Thanks to Magrat70 for suggesting I write this.

I own nothing.

Chapter 4

Meet Jo Friday

Sergio

Drat that stupid heat lamp. How dare it lull me into a false sense of security! It will rue the day it decided to cross Sergio Felinus Prentiss, Duke of Prentiss Hall. Oh who am I kidding? I can't stay mad at you, Lamp; you're clearly the best invention known to man, cat, or tortoise…but please try not to do it again or I will have to stop trying to convince Emily to get one of your brethren for Prentiss Hall.

You, on the other hand, are a different story, Dreadful Fiend! How dare you chase me?! Don't you know who I am? I am Archduke Sergio Felinus Prentiss, the perfect man and faithful feline companion to Detective Emily Elizabeth Prentiss, former secret (and not so secret) agent, and daughter to Ambassador Elizabeth Prentiss. You should step back or I will unleash her on you as soon as she gets here; you'll be lucky if, by the time she's done with you, you can even see some of the great outdoors from your cell. That's right; soon you'll feel her wrath…not that I need her to fight my battles for me. It's just that I like making her feel useful sometimes; it must be hard being around someone as glorious as I am on a daily basis and only be human. But, seeing as she's not here to feel useful, I will handle you myself if you want.

I will show you that I don't need my person to fight my battles for me. All I need her to do is buy me food, and clean my litter box, and I do really like it when she scratches under my chin, and…oh I see what you're trying to do! Trying to distract me so you can…corner me on the bookcase. DANG IT! But fear not, for I can still defeat you from here if necessary.

Back! Back I say! That's it; I warned you. The claws are coming out. Meet paws one and two, otherwise known as Peril and Torment. I hope you're happy, Dog. You are about to meet your doom. YOUR DOOM! This will teach you to never challenge the ARCHDUKE SERGIO FELINUS PRENTISS ever again! BWAHAHAHAHA!

Bass

Is one uninterrupted nap too much to ask for? It's bad enough that Angela can't just leave Serg alone when he's here; I don't go around making her friends leave, but Heaven forbid I have a friend over. It's not like he's causing trouble; he just likes sleeping on my shell, don't ask me why. But she just can't let him sleep. No, she always has to pick him up, or at least try to, and make him go home. It makes me wonder if she would be behaving like this if Jane was still around; they used to leave me to my own devices, but I never had a friend before so who knows how they would have acted.

But no, dealing with den mother Angela isn't enough. Now I have to deal with this interruption. Jo Friday should know the rules by now. If I'm napping when she gets here, she has to let me sleep for at least thirty minutes (or if it's a really short visit, about five minutes before she leaves) before she wakes me up. But you know what wakes me up? Her causing a racket and deciding that Sergio needs to be tackled off of my shell. That wakes me up! And her chasing him all over the house does not help me get back to sleep.

Clearly, I need to put an end to this.

Why did he run to the bookcase? He should have realized that he would be cornered there. Great. Now he's an archduke. At this rate, he'll get to emperor by the end of the month. Then what will he do? And why does he need to name his paws? Ugh, at least he hasn't knighted them…yet. Sometimes it's hard to believe that this is the same cat who can discuss just how much force is needed to make a leap from the couch to the mantle and the scientific reason that he, and other cats, can almost always land on their feet (answer: no collarbone and very flexible backbone). Sergio, stop laughing like a maniac before someone has you committed or checked for rabies or something.

UGH! I'm surrounded by children. Oh I wish Emily and Maura were here; they would have put an end to this immediately. Actually, where are the humans? Someone should have stopped this by now. Oh. Angela will never warm up to Sergio if he keeps knocking over vases and books; we'll have to make that up to her somehow. Maybe he can bring her a flower from the garden or something as a peace offering.

Jo Friday! Leave him alone. He was not attacking me; he was just napping on my shell. Contrary to your beliefs, cats are NOT a blight on all existence. Sergio! Don't scratch her! And stop baiting her. Jo, he's just being snarky; he doesn't really believe that your breath is the cause of global warming. BOTH OF YOU STOP IT! This is valuable time we could be sleeping. Both of you apologize. Don't give me that look. Sergio, you are apologizing for insulting her and hitting her. And you, Jo Friday, are apologizing for waking him up in such a violent manner and chasing him.

Now that that's settled, we are going to be friends. We will all calmly walk (absolutely no more running in the house today, I'm not as young as you two are) back to the lamp where we will all lie down and finish the nap that was so rudely interrupted. Sergio, you will reclaim your place on my shell, and Jo, you will be my pillow. Is that clear to everyone? Good. Let's go. Maybe if we're lucky and can all be calm and quiet, by the time Angela has finished cleaning up the mess that you two made, she won't notice that Serg is still here and I can finally get my uninterrupted nap.