aren't here with me.

How have I become this awful person that would enjoy giving my students a hard time? How have I become a person that uses aggression to keep my students in line? You wouldn't believe it when you see me. You wouldn't recognize me. Taunting students from Gryffindor, because I see things from you in them. Taking points unfairly. Not letting students be smart, because it reminds me of you and Hermione.

How have I become this man Leyviena? How have I become everything you hate? I love you. And all my thoughts go to you and Hermione. What is she like? Is she like you or me? I hope you, I can't see a child like me. I wish to be a parent to her, but I think she's better off without me. I give you my permission to move on. Take someone else as a husband. Someone better. Someone that deserves you. As long as you're happy. The happiness of the two of you mean everything to me.
If you're smile is the last thing I see before I die, I'll die a happy man.

Love,

Severus Snape.