Chapter Four: How to Raise Your Fiance (Part One)

A/N: The baby Ranma idea is one that may not seem like it fits with this story, but it had enough potential to be funny that I went with it. If anyone wants to run with it, go right ahead.

To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. - C.S Lewis

In the midst of chaos, there is also opportunity. Sun Tzu - The Art of War

Nodoka got up to open the door to see what problem Akane seemed so worried about. Genma was still sound asleep, but he was shifting about somewhat, as if he wasn't quite comfortable. Akane was rocking back and forth on her heels, more worried than she had been in most of the crazy circumstances she had found herself in with Ranma. This was going to be difficult to explain.

"Akane? What's the matter?" Nodoka spoke before she had opened the door, and her voice trailed off into silence as she took in the sight of Akane holding a fidgety baby that looked an awful lot like Ranma. When struck with the sudden realization that she might just be a grandmother, she nearly fainted, catching herself on the door frame. "Where did that baby come from? And where is Ranma?"

"He is Ranma! I swear, we were on the roof talking about a possible training trip… I kissed him after he invited me to come with him, and he suddenly ended up like this! I don't know what happened!"

"Ranma?" Nodoka was leaning close to address the baby in Akane's arms. Immediately he reached up for her and smiled, letting out a quiet giggle. "Good, he recognizes me." Nodoka took him into her arms, and went to sit down. Akane followed her. Nodoka quickly checked over Ranma, and she confirmed her suspicions that it was in fact him. "This is definitely Ranma. He's got the same birthmark. Here, look."

Akane looked at where Nodoka was pointing. It was small, so she wasn't surprised she hadn't noticed it before when she had seen Ranma without his shirt on. It was right in the middle of his left shoulder, just a small light spot, but enough to be an identifying mark. As Nodoka was holding him, Ranma was quickly falling asleep. Akane couldn't help but watch as his eyes drooped and his breathing slowed.

"What do we do? This is weird, even for Ranma." Akane was at a loss. Her fiance was an infant! The obvious assumption that people would inevitably make had yet to occur to her, namely, that Ranma was his own secret love child with Akane. "I think we need to call in an expert."

"Doctor Tofu?"

"I was thinking of Shampoo's great-grandmother, Cologne. Doctor Tofu might be able to help, but I think Cologne might be more knowledgeable about this sort of thing. We should probably call them both. I'll call the Nekohanten, could you call Doctor Tofu?"

Ranma had finally fallen asleep in his mother's arms. She looked down at him, and nodded to Akane. "I can do that. Hopefully we can find a way to fix this… or I'll end up raising my son all over again."

Akane picked up the phone and dialed the Nekohanten. It rang three or four times before a sleepy voice answered. "We closed now. Why you call so late?"

"Shampoo! Something's happened to Ranma! We need your grandmother's help!"

"Akane? What happen to Ranma?"

"Both of you get here as soon as possible - this is easier to show you than to explain."

Nodoka was finishing her own conversation with Doctor Tofu as Akane returned. "Yes, Doctor - he seems healthy enough, so he should be fine until the morning. Thank you."

She turned to Akane and explained that Doctor Tofu would not be available until the next morning due to an urgent test being needed for one of his patients. In the meantime, they were to keep an eye on Ranma to determine if his mind regressed as well as his body. Cologne would likely have an idea as to what exactly happened, and if her ancient amazon wisdom could direct them to a solution, even better. For now though, Ranma was virtually defenseless. Where Ranma had been the one to protect Akane before, now she would have to do the same for him. It would be an interesting test for her future daughter-in-law.

Fifteen minutes later, Cologne, Shampoo and Mousse arrived. Akane wasn't quite sure what Mousse would be able to do to help, but Shampoo would at least be another familiar face for Ranma, and that might keep him calm. Cologne was taken aback at the sight of the baby being held in Akane's arms.

"Well, you and Ranma have certainly moved quickly…. He looks so much like his father." She joked.

Akane stammered in embarrassment before she realized the joke. Nodoka just smiled. Cologne had no idea that Genma actually did look more like Ranma when they first met. If he still had his hair, the resemblance would be even stronger.

Cologne laughed at the look on Akane's face. "Yes, child, I can tell that child is Ranma, so don't be blaming an old woman for having a little fun."

Shampoo was leaning close looking at the sleeping Ranma. "He so cute! Can Shampoo hold Ranma?"

Akane fought down a flare of possessive jealousy, and gently handed him to Shampoo. Since she had called in the Amazons, it would be rude to refuse. Waking anyone else in the house could wait until they had a better explanation for what happened. It just seemed that if there was anything to do with magic in Nerima, Ranma would always be caught in the middle of it.

Cologne watched Akane for a moment before speaking. "Tell me what happened to him."

Akane's face fell. As much as the new accord they had reached with the Amazons would make life easier for her and Ranma, she was hesitant to reveal the circumstances of his change. The fact that Ranma needed the help made her decision for her.

"We were talking on the roof after dinner. He was planning on taking a training trip either this weekend or the next, and he invited me to come with him." She blushed a little before continuing. "I kissed him, and the next thing I knew, he was grasping his stomach in pain, and then he shrank into this baby!"

"Did he say anything?"

"Well, he did blame my cooking…"

Shampoo was not surprised to hear that - Akane's cooking could rival any of the potions or poisons known to the Joketsuzoku, but she had never heard of any potion that could cause something like this. "Did Akane cook anything?"

"I did do some sauteed mushrooms, but everyone ate them. Thanks to Auntie Saotome, they turned out okay. No one else complained about them."

Cologne's curiosity was piqued. "Do you have any of these mushrooms left? Raw, not cooked. There are some mushrooms in the world that have strange effects when eaten. Perhaps you used some of them."

Realization dawned as Akane looked horrified. "Mushrooms of Time! Ryoga encountered them last spring and was turned into a 6 year old. Some of them grew on his backpack, could they have spread here?"[1]

"It's possible, though they would not have had the same potency as the original. The only one here who needs to worry about such things is Ranma's father. After all, he is the only other one in this house with a Jusenkyo curse. I suspect the mushrooms you encountered at first would've affected anyone, but if it has been several months, the magical potency would be reduced enough to only affect those already cursed. I would have to examine them to be sure."

"Jusenkyo? What does Jusenkyo have to do with mushrooms?"

"The change of form is not the only problem that comes from Jusenkyo. Those who have fallen into one of the springs will always be more affected by magic. Ranma probably never even noticed because of the nature of his life, but I imagine he encountered magic far more often after receiving his curse than he did before. As a martial artist, he would have developed some resistances to magical influences, but his curse will serve as an anchor for such things."

Nodoka's eyes were wide. If Ranma had been affected so severely, what might it have done to Genma. She excused herself for the moment, and went to check on her husband. She returned moments later looking confused. "There does not appear to be anything wrong with my husband. He is still quite asleep. Are you certain that it was these mushrooms? I examined them myself before Akane cooked them, and they seemed completely normal."

The group moved into the kitchen where the few remaining mushrooms sat in the basket Nodoka had used to gather them earlier that afternoon. Cologne picked up a smaller one and called Mousse over. ""Eat this, Mousse."

"Why me?!"

"You have a Jusenkyo curse, and Shampoo is busy at the moment."

Mousse glanced over to where Shampoo was sitting in a chair brushing the hair of the sleeping infant. Akane was sitting nearby simultaneously listening to the conversation, and watching Shampoo.

"Very well." He begrudgingly conceded. He took the mushroom and ate it. There was no noticeable effect. He shrugged and turned to Cologne. She merely looked at him. "Eat another." He did so. "Another."

This went on for a few minutes until there were only a few of the mushrooms left. There not being any clear effect from the mushrooms, Cologne was quite puzzled. Mousse chuckled a little and spoke unwisely. "Something you can't figure out, Old Bat? That's a rarity."

In response to the insult, Cologne whacked him over the head with her cane. Instantly, Mousse collapsed to the floor in pain, noticeably a few inches smaller than he had been moments before.

"That was... unexpected. It would appear that these mushrooms require an external shock to take effect. Such as a blow to the head…. Or perhaps an unexpected kiss?" Cologne turned to look at the now embarrassed Akane. "I suspect this proves my suspicions that the potency of these mushrooms has changed. Now we just need to figure out how to reverse it. That, I believe will require the good Doctor Tofu's expertise."

Akane looked at the now twelve year old Mousse, and then back to Cologne. "Auntie Saotome already called Doctor Tofu. He won't be able to see Ranma until the morning. Are you certain that this will only affect people who are already cursed?"

Cologne's response was to bop Akane over the head with her cane. Aside from a brief flare of pain, nothing else happened. "Does that answer your question, child?"

"I suppose so." Akane was rubbing the spot that had been hit to ease some of the pain. "Is there anything we can do to help him, at the moment?"

"Not as such, no. For the time being, Ranma is essentially what he appears to be. A helpless infant. Perhaps Doctor Tofu may have some insight, but all we can do is wait. We shall return to the Nekohanten for the night, but will meet you at his clinic, after you have a chance to consult with the doctor."

Nodoka took the sleeping Ranma from Shampoo, and made her own suggestion. "We'll call you when we're leaving for Doctor Tofu's clinic, but for now, we'll set up a crib in Akane's room. Fortunately, I saw one in the attic."

"Why in my room? He's still Ranma. I don't know if he actually thinks he's a baby or if it's just his body that's changed like last time."

"Even if his mind is the same, he's virtually defenseless like this. Your room is the safest place for him. Besides, it'll be good practice for you in the future."

Akane was rather embarrassed by the implication Ranma's mother was making, but she couldn't dispute that Ranma needed her the most at the moment. She really had no choice but to agree. She hesitatingly nodded. "Okay, we'll set him up in my room so I can keep an eye on him - but I don't know how to take care of a baby."

"Don't worry, Akane, I'll teach you all you'll need to know. You'll have to miss school in the morning though, so we can meet with Doctor Tofu and get this sorted out. You can probably go back after we see him."

The Amazons gathered their things, and promising to meet them at Doctor Tofu's office in the morning, left the Tendo residence, leaving Akane alone with Ranma and his mother. Nodoka went to get the crib from the attic, and Akane took Ranma with her into her room.

She sat down on her bed holding her sleeping fiance, and let herself cry. It wasn't fair that have this had happened just when she and Ranma had finally started to understand each other. Ranma had enough trouble to deal with on any given day, and now he was a defenseless infant. If the situation was reversed, maybe things would've been better, but this idle thought sent her down a tangent of imagining what Ranma would be like as a father. She was a little surprised to find that the idea of her and Ranma having children in the future was something to look forward to, but not until they had at least finished their education. She wondered if Ranma had thought about the subject.

"Well, Ranma. Looks like you're mine to take care of until we can fix this. I don't know if you think like a baby, or if it's just your body that's changed, but you will be staying in my room, so don't think you can peek or anything."

Ranma was still sound asleep. Even at his normal age, he could sleep through almost anything that didn't set off his defensive instincts. Akane could probably sneak into his room and… and… why exactly would she want to do that in the first place? Maybe to wake him up so they could talk or something, but if she started sneaking into his room, he'd probably expect she'd let him do the same. She might, if he agreed to a few rules first.

Nodoka returned with the crib, and set it up in front of Akane's desk. She then brought in a blanket, and prepared the crib. Gingerly picking up her son, she placed him in the crib, and then turned to Akane with a smile. "Don't worry. When he was this age before, he had no trouble sleeping through the night. The difficulty came in waking him up. Still is, I believe."

Akane had to grin at that. She had lost track of how many times had she awakened Ranma with a bucket of water or similar methods. This might not be so bad if she wasn't going to be awakened during the night by a crying infant. [2]

"Is there anything I need to know before going to sleep?"

"Probably not. He looks like he's at an age where he can handle solid food, so if he wakes up and is hungry, just come and get me - I know how to make baby food."

It would've been well past awkward for Akane if Ranma wasn't able to handle solid food, so this came as a relief. However, someone was going to have to buy the supplies necessary to care for an infant, and anyone seeing Akane buying such things would have some very pointed questions to ask. Even sending out one of her sisters to buy them would lead to suspicion. The only one who could reliably do such things would be Nodoka herself. After all, she hadn't seen her husband for ten years, it wouldn't be implausible for her to have a second child after being reunited. She paused in thought, that might actually be the ideal solution to this weird situation.

"Akane, do you think you could pretend you are babysitting for me? That this isn't Ranma, but his younger sibling? If you were seen with an infant, the obvious assumption would be that you and Ranma have a child together, and at your age, that would be quite a blow to your reputation, even if people assumed you were secretly married."

Akane goggled at this suggestion. It was as insane as any cockamamie scheme Ranma had ever come up with… Maybe this was something he got from his mother, and not from the panda? She did have a point though. She was still only a child legally, after all, and rumours that she and Ranma had a child together would bring shame to her name. There would be those who would not be convinced by this story, but the truth would be so much harder to believe.

"I could do that, but I'm not sure it would work. Enough people seeing me with him this way will make it hard for them to believe - especially since Ranma won't be able to say anything on his own about it. Besides, all it would take would be for him to be splashed with cold water, and the truth would come out."

"We could always put him into his girl-form and pretend I finally have a daughter."

That was an unexpected suggestion, but then Ranma certainly wouldn't qualify as a man amongst men as a baby, and it would be more fun to dress up a baby girl anyway. Akane laughed. "If we did that, we'd have to take as many pictures as possible. Ranma would be so embarrassed."

"Either way, he's still my son, and your fiance. What do you think we should do?"

The more she thought about it, Akane couldn't argue with the logic of pretending Ranma was his own sibling. It'd protect them both from any shame to their reputations, and would allow them to explain his absence. Even if the child was hers, the idea that Ranma would run off and abandon any responsibility wasn't in his character. It was easier to go with the story Nodoka was suggesting in the long run.

"I think you're probably right. It's better to pretend Ranma's his own sibling rather than explain what really happened. I realize it's not going to stop people from making their own assumptions, but on the face of it, there's no reason to doubt the story, especially if you're the one taking care of him."

"Then that's what we'll do. If anyone asks, this isn't Ranma, this is his baby brother." She paused, trying to think of a name. "We'll call his girl-form Ranko, but like this, he'll be Sota. At least, that's what we'll say when we're around those who don't know. We're going to have to let your family know."[3]

"I can just imagine how Nabiki is going to react. I don't think Daddy or Kasumi will have any difficulty understanding the truth."

Nodoka laughed, imagining that the middle Tendo daughter would probably be very confused until things were explained. Her reaction would be nothing compared to Genma's, she suspected. She just needed to make sure he didn't plan to take him away for another training trip. If she and Genma did have another child, Ranma would be the one to teach them, of that she was absolutely certain.

With Ranma settled in the crib, there was not much else to do but go back to bed and await Doctor Tofu in the morning. Nodoka left with a smile on her face, as this was going to make life very interesting until Ranma was back to his normal self.

The next morning as the residents of the Tendo Dojo gathered for breakfast, Nodoka and Akane both waited in amusement for the reactions of the other residents. Ranma was currently sitting in Nodoka's lap, with Akane seated beside her. She was feeding Ranma from a spoon as Nabiki entered the room. Akane gave a small wave of greeting to her sister with her free hand. "Morning, Nabiki." What her sister was doing did not immediately register in Nabiki's mind. "Morning, Akane. What's with the…. ?" She trailed off as her brain caught up with what she was seeing. Her eyes went wide when she noticed that not only was Akane feeding an infant that looked suspiciously like Ranma, but that said baby was being held by his mother.

"Huh, wha? A BABY?!" Nabiki mouth was wide open, and she was pointing much like someone out of Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Nodoka snickered, as this was exactly the reaction she and Akane anticipated. Akane decided it was probably best to tell her sister before her brain shorted out. "There was a... little magical mishap with Ranma last night."

Nabiki's eyebrows rose. "You're telling me that…. that baby is Ranma?" She blinked slowly before breaking into convulsive laughter. "That'd only happen to him." Given all the other weirdness that had come into their lives since the Saotome's showed up, this was not hard to believe. "How exactly did this happen?"

"It was the mushrooms from last night. Apparently, they were mushrooms like the ones Ryoga encountered last spring… but these were a little different. Cologne said that only those with a Jusenkyo curse would be affected. With the amount Ranma ate, he regressed this far."

"Cologne? Shampoo's great-grandmother? When did you talk to her?"

"She came over last night with Mousse and Shampoo after it happened. I called her because I thought she could help. I guess I forgot to tell you that the Amazons have given up on Ranma… apparently, he's too much of a threat to accept into their village." Telling Nabiki the truth would have to wait, as Akane wasn't quite sure that she could trust her sister with the fact that she and Ranma finally knew where they stood with each other.

Nabiki was flabbergasted. This was unexpected news, but it was in keeping with the available evidence. Things had been downright peaceful the past two days, so news like this significantly changed the odds in her betting pools. She'd been becoming more and more certain that her sister would ultimately win, so this was just more proof towards that end. As she was sitting down, still processing what Akane had just said, the fathers came in. The three of them thought that this should prove to be an entertaining couple of minutes. Genma sat down beside his wife, and Soun took his usual place at the table. A moment or two passed before Genma noticed just what (or who) his wife was holding.

"Uh, Nodoka? Who exactly is that?"

"Don't you recognize your own son, husband?"

"When, uh, when did we have a second son?"

"We do not. We only have one son, Ranma. This happens to be him."

Genma's mind temporarily broke in confusion, and the shock of it triggered the latent magic of the mushrooms. No one really noticed until long strands of black hair emerged from beneath his bandana in a pigtail much like Ranma's usual style. He came back to a proper state of awareness to find everyone staring at him. He reached up to brush his forehead, and froze when he felt something that hadn't been there for the last 6 years.

"Hair? What the hell?! What's going on?" Cluing in in 3…2…1... "Wait a minute! I have hair! HAHAHAHA! I HAVE HAIR!"[4] The excitement he felt for having his hair back took priority over the fact that his son was now an infant. Nodoka on the other hand, was looking at her husband (who was now as young as he was when they first married) with little surprise, and a thoughtful look in her eyes.

"You and Ranma have both gotten younger. Apparently, it was the mushrooms Akane made last night that caused it. Because of your curses, you're the only ones to suffer the effects."

"How exactly do you know that?"

"Elder Cologne came by last night after it first happened with Ranma. She figured it out. We have an appointment with Doctor Tofu this morning to take a look at Ranma, and I think it might be a good idea for him to take a look at you."

Soun was looking at the Saotome family with raised eyebrows. Ranma being a baby was unexpected, but his friend suddenly being 15 years younger boggled the mind. Then again, there had been even weirder things happening to his family since they showed up, so he wasn't too concerned - these things had a way of working out eventually. It wasn't really a problem he had to deal with anyway, Ranma's mother could handle it. He didn't think he needed to say anything at this point, anyway.

Kasumi started bringing breakfast out from the kitchen and did not notice that anything was amiss until she sat down. The fact that things just seemed natural to the combined Tendo-Saotome gathering likely had something to do with it. As much as she appeared to be oblivious to some of the things that went on around Ranma, it was more that she had more important priorities than to worry about problems others could solve.

Kasumi looked at the infant in Nodoka's arms, and noted the resemblance to Ranma. The fact that her youngest sister was feeding him was another clue. Clearly, either this was a nephew she had never expected, or something weird had happened again. She knew her sister well enough that she discounted the former immediately as soon as the thought crossed her mind.

"What happened to Ranma, Akane?"

Akane blinked at her sister. She had forgotten that Kasumi could be very quick about putting things together when it mattered. Most of the time, if it was a problem she could help with, she was quick to do so. Since she had clearly recognized that there was a problem, she was probably wanting reassurance that they had a plan to deal with it.

"We shouldn't have used those mushrooms, Kasumi. Apparently, they were related to the ones that made Ryoga and Ranma kids again. Hopefully, this is temporary. Auntie Saotome and I are taking him to Doctor Tofu this morning."

Kaasumi frowned slightly. This wasn't due to her being unhappy with the situation, rather it had to do with the good doctor's unfortunate tendency to lose his mind around her. She was well aware of his attraction to her, but his lack of discipline where she was concerned meant that nothing would ever come of it. If she was being honest with herself, she was slowly being tempted to take a page out of Akane's book and hit him over the head with a table.

"I hope he can help then. A baby being around you would invite all sorts of rumours, especially when he resembles Ranma so much."

Akane nodded. "I know, that's why we're going to pretend this is Ranma's younger brother."

Kasumi approved of this idea. It was logical enough that people should accept it at face value. There was really only one potential issue that might come up.

"That sounds like a good idea, but what if he gets splashed with water? It'll end the ruse right there and people may assume the worst."

Akane was confused. "What do you mean 'assume the worst'?"

"In some stories, aren't curses hereditary?" [5]

Akane blushed as the implication was clear. "Eep! I hadn't thought of that. We'll have to make sure that doesn't happen."

It was at this point Soun had something to say. "I wouldn't worry too much about that, daughters, as there are ways to ensure that people don't get too close of a look. Just make sure that his hair is covered so the colour change isn't seen, and things should be fine."

The three Tendo girls looked blankly at their father. He shifted under their gaze. "What? I can have helpful ideas from time to time. This old man isn't completely useless…"

Genma looked at his friend with amusement. He had no experience with daughters, but even he could recognize that they were bemused with their father, most likely because he had a tendency to be overly emotional, and not very helpful in most situations. Ranma had finished eating, and was quite happily reaching for his father. This was a rather clear indication that his mind had also regressed to that of his physical age. Not having any better ideas, Genma picked him up and balanced him on his shoulders. Looking at the blank stares he was getting from the assembled Tendos, he just grinned in response.

"Don't look at me like that. Ranma loved this as a kid. I actually missed doing this with him."

Ranma started beating his hands on Genma's head like it was a set of bongos. He sighed and rolled his eyes. [6]

"Yeah… he always did that too."

This was too much for Akane. She started laughing at the scene, and soon everyone else joined her. Genma was just as amused as everyone else. When it came time to leave for the appointment, she let Nodoka carry Ranma, while she called the Nekohanten to let Cologne know they were leaving for the appointment.

The Amazons were waiting for them when they arrived at the clinic. Cologne was balanced on top of her cane, while Shampoo and Mousse stood behind her watching for their arrival. As they approached, the amazons greeted them with a wave, and they all entered as one group. Doctor Tofu had been watching the group, and was intrigued at how civil they were being with each other. The balance had shifted somewhere, and he suspected it had something to do with the now infant Ranma.

Had they arrived a few minutes later, they would've noticed a few Furinkan students walking to school. The speed of rumor can sometimes rival the perceived speed of light, and the fact that Akane Tendo was seen in the presence of an infant strongly resembling Ranma Saotome nearly broke causality. The fact that said infant was being carried by his actual mother was never mentioned.

[1] - If you guessed this from the last chapter, I have an imaginary cookie for you. Congratulations! I've changed them slightly, but only for ease of storytelling.

[2] - They can be quieter than ninjas. My own niece is really sneaky about waking up. My brother has walked in to check on her, and has found her staring up at him. That's when the noise starts…..

[3] - Yeah, this is a nod to Inuyasha.

[4] - I myself have avoided becoming bald thus far, but this would very much be how I'd react to finding it having grown back overnight..

[5] - This was only implied in a single anime episode, and even then it was in a dream, so I strongly doubt it.

[6] - If Ranma had gotten his hands on a frying pan, he'd probably be using it and going "not the momma, not the momma" instead.