Chapter 4: Being Unbroken

(Still on vacation and in a location where Internet is spotty and connection terminates unexpectedly. I'm typing and posting fast and will have to catch up on shout outs next chapter. Enjoy! I have a couple more days here, then I should resume a more steady posting pattern again. I am loving the fresh air and lovely views. It's good to get away from it all sometimes. I got to ride a black horse that I pretended was Arashi as we walked a forested trail. Man does that ever get the creative juices flowing! Once I am home and having good Internet, I am going to be very, very prolific!)

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(Three weeks later)

Byakuya woke well before dawn and found Ichigo as he had been the night before, curled up comfortably next to him with his face buried in a pillow of black satin strands. He was relieved to see a much calmer expression than the tormented one that had persisted through most of the past three weeks, every time he had tried to fall asleep.

At first, he could barely close his eyes without waking again shortly after from terrifying dreams he was unable to even describe. The first several times, he reverted to complete helplessness, just resting in my arms, trembling and repeating those same words.

I suspect there is more to them than Ichigo just using them to comfort himself. The more I think about it, the more it seems that someone wanted Ichigo to become dependent on me. And further, the fact that the insight I was given into Ichigo's mind was relayed through a kiss has unnerving connotations.

I am certain that whoever fed Ichigo those specific words, whoever prepared him to deliver the information with a kiss, and whoever helped him to escape, has a complex plan in mind and will be close by, watching us. Normally, Tetsuya or I would already have detected anyone of substantial power, but this enemy moves in the shadows...

Byakuya suffered a disconcerting flicker of memory.

The quincies moved in the shadows.

A shiver went through him as he recalled the murder of the first division fukutaichou, the decimation of the Gotei 13 and the fall of the former Captain Commander. The shiver became a cold chill as he remembered his own near death and his confession to Ichigo.

Juha Bach is dead, but there were quincies who escaped. We never did learn how to manipulate the shadows as they do, so this could be a group of escaped quincies. And Ichigo being the one who destroyed the quincy king, they would have plans to punish or kill him. It makes sense that they would avenge their king, but...why this way? Why not simply kill Ichigo? Could they be setting him up to kill me or someone else? And why the focus on me? On my connection with Ichigo?

So many questions...

He closed his eyes and breathed slowly to work out the tension that had risen inside him, and when he opened them again, he found Ichigo looking at him quietly and wearing a calm expression as his fingers played with the tumbled strands of Byakuya's hair.

Byakuya smiled.

"You look much improved this morning, Ichigo," he commented, making no move to stop the Shiba heir as Ichigo moved on to lightly trace the sides of the clan leader's face, "It seems that the kido I used to induce dreamless sleep provided you with some relief. I am glad."

"Yeah," Ichigo acknowledged, "Thanks, Byakuya. I feel better now."

"You sound better as well," Byakuya agreed, "You seem more like yourself these past several days."

Ichigo managed a soft, sarcastic laugh and sat up beside Byakuya, looking out through the open doors, into the fragrant gardens.

"You mean, I don't sound as crazy?" he asked softly.

Byakuya shook his head firmly.

"You didn't sound crazy before," he said sternly, "You were just coping. Ichigo, you have been through something unimaginable."

"How do you know what I've been through?" Ichigo asked, a haunted note in his tone, "I still don't even remember what happened exactly."

"It's all right," Byakuya assured him, lacing his fingers into the younger man's and squeezing gently, "For now, we need to focus on your recovery. We will work on finding answers after you have been healed."

Ichigo's gaze fell and he focused on their interlaced fingers.

"Do you think they'll be able to heal me?" he asked with surprising steadiness, "I heard what your healer said about the seals that day."

"Don't worry about that," Byakuya chided him, "Urahara Kisuke is still working on that, as is the vizard, Hachi. The brightest minds in all of Soul Society are working on this. We will be able to heal you, Ichigo, but it may just take time."

"Yeah," sighed the Shiba heir wearily, "I know."

He leaned against Byakuya's shoulder and closed his eyes.

"I wonder if we have that kind of time, don't you?"

"I don't want you to worry about that either," Byakuya answered carefully, "Now that your mind is clearing, I want you to focus on getting stronger and more centered. This enemy that abducted you likely still has plans for you. You must be prepared for dealing with that."

"I know you won't let them hurt me," Ichigo breathed softly.

His words indicate a clearer mind, Byakuya noted, but they still indicate also that he is coping with something.

He studied Ichigo's much calmer face.

He acted so differently before, rocking and chanting to comfort himself. He is not showing those signs of stress anymore, but his comment about me not letting 'them' hurt him is just a more lucid version of what the person who helped him escape must have fed him. 'Byakuya is a strong shinigami. He will protect you.' Ichigo is even probably aware, on some level, that he is doing this. But what else can he do? We can't hope to pursue and stop whoever this is until we learn something more.

I wonder how much time we have before this enemy makes another move...

"You are correct," he said quietly, "I won't let anyone hurt you. And I will try to help you reconstruct what happened to you, so that we can stop any future plans your captors have."

"So, you also think they aren't finished with me," Ichigo stated solemnly.

"That is true. But leave that in my hands. Rest. Let your body and mind be healed and strengthened. We will find our answers once you are well enough."

"Yeah, sorry. I just can't help thinking about it."

"That is understandable," Byakuya acknowledged, "And if it helps for you to talk about it, then do so. Just try not to think about this to the point of obsession. It's not healthy to do that."

"Yeah, I know. I may be messed up right now, but thanks to you, I'm getting better."

"I am glad to help. But...if you are not going back to sleep, would you like to walk in the gardens before we have something to eat?"

"Yeah, sure," Ichigo said, smiling, "That would be nice."

The two men exited the bed and moved into the dressing area, where they donned warm robes and sandals before moving out onto the garden trail. For a time, they walked without speaking, just breathing in the cold, freshly scented morning air and enjoying the waking sounds of the birds, the splashing of the koi in the small ponds and the loveliness of the flowers and blooming trees. Byakuya kept his senses extended and alert, but sensed little beyond the quiet presence of Tetsuya, who it seemed was, as usual, in the presence of the Shima clan leader.

But it is probably a good thing he is with Tetsuya, given that we have a dangerous enemy whose moves we cannot see at present. Tetsuya, Arashi and Kurushimi as well are going to be critical in stopping whatever plans our enemy has.

"Byakuya, can I ask you something?" Ichigo said suddenly, derailing the clan leader's thoughts.

"Yes?"

"I was wondering. Did you dream anything during the night?" the Shiba heir asked, "I mean, did you have a dream with me in it?"

"That is an interesting question," Byakuya observed, pausing to examine a newly planted section of the gardens for a moment, "Why are you asking me this?"

"I was curious. I didn't think I had any dreams after you made me sleep, but I do remember being in my inner world. I saw you there."

Byakuya tilted his head slightly, his brow furrowing as he considered.

"I don't remember...although, I have a vague impression of being in a city. It was strange, though. All of the buildings were..."

"...on their sides," Ichigo finished, his eyes widening, "That's what you were going to say, wasn't it?"

"Yes," Byakuya answered, giving him a mystified look, "And it was raining. Ichigo..."

"You were there," Ichigo sighed, sounding relieved, "I thought it was a dream."

"It might still have been," Byakuya said, frowning, "Remember, your powers are being suppressed. I wouldn't have known that you could enter your inner world, given that. And even if you could, I don't know how I would be able to...unless, perhaps, you called me there?"

"I don't know," Ichigo confessed, "The rain made me feel confused. I mean, I did enter your uncle Koga's inner world that time, so maybe you could have been called into mine. But what happened between Muramasa and me was because of Muramasa's power. Do you think it's possible that I did call you there and you were somehow brought inside?"

Byakuya frowned.

"It is not impossible," he admitted, "There are, in fact, some other accounts of this happening in the clan leader journals of my predecessors. I haven't examined it closely, but I do know that when it occurred, it was between bonded individuals."

"Bonded?" Ichigo repeated, studying Byakuya's handsome profile and considering, "But you and I aren't bonded, right? We never were anything but enemies, and then friends."

"But don't you see? Those are bonds," Byakuya explained, "You know very well how strong the bonds of friendship can be. And although you may not realize it, when we were enemies, even then, there were powerful bonds that formed between us. The emotion may have been very dark and destructive, but we were connected in how strongly we fought on either side of that conflict. And, for my part, I was not committed to my task of seeing to Rukia's punishment by execution. In the end, I wanted to fail in that responsibility. I couldn't let you win, but being less resolved in my task and inwardly wanting you to defeat me weakened the connection of mind, body and soul that are the cornerstone of any shinigami's power."

"So you're saying that our being enemies, then friends is the reason why I could allow you into my inner world?"

"It is possible," Byakuya confirmed, "The events that transpired between us caused a deep, emotive resonance that does not disappear, merely because we have moved on. What happened before resonates between us whenever we encounter each other, affecting the way we communicate."

Ichigo offered the clan leader a little, amused smile.

"You mean, like how you used to bring me here after every battle and have me healed, then the second I was well again, you'd tell me to go home."

Byakuya looked at him for a moment, but said nothing.

"You know, this time you might have to kick me out before I'm healed, since it looks like I won't be..."

Ichigo froze and went silent as Byakuya's fine fingertips touched his lips, stopping him.

"Do not say such a thing," he said firmly, "You are going to get well. And when you are, yes, I will tell you to go home. Not only that, you will be pleased to hear it."

Ichigo stared raptly into Byakuya's dark, somber eyes with his lips still touching the Kuchiki heir's fingertips. Byakuya's expression reflected curiosity and a measure of wariness as Ichigo captured his hand as he tried to withdraw it, then he turned it and gently kissed the back.

"Thank you," he said genuinely, "You always find a reason to believe in me, even when I have trouble believing in myself."

"Ichigo..."

Byakuya stiffened reflexively and his eyes closed involuntarily as the Shiba heir leaned forward suddenly and kissed him, while pressing the Kuchiki leader's hand to his chest.

"Do you feel that?" Ichigo asked softly, "How hard my heart is beating right now? I can tell that yours is too. Is that what you mean when you say our souls resonate, Byakuya?"

Byakuya's eyes opened and stared at him for a moment, then he pulled free of the Shiba heir and stepped back slightly.

"That was...inadvisable," he managed a bit breathlessly, "When you kissed me before...that was when I was able to connect with your memories, and now our minds may be connecting while we sleep."

"But isn't that good?" Ichigo inquired, frowning, "When I got here, I could barely talk. I couldn't think straight or remember much, but even if I still don't remember and I have no powers, my mind is recovering. My body is too. And I think you know my heart is stronger also...and that's why I'm okay with there being more between us. If you don't feel the same for me, just say so. I won't fall apart again, I promise."

"This isn't about how I feel for you," Byakuya said evasively, "I am certainly not unaffected by you. But I have to wonder. Are you sure that these impulses you have to initiate a physical connection with me aren't something that your captors...?
"What?" Ichigo exclaimed, his expression going from surprised to angry, "No! How could you think that? You just said that I'm better. You think I don't know how I feel about you? You think someone could just...manipulate me into feeling like this?"

"I don't know," Byakuya answered, an unusual edge of tension in his voice, "I am just saying that while I am still assisting you in your healing, it is reckless to begin a relationship."

"Is this because I've lost my powers and you don't know if they'll come back? You're worried I'll be weak like this forever?"

"No," Byakuya said firmly, "This has nothing to do with your powers. I believe you will get well. I am committed to helping you."

Ichigo scowled.

"Well, maybe if you're so convinced that we're being manipulated, I shouldn't be here at all. Is this your way of getting me to leave?"

"I don't want you to leave," Byakuya argued, "It wouldn't be safe for you."

"Is that right?" Ichigo challenged him, "And you think only you can protect me? What about Kukaku? My dad? Our elders? You know, my clan's pretty strong too, and my dad wants me to come home. It seems like you'll be relieved not to have to deal with me."

"Ichigo, that is not true."

"Are you sure? You seem worried about us being too close, but I can't just shut down what I feel like that. That's who I am...and now I'm well enough to remember it! So if the choice is between holding back and getting out, then I'm leaving."

He started to turn, but heard a quick flash step and found himself face-to-face with Byakuya and looking into an expression that was an odd mingling of anger and barely concealed fear. Byakuya's hands wrapped around his upper arms and Ichigo stood still, glaring into the Kuchiki leader's piqued eyes.

"Don't leave," he said insistently.

"You heard what I said," Ichigo answered stiffly, "I don't want to play games with you. I just can't do that, Byakuya."

"Are you telling me that if I do not give in to you right now, you will leave and that will be the end of this?" he asked pointedly, "This must happen now or not ever?"

Ichigo paused, looking back at him in surprise.

"No," he assured the Kuchiki leader, "It just means that we should just admit what we're obviously both feeling here...unless I'm wrong and you don't feel anything for me."

"I never said that."

"Then, what are you saying?" Ichigo demanded, "Byakuya, what are you afraid of?"

Byakuya took a steadying breath.

"I have vowed to protect you," he said emphatically, "My focus must be on that and helping you to heal. If I indulge in a relationship with you under these conditions, I could compromise my ability to do those things."

"Bullshit," Ichigo countered stubbornly, "This is the same thing you did to Rukia when you took her in. You haven't learned anything, have you? You still try to push everything down and feel nothing. So fine! Go ahead and shut me out. You don't have to worry about me. I'll be fine now. You did what you needed to do."

"No," Byakuya insisted, "I haven't come close. You are still...in pain, Ichigo. You are still not sleeping or eating well enough, and we still need to unravel the mystery surrounding the seals on your spirit centers."

"Look, I appreciate what you did for me," Ichigo said, calming slightly, "But I just can't do this. I can't...stay here and pretend I'm not having feelings for you. You can't ask me to do that. If I try to shut down the way you do, I'll explode. That's how I am."

"I understand what I am asking of you, and I want you to understand that I am equally interested in you. I just..."

He paused and swallowed anxiously, suddenly aware that the hands that still held Ichigo's arms were shaking softly.

"There is just too much at risk," he went on, forcing his hands to let go, "I don't want to make any mistakes. I have already lost someone I loved. I have failed to protect subordinates who died because of my inability to protect them...Ichigo, if I lost you, I don't think I could ever..."

Byakuya made a sound of surprise and dismay as Ichigo's arms wrapped around him and held him tightly.

"Ichigo!"

The Shiba heir's hot mouth crashed into his, leaving him breathless and making his legs weaken beneath him. As they separated again, a haunted look overcome Byakuya's comely face and he turned his head to avoid Ichigo's glaring eyes.

"Reckless fool!" he chided the unrepentant Shiba heir, "Do you understand that you are probably doing exactly what your enemy wants you to do? You're playing right into their hands!"

"My enemy wants me to fall in love with you?" Ichigo repeated skeptically, "That's crazy, Byakuya...and believe me, I know what crazy is."

"Ichigo..."

"I was kidding," the Shiba heir chuckled, stealing another kiss, "I just don't see how us falling for each other is going to help them. If anything, it brings us closer together so we can watch out for each other."

He paused and laughed at himself.

"Well, I guess not really, since I'm still powerless. But that's no reason to hold back. You know, don't you? Even if you hold back, there are no guarantees. I'll bet you didn't hold back when you loved Hisana."

He chuckled again at the blush his words conjured on the Kuchiki leader's normally calm face.

"N-no," Byakuya confessed, "I gave her everything...and I lost everything."

"You won't lose me," Ichigo promised.

"We could lose each other," Byakuya countered solemnly, "however...holding back is no guarantee we will not lose each other anyway."

Ichigo's face brightened.

"Then, you'll stop resisting me?"

"Don't you know already?" Byakuya sighed resignedly, letting his head rest on Ichigo's shoulder, "You are quite irresistible."

"Thanks," Ichigo responded sincerely, "You're pretty irresistible yourself."

Byakuya closed his eyes and breathed in Ichigo's warm, masculine scent, his heart aching at how thin Ichigo's body felt in his embrace.

"We must be very cautious," he warned the younger man, "We have too much to lose if we become careless."

"We'll be okay," Ichigo said firmly, "We'll be careful. I'm going back to the room. I'm sure our food is waiting by now."

Byakuya nodded.

"I will be there in a moment. I want to check in with the watch."

As Ichigo turned away, flash steps sounded and Tetsuya and Kurushimi suddenly appeared. Byakuya met their gaze warily.

"Have you sensed anything?" he asked the two.

"Only for a moment," Tetsuya revealed, "It was too brief for us to close in on. But at least we know now for certain that someone is watching."

"These are the ones who broke the strength of Shiba Ichigo," Byakuya reminded him, "I don't know that just knowing they are here is nearly enough. We have to figure out who they are, where they are, why they are watching and what their plans are for all of us."

Tetsuya nodded.

"We will continue to search for them," he resolved.

"Thank you."

He started to take his leave of them, but was stopped by Kurushimi's questioning voice.

"Byakurai, I do not want to offend you, but...are you sure about what you are doing? While it is clear that my cousin is much better than he was, Ichibun is still vulnerable."

Byakuya looked back at him calmly.

"If you were watching, then you know that he gave me no choice."

Kuri chuckled and nodded.

"That is our Ichibun. And while this situation worries me, I am glad to see him recovering his spirits. He has you to thank for that."

Byakuya sighed wearily and turned away.

"Let us keep him safe and stop whatever plans this enemy has...and then we can talk about who should be thanked."

He flash stepped to his bedroom and disappeared inside, leaving Tetsuya and Kuri looking after him.