Chapter 4: The Darkest of Pits… (Pov Nick)
I've heard time and time again that once you reach the lowest point in your life you start to climb back to the top. But I've also concluded that, that analogy is untruthful. There are situations in life that don't allow you to come back to the top, where no matter how hard you try the top will never be there again. Where events are so traumatic, so hurtful and out of your control that there is no foreseeable outcome that leads to a positive ending. That was the situation for Dad and I. After "Mom" walked out on him…on…us, he didn't know what to do, and to be completely honest I wouldn't either…
The bedroom was silent, more so than normal. It was a silence that could make someone uncomfortable, scared even. There was no breeze outside the window, no cars, it was like everything around me had just stopped. I had almost wished for some sound, anything, just to make sure I wasn't the only one left in the world. Even the lights of the cars, other apartments, of the city in general, was not as bright than normal. It was almost non-existent. Besides the moon casting a small light into the bedroom, it was completely black.
I tried to sleep, there was still a sharp pain from my stomach, it felt like a warm pulsing from my now healing wound. I rubbed it softly, trying to ease the pain but only found myself becoming more upset with every motion of my paw. I sniffled, but didn't bother to try and wipe the tears away, no point, who would see? I soon felt my eyes burn as tears started to form and run down the side of my face as I kept remembering Heathers shrill voice and disgusted eyes.
"Abomination! Mistake! Thing!"
Those words rang over and over in my mind as I lied there trying to sleep, trying to forget the events that had taken place no more than an hour ago, but how could I? I sat up, trying hard to mind the pain in my stomach which soon went more internal than external. I rubbed my stomach again trying to calm the pain, again. I turned my head to the empty spot on my bed and my mind went away from the pain and back to the guilt towards Heather. For the past hour, despite being in non-stop pain, I've been punishing myself for making Heather leave. I had argued back and forth with myself but the end was still the same, it was my fault that Heather had left, it was my fault that we were in this situation, I was the one who should have given her more attention and listened to what she wanted. Heck, talking to Judy probably annoyed her enough to make her leave let alone me being…
I looked down at my stomach and I soon began to feel a burning in my mind, in my eyes as I felt a slight growl escape me. I slowly clutched my stomach causing more pain than I could have imagined but I didn't care. I dug my claws into the bed as I stared down at my stomach.
"This is your fault…" I muffled angrily. When there was no response I felt myself get hot with rage, I dug my claws deeper into the bed.
"This all happened because Heather wanted a kit and she wouldn't stand to adopt. She left me because I decided to do something that she wanted but couldn't do. She left because of the thing I have inside of me, what those goddamn doctors put in me." I gripped the bed tighter and pushed a little on my stomach.
"The woman I loved, walked out because I tried to be a good boyfriend, because I loved her and only wanted to make her happy and what did she say to me? That what I had was an abomination, a thing, a mistake!" I felt my jowls start to rise and the fur on my neck begin to stand. My mind was racing, I had never felt so mad, so enraged before. I gripped my stomach tighter, looking down at it in hate, at that...thing inside of me.
"You did this…you did this to me, to my girlfriend, to our relationship. I've lost everything and It's all because of you!" I ripped a piece of my bed off and quickly threw it to the ground!
"THIS IS YOUR FAULT-AHH!" I screamed at the top of my lungs which was soon met with a loud yelp from the pit of my throat. A quick reaction made my wrap my arms around my stomach. I hunched over, quivering in pain. I couldn't move, I didn't want to. I was sure that someone had just shot me, there was an unbelievable pain coming from my stomach, but it wasn't like the others I was somewhat used to. I began to feel a wetness on my paw which shocked me and as I brought it up see right away I had seen the palm of my paw was covered in blood. My eyes widened as I noticed the claws on my paw were out and each claw was covered with blood, my blood. I gasped lightly as I moved my arms and seen four small holes just around my stomach and a light amount of blood start to come from each mark.
"W…what?" I looked at my claws, my eyes widened the sudden realization of what I had just done. I looked down at my stomach, then I quickly came to my senses.
"Oh my god!" I quickly jumped to my feet, ignoring the pain and ran to the bathroom, almost tripping over my own feet in the process. I quickly opened the medicine cabinet, pushing and moving things out of the way and as quickly as I could I grabbed the bottle of alcohol, I then turned and grabbed a towel from the rack beside the shower. I rinsed the towel under water and pressed pressed it against the wound, clenching my teeth as I did.
Then, without a moment's hesitation I opened the alcohol and dumped a bit of it on the open wound.
"AH! Sweet, Cheese!" I yelped in pain as I reached up to grab the box of bandaids. I sat down on the toilet, gasping, trying to get over the pain but to no luck. I patched it up as carefully as I could, trying hard not to hurt myself any more than I already had, which was ironic to say the least.
I looked down at the wound, I'd want to say I was admiring my quick patch but I was appalled by my actions. I slowly stood up and walked back to the bed, still clutching my stomach softly, keeping my paw away from where I had cut myself, or stabbed myself? I walked back to the bed and slowly lied back down, being mindful of the extra pain I was experiencing. I lied on my side, tucking my knees in slightly as I ran my hand back to my stomach, softly caressing the small bump as I felt a deep pit in my stomach…
"I'm sorry…" I whispered softly as I closed my eyes trying to ignore the pain. "I'm so so sorry…"
I woke up refreshed, pained but refreshed. I groaned as I moved my paw over my eyes, covering myself from the bright light that was shining through the open window directly on my face. Despite its welcoming warmth it proved to be more annoying than anything else. I groaned and turned over onto my side and as I did I slightly opened my eyes trying to get used to the morning light. My eyes quickly widened as my blurred vision slowly dissipated and I realized that someone was beside me.
"H-Heather?" I asked surprised.
I quickly fumbled up from the bed, sitting up and staring at Heather lying beside me. She was lying on her side, her tail draped over her legs as she looked at me, her eyes much more loving and caring than when she left. I didn't know what to do, what to say. A warming relief came over me as I felt myself start to tear up, again. I reached over and touched her paw softly, feeling her soft fur and warm touch on my paw. I chuckled in disbelief as she reached over and caressed my cheek tenderly, running a thumb over my tears and wiping them away.
"I…I thought I lost you…" I whispered as I leaned into her paw.
"I couldn't leave you, Nick, how could I ever leave you or our kit." She ran her paw through the fur on my head, once more filling me with relief and warmth.
"I…I was so worried. About you about us, that we'd be alone. It's a stupid fear I know but.."
"Shh…" Heather said sitting up as she brought her other paw to my cheek. "It's okay Nicky, I'd never leave you or our kit…"
I moved over putting her paws on my chest as I leaned in to hug her tightly, enjoying her warm embrace. It was everything I loved, her soft fur, her smell, everything. I lied my head softly on her shoulder and as I did I could feel her snout move past my chin and to my ears.
"Even if it is a mistake…" she whispered in my ears.
"W…what?"
I felt a hard shove on my chest as Heather pushed me off of the bed, not moving her head or her gaze in the slightest. I fell hard onto the floor with a large BANG! Landing directly on my back, pinning my tail underneath it. I lied there, trying to control the pain, gritting my teeth and groaning. I tried to prop myself on my elbows but the pain alone was too much, I couldn't…
"Hmm…" Heather said with a smile as she climbed off the bed and walked over, slowly, calmly, and silent. When she came to my side she stood there, looking down at me and smiling while she did. She nudged me in my ribs with her foot as she scoffed again. Moving down on her knees she placed a paw on my stomach, putting pressure on it causing an unbearable pain to run through my body.
"Look at you…" She chuckled as pressed her paw harder on my stomach "a pathetic excuse of af. How could you ever amount to anything let alone be a father. A Fox as a dad will always be a screw up, a dead beat, an abusive monster…"
"You're wrong!" I strained which only lead to her slamming my head back onto the floor and more pressure on my stomach. I gasped in pain as I shut my eyes tightly.
"Oh am I? Your father was a dead beat drunk who left you and your mom, and mine was…abusive, and their fathers were abusive and theirs before them and so on. Its an continuous cycle love, you will not be any different."
"You don't know that-AHH!" Her claws dug into my stomach and I yelped feeling sheer burning pain enter my stomach and run through my body.
"Yes. I. Do." She moved her claws again making me scream in pain "You will always be nothing, just like your father and your kit…it'll grow up knowing it's an abomination…just. like…you!"
"No!" I shouted. I sat up in a quick but pained motion. I looked around the dark room in panic and confusion…
There are times in life where even the toughest of men will fall, where they will admit they need help. Now dad was no self absorbed fox by any means but he never liked asking for help. Call it what you will, stubbornness, annoying, I call it pride. As of now, dad was alone…mom was, not there yet and even in the back of his mind he didn't want to go to her, in fear of rejection? No, he wasn't there yet. It was a fear that he would lose one of the most import mammals in his life…but life as a funny way of working out…
"What…" I said weakly as I gasped with a sharp pain, I brought my paw down to where it was hurting. It was wet to touch, bring it up to my mouth I lightly touched it with my tongue.
"Blood?" I moved the sheets and I could see blood starting to seep through bandages on my stomach and run onto the sheets. "Oh…oh…" I didn't know what to think.
I got up hurriedly and went back into the washroom and repeated my earlier attempt to clean the cut and bandage the wound, this time using actual bandages instead of small band aids. I then ran the water on the sink and splashed it on my face, trying to make sense on what had happened.
"It was just a dream…a nightmare…" I ran my paws past my ears as I tried to clear my mind but…I couldn't. I looked in the mirror and flashes of the dream clouded my mind. I shook my head trying to clear them out but they wouldn't go. The images were so fresh in my mind I kept hearing Heather's voice echo in my ears though it was like a whisper, I could feel her hate, her paw on my stomach, the disgust in her voice. I splashed more water on my face, trying to find comfort in the coolness on my fur but in reality I was trying to find comfort in the fact that I was awake. That it was just a dream. Walking back to my bed, I dried my face off with one of the towels and threw it across to the hamper, missing it completely. I sat back down on the bed resting my head in my hands. I couldn't go back to sleep, I didn't want to try either. I sighed, looking over at the clock which read in big red numbers 5:15.
My body was shaking, though I wasn't cold, I was scared. Scared that Heather would be right. Scared that I would be just like my father or even her father, it was in our genes, it was who we were…foxes…
I looked over at my phone, a stupid thought ran through my mind. I was conflicted with myself and I knew that what I was feeling, what I wanted to do or even should do was beyond me. I had choices to make, as much as it hurt me to admit there was a chance that id go into this, into fatherhood, alone. Would I actually be capable to take care of a kit by myself? Heck once others found out about what happened I'd slowly start to lose my friends…I just…I don't know what I should do…
I sat on my bed, my eyes were sore and my stomach pained, wracking my head completely confused of what to do and hearing Heathers shrilling voice in my head.
"You will always be nothing, just like your father and your kit…it'll grow up knowing it's an abomination…just like…you."
I could feel myself coming close to tears, taking in a quivering breath and trying hard to control the mixture of emotions that flew through me. What hurt more was knowing, deep down, that Heather was right. About everything I was, about my father, about me becoming like my father, and my kit… I ran my paw back down on my stomach and around the small but growing bump. Would they grow up knowing what I did, or resenting me, like how I resent my dad for walking out on my mom, for making the choices I made. To bring them into the world like this, would they ever understand that I did it out of love or would they look at me in disgust?
These thoughts poured through my mind, I didn't attempt to control my emotions, I threw my paws over my eyes and felt the tears hit my palms softly. Running my paws up, brushing the fur on my head softly, I sank my head down, resting my elbows on my legs and continued to cry, remembering my father, Heather, and thinking what I could become…then beyond those thoughts I feared the thought of being alone. Of being in the situation that I had welcomed into my life and having no one by my side through it and it wasn't until now that I had realized how terrifying that concept or even the reality, truly is. In the end, I've never truly been alone, but now…
Taking another quivering sigh, I ran my paws through the fur on my head, I realized that I had no idea what I was doing with my life. I'm going to be a father in a few months and I still have no idea what I'm doing! What am I going to-
Rinnng
"Huh?" lifting my head slowly, the sound breaking into my thoughts, I looked around my room.
Rinnng
I looked to my night stand and noticed the sound was coming from my phone, now shining bright and vibrating.
"Who in the…who's calling me at this hour?" I asked quietly to myself. I slowly reached over, picking up my phone. My eyes widened at the name and picture as it rang again.
"What did she want?" I thought in a minor disbelief. I swallowed hard as I slid my finger across the screen, accepting the call. Clearing my throat, trying to sound normal I quietly whispered…
"Carrots?"
Hey everyone, I did not expect to do this but I decided to write a post regarding the comments I received in the novel now this is an official chapter in this book only be presented, exclusively, on will not be presented on Tumblr or Wattpad!
Now just over three or four weeks now I am extremely pleased on how it's turned out so far, we have a lot of use I am very very grateful for that and of course I still want to come as well now I'm writing this there are 24 comment what I'm going to do is I'm going to Address each one and and give my response and yes, I will be going in order!
Guest: I'm happy that you think I've done a great job in the first chapter I was honestly so ecstatic when the trash allowed me to write her story! I hope that I'll be able to rate for a long time especially the story I think we can have a lot of fun with it though it's sort of a taboo topic but regardless I think it'll still be a lot of fun!
Aeonferal: It is it is an Orthodox but I feel that it's a story that deserves to be told, no matter how unusual it may be. I am glad that you're excited and that Isabelle is one of your favorite OCs! I will try not to disappoint!
Zenith88: Yes, her story was kind of in the Gray zone a lot of people made assumptions on how she was born on her overall life I'm hoping I can fully clarify I am not going to do it just one top my head I'm fully collaborating with trash on this so I'm not doing anything without her permission or OK.
Guest: I wasn't aware that anyone else wrote Isabelle in any type of fanfiction. Regardless of that though I think I'm the first one to fully work with Trash on this which, to me, is still really awesome. My initial goal with the story was to answer any questions that someone may have for example why is Nick and only father what happened to the mother where is Julie coming to play all that type of stuff that people normally ask but don't really know the answer to! I hope he brightness for a while so hopefully I will keep have your approval on this
Guest: I'm so glad you love it so far, I am not going to lie I was quite nervous about writing because it's such an unusual topic that I'm worried how people react but nonetheless I'm very glad you enjoy it!
Quillgrim: I will I promise you that much!
Alexcia the light of destiny: When I say a host, I wasn't exactly meaning another mammal per se. So, to answer your question fully; no, Judy will not be the surrogate, but she will be a supporting friend…
PointyHairedJedi: Has she really been around for years? I will be sure to give Trash your regards since I usually tell her all the reviews and give her any essential information about the story so I'll be sure to send her your regards!
Ones-and-Z3ros: You are correct, the italicized section of the story is Isabelle talking from an older point of view however she's not an adult, not fully at least. Much later in the story I will make it clearer as to why she gives a small speech during each chapter!
Guest: I want Heather to have a sort of abusive behind closed doors but nice in person, but she sometimes breaks that character, which then meanwhile others can see that she's not nice Nick only sees the positive. That positive then reminds him of their childhood that's why he still loves her but she is very abusive towards him she is in no way shape or form nice to him though she appears to be from time to time. Her true nature comes out on a few various occasions as you might notice in the future for a few chapters.
Guest: Thank you very much!
Guest: Yes, everything is OK with the story are usually write every Wednesday or so by then I finished and then I have to wait a few days for Trash to read it and give me a Yay or Nay. Then I wait if she sends me any type of artwork, its an additional thing for Tumblr or Wattpad so usually I'm done by Wednesday but I can't post it until Friday to Saturday depending!
Guest: Yes! So as I mentioned in my earlier comments Mpreg is definitely a primary topic here. Trash wanted me to water down the science behind it I had to stay in front of my laptop for a good few days to try and come up with every possible scientific method towards the situation. I did come up with the idea but when I talk Trash she told me to water down greatly that's why I didn't give a lot of information towards it!
Lil mikey21: I'm not gonna lie probably the best reaction of ever seen so far! This is the type of reaction I was hoping for a sort of "oh my god what the hell". I wanted her to stay honestly but since shes not really in the picture in the future can't really do that.
Oteran37: OK big comment comment this will take me a second LOL! I do fully understand how Nick being in his condition can be distracting and make some people uncomfortable believe me I do understand, I felt odd with it when I first started writing but it I got past that very quickly and fell in love with the concept when I started to write more. Plus it makes Trash and others happy so its enough for me! As for Heather that can be a little confusing! The reason they didn't adopt is because she was adamant on having her own child on top of that she believe that having a child will make Nick stay which is to believe there might have been some sort of problems with their relationship that Heather didn't have a control of. As we start seeing later in the first few chapters Nick starts thinking for himself and starts realizing that Heathers not who he remembers and start standing up for himself. So Heather believes that having a child would regain some control over him but she figured the only real way to do that was to have their own child.
Long to short, Heather didn't want to adopt because she wanted to control and Nick did he did because he loved her but she never really wanted that!
And trust me I do fully understand they are not hitting against me or anything major I do understand it's kind of a confusing story to say the least. I mainly want to do this to make someone happy and for the challenge and the overall fact that I'm writing for Trash and about Isabelle Wilde…it's fantastic! Now I will be writing a second-story primarily about Nick, Isabelle and Judy that's it! It will show Isabelle's childhood to adult hood it will show Nick and Judy's love interest essentially it will show everything!
Makahala XIII: I personally cant imagine Nick not taking the procedure! As for why Heather was angry at Judy it's because Judy would be the one who put free Nick, in a matter of speaking. Heather is very controlling, she's abusive, while Judy only wants Nick to be happy. She knows he's abused but will not say anything because of their friendship she doesn't want to lose another friend. As for the overall ending, I had to go dark to write that I had to find something that would hurt Nick beyond anything he could be used to and my conclusion was someone that he loves telling that his choice and his actions were a mistake and that what he was doing when he has a him was an abomination!
Guest: If the story could be made differently I would have loved nothing more than to make heather a more likeable character but since I am in no position to do so her character had to be…well rather unlikable xD Nick didn't see it because he didn't want to, he loved/loves Heather to the point that any other thoughts, more so negative, would never cross his mind. But as for Judy…
Guest: Funny but popular misconception! Which is another reason why I thought Heather should be the way she is! Instead of a kind and warm city girl, she's a cold and greedy vixen!
Judithwildehopps: Well holy moley! Though I can't say I agree with your hopes I do understand where you are coming from! I can assure you that it is far from over…
WolfofAvalon: No, she doesn't, I was hoping it would appear as such…
Robert Escher: Funny thing about life, I find that no matter how bad someone will act towards another they will never have anything happen to them...as for Judy, well hopefully this chapter will give a little look towards the future.
Alexia the light of destiny: I'm sure nick will find the courage to tell her eventually, don't forget, he's terrified of what others may think. Judy, being one of his closest friends, may not like the thought of him doing this…
Guest (frost): Sorry, I love cliff-hangers they create such enjoyable reactions from the readers! I am so happy that you are enjoying it! I was hoping to make it lighter hearted but due to certain events in the novel I sometimes must go dark, which, though enjoyable on my end, may be unpleasant for the readers! But regardless, I am so happy you are enjoying the story so far, I can assure you I will keep writing it for some time!
(P.s: I love Isabelle too!)
Thank you to everyone who has commented so far! Please keep them coming Trash and I love reading your comments and knowing that you are all enjoying the story (and if there's anything we/I should fix!) don't forget you can also find us on Tumblr if you want to ask us any questions or view the chapter art that is created!
Thank you all so much, love you all and see you in the next chapter!
-Nexi0us (Nexi)