Four: Doctors

By Miss. Bra

Hey there stranger, do you remember?
You were a part of my life.
Early December, think I remember,
Sentiment cuts like a knife.
The seasons are changing, lives rearranging.
Full of could have done's, would have been's,

All your fault and where you been?

I was told I was moving up a class in English, which did surprise me. I wondered if my science fling had convinced Mr. Lee to move me up to the top Year Ten English class, or whether he just wanted me out of his hair. Either way, I was happy.

I felt a little bad, leaving Mae back in the Middle English, but she seemed to get over it. Mae had been excessively clingy to me, which surprised me greatly. I was a mute- a freak. What person in their right mind would want to sit with me? But Mae, who talked with a strange drawl that I couldn't quite remember, and often talked to me with such familiarity that it, really scared me, seemed to get over my mute-ness quickly. She rattled off on subjects I had no idea about, asking me about my life. Heidi usually replied about that (Heidi sometimes sat with me, more frequently, however, now that Mae did). For some reason, Mae was continuously interested about my life.

I was so interested in hers, though apparently she hadn't lived much of one. I never asked, obviously, and for some reason, I rarely saw her down the street.

I spend most of my time at Toto Park, wondering where Lou had gotten to in the past week. I found him eventually, stuck in a rabbit burrow, his mews barely audible. I dug up the kitten from the ground, pulling up grass, scratching at the dirt until I got him out. He was skinny and so thankful. I ate Kentucky fried with him that night, letting him sit up on the table with me. I knew if I ever left, that I would take Lou with me.

I had considered leaving, in the first burst of energy that my money had given me. I had considered leaving my mother and her boyfriend and going out on my own. I was going to leave this place and never look back. And then, I thought it through.

My life in the long run was a much greater reason to stay. To leave now, halfway through year ten, with thousands of dollars in the bank would not be the smartest idea. Where would I go? I didn't have a clue about moving out! I wouldn't stay where I had to see my mother, but could I afford to live anywhere else? Our town was surrounded by cities and I knew my little Nissan could only go so far.

I always saw the large, pretty house over the old sewing shop. It was something that no-one could miss. Everyone was talking about it, but no-one knew about the mysterious rich man that lived in it.

I listened to an old woman, a mother and her teenage daughter –who, was in the year under mine- and they had never saw the man. The daughter had seen silhouettes of a tall, lithe man, though and a smaller woman through the light curtains.

I wondered for a moment what they were, why they hadn't been seen around town. Clearly they socialized, didn't they? Though, who was I to judge? But, really, they couldn't be vampires trapped up in a house, could they? I made a note not to come out at night, though, I was sure there wasn't much blood in my scrawny bone-and-skin body.

I walked into the lobby to my apartment and collected the mail. I made an effort these days to get it before Mum did. I didn't even know if she went to check it these days, knowing that I had already gotten it.

It was inching closer and closer to my seventeenth birthday and I couldn't have been more 'thrilled' about it. I was absolutely stoked. Yes, I wouldn't get anything and I made sure of it.

I flipped open the latest cheque in the lone elevator and noticed that for fifteen thousand, it was the largest cheque I had ever received.

It was all like the others though. Only a name and a branch, no address, no reason why this guy was giving me his money, it was totally blank. It didn't stop me from checking the cream envelope thoroughly before throwing it in the bin.

For some strange reason, it was mum and me for dinner. She had heated up two microwave-able meals (at least she cared enough to make me some) and we ate in silence.

"Nam?" I asked slowly. Mum looked up, but rolled her dark eyes.

"Stay out of it, would you Chihiro?" She groaned. "I'm happy with him and it's really none of your business."

I was about to protest, claiming that I was her child and that it was my business to know, but decided that I didn't want anything like that to attach myself to her. The more I denied I was related to that, the more my sanity seemed to live.

"Where is he?" I asked slowly. "That's what I wanted to know."

Mum snorted. "He got a pay rise, has to work nights now."

Oh how horrible that would be for her! At least I would be able to get a good night sleep now.

I got up and left, putting my food into the bin and leaving for the night. I went to have a shower, and though I didn't notice, for some reason I could see a light reflected out of the bathroom window.

It was blurred through the iced over glass, and I cracked it open, letting the crisp evening air in.

It was the light to the big house, the top light, on the top story. Why had I never noticed it?

Two large double doors were open, from a small balcony. I could see straight into what looked like a bedroom. It was large and open, with a large double bed straight through.

And then, strangely, the doors closed; through I never saw the figure that closed him. I only saw the silhouette of a man, a lithe, tall, well figured man, taking off his shirt, revealing a chest, then flicking off the light.

I stood there for a while, wondering if the light would go back on, or the doors would open again. I couldn't see if the bottom storey lights were on, and I wondered if the woman of the house would go and join her husband in bed, flicking on the light as she did so. She did not.

I had a shower and scuttled off to bed.

Strangely, I did dream that night.

I was in my Nissan, driving along the highway and for some reason the big house was on the highway. The front door was open and the woman was stepping out. The woman was Mae and she smiled at me.

I pulled up at the house, getting off the busy highway. Mae grinned at me then introduced the lithe man behind her.

"Chihiro, this is Kohaku," She said in a strangely familiar voice.

And then, Kohaku smiled at me, one hand over his head, leaning on the door frame. "Hello, Chihiro," He said in a strange voice. "Do you remember me?"

And I stalked up and slapped him across the face, accusing him of leaving me and hating how he had appeared in my life just at the moment. I was so angry. I slapped him so hard the skin on his cheek bone split and a trickle of blood trickled down his cheek. He just let my onslaught of rage continue. I kept hitting him, punching against his stomach, slapping him repeatedly. Mae had disappeared now and it was only Haku and I.

"How dare you!" I screamed at him. I hoped back into my Nissan and pulled back onto the highway. I had no idea of what speed I was doing, but I knew I was going fast. My hands were trembling and my vision was blurred from angry tears. I only just saw myself run off the road.

And then I woke up in a cold sweat, panting heavily, the tears streaming down my face.

I punched the wall in my rage, hitting it time after time, ignoring the pain that swelled up in my knuckles, begging me to stop. I wouldn't. I had disgraced myself by dreaming about him, by subconsciously wanting him. I hated myself for it. I hated thinking about him. I wanted him to die in my thoughts forever and to get out of my life.

I wished the wall was his face. I wanted to see it in pain. I wanted to know that he was feeling the same sort of pain that I was feeling. I wanted revenge against Haku. I wanted to hurt him badly. I wanted to see him on the floor, bleeding and broken, so he knew that was the way I was feeling on the inside.

I went to school that morning, an hour earlier than I was supposed to, my swollen, bleeding hand hanging by my side. I must have looked a wreck because the principal rushed straight up to me, took me to his car and sped me off to the hospital.

There, I was in hell. How I hated hospitals. I hated how they thought they could cure me; how that they thought that they could do all the fixing. I was fixing myself, slowly but surely.

I was treated by a very handsome blonde doctor, who was unbelievably kind and young for his obvious medical intelligence. He was compassionate, always asking if I felt okay, or if the ice-pack was helping. Naturally, I just shook my head in a 'yes' or 'no' direction.

I was discharged the next morning after a horrible nights sleep- at least I didn't dream. I got off on the case of the window sill smashing up my hand and the case of me being a mute helped out the case of me not getting medical assistance. The doctor was kind to me and fibbed a lot to cover me. He patted my shoulder on the way out and whispered that everything had been sorted. And for some strange reason I believed him. I actually liked this man.

I went home and rested, though I refused to sleep. The morphine that the doctor had given me was wearing off and I could feel the horrible pain pulse through my hand. I watched endless, mindless television, phasing in and out of subconscious as I did so. I didn't hear my mother come in the door. I heard a murmur and I knew she was yelling at me, wondering what the hell I did to break my hand. She stalked off after moments of uncountable time. I heard the phone ring.

I checked it and saw it was Heidi. She obviously wanted to know how I was. No doubt my condition had gotten around the school quicker than the Black Death. I didn't answer the phone. I let it ring until she gave up.

The next morning, my hand was still in great agony, so I stayed home. I was surprised however, that at eight o'clock in the morning, Mae was at my doorstep.

I opened the door and must have looked horrible because she took a step back with a sudden gasp. "Hey… Chihiro… I wanted to see you. How is everything?" I didn't answer. "That bad, huh? You should really get your windows checked." I almost laughed that she bought that horrible excuse. The blonde doctor was a good liar.

And then, Mae took my good hand and pulled me out of the apartment door.

"I have something that will make you feel better," She said. "A secret and I know you'll like it, Chihiro." Then she paused, just as the elevator doors opened. "Can I borrow the Nissan; I don't want to wait for the bus."

I nodded and handed her the keys. I wasn't going to drive it anyway with a bunged up hand, so Mae might as well take it for a spin.

It was strangely parked in our parking space; mum must have taken the bus this morning.

Mae slid into the driver's seat, I got into the passenger. As she fired up the engine, I noticed how unskilled Mae was as a driver and how shoddy my old fourth-hand Nissan was.

It wasn't a long drive, and Mae drove down the main street. I avoided looking at the large house over the sewing shop, feeling my hands bawl into fists. I didn't want to see it. I turned away in disgust. The large house, no matter how beautiful or captivating, reminded me of him and, for that fact, I hated it.

Mae seemed to hesitate and for a while, we were going around in circles, lapping the small town. I couldn't understand why.

And then, she sighed heavily, seemingly finishing a battle she was having inside her head.

"Alright, we are here, Chihiro," Mae said softly, cutting the engine to my Nissan, parking in the curb. She stepped out of the car and walked around my side, to open the door.

"You'll love it, really, you will," She assured me enthusiastically. "He thought it was not the time to do it, but it is."

I didn't understand what she was rambling on about. My eyes were stuck to the scene in front of me.

"Mae," I spat venomously, "Why did you bring me here?"

It was the big house. The top story bedroom windows were open again, and I could see a distinct shadow.

Mae pulled me up the foot path and to the front door. I could see a shadow behind the door and suddenly it was pulled open. Mae grinned, I saw her.

"Chihiro," She said. Oh, god, this could not be happening. The door opened with a horrible slowness. "This is Haku."

And then, the door revealed him. Like my worst nightmare he stood there, confusion written over his face.

"Chihiro?" He said his voice like silk across his lips. "Do you remember me?"

As sure as hell I remembered him. As sure as hell I hated him.

"How dare you," I seethed. I raised my hand and slapped him straight across the face. I heard Mae squeak in shock.

I didn't wait to see what his reaction was, I grabbed the Nissan's keys from Mae's hand and stalked back to the car.

"Oh, great work, Rin," I heard him say. My head burnt and I wanted to hit something. How I wish my hand wasn't bunged up. He would have been pulp on the ground.

I revved the engine and didn't look to see the faces of the two of the doorway. I pulled out of the curb and rocketed down the street.

I drove straight onto the highway, speeding up to 120 kilometres per hour, and gripped the steering wheel with one hand. I had to get out of here.

Haku was here and I wouldn't stand one more minute in the town. I didn't care if I never got another cheque in my life, I didn't want to know he was near me, I didn't want him to be in a world where I existed.

I didn't know at what point I ran off the highway, or how many times I rolled the car…

Where you been?

Haku wasn't supposed to come out in this chapter, though I lost all seven chapters beforehand and I couldn't really capture the same part that I was writing. It was only one or two chapters, anyhow, and it ended up like this.

How tempting it was to call the Doctor, Doctor Cullen!

I would have updated earlier, though I couldn't find my USB drive. Sorry.

Disclaimer- I don't own Spirited Away, those rights go to Hayao Miyazaki and Studio Ghilbi. I don't own the song 'Forever', all rights go to Savage Garden and respective owners.

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