Chapter 4
October 14th , 1991
Dear friend,
I was taking my usual morning smoke round the back of the school, waiting for Sam to arrive, thinking about Brad in his football shorts, when I see her approaching with Charlie. That's that weird Freshman I was telling you about. He seems to be popping up all over the place at the moment. "Hey, I think Charlie has a Charlie-esque crush on me" said Sam. I was about to say I thought he had a crush on everyone, and would one day plot to kill us all because his mother never hugged him enough as a child, but I saw his red, puffy eyes and thought better of it. "He does, huh?" He must have seen the look on my face because he just said "I'm trying not to", which made me laugh. Who hasn't tried not to have a crush on Sam? She's adorable, I'd fall for her myself if only she had an adam's apple. I felt bad for the kid then. Sure, he came across as a bit needy and clueless, but how much does it suck to love someone when you know they don't want you? 7 months I listened to Brad pretend we were nothing after we'd be intimate together. 7 fucking months. At least with Sam, she was a heartbreaker, but she did have a heart herself. The problem we have here is Sam is a bag of mess herself, looking for someone to take care of her. She's not equipped to deal with the emotional train wreck that is the mysterious Charlie, and even if she were, he's too honest, too caring. That's just not her type. They share the same role, so to speak, and that never works. So I sent Sam away and gave him a small lesson in how to talk to girls.
There was a lot of me talking about how girls need to see you as mysterious and imperfect aloof. To act like you always had something better to do. To act like you weren't too interested. Then I realised I was describing Brad, and that this might actually be how all relationships throughout history work. One caring sucker running around after a complete prick who loves them simply because they don't love them back. Is that the reason I love Brad so much? I don't know, I'm getting sidetracked here. Back to Charlie.
The worrying thing with Charlie is that he looked sombre and nodded a lot and actually believes every word I said. Maybe I was a bit harsh about the kid. Maybe I should help him out a bit more. I mean, after all, any guy who comes to the gayest guy in school for advice on women has got to be messed up.
Love always,
Patrick