**Riverside. 100 AF**
It felt familiar. Almost like she was back on Gran Pulse. The smell of nature, misted by the churning of the river by her feet, the sound of the water trickling by, and the breeze. She hadn't realized until now how much she had missed the breeze. So much of Cocoon was covered in skyscrapers, there was no wind to play with your hair in the cities. But here she could feel it play along her skin, carrying with it that beautiful scent of lush grass she loved so much.
It was the first time in months since she had come to Cocoon that she actually felt at peace. It alleviated the homesickness she had felt since she first stepped off the airship and into the foreign floating world. She had come with her adopted sister, who had dreamt of going to Uni in the capital of Eden since she was ten and had learned of the historical courses that Cocoon had to offer. Unlike Gran Pulse, the world above kept impeccable records, and Vanille was a sponge, ready to soak it all up. Fang had taken it upon herself to help provide for her younger companion until her courses were finished and they could return home, but she hadn't realized how lonely Cocoon would be.
She was a social creature. She loved being around people, but the people on Cocoon, they wanted nothing to do with a Gran Pulsian. There were few that didn't scoff at her presence and even fewer who would hold a conversation with her. She often wondered how Vanille powered through it and was continually blown away by her ability to push passed the insults and focus on her goal. Something Vanille would readily admit she had Learned from Fang, but only if Fang asked.
Vanille almost seemed to fit in on Cocoon. Almost. But Fang- Fang was having a harder time with it than her little sister. She missed her home and had, for the first time in her life, understood what it truly felt like to feel lonely. It lead her to wander. She had always been a bit of a nomad, and would disappear for days at a time back on Gran Pulse, a practice she carried with her to Cocoon and had led her to the riverside.
Fang climbed out onto one of the concrete foundations of an old abandoned bridge, and let herself relax with her feet in the churning waters. This was where she needed to be. It was her sanctuary. It was untouched and pure and just a little bit wild. It was perfect. It was hers. She realized here she felt less lonely than she did while she was surrounded by Cocoonians. Here, there was no one who gave her sidelong glares, or scoffed at her accent. Here she was free to be herself. She let a smile finally cross her lips and let out a breath she hadn't realized she had been holding. She let herself relax.
She felt something lightly tickle her ankle and jumped ever so slightly. She leant over to see a small photo that had gotten trapped in the swirling waters around her feet. She plucked it from the waters and examined it curiously. She shook the water off of it lightly and cocked her head faintly. It wasn't the normal litter that Fang came across, this photo looked to have been well worn. She could tell by the wear along the edges that it had been held very near to someone. It was a Polaroid of a young girl, no more than twenty, with pale skin and rose coloured hair, pulled to the side in a spiraling ponytail. She had an innocence about her smile that reminded her of her own younger sister and pale blue eyes the colour of the sky. She flipped it over in her hand seeing faded words where the water had made the ink run. "Sis, you're stronger than you know. " Fang read off the smeared script and cocked an eyebrow. The ink was still running. Someone had lost the photo recently.
She glanced upriver but couldn't find a source for the photo. She pulled her feet from the cool water and craned her head up to the bridge's support structures above her. The concrete was old and cracked all the way down, small pieces had fallen off over time making for good footholds. Fang placed the photo in her pocket and immediately started to climb the dilapidated support, pulling her weight up to the steel beams that ran across the underside of the bridge. She gripped onto one of the steal beams and pulled herself up onto it then adjusted herself so she could sit with her feet dangling over the edge.
With the better vantage point she looked down along the riverside again, spotting a woman who looked almost like the girl in the photo, sitting just around a bend in the river that had been obstructed before. Fang was sure she was the source of the photo. She looked so much like the younger girl in the photo but Fang could see this woman's innocence had left her years ago.
Fang scoffed lightly to herself. Her perfect sanctuary had been invaded by this other woman. She almost felt angry but felt the anger fade away into curiosity. The woman looked broken. She sat with her arms resting protectively over her knees like a child sitting on a bed, fearful of the monsters underneath. Fang sighed inward to herself. She could almost feel the pain radiating off of her. Fang thought for a moment about how the riverside had made her feel safe and free and wondered if that was what the Cocoonian woman was seeking too. In a sudden wave, Fang suddenly felt less lonely in her pain.
She sat in her perch for nearly and hour just watching the other woman down the river from her. At no point had the rose haired woman gave Fang any reason to believe she knew she was being watched, and that was just how Fang liked it. She would rather this than try to talk to her, and lose this feeling of connection when her company was rejected. So instead she watched quietly, taking in the sight of the other woman's pain as the sun set overhead, causing the entire river to glow in golden light. The shadows grew longer over time and eventually the woman rose from her spot and walked away.
Fang thumbed the photo in her pocket lightly in thought as she watched the other woman go before sighing and shaking her head. She decided she wouldn't talk to the other woman and instead let her walk out of sight.
The next day, Fang made her way back to the riverside and ascended to her perch once again. She hadn't expected to see the other woman again but her curiosity was much stronger than her indifference. She glanced to the spot she had found the woman the prior day but she wasn't there and Fang was almost surprised to find that she missed the nameless woman. She pursed her lips and scoffed at herself. "Really, Fang?" She let a soft chuckle out at her own expense and slowly shook her head. "You have your refuge back, what are you complaining about? You don't even know her." She took in a deep breath of the fresh air and pressed her back against a steel support and propped her feet up along the girder she sat on.
Fang closed her eyes and let herself relax in the shade the bridge offered from being so far up under it's belly. She let he mind fall clear of conscious thought and time itself. She fell into a calm wear her mind wandered about from fleeting image to another, never stopping for long on any one thing. But before long, she thought of the woman again and the pain she had seen her in. She almost felt guilty. Maybe she could have helped. The thought left almost as quickly as it had come. She had enough experience with Cocoonians to know that she wouldn't be welcomed and let her mind drift and fade into other thoughts getting lost in a sea of fleeting visions.
Fang was brought back to the present when she heard the sound of rocks being disturbed by the river's edge and glanced down. She was there again, the woman from the day before. Fang felt a slight elation pass through her chest at seeing her again, but couldn't help noticing the woman's pain hadn't faded since she had last seen her. Fang tilted her head in a frown, sympathizing for the woman as she once again watched her silently from her perch.
The pattern continued for days. Fang would come to her perch late in the afternoon and not long after, the mysterious woman would show up again by the riverside and cry silently. Each day Fang noted that the woman's pain remained the same, and each day Fang simply watched and wondered about her. What had put the woman into such a state? She would study the picture she had received from the river, and then study the woman below her. She was almost embarrassed to admit to herself that everyday the other woman showed up, Fang felt her love for her grow.
It wasn't romantic, at least she didn't think it was. The woman was beautiful in a melancholy way, but that wasn't a factor in Fang's new found love for the stranger down the riverside. This love was seated in a deep curiosity and compassion. She felt more connected to her than she did almost anyone else, and she didn't even know her name. Each day that passed Fang felt her heart ache more and more for the woman. She felt herself wanting to reach out to her. She could feel the other woman's loneliness, and it felt so much like her own, but that fear of losing her and being rejected kept Fang in her perch.
Fang wasn't sure what to do, she wanted to help the woman. She wanted to alleviate her pain and let her know she wasn't alone. She wanted to let her know that someone cared but her own fear wouldn't let her. She sighed at herself again. She had never been one to fear others, not until now. The two souls on the riverside were fragile. She was afraid to move, she was afraid she would shatter the delicate balance.
She thumbed the photo in her pocket. Fang was almost certain the girl in the photo was gone. The grief the mysterious woman was going through each day was something that only losing a loved one could cause. She didn't know what had happened to the younger girl in the photo, but a pain like that, Fang could guess. She sucked her teeth a moment before making a decision. She would let the woman know she wasn't alone... but she wouldn't do it personally.
The next day Fang made her way up the river to the spot where the woman would stop to cry. She knelt down, and tucked the edge of the Polaroid under a rock to keep it from being pulled off by the wind. She wasn't sure if she was doing the right thing. The woman had sent that photo down the river for a reason, didn't she? But Fang couldn't not do something, so she left the photo, and made her way to her perch.
She watched anxiously from her spot and felt butterflies she had never experienced before. There was a sickening weakness in her muscles from the stress of it, but she bit her tongue and waited. She waited for nearly two hours and the woman hadn't shown up. She was late, Fang noted. It was nearly eight and she had always shown up by six, seven at the latest. Fang felt her stomach churn at the thought of having missed her opportunity and perhaps never seeing the woman again. She let her mind race with thoughts.
Had she had enough of the riverside? Had she found another outlet? Had she gone out of town? Was she okay? Fang felt herself bite her lip as she stared at the photo flickering on the ground as the wind tried desperately to lift it from under it's anchor. It just wasn't like her to be late.
Fang was almost ready to call it a night as the sun had started to set when she saw her. She was in tears again, even before she arrived at her destination. Fang rang her hands together nervously, her breathing became deeper as she waited and watched. The woman looked worse today than she had before. Her eyes were red and her cheeks had trails of tears running down them. She carried a bag with her that Fang had never seen her with before. Fang couldn't describe it, but something about the scene made her uneasy. Something wasn't right.
Fang could feel her pulse pick up when she saw the woman's eyes fall on the flicking photo. She took in a shaky breath and waited.
The woman stood silently. Her eyes were perplexed and her hands were shaking as she knelt down into the rocks and ran a finger along the edge of the familiar picture. She immediately dropped the bag she was carrying and fell to her knees, wracked with painful sobs as she picked the photo up. She had pulled one hand tightly over her mouth in an attempt to stifle herself but it didn't help. The tears came harder still and her body shook with every strangled breath she took. Fang felt overwhelmed with guilt at the sight, knowing she had caused her that pain. She berated herself and looked away clenching her fists. For the first time she could actually hear the woman's sobbing. She could hear her lungs struggle to take in a smooth breath of air, she could hear the rocks shift under her trembling body, she could hear the sharp inhales she made between each sob and the painful sound she made with each exhale.
"I made a mistake..." Fang said quietly to herself and was overcome with the pain of knowing she had failed someone she cared about. Once again she didn't know what to do, it was almost too painful to watch. She had caused the woman more pain than she had ever seen her in and that wasn't something she could just apologize for.
The woman held the photo in a death grip. Her hands absolutely trembling... She sat for a long time studying the photo, running a shaking finger across it now and again and letting tears fall freely onto it. She stared at the photo for so long Fang feared that the woman would never come back. That she would be lost in her darkness forever. The woman licked her lips of the salty tears and flipped the image over, resulting in a new barrage of tears at the words written on the back. She bit down onto her lip and looked to the bag she had brought with her to the riverside. She reached into the bag and slowly, hesitantly pulled out a sleek black handgun.
Fang Immediately felt a new wave of grief panging violently in her chest and sat up straighter. She was paralyzed with fear of what was to happen and felt her hand tremble and reach outwards toward the woman. Her vision clouded with tears and her lungs hung onto the air in her chest, preventing her from speaking. She had caused this and now she felt helpless to stop it.
Her body shook as she watched through clouded vision, as the woman stood and weighed the handgun in one hand and the photo in the other. She watched in painful silence as seconds ticked by, almost slowing down time. She could swear she saw the water in the river slow, and the leaves in the wind almost pause in midair. The moment was long and she was almost certain her pulse had stopped.
The rose haired woman placed the gun against her temple and let her tears flow freely. She took another look at the photo and in an instant pulled the gun back and threw the offending weapon far out into the river. She collapsed to her knees again and pulled the photo to her chest. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" She pulled one hand up and placed in into her hair, hard against her head in a bid to make the pain stop.
Fang sat in her spot, tears streaming down her face, as she tried desperately to hold back her own sobs. Her breathing was heavy and she placed a hand over her mouth to stop herself from making any noise and tilted her head back, looking up to the bridge above her. Her nerves were all firing and the adrenaline in her body caused her muscles to shake. She had never been so scared in her life. The moment the woman tossed the gun into the river, Fang had finally been able to release the air that her lungs had been holding hostage.
She moved her hand down from her mouth and placed it over her chest where she could feel her heart thumping violently against her chest in the aftermath. She rubbed lightly over her heart in an attempt to calm the organ down. She wetted her dry lips with her tongue and finally sighed in relief. She could breathe again. Slowly her breathing slowed and her nerves started to relax just a bit.
She sighed deeply in relief and looked back down to the woman. The woman shook silently with gentle sobs. She had calmed significantly and held the photo tightly to her chest. Fang felt an overwhelming urge to apologize to the woman. She glanced out at the river where the gun had landed in the water and creased her brow. Had she been planning to kill herself today? Or was that close call all caused by her? She sighed and watched. She reminded herself that the worst had passed, and no matter the answer to her questions, it didn't change the fact that the woman was still breathing.
The sun had set quickly as it always seemed to in the shallow river valley, but unlike every other day, the woman stayed by the water. Normally she would have been up by now, slowly walking back the way she came, leaving Fang alone with her thoughts. Today she didn't. Today she stayed on her knees in the cooling night air. Breathing in the fresh air, and silently listening to the sounds of the water running by.
Fang watched her come to a silent calm she had never seen her in before. Her breathing and her hands had steadied the longer she sat there on her knees. Fang felt the need to reach out and place a hand on her back, to give her a mug of tea, to just.. say something to her. The woman had been through emotional turmoil not long before and Fang, seeing the worst of it, just wanted to know that she was okay.
Fang swallowed lightly and licked her lips before silently scaling down the side of the bridge support. She could no longer see the woman around the slight bend but knew she was still there. She could smell her light sent on the breeze. She took a deep breath and began to walk along the riverside. Coming around the bend she could see the woman's back stiffen slightly at hearing the rocks shift under Fang's feet but she didn't look up. She hadn't expected anyone here, especially this late. The twilight had set in and the stars were just starting to shine.
Fang hesitated a brief moment when the girl finally looked up and met her eyes. There was a calmness there Fang hadn't seen before. She had a cool and almost pleading gaze. She looked lonely. Fang gave the softest smile, reassuring the woman she meant no harm. "It's a beautiful night." Fang offered.
The girl's eyebrows came together just slightly before glancing upwards to the shy stars. She paused a moment before agreeing and nodding her head faintly, "... Yeah. It is."
"Would it be alright if I sat with you?"
The smallest hint of a smile flickered across the woman's face before she nodded slowly. "Yeah."
AN: So this story is actually based off of a true story I had heard but with some differences. Mainly the photo and that Lightning actually showed up on the last night and didn't commit suicide. The original was heartbreaking and if anyone is curious to hear it, you can find it by googling "Risk podcast the riverside".