Chapter 4 - Impossible and Walking on Broken Glass

Ianto was comfortable up on the stage, putting on a show, messing about with his bandmates and the audience. It was funny that, out of all the team, it was the "reserve" member that wasn't that surprised.

The fact was, Rhys knew the office version of Yan, but he was also privy to the best mate version. Each time, it took him a couple minutes to wrap his head around the change, sure. And it was always a shock to go from "Agent Jones, Torchwood 3" to "Yan" - but it was well worth watching.

The fifth song of the evening was actually one of Rhys' favorites. He couldn't help his knowing smile, considering they had drunkenly discussed the lyrics just a few days ago, while watching a game on the telly.

"You make my teeth clinch and my hands shake. Do you ever see what you do to me? You're wearing me out, just wearing me out - But I'm wearing you down."

The two Welshmen had been a bit more than pissed, and both agreed the song fit their relationships 'pretty damn near perfect'.

"You're impossible, but lovely. So impossible to win or please. I'm wearing you out, just wearing you out - But I'm wearing you down."

Rhys knew Yan thought he deserved better than Gwen. And Yan knew that Rhys felt much the same about Jack. Both of them could tell their mate wasn't impressed with their significant other. But they were in love. No matter what fantastic, alien crap Gwen put him through, Rhys would always be with her.

And for all the relationship shit that bastard Captain put Yan through, the boy wasn't giving up until Jack told him it was over.

"Take what you want from me, it means nothing now. Take everything from me, it means nothing now. Not so easy to forgive, harder to forget. Take what you want."

Both men recognized that there was no one quite as good as their partners at making them doubt their own worth. And it still surprised Rhys when Yan would show up with a six-pack, instead of calling Tosh, when Jack was acting barkers.

Jack and Yan's relationship had always confused Rhys. Because, really, Rhys never would have guessed Yan was gay.

Rhys had no problem with blokes liking other blokes, and Yan could be a bit girly at times, with his perfect suits in all sorts of crazy color combinations. But Yan didn't act gay. He was just another mate.

"I make your lips slip, and your moans quake. They to think through what I can do to you. It's wearing me thin. Can I begin to wear you out?"

Of course, Yan had told Rhys often enough that he liked men and women - it was only that he was currently with a bloke. Rhys simply couldn't see what Yan (or Gwen, for that matter) saw in "Captain Jack" that was so damn fascinating.

"Take what you want from me, it means nothing now. Take everything from me, it means nothing now. Not so easy to forgive, harder to forget. Take what you want."

Sitting back, a smile lighting his lips, Rhys watched the last left-over of "Agent Jones, Torchwood 3" slip away while Yan set to the guitar solo with a will. Fingers flew and that wall the Torchwood Teaboy put up at work had melted, leaving behind Rhys' mate Yan. (Who was a few years younger than the rest of them and really deserved the chance to act it.)

The Welshman glanced around, and that warm feeling of pride grew as he took in the faces of the crowd. Everyone was grinning and bouncing and cheering. Even Torchwood wasn't immune, all swaying and dancing in their seats.

"I'm impossible to figure out. So impossible, you had your doubts.

"Take what you want from me, it means nothing now. Take everything you wanted, it means nothing now. Not so easy to forgive, harder to forget. Take what you want from me, it means nothing now. Take everything you wanted, it means nothing now. Not so easy to forgive, harder to forget. Take what you want from me.

"Take what you want from me."

Rhys let loose a wolf whistle to add to the applause, and he watched - pleased as punch - when Yan stood and bowed.

The smile of achievement and joy, the charisma and life pouring off his friend were overwhelming.

Yan should be like this all the time. Bloody Jack.

But Rhys refused to let thoughts of a certain captain ruin this moment.

He ignored it in favor of another loud whistle that split the air and added to the general, appreciative din.

…..

…

...

When they had first shoved their way into the pub, Gwen felt absurdly excited. One of her colleagues - Ianto, of all people! - had a secret, double-life as an underground rock star! (And, yes, she was well aware that she was exaggerating the truth. It was exhilarating, was all.)

Then they'd found out Ianto really was sort of famous. How none of them knew about this before, with the way some of the patrons were raving about "Ianto and the Faithful Crows", left Gwen wondering just how much of the regular world the lot of them missed with all the time spent focusing on the extraterrestrial.

Hearing Ianto sing was a revelation. The emotion he could convey was so powerful.

And it especially pained Gwen to realize she was a factor in the sadness and hurt Ianto was revealing.

Gwen loved Rhys. She wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. But Jack was exciting and intriguing and so different than anyone she knew. And the attention she paid Jack cost Rhys. And Ianto.

"Right! The next song's for Gareth, who's been kind enough to let us perform here week after week. Of course-" here Ianto joked, "-it helps that we keep the customers too distracted to realize how bad the drink quality is."

"Oi!" the proprietor yelled from his place behind the bar. "You keep saying that, but you're always coming 'round for a pint, you cheeky bastard!"

Ianto held up his hands in surrender, laughing easily. "All the same, this song's dedicated to our good friend Gareth, and his secret Annie Lennox obsession!"

"Yan!"

The man's gruff, embarrassed exclamation was quickly drowned out by music.

"You were the sweetest thing that I ever knew, but I don't care for sugar, honey, if I can't have you. Since you've abandoned me my whole life has crashed. Won't you pick the pieces up? 'Cause it feels just like I'm walking on broken glass.

"Walking on, walking on broken glass. Oh, walking on, walking on broken glass."

Gwen hated this song already. The music was up-beat, hopeful, excited. But the words…

"The sun's still shining in the big, blue sky, but it don't mean nothing to me. Oh, let the rain come down, let the wind blow through me. I'm living in an empty room with all the windows smashed. And I've got so little left to lose that it feels just like I'm walking on broken glass."

The memories of the months without Jack hit all at once. Gwen remembered how it was nearly two months before she and Tosh convinced Ianto to stop sleeping in the Hub. And Owen had been a wreck trying to keep Ianto healthy and well. Ianto ate very little at the best of times, and preferred eating with others rather than alone. When Jack left, Ianto was never hungry and they hadn't realized how bad it was until he passed out one night after a Weevil capture.

"Walking on, walking on broken glass. Walking on, walking on broken glass."

Ianto faked it so well that - if they all hadn't known better because they'd been feeling abandoned - none of the team would have seen how hurt he'd been. He seemed fine, but beneath the calm surface, their Teaboy was falling apart.

"And if you're trying to cut me down, you know that I might bleed. 'Cause if you're trying to cut me down I know that you'll succeed. And if you want to hurt me there's nothing left to fear. 'Cause if you want to hurt me, you're doing really well my dear."

Gwen hadn't been there when Yan finally broke down, nor Tosh. It was Owen who listened, and later complained endlessly about Ianto's "issues". It was almost funny that what should have broken the team apart - the desertion of their fearless leader - actually brought them closer. And then the Captain's return had destroyed the trust they'd been building together.

"Now, every one of us was made to suffer. Every one of us is made to weep. But we've been hurting one another and now the pain has cut too deep."

Gwen hadn't meant to get so caught up in Jack's return, but she had. She'd neglected her fiancé and her friends, and had even gone back to the old routine of flirting and fighting with Jack. She knew, she knew how Yan felt. Knew that Jack had been a kind of saving grace for Ianto after everything with Lisa. And she still naturally fell into the habit of expecting Jack to pay the most attention to her.

"So take me from the wreckage, save me from the blast. Lift me up and take me back. Don't let me keep on walking- Don't let me keep on walking- I can't keep on walking- I can't keep on walking on broken glass!"

Gods, she'd been a right bitch.

And Ianto, caring and lonely, who never complained about how he'd had to ass field work to his already extensive duties, who made the best coffee on the planet, and who was in love with Jack but too terrified to say, never chewed her out.

"Walking on, walking on broken glass. Woo-hoo! Walking on, walking on broken glass. Walking on glass, walking on glass."

Gwen deserved for him to yell and throw things. And she recognized that he never would.

"I keep walking on glass, walking on glass. I'm walking on glass, walking on glass. Walking on glass, walking on glass. You keep me walking on glass, walking on glass!"

Ianto wouldn't call her on her behavior. Jack was too oblivious to even see there was something wrong with it. Martha and John were too new, and the understanding Gwen had had with Owen and Tosh was shattered with their leader's return. And darling Rhys would let her get away with just about anything. If Gwen wanted someone to stop her being a self-centered bitch, she was going to have to do it.

"Baby, how can I keep- How can I keep walking on glass, walking on glass?"

It was Gwen's job to watch herself, and to protect her friend. And this time, she was not going to mess up.