Waking Up In A Strange Bed

By Spectra16 (Daleks killed my parents and ate my cat.)

A/N: It's funny how 2600 songs doesn't satisfy. Chris satisfies. For hard earned thirst, chicken. I'm sorry it took me so long to wake up in a strange bed. I was having some serious inspiration issues. Although, I did finish one of my greatest works yet. If you like Artemis Fowl, read it. It's called Beautiful, Smart, Entropy and it's hilarious. So many people have been complaining about their mental stability after they read it. It definitely gets weirder as it goes on. And the end was so half-assed, it's amazing. Anyways, I recommend it.

Disclaimer: I don't own Pokemon. I think I'd cut off my arm if I did. And then sell it to Uzbekistan. And then throw a beaver at my brother. I don't know where I was going with that.

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Chapter Four: S.S. Ann Stands For Love Boat

Upon Lt. Surge pushing pins into a doll that looks a lot like you, you board the S.S. Ann with a ticket he gave you and laughed manically about it. Totally creeped out, you search for your room. People walk around aimlessly in the lobby of the ship. One woman sounds really excited about finding her way back from that 'scary sailor part of the ship'. Ignoring this, you proceed to check in every room for an empty bed to sleep in.

The first room has a gentlemen in it, but unlike a gentlemen, he grabs you by the throat and threatens to rip out your entrails and shove them up your nose if you don't have a pokemon battle with him. You calmly agree and start off with Pikachu, because your undisclosed favoritism is a whorish way to sell yourself to the media.

"THUNDERSHOCK!" You yell at Pikachu, who promptly does a Thunderbeam, but you don't know the difference. The Gentlemen's Growlith dies because it's never seen a serious battle in it's life. The man starts crying, and that is definitely you cue to leave quickly.

The next room you find a naked couple in bed. You watch until they realize you're there, and then you apologize and move on.

The next room has a snoozing fat man, tightly crammed into a chair. You scrunch your nose and leave.

The next room has another gentlemen. Work out your own conclusions.

After searching every single room for an empty bed, you come across your rival, Gary (because I rip off the show). He makes some snide remarks about your sexuality and then tells you he's much to busy to battle. You let him walk away and then continue walking until your reach the captain's room. You let yourself in and find a large man hanging over a pail.

"Uuuurgh," He says. He looks green and like he's just had his entrails ripped out and shoved up his nose. You ask him if he needs anything, because you're a golden hearted little boy who's just begun his pokemon journey and knows nothing about sodomy.

"Yes, youngling. A back rub would be nice," He snickers evilly. Instead of yelling, "YOU SICK FUCK!" you agree and rub his back. He turns around, looking completely fine and says, "Good luck on your Pokemon journey!" You wonder why you didn't receive anything in return, because usually favors get you something in this stupid game. Avoiding the dirty old man, you head to explore the rest of the ship.

Unfortunately, exploring was not one of those life lessons that was taught to be dangerous in this game. You find the hull of the ship and find a whole crew of dirty old sailors, drunk as hell and they all stop and stare at you. You twitch with Pikachu and now, the reader should work out their own conclusions. Until the life lesson is learned, I will talk about Lt. Surge, the man who orchestrated this instance, because he went through it as a boy.

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Americans see Lt. Surge as a hard-ass army leader who likes electric pokemon. The Japanese see him as a headstrong, son of a bitch, jerk ass, puppy kicking, fucktard from America. Lt. Surge is essentially America. He loves power and quick strength over slow and steady agility, which was the obvious message in the episode where Ash is a dumbass (oh wait, that's every episode) and Pikachu gets owned by every fan girl's favorite pokemon, Raichu.

So anyways, Lt. Surge is Japan's little joke about us dumb Americans. And quite honestly, I think it's funny too. Because it's true. But enough about the politics behind Surge. In person, he's a really nice guy . . . If you're neurotic. He's a card carrying commi that enjoys kiddy porn and licking his own balls. He wear nothing but camo and his favorite conversational topic is the slaughter of innocent Vietnamese children. What a douche! And if that isn't enough, he kicks puppies! For fun! His favorite activities are looking at himself, making out, and getting drunk. Drinking in itself doesn't bother me, but Surge acts like a freak when he's drunk. He starts reciting Dickens and acts like a British tart. I think he's an in-the-closet knitter. Upon spending a few days at his place, you come to find that his place isn't a gym, it's a psych ward. I think out of all of the gym leaders (other than Misty), he's the most irritable, self-obsessed, frightening, insane, and altogether creepiest man ever. And if you're part of his fan base, get out while you still can. Oh good. I can stop talking. That one part is over.

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You hastily power-walk from the S.S. Ann and wonder what the hell you were thinking when you boarded. As you leave from the large ship on the dock, you find a tiny boat, and out of 1337 curiosity and obsession for the Pokemon game, you float around the boat in search for some secret code or something. After hours of complete boredom, you see a strange pokemon. It's pink and cute, which is unusual for a creature that maims millions of people and pokemon and has a larger fan base that Marluxia, maybe. Definitely Celebi.

You grimace and decide not to care.

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A/N: I'm glad to announce that my friends Fuhrer Allie and Fullmetalfan are putting me in one of their pokemon stories. I'm their arch nemesis, a member of Team Rocket, and my goal is to stop them (???) in order to be deemed worthy by Giovanni and possibly get into his fat, orange pants. Wish me luck. It's about as likely as Jesse and James ass raping Meowth. Oh wait, that happens all the time.