The days following the meeting passed in much the same way; she would wake on the couch, make herself a cup of tea, wait for him to come home, eat a little when she felt she could stomach it, wait some more, and finally she would fall asleep on the couch yet again. Each day that passed amplified the ache in her chest, and the worry that he would never come back. She could hardly tell what day it was, though she could tell you exactly how many days it had been since he left her. Each day passed by as slowly as the last, and the nights were filled with fitful sleep, nightmares featuring Remus being injured injured or worse plagued her every time she closed her eyes.
The night of the full moon was different, and much slower than the days surrounding it, she watched the sun set and was terrified. She was terrified for Remus and what this night would do to him, his transformations were always painful and without the wolfsbane that he had forgotten to grab as he exited hastily and ran away, she was sure it was going to be hell for him. She was terrified for the tiny life inside her, unsure of what each full moon would bring- there was no way to know if the baby was also a werewolf and so she placed her hands protectively over her stomach trying to shield her child from the moons power. As the moon rose in the sky she began to read one of the novels that scattered the apartment- Remus' favourite possessions- they were well worn and well read, with notes scattered in the margins. It was comforting to see his handwriting, and she lost herself in the pages of Moby Dick until the early hours of the morning. The moon was beginning to set and she had felt nothing out of the ordinary all night, the baby was okay so far, she fell asleep with one hand gently placed on her stomach and didn't dream at all.
She woke the next afternoon with an uneasy feeling in her stomach, more than the usual morning sickness, and sat up quickly. The room was spinning from the movement and her hand clasped over her mouth as her stomach lurched, she quickly made her way to the kitchen sink (it was much closer than the toilet) and began to heave into it- her stomach was empty and there was nothing to bring up, but that didn't stop her body from trying.
"I knew something was going on," A familiar voice came from the kitchen behind her.
Tonk's willed herself to stop throwing up, regained her composure much more slowly than she would have liked, and turned to face her uninvited house guest. She stood for a moment, not wanting to risk opening her mouth should she start retching again and took in the woman standing before her. "Wotcher," Tonks spoke carefully, she knew she looked ill and she knew she looked tired, and she was sure she looked sad and that was not how she would have liked her mother to see her. Especially considering she wasn't sure she wanted to tell her mother why she looked as run down as she did.
"Why isn't that husband of yours taking care of you?" Andromeda spoke hardly concealing her judgement, looking around the apartment at the weeks worth of dirty mugs piled around the sink and the general mess that was scattered through the house before letting her eyes land again on her daughter. She let the concern show on her face as she took in the pale, slightly green, and unusually brown haired girl in front of her.
"He's out," Tonks spoke, she had always been incapable of convincingly lying to her mother and so she was used to speaking in half-truths when she was hiding something. After all, he was out, she just didn't know where, for how long, or if he was going to come back.
Andromeda couldn't stand the mess a moment longer and with a flick of her wand the small kitchen began to clean itself. She sat at the end of the table as a teapot and teacups floated over to her, and poured perfectly brewed tea, she raised an eyebrow at her daughter, "Nymphadora, tell me what's wrong."
Tonks sat near her mother and pulled the second cup of tea closer to her. "Well," She began to answer the question without really knowing what she was going to say, or what she wanted her mother to know about her situation. "I'm pregnant." She settled on an honest truth that would hopefully explain her obvious exhaustion, and distract her mother from the absence of her husband.
Andromeda wasn't sure what to say, which was a rare occurrence, and simply pulled her daughter into her arms, hugging her tight. She was happy, she wasn't sure she was old enough to be a grandmother, but she was excited at the thought of having a baby to hold again- it had been a long time since Nymphadora was small enough to hold, and she had no other children- not for lack of trying- and just simply adored babies. Her excitement was somewhat dampened by the thought that it wasn't good timing, the start of a war was hardly the time to start a family, and she nearly said so, but bit her tongue knowing that her daughter wasn't stupid and wouldn't have planned this. "How far along are you?" She finally broke the embrace and the silence.
"Almost seven weeks," She answered, happy that her mother seemed to have taken the bait and dropped the subject of Remus. "So not very, but I've been feeling sick for a few weeks and I guess todays the day the morning sickness hit full force." She was sipping her tea slowly, trying not to shock her stomach, which was still knotting and unknotting in way that made her feel seasick.
"Have you made any appointments with healers, you need to check that everything is progressing normally," Andromeda's speech was gaining momentum as she thought of all the things that her daughter needed to do. "You should also really be taking some pregnancy potions, I'll whip some up for you this afternoon. Then theres baby proofing, and the nursery, and clothes and shoes and- oh, you and Remus are going to be so busy over the next few months. You must both be so excited!"
The mention of his name sent her stomach lurching again, and she fought to keep her tea down. What little colour she had left in her face had drained away, and she could feel tears rising again behind her eyes. If she cried she would give it all away, but the end of her mothers sentence hit her hard and she had no choice but to put her head in her hands to stifle the sobs that, without permission, came tumbling and crashing out of her.
Her sudden reaction shocked her mother, who simply put her arms around her daughter. Ordinarily she would be pestering her daughter for information, wanting to know why she was so upset, but she kept her mouth shut and let her daughter cry into her shoulder for a long while. Eventually the sobs began to subside, and made way for silence to fall over the room. Neither sure what to say, Andromeda gave her daughter one last squeeze before she stood from her seat and carried the teapot and teacups back over to the sink. Something was wrong with her daughter, she knew that much was true, and she began washing the teapot by hand while waiting for Nymphadora to tell her what was going on.
"Don't freak out," She started with a warning, knowing full well that it wouldn't stop her mother from freaking out. "Before I married Remus we had a long discussion about children," Actually it had been many discussions, "And we agreed that it was too dangerous." She thought that maybe if she explained the situation fully and calmly her mother would understand. "We agreed to be careful, and take all the necessary precautions, and well- I slipped up and," She motioned at her stomach to finish her sentence. "Remus and I had a falling out when I told him, and he's gone." She bit the inside of her cheek to keep from crying. Her mother looked at her with a puzzled expression. "I don't know when, or if he's going to come back." She finished explaining and braced herself for the explosion bound to erupt from Andromeda.
"I see." Her mother said simply, anger plastered across her face.
Tonks had expected her mother's reaction to be worse than Molly's, and was shocked at the lack of shouting or cursing- though that would undoubtedly come later. "Please don't be angry with him." She said quietly, wanting to fill the heavy silence between them.
"How could I not be angry with him," Andromeda's voice was also low and quiet, anger and disappointment was practically dripping off every word. "After all he's done to you. Hasn't he caused you enough grief?" Her words were controlled, evenly spaced and harsh, as though it took every ounce of energy she had not to yell.
"It's not his fault." Tonks explained shortly, growing annoyed with her mother for not understanding that she was as much to blame as him for all the grief.
Andromeda wasn't listening, her anger was spiking to new heights. She had never felt such fierce protectiveness of her daughter, and she had never felt the need to curse someone as much as she felt it now. "If I ever see him again," Her thoughts were coming out of her mouth without her consent, she needed someone to know that it was not okay to cross her, or her family. "I am going to make him pay for the pain he's caused," She was talking about him as though he had used an unforgivable curse against her daughter, in her mind what he did was just as bad.
"Mum, please." Tonks spoke over her mother, "I don't want you to hurt him, and I don't really want to continue this conversation." She rose from the table and walked out of the kitchen trying to signify that she was finished talking.
Her mother followed her into the other room, "Well, I'm sorry for caring about you. I'm sorry for not wanting you to get hurt." Her mother never handled this kind of thing well, Tonks had always thought it was because of her upbringing. She was surrounded by anger and sometimes by evil for her entire childhood. She wasn't evil, and though the threatened to hurt people occasionally she would never even think of it- the closest she had ever come to hurting someone was a harsh comment and a cold stare.
"That's not what I mean and you know it." Tonks was still short with her, but her temper was nothing compared to he mothers, and her anger was already beginning to wane.
"Alright," The older witch took a few calming breaths and did her best to conceal her anger. She knew it wasn't helping the situation, and she knew that she could rant and rave about Remus Lupin's stupid decisions and the pain he caused her daughter to her husband later that day. She would save it up, and let it out where she wouldn't upset her already fragile daughter. "I'm sorry. You need to eat. Let me make you some dinner while you rest, and then we can talk about you coming home for a while. At least while you're so sick."
Tonks didn't want to stay with her parents, her and her mother fought like cats and dogs, and besides she needed to be home in case something happened to Remus, or in case he came home. But was too tired to fight with her mother so she nodded her head in agreement and watched her mother walk into the kitchen and heard her begin to make dinner. A comforting smell soon filled the living room and all she wanted to do was curl up under a warm blanket and sleep for a while. It was exhausting being both heartbroken and pregnant.