Castiel insisted on opening the door himself. Gabe was seated on the couch, wearing a scowl that puzzled Cas greatly.

He forgot about it, though, when he saw Dean. His eyes were soft and comforting to look into, his small smile was beautiful and fragile. Cas had no idea how long he stood there, hand on the door, staring at Dean but at one point, he heard Gabe fake a cough and shout:

"Come on in, Dean-o! I think my brother has forgotten his manners."

Cas shook himself and gestured Dean in:

"Don't listen to Gabriel, he has zero manners himself and likes to tease people."

Dean shrugged and entered, brushing against Castiel's shirt. He took a step back, embarrassed. It was a strange dance they performed, having been intimate twice already, and now, on the edge of reconnecting, not knowing how to act.

He found himself with Dean's leather jacket, bringing it to his bedroom, taking a moment to revel in the smell. It was so Dean, so… male. Castiel felt vaguely guilty in the way he craved about sex so much. Michael would say…

Cas froze. His brother was still in his head. He shook him away and hurried back in the living-room. Gabe was looking suspiciously pleased with himself while Dean, who was seated as far from Gabe as possible, sulked:

"I don't like your brother, Cas. Maybe I should go."

Castiel must have blanched, because both men looked at him with concern and talked at the same time:

"Don't freak out, Cassie!" and "I'm kidding Cas, relax!"

Castiel sighed. He might be on the way to recovery but he still had a long way to go. He sat down in between the two men, feeling awkward. Dean took his hand and pressed it gently. Once again, they lost track of time in each other's gaze. Gabriel got up and walked to the kitchen, yelling:

"I'll leave you to your eye sex. I had no idea you could be so into it, little bro, but do know I'll be happy to teach you new positions…" He was interrupted by one of the couch's cushions. Dean had good aim. Castiel was chuckling, face all heated up, relaxing in the feeling of Dean's arm around his waist.

Dean grinned as he ate and winked at Gabriel:

"Man, you're pretty douchy, but you can cook! This is all delicious."

"Nah, Dean-o, I didn't even lift a finger. It's your boyfriend who's the genius. I eat way better now that he's living here."

Dean looked like he had found the grail. He turned to Castiel with a face-splitting grin. But Cas looked down. He wasn't used to compliments. As far he could remember, his parents had been absent figures, lost in themselves and so didn't have time to tell him his worth. It was painful to be in the center like that, even though he had toiled to make this meal as good as possible. He looked up to see the two men in his life watching him with fondness. He decided to lighten up the mood and asked his brother:

"So, that is the reason you don't want me to move out then?"

"Of course, why would I want your sorry ass around otherwise?"

The ribbing went on, easy and lighthearted, for most of the evening. It was going well. Things changed when Gabriel looked at his watch and said:

"Well, time to hit the strip club. Dean-o, I allow you to see my brother naked, as long as you don't hurt him."

"Go away, Gabe!" This time, it was Castiel who threw the cushion. There was a cackle as the door closed.

Then, they were alone. Castiel played with another cushion's fringe, and asked in a hushed tone:

"Are you still angry at me?"

Dean sighed:

"A little bit, yes. Sam is ten times better than Gabriel, even though your brother isn't as awful as you said. You're missing out, really."

"I am aware Dean, but maybe if I could be prepared the next time, it would go better. You expected me to be ready without notice and that is just not who I am. At least, not yet."

Dean frowned, his hand rubbing Cas' arm softly:

"You had sex with a stranger in a train, Cas. How is that being shy?" Castiel shrugged.

"I was feeling horribly lonely. But I don't think I would have with anyone else, you are very special. I could feel a connection to you. As if you understood what I was going through. Of all the people I met, you're the only one who knows how to show that you care for someone else."

Dean wasn't moving. His chin was trembling, his eyes were shut:

"Don't say that Cas. Don't make me believe…"

"Believe what?"

There was no answer. A tear was running down Dean's cheek, making Castiel's heart clench.

"I'm not… As I said, I'm broken. The only good thing I've done was raise Sam. He turned out all right, but that's because he's a great kid, always have been."

He paused, opened pleading eyes and went on:

"I've lied a lot in the past to get laid. I never cheated but I never wanted to commit. I don't want to do that with you, you deserve better. After you talked to me in that train, I promised myself that I would be there for you, show you that there were people you could trust."

"So I'm a charity case?"

"No! You're sweet and gorgeous and funny. But because of all you've gone through, you're accessible, I guess?

Castiel didn't reply. He snuggled into Dean and started kissing his neck. Beyond potentially traitorous words, they could meet in a place of touch and yearning. He vowed to be stronger, for Dean, so that they could build something together.

The kisses turned wild. Castiel's belly filled with a fire that was driving him mad with desire. He took Dean on the couch, because his bed was too far away. Dean was opening his legs wide, surrendering to him, as if Castiel was a god. In these moments, he almost believed he was one. He also knew Dean was like his green sea, full of wonders and acceptance. He plunged in him, fast and hard, making him whine and praise.

But the best part was the cuddling, this time in the bedroom. Castiel had never experienced that before Dean and it changed everything. He had time to feel the curve of Dean's hips and to point at his freckles. They had time to smile, their eyes shining, forgetting about their problems. Castiel was aware there was more to know about Dean but he was ready to wait.