So it seemed to take ages to write this chapter! But here it is :)
I decided to take it a bit further forward before we have another flashback.
A few weeks before the wedding
Sam had this constant urge to get sick recently. It was if pressure was building constantly in the pit of his well toned stomach. It felt strange that high school was over, and that he was still living in Lima. He had expected to go to Kentucky after the graduation ceremony, and move in with his parents, but this was before he was told that he had received a full ride to the University of Ohio, it may not be as big as some of his graduating class's ambitions but Sam was over the moon. This past year he had put a lot of extra effort into his school work, he knew how important it was to his parents that he get a good education and a degree so that he would never have to worry about employment like they had.
In spite of this happiness Sam could not rid the nausea he felt each time he got together with the former glee club. Finn had suggested that they have a barbeque at his place, and since Sam was still living there it would have been more than a little odd if he hadn't gone. Still it didn't stop the pain racing through his blood as he watched Finn and Rachel together, especially now they had this ridiculous intention to get married before they went off to college. He knew that the plans were set in motion but it still seemed ridiculous to him.
He pressed the rip of his red plastic cup to his lips and took a long sip, it was only root beer but in his mind it was something far stronger. He squinted at the sun that shone over his head and turned his face to the ground.
"What are you thinking about?" he heard a voice ask.
Sam turned to Artie Abram's who had moved to his right whilst Sam was deep in thought. Sam shrugged "Just life I guess" he mumbled, it wasn't as though he didn't like Artie, they weren't close, but they were still friends, he just didn't feel like talking about his relationship (or lack there of) all the time.
Artie nodded as if he understood "I can't believe that none of you will be in glee in September" he said with a little sadness in his voice.
Artie was a senior in the coming school year and therefore had another year of putting up with Mr Schuester's old school tunes, and Ms Sylvester's endless torment. As much as Sam was going to miss high school, he was definitely glad that he wouldn't have to deal with the crazed cheerleading coach.
Sam made a tutting noise "Yeh it'll definitely be weird" he said quietly, his mind was stuck on how odd it would be not see Rachel every single day at school. It was as though their physical proximity made up for the fact that he had absolutely no chance with her. Her presence was enough for him to feel better.
As he cast his eyes over the set of friends in Finn's garden his eyes lingered on the image of his best friend Puck making out with his ex girlfriend Quinn. Sam felt himself laugh as he watched that happen, he knew that Quinn had always had these lingering feelings for Puck and was glad to see that something was finally being done about it. Their history was way too deep to be wasted.
Sam sidled over to sit between Kurt and Mercedes, "What are you guys talking about?" he asked placing an arm around each of their shoulders.
Kurt looked a little sadder than Sam was used to seeing "What's wrong?" he asked.
"He's worried about him and Blaine; you know that it won't work out" Mercedes told him shrugging, "The whole long distance thing" she clarified.
Sam nodded, he'd had these some kind of troubles when his parents first told him about the move to Kentucky, and he was worried that would damage the relationship he wasn't having with Rachel. He was incredibly thankful when Burt and Carol allowed him to stay with them for senior year. "I think that it will work. I mean sure it'll be difficult and it'll take a lot of effort on both parts, but if you want it work, it will" Sam told his friend nudging him with his elbow.
Kurt gave him a tearful smile "Thanks Sam. It really is a shame you aren't gay" he commented.
Sam laughed "Yeh sometimes I think that too" he replied smirking. "Where is Blaine?" he asked looking for the bow tie wearing crooner.
"Oh he's going to be late, he's doing his community theatre" Kurt said grinning at the thought of his boyfriend on stage.
"So 'Cedes… any plans for a summer fling this year?" Sam asked raising his eyebrows. "You know with someone less ab-ulous than me" he added winking at her.
Mercedes gave him her signature evil glare "Not really" she mumbled, but there was slight tinge of red coming over her cheeks.
Sam narrowed his green eyes at his former girlfriend "There is someone that you like though… isn't there?" he asked, staring her down. He was glad that they were close enough to be real friends.
Kurt was now staring her with deep interest "Is that true Mercedes? Do you like someone?" he asked her grinning.
Mercedes bit her lip "Maybe" she said coyly. "But it's not really any of your business is it now?" she said.
"Well whoever he is, he's a lucky guy. I know that I didn't always show that how much I cared about you, so I hope that he does a better job" Sam told her. Mercedes gave him a small smile of appreciation to his long overdue (sort of) apology.
"You guys make the whole transition from more than friends to just friends again look so easy" Kurt told them.
"That's because we really are best friends" Sam told him "You may think that you have dibs on best friends with Miss Jones, but you are incorrect" he said poking his tongue out.
Rachel rested her chin on her boyfriend's chest as they lay on the chequered picnic blanket that separated them from the grass. She was the epitome of happy at this moment. Which made her sudden wandering thoughts even harder to understand; it was as if every time she wasn't thinking about NYADA (which was a lot) or Finn (which was slightly less) she was thinking about Sam. She always had this odd sensation that he was looking at her. He had this way of looking at her, as if there were some deep unknown beneath the olive shade of her skin. As if her dark eyes held something that he wanted so badly to grasp. It was a little bit frightening but not so much that it was unappealing to her. Ever since what had happened last year things had been different between them, they walked a tightrope between friendship and uncomfortable. It was hard to forget the feel of his finger tips across her collar bone, or the way his mouth felt pressing into the space behind her ear. Rachel shook her head as if to rid these thoughts from it. Finn looked at her with curiosity.
This was the thing, when Finn looked at her, he didn't want to see what was hidden in the depths of her soul. Finn looked at her as if he knew everything about her; he didn't seem disappointed by that, he just seemed resigned to what his fiancé was. Rachel hated the term fiancé it felt so strange in her mouth. "Are you alright?" he whispered.
Rachel nodded "Yes. I just felt some sort of insect flying near my head" she told him. Part of her thought that lying was the worst thing that could ever be done in relationship, but another part knew that talking to Finn about marriage being to big a step wouldn't be any better.
Why couldn't they just date for a while longer? If they were supposed to go the distance surely the year they got married wouldn't matter in the long run.
"I'm going to get water" she said standing up and brushing down the front of her skirt. She made her way into the kitchen to grab a bottle of water from the fridge, she couldn't drink the bottles from outside they could be teaming with germs by now.
She grabbed a bottle from the fridge and was shocked when she realised that she wasn't alone in the kitchen, Sam was at the far end of the adjoined dining room talking on the cell phone. Rachel couldn't tell what he was talking about, but he looked animated and excited, which he so rarely did these days.
Sam noticed her watching and he gave her a smile, he wondered what she was staring at him like that for. Maybe he had something on his shirt, he hung up the phone. "Do I have something on my shirt?" he asked looking down.
Rachel shook her head lamely "Oh no" she mumbled, her stomach buzzed with butterflies as she clutched her water tightly.
"Then why are you staring at me like that?" he asked her, he was closer to her now, just inches apart. Within touching distance.
"Oh you just seemed… really excited about, your phone call" she mumbled, her cheeks flushing a deep red. Sam loved the idea that in spite of everything that he could still cause her to blush like that.
He grinned "Oh it was my mom, I got into Ohio State" he told her. A grin spread across Rachel's face like a fire in the woods as she gazed at him.
"That's amazing news! You really deserve it Sam" she told him happily, leaning forward to hug him, her small frame fit into his neatly as if it were created solely to be encased in his arms. Sam felt the familiar scent of her strawberry shampoo flood his nostrils. It was dizzying.
Rachel pressed a kiss to his cheek "Congratulations" she said softly.
There was a moment, a second of uncertainty or awkwardness between them after that. Sam opened his mouth as if to say something "Hey party people" Blaine yelled as he burst into the kitchen from the front of the house, not realising the importance of what he had just interrupted.
Rachel looked down "I better get back outside" she mumbled, her eyes not quite meeting Sam's.
Sam yawned as he ran a hand through his dark blond, slightly mussed hair as he listened to her repeat the same lines over and over. He had woken up the sound of Rachel reciting lines from Wicked in Finn and Kurt's living room. It wouldn't have been so strange, if it wasn't three in the morning when he'd heard her.
"What are you doing?" he asked her sleepily, trying to stretch himself awake.
Rachel jumped and turned to him, her eyes gliding over his barely dressed figure. It was her enough to render even her speechless "I'm practising" she informed him as if that was obvious to anyone with half a brain.
Sam frowned "I got that. But why are you practising at three in the morning?" he asked, he sat down on sofa. He shivered suddenly aware of the fact that he hadn't bothered to put a shirt on, he was glad Rachel wore a onesie to bed, because things could have gotten really awkward otherwise.
"I just want to be ready for NYADA" she said quietly. It didn't matter how many times, or how many people told Rachel she could achieve everything she wanted, she still couldn't believe them, and rid herself of her doubts.
Sam smiled his expression amused, Rachel was the most adorable person he knew, certifiable, but adorable just the same. "I think you were born ready for NYADA" he whispered, his voice raw, but he could put that down to tiredness.
Rachel felt her heart rate increase just a little at the sleepy smile that was on Sam's face, forgetting about him would be so much easier if he didn't say or do things like that. She wondered if he ever… no he couldn't. She probably never crossed his mind anymore, she had been awful to him, and he'd forgiven her without a word. If he'd really liked her he would have been more hurt and they wouldn't be friends now.
"Thanks Sam" she said quietly sitting down next to him, they were pretty far apart but she was sure she could feel his heart beating just as face as hers.
Sam nodded "I'm just speaking the truth. You are one of the most –if not the most talented person I know. You deserve to have everything you want" he said quietly.
Rachel got this odd sense that he was talking about her wedding to Finn now, as if he was somehow giving his approval of what she was doing. In the midst of everything Rachel hadn't really been able to think about whether or not marrying Finn at the age of eighteen was really everything that she wanted. Sure she wanted to get married eventually, she wanted someone to love her, and care for her. But was it Finn? Maybe it wasn't fears about NYADA that kept her awake at 3am.
Rachel was sitting across from her most sensible friend, Quinn Fabray. Friendship hadn't come easy to the two girls; in fact they had gone out of their way to prove that they couldn't be friends for a long time but Rachel was happy now that she could talk to Quinn about anything, because she gave the best advice. Perhaps having a troubled time in your life made you better at dealing with other peoples problems.
Rachel run her thumb around the top of her coffee cup thoughtfully "What do you really think about Finn and I getting married?" she asked biting her lip nervously.
Quinn quirked one of her perfectly shaped eyebrows "Honestly?" she asked "I think you're too young to be getting married. I mean sure date the guy, do the long distance thing. Marriage just seems like a big unnecessary step. If you really believe you could love Finn for the rest of your life then why do you need to get married to prove that?" Quinn had been having concerns about her friend's upcoming nuptials for a long while now, not least because she thought the idea of marriage in high school was ridiculous but because she always felt like Rachel wasn't sure of it herself.
The brunette felt suddenly saddened by the realisation that her best friend didn't really think that it was a good idea for her to get married. "I know that I love Finn" Rachel said softly "I just don't know if it is the kind of love that will last forever" she admitted, taking a glug of her latte.
"That's exactly why you shouldn't be doing it Rachel, if you aren't sure then you shouldn't do it" Quinn replied.
"But you can't have absolute certainty about everything" Rachel said.
Quinn rolled her eyes "Yes but you can more certain than you are" she said, "I'm sorry Rachel, I just think you might regret it" she told her friend patting her hand where it rested on the table.
Rachel had thought that Quinn would just tell her what she wanted to hear, that it was right to marry Finn and that she should run down to the chapel and do it right now. If Quinn told her that she believed in the idea of Finn and her being married she would believe it. Instead she had got the opposite. Quinn thought that it was too soon and a bad idea and Rachel felt herself thinking the same thing. But how can you tell someone that you don't know if you want to marry them? That's effectively an ending, not a pause to a relationship. If only magic eight balls really worked and she could just know for sure what she should do. Her head ached from all this thinking, especially when Sam kept drifting into her thoughts for no distinct reason.
So thoughts... should I alternate more chapters between the past and the almost present?
Also if you have questions just ask!
Review if you can!