Chapter 4
They spent several more days wandering around the city. They enjoyed magnificent meals and spent hours lounging in the pool. They spent even more time in bed. Neither could get enough of the other. Steve was experiencing all this for the first time and Natasha couldn't help but notice that the emotional connection she had with Steve had affected the physical relationship as well.
Neither of them seemed to have any nightmares either. She had not experienced her usual nightly gauntlet. Steve had not seemed to either, at least not any that woke Natasha for nearly a week. The nightmare had crept up on her. She was wandering in the dark snowy mountains, she didn't exactly know where. She was shivering uncontrollably. The wind was howling, but there was something underneath it that was catching her ear. She tried to focus on it, and then the sound got louder and louder. It was a baby crying. She began to search frantically, the snow falling all around her. She stumbled upon a basket and pulled the blankets back to find it empty, but the child was still crying. As she continued searching in the blinding snow the crying changed. It was no longer a baby, but a child, calling for its mother.
Natasha followed the sound and then she could see the outline of a child in front of her. The child had its back to her.
"Are you ok?" Natasha asked and she approached the child. She could see the child was probably 4 or 5, she couldn't tell if it was a boy or girl. Natasha crouched down and turned the child to meet her eyes. "Are you lost?" Natasha tried to speak again, but the child had struck out with a knife driving it straight and deep into her abdomen.
Pain exploded inside Natasha as she fell back into the freezing snow. She felt the warm blood flowing freely from her body. Her eyes became unfocused as she watched the child drive the knife deep into her body.
"Natasha!" Steve was holding her tightly, trying to wake her. She quickly snapped awake and cried out in pain. She found her hands were already clutching her stomach tightly as she felt another wave of pain course through her. "Natasha!" Steve tried to steady her as she arched her back. "Breath." Steve ordered. She obeyed and clenched her eyes shut as she forced air into her lungs and out, slowly, trying to calm herself. She felt her stomach flip and her mouth water.
"I'm going to throw up," She whispered. Steve quickly helped release her from the clutches of the tangled bed sheets. He helped Natasha get to the bathroom, and held her hair back as she vomited violently. Her entire body felt each wave, the warm liquid burning her throat, tears stinging her eyes. She finally finished and sunk to the cold floor. Steve gently wrapped a robe around her naked body, and she leaned into him.
"You're shivering," Steve's concerned face floated in and out focus in front of her. "I'm getting a doctor."
"No," Natasha reached out and grabbed him.
"Natasha," Steve tried to reason with her. "You're sick. We need to get you to a doctor."
She shook her head slowly. "It's just my..." She chose her wording carefully for Steve, "It's just ladies troubles."
"Oh," He looked terrified.
She shifted to ease the pressure on her back. It was a pressure in her stomach that she had felt often in her youth. The Red Room had done terrible things to her when she hit puberty. To be a Black Widow you could not be fertile and function as a cold blooded seductress. It caused conflict. Sex created children, children were a weakness. That ability had been taken from Natasha. The pain she was feeling was all too familiar. This was probably the most painful one she had experienced in quite some time. She tried to level her breathing, and looked to Steve. "It's not usually like this," She tried to ease his mind.
"What can I do?" Steve hated seeing her in pain and felt helpless. He draped a robe around her shoulders.
"Just bring me the bag of stuff you bought and something to wear," She instructed. "Preferably something loose fitting.
"Ok," Steve eased her up and helped her sit on the edge of the tub and left her for a moment.
Natasha closed her eyes and tried to push down the nausea building in her.
Steve returned and stopped when he saw her pale face. "Natasha," He whispered.
"It's fine," she replied softly, "Can you get the shower running for me?"
"Yeah," He set down the bag and clothes on the counter and moved to the shower, turning it on hot and then returned to her side to help her up and made their way to the shower. "You want me to leave you alone?"
"Yes, I'll be fine, thank you." She made her way to the shower, her movements slow and fuzzy. She took a quick shower and dried off. She found what she needed out of the bag Steve had brought her and pulled some clothes on. She fished out a bottle of pills and popped it open. She poured what she needed out into her hand and put them in her mouth. She leaved down to the sink and turned on the water and used her hand as a cup and washed them down. She opened the heating pad and made her way out of the bathroom.
"You ok?" Steve asked, having been seated in a chair near the bathroom door in case she needed him.
"I'll be alright." She patted his arm softly. "Help me will ya?"
Steve pulled himself from the chair and took her arm. He lead her to one of the couches near an outlet. He helped ease her down in the corner of the couch. He plugged in the heating pad for her and she placed it against her stomach, wrapping her arm across to keep it in place. She pulled her legs up to further increase the pressure on her stomach. She sighed and tried to pop her neck to release some of the pressure and ease the headache at the base of her skull.
"What else can I do?" Steve had seated himself near her on the couch, but was sure to give her space.
"Can you bring me my phone?" She asked. "It's next to the bed."
"Yeah," Steve hopped up and made his way to the bedroom and returned with her phone in hand.
"Thank you," She took it with one hand and swiped it over to unlock the screen. She debated on whether she should call Pepper or text her instead. The local time was nearing 3 AM so it would have still been early evening in NY. She decided to text, as she was not sure she could mask the pain in her voice. She sent a quick, non-detailed text requesting the plane be ready to take them back to New York in the morning. She was relieved when Pepper responded almost instantly. Pepper didn't ask why, she simply said she would take care of it and let her know when the plane would be ready.
Natasha sent a quick thank you text back and layed her phone down on the couch next to her. "I'm sorry to cut our vacation short," She looked to Steve. "I told Pepper I wanted to leave tomorrow. I probably should have asked you if you were ready to leave…"
"Natasha," Steve interrupted her, "I don't care about staying here. I am worried about you. I still think I should get a doctor…"
"Steve," Natasha extended her hand out, Steve moved closer to grasp her hand in his. "I promise I'm ok, this is just an unfortunate part of life for me. I appreciate your concern, but I really will be ok." She squeezed his hand for good measure and he smiled weakly back at her.
"Alright," he stood and they dropped hands. "I'm gonna get our stuff together."
"It's 3 AM I think it can wait," Natasha watched him.
"Oh," His face flashed, "You're right. I should let you rest."
"Steve, I didn't mean that," Natasha shifted slightly. "I just meant you don't have to worry about it right now. Why don't you go back to bed?"
"I couldn't go back to sleep after hearing you scream like that…" Natasha's head snapped up. "It took a lot to wake you…"
"I'm sorry," Natasha hadn't even thought about the nightmare she had been having. It had obviously shaken him up a bit, which she hadn't expected. "I didn't mean to…"
"Natasha," Steve crouched down on the floor next to her and took her hand back in his. "You have nothing to apologize for. It just scared me seeing you in pain and not being able to do anything about it." He kissed the back of her hand. "I don't say this to make you feel badly, I say this because I care about you...I want to do anything I can to help you.." He looked up at her. "I don't want to seem too forward with you, but I have learned that things can change quickly…" He took a deep breath, "I love you Natasha." Natasha felt a lump form in her throat. "It may seem really soon for me to say this, but I do. I love you and it's ok if you can't say in back to me and it's ok for you not to say anything at all. I just..I just needed you to know...I just needed you to know how I feel about you."
She just studied his face, "Steve...I don't know what to say.." She didn't even really know how she felt about what he just said. How could Steve love her? What did he know of love anyway? What did she know about love for that matter? How could he have come to that conclusion so quickly? He didn't even really know Natasha, what she had done in her past. She was almost angry with him for making this declaration so quickly, because it made her think that he only loved the Natasha he knew right now. Would he still say he loved her if he knew every little detail of her past? She wasn't sure which emotion was rising to the top. She didn't want to let anger rise up and crush his declaration, but she wasn't exactly filled with good feelings. She had hoped she would feel happy if Steve ever said he loved her. She had never thought about that before, but she thought she shouldn't feel this way. Now that it had happened, she was just uncomfortable.
Steve felt a little fear rise up in his chest after he closed his mouth. Natasha was just staring at him. He had meant what he said, that he just wanted to let her know how he felt about her since life was so uncertain. Something could happen to him tomorrow and she would never know how he truly felt about her if he didn't voice it. He could tell she was struggling with what he had said, not sure of how or why, but she was obviously having an internal dialogue. Now he felt a little uneasy about voicing his feelings so soon into their relationship. He wasn't even sure what to call whatever it was going on between them.
"Natasha," Steve spoke softly, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable. I probably shouldn't have said that, I just sometimes speak from the heart and don't think about it first in my head. I didn't think how my words could affect you." He felt himself rambling on.
"Are you taking it back?" Natasha cocked her head.
"No!" Steve declared, "No, not at all...I just..this is all very new to me...and I just wanted you to know, and now I feel like maybe I said it too soon. I mean, aside from Peggy, you are the only woman I have ever had any real feelings for….I thought I would have so much time with Peggy and it was taken away in the blink of an eye."
Natasha felt a pang of guilt at his words. She had been so quick to anger. Steve didn't know everything in her past and she was judging his declaration of love solely on that. She had never stopped to think what this was for him. Steve had lost so much, and he was just afraid of losing something else, her. Natasha was tired, she felt horrible. She just wanted to fall asleep, and now she was running the gauntlet of emotions on top of it. She wasn't sure what to say to Steve. She didn't want to make his feel badly, and she wasn't able to express herself either. She sighed and dropped her head to her knees.
"I'm sorry," Steve repeated. "Please just don't say anything. We don't have to discuss it now...or ever...if you don't want to…" Natasha didn't have to look to know that Steve's ears were bright red with embarrassment. Steve let go of her hand and moved away, leaving Natasha alone on the couch. She could hear him moving around the room doing various things, he moved into the bedroom and Natasha just stayed on the couch. She curled into herself further, wishing the cramps to lessen. Natasha dozed off in the quiet.
Her phone was ringing, it pierced through her sleepy brain and forced her eyes open. The sun was up, but she wasn't sure what time it was. She searched for her phone amongst the couch cushions. She finally found it and saw it was Pepper.
"Hello?" Natasha cleared her throat.
"Hey, Nat," Pepper's voice was her ever bubbly self. "I spoke to the pilot and he should meet you at the airport in 2 hours. I've already sent a car for you, be down in the lobby in 40 minutes. Take off will depend on how many flights are going in and out today, but you should be headed back to New York in a few hours after that."
"Thanks, Pepper," Natasha was relieved to be headed back somewhere familiar.
"As for...Tony's luggage…" Pepper began, "Take anything you want out of it, leave the rest and I have instructed the hotel staff to dispose of it. I apologize again for his callousness, it was callous Tony!" She yelled over her shoulder. "Anyway, you are welcome at the tower when you get back to New York. I will assure you that you would have privacy should you choose to shack up with Captain America." She teased.
Natasha chuckled slightly, "I appreciate your discretion."
"We will see you when you get back and I fully allow and endorse that you beat Tony's ass." Natasha could hear the smile in her voice. "Don't let Tony fool you, but he is shaking in his boots."
"Thanks, Pepper," Natasha repeated and hung up the phone.
She stretched her stiff muscles and regretted it immediately. The cramps had not eased at all and the sudden movement caused a sharp pain to shoot up her back. Natasha groaned and Steve had appeared at the sounds of her distress.
"Natasha?" He was leaning out of the bedroom, "Are you ok?" When she didn't answer right away, he quickly made his way to her side, kneeling next to her. "Natasha?"
She took a breath and forced her eyes open, his piercing blue eyes focused on hers. "I'll be fine...I hope." She tried to smile, but Steve didn't smile back.
"Are you sure you don't want me to get a doctor?" Steve hadn't tried to touch her, take her hand.
"No," She reached for his hand. "I'll feel better once we are back…"
"I hope you do," He rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand. "Who was on the phone?"
"Pepper. Car will be downstairs in 40 minutes to take us to the airport and hopefully we will be headed back to New York in a few hours after that." Natasha accepted Steve's help to pull herself up off the couch. She was disappointed that the pain had not eased and that she was still nauseous. "Bathroom please."
Steve helped her to the bathroom, Natasha was moving slowly, "Please don't take this the wrong way, but I think you should see a doctor when we get back to New York.."
Natasha knew Steve was only concerned for her, but Natasha had been dealing with this her entire life. There was nothing any doctor could say or do to change her circumstances. She decided not to voice this, but instead said, "If I am not feeling better in a few days, I'll go see Dr Fine." She eased herself down on the side of the tub, "Can you hand me the bottle of pain pills?"
Steve grabbed the bottle and handed it to her. He left for a moment and appeared with an empty glass. He filled it from the sink and handed it to Natasha. He watched quietly as she dumped out a few pills and swallowed them. She drained the glass.
"You gonna be ok to fly?" Steve crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the counter.
"I'll be fine," Natasha nodded. "It won't be fun, but I'll make it."
They gathered their things, leaving much of Tony's luggage behind. Natasha didn't bother with make-up, but whipped her hair up in a ponytail and washed her face. She willed herself to have the energy to gather up her things. She smiled as she saw Steve gently fold up the white dress she had worn to dinner and place it gently in one of the suitcase. It always amazed her how much sentiment people put into things. It was something that had been squashed out of her at a young age.
Steve caught her watching him, "I thought you might want to keep it.."
"I do," She moved to stand in front of him. He leaned down and met the kiss she wanted to plant on his lips. It was gentle and sweet, soft and warm.
"What happens when we get back to New York?" Steve asked.
"I'm not sure.." Natasha hadn't really thought about it. She had been so swept up in their time away that she hadn't thought about what was next. "Let's just get back and see what tomorrow brings."
"Yes ma'am." Steve smiled. He looked around the massive room to ensure they left nothing important behind. After his final sweep he was sure they had everything. "You ready?"
"Yeah," Natasha replied. Steve gathered all their bags except the one Natasha insisted on carrying herself that she had slung over her shoulder. Even though Steve was carrying their entire luggage, he asked Natasha take his arm to steady her. She accepted it, which told Steve how sick she still felt, no matter how many times she told him she was fine.
As promised, there was a car waiting for them at the door. It was the same driver who had brought them from the airport. Steve thanked him and helped Natasha from the car when they arrived. The airport was busy, but they got their plans squared away and found some quiet seats to wait until they could board the private jet. Natasha still felt nauseous and smells from the small cafes around her was not helping. She had no appetite and counted the minutes to take her mind off it. They waited a couple hours until they were finally able to board the jet. Natasha headed straight for the bathroom.
Steve made himself comfortable in one of massive cushions chairs. Natasha was still in the bathroom when they were ready for takeoff about half an hour later. Steve pulled himself up and knocked on the door. "Natasha, you ok?"
"Yeah," her voice muffled on the other side of the door.
"We're ready to take off," Steve waited until she opened the door. She looked very tired, dark circles clung under her eyes. Her face was covered in a light layer of sweat and she was shaking slightly. "Natasha!" Steve exclaimed at the sight her of.
Natasha was about to speak when Steve cut her off, "Don't you dare say you are fine. Clearly you are not." He extended his arm out for her to take. She fumbled for his arm and her feet felt like they were entangled in themselves. She stumbled and Steve easily swept her into his arms. He made his way to the front of the jet and gently laid her down on the couch. "Natasha, this is serious. Will you please let me help you?"
Natasha shook her head, "Steve, please, I will be fine. Just leave it alone." She shrugged off his concern and rolled over to face away from him.
He sighed in frustration, he knew she could be stubborn, but this was too much for him. "Why won't you let me help you?" Steve just wanted to help her.
"This is nothing you can help with." Her words were quiet, she didn't turn to face him. "Please, just leave me alone right now."
Steve gave up and left her alone, returning to his seat. He tried to not be angry. Natasha knew her body much better than he did, but he thought she needed help. He wished she would let him, but he left her alone. She would ask for help if she wanted it.
They were silent for the first half of the trip. Steve could tell from her even breathing that Natasha had fallen asleep. She shifted in her sleep and turned to face him. Her face was relaxed. Steve watched her sleep for a while. She was so beautiful. She had no make-up on and her hair wasn't fixed, but Steve found her just as beautiful as he had the night she had worn that white dress. He pulled his sketch book from him bag and drew her sleeping form, there were no creases on her face, she was perfectly relaxed. He filled a few pages with her face, but it was not long before he noticed there were lines forming on her forehead. She was either in pain or having a nightmare. She began muttering in Russian, so he figured it was another nightmare.
He dropped his sketchbook back into his bag and made his way to crouch down at her side. "Natasha," He said gently. When that didn't wake her he nudged her lightly. He was little more forceful, "Natasha!" She jerked awake.
She took in her surroundings and tried to even out her breathing, "What?"
"You ok?" Steve reached for a bottle of water from the table behind him.
She nodded a yes and pulled herself up into a sitting position, taking the water bottle from his extended hand. "Thanks," Her voice was scratchy.
"Another nightmare?" Steve asked quietly.
Natasha didn't answer; she just gulped down the water. Steve watched her, waiting for her to respond to him. She made no indication that she was going to, so he prompted her again, "You want to talk about it?"
"No," She said blankly. She pulled herself up off the couch, stepped around Steve and made her way back to the bathroom.
Steve stood up and watched her silently as she walked away. Steve wanted to know why Natasha was ignoring him. Was it because she didn't want to talk about the nightmare? He couldn't blame her for that, he didn't always want to discuss his either. Was it because she didn't feel well? Did she just not want to talk, or did she just not want to talk to him? Had he freaked her out about telling her that he loved her?
Steve didn't want to push her. She obviously did not feel well and now was probably not the best time to agitate her further with something that had made her uncomfortable anyway. Steve just remained silent and went back to his chair. He waited about 20 minutes before checking on her.
He could hear as he approached the door that she was vomiting again. He debated on whether to knock or not, but decided to anyway. "Natasha, you need anything?"
She didn't answer right away, but when she did her voice was quiet, "I'll be out in a minute."
Steve didn't know if he was supposed to wait there or not. It was only a few minutes before the door to the bathroom slowly opened and Natasha made her way out. She extended one hand out to steady herself on his broad chest. She was still shaking, but not as badly as before.
"Help me back," Her words were soft and almost hollow.
"You want to walk?" Steve asked.
"Yeah." She nodded.
"We will take it slow." Steve wrapped his arm around her waist and took most of her weight on him and guided her back to the couch. He eased her back down and she looked back up at him.
"Can you bring me my bag?" She ran a hand over her hair to try and tame some of the fly aways.
Steve moved to grab her bag and handed it to her. He took a seat next to her and watched her as she rummaged through it for the bottle of pain pills. She dumped some more in her hand and popped them in her mouth. Steve handed her another bottle of water and she nodded a thank you as she opened it and drank. She drank about half the bottle and set it down on the table. She shifted slowly and eased herself into Steve's chest.
Steve wrapped an arm loosely around her as she pulled her legs back up onto the couch. He shifted to make it easier for her to lay down. Steve hadn't noticed before, but Natasha was radiating heat. He laid a hand on her forehead, "Natasha, you're burning up."
"Yeah," She confirmed quietly, "I know. Hence the pills."
Steve sighed and laid his hand back down over her side. She buried her head deeper into his chest and tried to relax. They sat in comfortable silence. Steve listened to her breath and it wasn't long before she was asleep again. She would mumbled or moan in her sleep and Steve would quietly sooth her until she was quiet again. The flight was uneventful after that. Natasha slept curled up against him. She was still asleep when they landed.
"Natasha," Steve quietly woke her. "Hey, come on. We've landed."
"Ok," She slowly stretched and sat up. Steve stood up and started gathering his things.
"You feeling any better?" Steve watched her as she pulled her bag up over her shoulder. She did not answer, but threw a sharp glance his way. "I'll take that as a no.."
They exited the jet and found a car waiting for them. Steve helped Natasha into the back seat before he loaded their few bags into the trunk. They rode in silence back to the Tower in the middle of the city.
"I'm going straight to bed," Natasha informed him when they pulled into the garage. Steve's internal clock was so mixed up he wasn't even sure what time it was.
"I think you should." Steve responded.
They rode the elevator in silence after being greeted by Jarvis. Natasha leaned on the wall with her eyes closed and her arm around her stomach. Steve was about to offer to carry her to their room when the elevator doors opened to reveal Tony Stark, arms stretched out with a broad smile on his face.
"Welcome home, Mr. and Mrs. Spangles!" His face fell slightly when he took in the sight of Natasha. "Did you enjoy the honeymoon a little too much Red?"
Natasha just moved past him without a word. She moved with her usual grace, not the slow movements she had in the past 24 hours. She looked to Steve as though she had felt better, but he knew she didn't. Steve watched her go and when the door was closed behind her he turned to Stark.
"Listen, Cap, I know you are probably a little mad...but I think it's safe to say that it all turned out in the end?" He raised his eyebrows and smiled again. "You had fun didn't you?" He moved to pat Steve on the shoulder, "You dog you!"
Steve grabbed his hand and pulled it away from him. Steve's voice was calm and quiet, which is probably what unnerved Tony the most. Steve didn't try to hit him or yell at him, he just stated quietly, "Mr. Stark, I am not like you. We view life very differently. I am only going to say this once, so pay attention." Steve took a step closer, "You had no right to interfere like that, and if you do it again I will hurt you. You stay out of my business, and you stay out of Natasha's business. Do we understand one another?"
"Noted," Tony's one word response was enough for Steve.
"You have any hit's on Bucky?" Steve moved away from Tony towards the room Natasha had disappeared into.
"Not exactly.." Tony's response made Steve turn back around.
"What does that mean?" Steve asked.
"I didn't get any new hits on him, but I went back and review older footage to see if he popped up anywhere else to see if I could help the program narrow down where to start…" Tony paused.
"Well, what did you find?" Steve watched Tony.
"After he showed up at the museum, he popped up on a street view in Brooklyn, then disappeared again. A day later he showed up in a different part of the city." Tony shoved his hands in his pockets. "He just seemed to be moving around Brooklyn.
Steve's mind was racing. Did that mean that Bucky remembered? Or was he trying to figure things out, trying to remember? "So that's it? Nothing else?"
"No," Tony huffed. "You're little friend is starting to irritate me. I don't know how he has managed to stay hidden…"
"Thanks," Steve started moving again and he left Tony alone. He opened the door the suite Natasha had entered. He was quiet as he approached the bedroom. The curtains had been pulled closed and the lights were off. He laid down his bags by the door and quietly moved closer to check on her. She had crawled into bed without taking off her shoes. She had just climbed on top of the blankets and gone to sleep.
Steve gently pulled off her shoes and covered her with a blanket. He leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. He was happy that she didn't feel as warm as she had on the plane, hopefully the fever was gone. He backed out of the room quietly and closed the door behind him.
He was too hyped up now to go to sleep. The new information about Bucky was making his mind wander. He had spent very little time the last week thinking about Bucky. He had been too distracted with Natasha to think about it. It was always, there, in the background. Now it was front and center. He needed to do something so he decided to go to the gym.
Steve was so deep in thought that the barely missed running into Bruce as he exited the elevator.
"Oh, sorry," Bruce mumbled nearly dropping the papers in his hands.
"No," Steve apologized, "I'm sorry, I wasn't looking where I was going."
"That's quite alright." Bruce reassured him.
"I didn't realize you were staying here.." Steve left the sentence open hoping Bruce would fill in the blanks.
"Oh," Bruce began, "I've only been here a few days. Tony asked me to look at some things for him and I didn't have anything else going on...So, I decided to come play with all his toys…" Bruce raised an eyebrow waiting for Steve to reply. "You?"
"Oh," He smiled, "Mr. Stark is trying to help me...locate and old friend of mine."
"I was under the impression most of your old friends were dead.." Bruce felt a little callus after the words left his lips. "Oh, I'm sorry I didn't mean…"
"Please," Steve raised his hand. "It's fine. To be honest, it's been a crazy few weeks..." Steve seemed lost in thought for a moment. "It's good to see familiar faces. I was going to head down to the gym, a lot going on in my head. You want to join me?"
"Oh," Bruce smiled sheepishly, "That's not really my thing…"
"Coffee then?" Steve's face seemed almost to plead for him to join him.
Bruce looked down at the file in his hand. He had a lot of things to go through, but it seemed that Steve needed someone to talk to. "Sure. I could use a break anyway."
They headed out into the city and found a dinner. Steve intended to just get coffee, but once he smelled the food he realized how hungry he was. He ordered quite a bit of food and dove into it. Bruce sipped his coffee while Steve explained the situation with Bucky between bites of food. He went over everything, starting with their boyhood friendship all the way through to Bucky appearing at the museum. Bruce interjected thoughts and questions here and there. The waitress cleared his many plates and refilled their coffees.
Bruce was contemplating the new information when Steve asked him a question. "Did you ever come across anything in your research about The Winter Soldier?"
"No," Bruce set down his mug of coffee and crossed his arms. "I didn't even know there was any Russian program, they kept it pretty tight apparently." Bruce thought to himself that he wishes he had heard of their research, then he might have had better results. "How are you doing with all this?"
"Oh," Steve sighed, "Well, I'm not too sure actually. It was a terrible shock the first time I saw him. Now...I just want to find him and help him. I don't know how much he remembers, or what they did to him. I went to Europe right after everything went down at S.H.I.E.L.D. but it was all just dead ends. All I now have is Mr. Stark's computer program and the file Natasha gave me."
"What exactly is going on with you and Natasha anyway?" Bruce took a sip of his coffee.
"What do you mean?" Steve tensed up.
"Oh, Tony said you two were an item.." Bruce let that hang in the air.
Steve sighed and his shoulders slumped, "Of course he did."
"I didn't mean to pry; he made it sound like you guys were official." Bruce replied.
Steve fiddled with the handle of his mug. He wasn't sure how to approach the subject. How would Natasha feel about this? Would it bother her? If Tony had already told Bruce, who else had be discussed it with? He sighed as he gave Bruce an answer. "It's very new to both of us, and we weren't planning on a lot of people knowing…"
"Then I wouldn't have told Stark!" Bruce chuckled.
"We didn't." Steve answered blankly.
"Ah," Bruce's face flashed understanding. "Well, then please don't feel like you need to explain anything."
"Thank you," Steve replied, then thought for a moment. "She hasn't been feeling well that last few days…"
"Everything alright?" Bruce leaned forward.
"Well," Steve cleared his throat and blushed. "I'm not sure how to discuss this...without being indelicate."
Bruce studied his face, "Can you give me the symptoms?"
Steve felt his face flush, "Um...they are related to feminine health…"
"Um...ok?" Bruce tried to figure out what Steve was hinting at...then it hit him. "Are you telling me she's pregnant?" He looked around the dinner, paranoid someone might have heard his sudden outburst.
"What?" Steve's face fell, "No, she isn't pregnant!"
"Oh, then….oh...you mean...ok I'm with you now." Bruce recovered from his sudden outburst. "Well, I mean that is all natural stuff. Is there anything to be concerned about?"
"Well, she tells me no, but she looks...unwell..." Steve answered. "I am really concerned about it."
"Well," Bruce leaned back in the booth. "I'm sure Natasha knows if there is something to be concerned about. I would trust her."
Steve mulled over his words. "You're right." He ran his hand over his face. He was suddenly very tired. "Please do not mention any of this to anyone, especially Natasha."
"No worries," Bruce smiled. "I doubt even Captain America could survive that."
"Thank you," Steve smirked. "Thank you for listening. I appreciate it."
"Sure," Bruce drained his cup. "Ready to head back?"
"Yes." Steve stood and made his way over to pay the bill. They returned to the tower and each went their separate ways.
Steve entered the bedroom quietly. He made his way to the bathroom and got ready for bed. Natasha hadn't moved since he'd left her. He tried not to disturb her as he got in bed and made himself comfortable. She shifted in her sleep and curled up next to him. Steve drifted off to sleep quickly.
He dreamed about Bucky. He wandered through childhood memories, but they changed. Bucky had a metal arm, even as a child. Steve awoke, not really feeling rested. He rolled over expecting to find Natasha at his side but her side of the bed was cold.
"Natasha?" He called. When he got no response he pulled himself from the bed and checked the bathroom. She was not there either. He found his cell phone and called her. He sighed when he heard her phone ringing on the night stand. He tossed his phone on the bed and pulled the curtains open. The sun was up, but not high in the sky. Steve showered and dressed quickly and headed to the elevator.
"Good morning, Steve." Jarvis' voice was cool as ever.
"Good morning," Steve almost kicked himself for not thinking of asking Jarvis. "Jarvis, can you tell me where Natasha is?"
"Certainly, Ms. Romanoff is in the recreational room."
"Really?" Steve was surprised. He hoped if she was there, then maybe she was feeling better.
"Yes, sir." J.A.R.V.I.S replied.
"Thank you." Steve replied.
Natasha spun around and kicked the hanging bag. The kick landed solidly. She had woken early in the morning, finally feeling close to normal. She had been so frustrated with her body that she wanted to work it to its limits. She felt rather than heard Steve approach.
"Natasha, what are you doing?" His voice carried a tone of concern.
"I thought it would be fairly obvious." She didn't even turn away from the bag.
"Natasha," Steve's hand snaked around her stomach and turned her to face him.
Her breath was heavy and she was covered in sweat. She looked up at Steve, "What?"
"Are you ok? How are you feeling?" Steve studied her face intently.
"I am fine." She pulled herself away from him and made her way to the bench where her water bottle was sitting.
"I'm just worried about you." Steve's voice called towards her. "If you don't want to talk about it that's fine, but don't shrug me off. Please. I just want to know if you are ok."
She sighed, "You're right." She took a gulp of water and turned to face him. "I don't want to talk about it." Steve couldn't cover the flash of hurt across his face. Natasha kept her answers short. She didn't want to discuss the matter. She didn't want to dwell on it. "You want to spar?" She placed her bottle back on the bench.
"That's it?" Steve almost barked.
"That's what?" Natasha asked.
"You look like you are going to drop dead for two days and now you want to spar?" Steve looked at her blankly.
"Look Steve," Natasha placed her hands on her hips. "I told you not to worry about it. It happens sometimes. I'm fine. I am feeling better. End of story." She walked slowly towards him, swinging her hips. "Now, do you want to spare?"
"I don't think that's a good idea," Steve replied.
"What? You afraid you'll lose to a woman?" Natasha teased.
"Not at all." Steve answered dryly. "I actually wanted to talk to you if you don't mind taking a break..." Steve watched her eyeing him. He could tell she was deciding whether he was just trying to get her to take a break or if he actually wanted to talk. "Please, it's about Bucky."
"Did Stark get a hit?" Her voice was now void of any irritation.
"Not exactly," He sighed.
"Well," She lead him by the hand to the bench and took a seat. "Tell me what it is exactly."
Steve quickly explained what Stark had found. " He took another breath. "Stark still can't find him, he has disappeared, but going to the museum, coming to Brooklyn…"
"I get it Steve," Natasha's voice was soft. She placed one hand on the back of his neck and the other snaked its way into his hand. "That's a good start, but you don't know anything about his mental state…"
Steve shrugged her off and stood. "I know that!" His words were sharper than he intended.
"Steve," Natasha stood to meet him. "I didn't mean it wasn't a good sign. We just don't know what it means. I just don't want you to get your hopes up."
Steve wanted to be angry with her. She seemed to crush his excitement with only a few words, but he knew she was right. He felt her arms wrap around his chest and he let himself slump into her. She pulled him back down to the bench and held him tightly. "I want you to find him," She whispered. "I want it all to work out for you, but even with all these indications that there is some part of your friend left...He almost killed you. No matter how much of him is still in there somewhere, he is dangerous. He is a highly skilled and trained killer. You need to be prepared."
They sat in silence. Natasha laid her head against his back and Steve clutched her hands around his chest. "I know you're right." His words were quiet. "I should be smarter about this, but I am a little clouded because it's Bucky."
"I know," Natasha hugged him tighter.
"I feel like I am doing nothing." He shrugged, "After S.H.I.E.L.D fell, I thought finding him would happen quickly. Now, all I have is a computer program looking through security footage, which, now that I think about it is probably illegal. How on earth could Stark have access to that many security cameras…" He sighed. It didn't matter. "Bucky is out there, alive."
Steve was suddenly hit with a thought. Peggy's box, it was filled with letters and files. Steve had not been able to bring himself to look through the contents yet and he had left them in his apartment back in D.C. Steve had no idea why that had popped into his head now. He turned to face Natasha, "Do you want to go back to D.C. with me?"
"I thought you wanted to stay here in New York?" She studied his face.
"I did, but I just thought of something." He shifted his weight and leaned closer to her. "The day after Peggy's funeral, Sharon came by the hotel room. You remember?" Steve continued when Natasha nodded, "She brought me a box from Peggy. It had letters, I think a couple journals, and some file folders. I haven't looked through it yet, but Peggy was an active agent during the time Bucky was under Russian control. There might be something we can use to find Bucky."
"That's not much to go on Steve," Natasha sighed, "But it seems our only other option is to stick around here and wait for Stark's program to find us something."
"So you'll go back with me?" Steve watched her face.
"I would much rather go back to D.C. with you than stay here." She smiled at Steve's smile. "It will be nice to go back to being just you and me." She leaned closer to Steve and kissed his lips.