Sorry for the huge delay. Writing is HARD! Think I need inspiration. If you can bear it, bear with me.

CONTACT: SIX MONTHS

CHAPTER FOUR

Maura awoke to the clamor of a seemingly well-rehearsed morning routine. For a moment she remained still and listened to the reassuring hustle of footsteps, the turn of gurney wheels, the intermittent rush of water, the rhythmic signals of unfailing machinery, the indistinguishable chatter of doctors and nursing staff exchanging information, sharing respectful but relieving laughter.

All this life. And...Jane? She opened her eyes only to close them again against the sharp sting of the still rising sun.

She had slept soundly. She was so exhausted. There had been no nightmares to ward off, no restlessness to fight. Her position in the armchair placed next to Jane's bed had remained unchanged. Her arm, after a night spent propping up her flagging head, was numb. A slight shuffle forward and she watched as it fell to her side, lifeless and unresponsive. A wave of sadness held her stare there. All her movements, however minuscule, were now a profound reminder of her lack of control - over life, over Jane. Yes, in all their time together, Jane would now be a constant reminder to her that life has it's own, sometimes too cruel design. Every glance, every exchange between them, would be a caution to Maura to love her only as much as she was prepared to accept that fact. And was she? Was she prepared for this? Was she prepared for the phone call in the middle of the night? The ominous knock on the door? Was she prepared to accept her inability to hold on tightly to one the thing most precious to her. Oh god, do I want this for my children? But there was no time now to process the implications of yesterday's events for her future with this woman; her musings were interrupted almost as abruptly as they had arrived.

"Uh. Maur. Mau-ra?"

Jane.

Maura lifted her gaze to find a confused Jane pulling at the cannula running behind her ears and into her nostrils. She quickly reached to preserve the instrument. "Jane, baby, don't."

Standing at her side now Maura appraised her lovers sunken features. She watched as Jane fought to gain perspective of her surroundings. She moved her face closer to Jane's in a bid to help her find her focus. But Jane looked so sick and it was all she could do to stop herself from crying again. She squeezed her eyes shut momentarily and shook her head gently. She could rationalize this. She had to. She knew Jane was going to be okay but she hated seeing her so helpless, so...weak.

She bought her hands to Jane's and spoke softly, "Jane. Sweetheart. I'm here. It's ok. You're ok."

Jane moved her eyes slowly to meet Maura's own. The apprehension all to apparent, she whispered, "Frankie?"

Maura smiled. It was a relief to know that Jane was still in there, somewhere. "He's fine Jane. You both are." She ran a hand tenderly across Jane's clammy forehead and down through her now slightly matted hair. "I..." Maura had so much she wanted to say but she couldn't. Not now. "I should get the doctor." She motioned to leave but a subtle shift in Jane's grip gave her pause.

"What is it? What do you need?"

"I..." Jane voice was scratchy, her mouth dry. She was struggling to speak.

"Let me get you some water."

"No. Wait. I'm fine. Just..." Jane cleared her throat and tried to raise her head a little. "Argh..." She winced through the stabbing pain in her side. "Shit."

"God, be careful Jane please!" Maura moved to place a protective hand behind her head while she rearranged the pillows beneath her. "You shouldn't be moving about." She hadn't intended to sound angry but she knew she did. As much as she tried to fight it, she was angry. She was angry that she couldn't simply respect and support Jane's choices anymore. Angry that she was now forced to berate Jane for all the traits that made her fall in love with her in the first place. Her fearlessness, her bravery, her goddamn pride.

"Thank you." Jane smiled an exhausted by bright smile. It was a sight that inexplicably provoked Maura's eyes to moisten.

"You're welcome." There was no smile to return. The crack in her voice betrayed her. Maura was crying again.

Jane squeezed her hand as tightly as her weakened body would allow. "I just...wanted...I wanted to say...I'm sorry Maur." The deep breath in that followed served to highlight how much of the small reserve of strength left in the detective had been depleted by the gesture.

Maura tried to fight the tears. She tried so hard to fight them. But they fell all the same. "Please Jane, I just need you to focus on getting better."

"And I need you to know how sorry I am that I put you through this Maur. I just had to get you and Frankie out of there."

"I know why you did what you did. I understand. I really do. I just... I'm just scared Jane. Really scared."

"But I'm okay. You said it yourself, I'll be okay. Right?"

"Right." Maura hesitated. Don't say it. Not now. But she couldn't help herself. "This time." Her emotions, and her fears, had got the best of her.

"Oh Maur. Please. Don't do this." Jane sighed.

"Don't do what?" Maura snapped. "Don't think about the possibilities? The odds? Don't think about all the things that could happen to you doing this godforsaken job? Don't think about what that means for our future together? Don't think about the stakes involved? Don't..."

"Maur," Jane interrupted her but she sounded tired. Maura closed her eyes and tried to remind herself that this conversation was the last thing Jane needed right now. "Maura, I'm so sorry. I don't know what else I can say."

Maura took a deep breath but the weight on her chest didn't budge. She put her hands to her head. Forcibly, she ran the sides of her index fingers under her eyes, as if wiping away the tears there would stop the flow completely. "I want to build a life with you Jane. I don't want to live in fear of death and destruction. I want us to have a future, a family..." Maura searched Jane's eyes for acknowledgment of the weight of this last confession. An almost imperceptible twitch of the lips but the reaction was there. Maura was so impassioned she almost didn't care. She continued heedlessly, "I need you to stay with me Jane. I need you to make better choices. For us. For all that we could be. Because...because we could be so much more than this."

A commotion at the door to Jane's room suddenly distracted them both. "Good morning. How's our patient doing today?" The doctor's timing was impeccable. Seemingly oblivious to the tension between the two women he strolled in with a disproportionately large smile on his face. Picking up Jane's charts, he marched towards her with the kind of enthusiasm and energy Jane would have, at any other time, unflinchingly teased him for. But an overwhelmed Jane could only muster a nod in his direction before her gaze returned to Maura. With honest eyes she tried to promise her that they would finish this conversation later.

"Good morning doctor." Maura committed herself to the pleasantries and procedure. "She's awake. I was just coming to get you."

"I see. And how are you feeling Ms. Rizzoli?" His voice projected the kind of animation both Maura and Jane were lacking the fortitude to cope with.

Jane groaned. "Detective."

"Pardon me?" Still that enormous smile.

"Detective. Please."

The doctor - young, fresh faced, tanned - looked at Jane, then at Maura. "Okay. Detective. We have a live-wire here huh?" He was trying to share a joke with a deeply unimpressed but ever-so-polite Maura. She faked a smile for him.

Jane cut in. Raising a weary arm between them she asserted, "Erm...I'm right here. You don't have to talk over me like I'm an invalid."

"Okaaay," the doctor smirked. He offered Maura a knowing wink. "So, Detective Rizzoli..."

"Just call me Jane for christ sake," she scowled.

"Jane." Although inwardly pleased to have her lover now undoubtedly intact, Maura still had her manners.

"No, ma'am, it's ok." He offered her a more sympathetic tone in reply and softened his approach with the grumbling patient. "Jane. How are you feeling?"

"Like shit."

"Well I'd say that's pretty normal given that you've been shot in the abdomen. We're gonna order you some tests today but so far we couldn't be happier with your condition."

Maura couldn't help but think this was a strange turn of phase given the situation. Look at her, you fool.

He continued, "The bullet went clean through. It nicked your liver but the damage was minimal and we were able to repair the site of impact with no trouble during surgery last night. We'd like to keep an eye on you for a few days but I'm confident you will make a full recovery in good time. Given the risks of hydrostatic shock in an incident like this, I say you've been extraordinarily lucky."

Jane had no idea what the doctor had just said but she thanked him all the same. Right now, with Maura bearing witness, she could have done without the 'lucky' interjection but she understood why he'd said it nonetheless. When he left as jovially as he'd arrived, she was relieved to return her attention to her partner.

"Want a pr..."

"Don't Jane. He meant well." Maura was walking towards the window. Jane watched her as she settled with her head resting against the frame, her back to the detective. "I can't wait to take you home."

"Mmm...sounds good." Jane's sleepy eyes were locked on to the loose curls of honey blonde hair spilling across Maura's delicate shoulders.

Looking back at Jane, Maura smiled for what felt like the first time in days. It felt good. Sustaining. Tentatively she pushed on with her thoughts. "To our home?"

"Our home?" Jane was tired, her frown triggering a strong desire to close her eyes.

"Yes." Maura returned to Jane's side. "Our life. Our home." Running a hand down Jane's long arm she leaned in to kiss the detective's slightly parted lips.

"Get some rest Jane. We can talk when you wake up."