A/n: Another eight-pager. Stupid Akatsuki, being so big. Stupid Sasuke, being intimidated and calling every contact he's ever known (that's an exageration) to make it look like he's also been "extending the family" or whatever. Stupid Enaku, being all clumsy and making me take a full page to describe his clumsiness. Stupid Misaki, being all cute and fangirly.
Oh, wait. I like Enaku. Cos Enaku is unique and awesome.
...and Misaki is my own character...
...and I really like Akatsuki...
Great! Now all the blame can go to Sasuke! EVERYBODY WINS!
Misaki is a recycled OC. Which means she showed up in a previous fanfiction, and has been reincarnated to better fit this story.
Actually, she wasn't reincarnated. She was just tweaked a little. If anyone's curious, the story from which she was tweaked is What I Regret. (By the way, if you want to make my Christmas even happier than it probably will be already, the main thing I want for Christmas is review(s) on that story.) I don't think I've posted enough of the story for her to have shown up yet, though...
Oh, Misaki. Another thing about her appearing: I may or may not stop complaining about Ren being Mary-Sue. Because Misaki is Mary-Sue-er (probably). I ran her through this "How Mary-Sue is Your Character" quiz-type-thing and she scored 97.
The kill-it-dead-or-seriously-rethink-it point was 50.
I personally like to think that she's so Mary-Sue she's not, because the balances are obscure ones that weren't listed on the quiz. However, that's probably denial.
Anyway, that's under entirely different circumstances, where she's actually a few years older than Itachi, so...yuh.
But I'm heavily considering inserting a side-plot including Original Naruto Misaki (who was reincarnater from Original Original Misaki.) Which I think would be really really funny, because I'm already plotting it.
And I think I might want to warn you; Itachi gets pretty out of character. For the humor. Hope you guys weren't hoping for anything too wonderfully perfect of Kishimoto-level plot.
Which reminds me that I haven't been reading the manga lately...
On OCs:
They finally get names actually mentioned and clearly stated to be theirs! Egads!
Disclaimer:
Shikai, Haruka, Ren, Moe, Tsubasa, Misaki (c) Zopponde
That Chuunin, a.k.a. Enaku (c) Skullblade
Katena (c) daREALshikamaru
Kitsuchi (c) fangirl-in-training on deviantART and probably Kitsuchi-Rensawa-Pwns here, but I haven't yet checked with her and really should do that soon...
Everyone else (c) Masashi Kishimoto
Shikai looked around him in awe. The room was huge—probably bigger than all of his house in the woods! And it was just the one room in the one building of this place that this Sasuke person lived in! Shikai knew for sure now that he wanted to be just like Sasuke when he grew up, and he'd eat at this really long table, and invite a bunch of people over every day and they'd all eat at that really long table, and all of his father's group would be lined up on that one side just like now and there would be all of his really awesome friends from back when he was ANBU, but he wouldn't be ANBU, because he'd be better than ANBU!
"Shikai-kun," his blue-haired mother whispered anxiously, "Stop fidgeting. It's rude."
"I'm not fidgeting!" Shikai denied in a loud whisper.
"Stop squirming," the woman rephrased, her mouth arcing downwards. He grinned; it was a game they played often.
"I'm not squirming!" Shikai repeated.
His mother sighed. "This is no time for games. We're making an impression—I suppose we should have taken you out more so you would know," she added, sending a slightly superior glance to Shikai's father, "but if you're going to listen to me at all, you're going to listen to me today."
"What should I do, then?" Shikai asked mischievously.
"Tell me what you're doing," she ordered.
"Can't do," Shikai denied playfully.
"Stop worming!" Haruka suggested from across her mother and father.
"Haruka-neechan!" Shikai protested loudly. All eyes turned to him, and both parents were quick to start shushing, but he ignored them all. "You're not allowed to play!"
"But Okaa-san just said to tell you to listen to her!" Haruka argued, no longer keeping her voice down. "And that's what you should be doing, but you're not! So if you won't listen to Okaa-san, then I'm going to play!"
"That doesn't prove your point at all!" a lavender-haired girl of Shikai and Haruka's age sitting across from Shikai argued back. "You're just looking for excuses!"
"Misaki-chan!" the blond-haired man sitting next to her hissed. "Let Sasuke-ojisan introduce us before you start talking to them, okay?"
"But Sasuke-ojisan's taking too long!" the long-haired girl protested.
"Just be patient, Misaki-chan," the blond told her soothingly.
Just then, Sasuke, sitting at the head of the table with Itachi, called, "Now that everybody's here, we should begin introductions." He turned to his older brother. "Nii-san, would you be so kind as to start with your side?"
"Is there anything wrong with starting with yours?" Itachi asked coolly.
"Only that the guests should be known before the hosts," Sasuke answered with a tone that makes the term "freezer burn" come to mind.
"But it would be rather difficult then, wouldn't it?" Itachi pointed out nonchalantly. "The guests would have no idea who the hosts are. If somebody found it a pressing matter such as to use the bathroom, how would they address the hosts to find out where it is?"
Sasuke opened his mouth, closed it, scratched his nose, looked at the plate in front of him, looked at the ceiling, opened his mouth, looked at the back of the dining hall, closed his mouth, blinked, frowned, opened his mouth, and finally admitted, "Fine. My side of the family comes first." He looked to his side, where a girl with long pink hair sat with a toddler-aged girl of the same hair color sitting in her lap. Her bright green eyes seemed faintly suspicious but she seemed to be determined to make the best of things. She noticed Sasuke's attention and beamed at him for nearly a full minute, as Sasuke's cool grin at her gradually turned to a hateful glare.
"Oh, you want me to start," she finally deduced. Sasuke nodded with a psychotic expression. "Oh. Well, I am…" She smiled widely. "Uchiha Sakura." She hesitated, seeming to wonder what to do next, before she indicated the girl and announced, "This is Moe-chan. Say hi, Moe-chan!"
"H-haai," the girl stammered, wide-eyed in the most intimidated way as she stared at Ren, who grinned wolfishly.
"And this is Tsubasa-kun," Sakura added, gesturing to the utterly bald three-year-old boy sitting next to her.
"Okaa-chan," Tsubasa whined pulling down the tall collar that Sakura and Moe also wore, "Mai shets too haad fowa bweaving."
"I'm sorry?" Sakura asked, frowning and leaning closer to Tsubasa.
"He's having difficulty breathing because of his shirt," Kisame provided from Shikai's right.
Sakura looked at him skeptically, then began to turn back to Tsubasa before she did a double take. She stared at him, seeming rather intimidated by his appearance. She continued to stare until Kisame sighed irritably and she blinked herself out of it. "Oh—ah—um…I'm sorry, it's just…h-how would you know…what my son's saying…yeah?" The question was tacked into the end of the last word and nowhere else.
Kisame shook his head exasperatedly. "Isn't it supposed to be that only really random people can understand a little kid like that?"
Sakura seemed to need a moment to mull it over. "Yeah…I guess so…" She seemed willing to leave it at that (probably to avoid talking to Kisame any more), and turned to the person after Tsubasa, a child of Haruka and Shikai's approximate age and short faded yellow hair that most certainly did seem masculine, though there was definitely quite a bit of uncertainty over this.
"I," the blond declared with a voice that may have been masculine, or may have been feminine, but it most certainly held a determined air, "am Uzumaki Ayumu."
Common knowledge taught everyone that Ayumu was a masculine name, thus clarifying the child's gender as he turned to the woman on his left, her nearly-black purple hair held up in a tight bun that was surely a pain to set up.
"A-I'm Hi—Hy-H—Uzumaki Hinata," she finished, sounding ashamed of herself as she blushed and seemed to try drawing her head into the hooded sweatshirt that she wore. "Ah—um…Naruto-kun…" she whispered, nearly inaudibly. "Your turn."
The spike-headed blond on her left grinned. Odd black marks not unlike whiskers ran across his cheeks. "I am Uzumaki Naruto! Don't forget it!" he nearly shouted, waving his arms for no obvious purpose other than to catch attention as if he didn't already have. Fortunately for his left-hand neighbor, she was short with youth, and thus out of the line of danger of this action, but Hinata was not so lucky, and his elbow made contact with her forehead. She squeaked—strangely, not for lack of a better word—and Naruto gasped and turned to her worriedly. "Hinata-chan, are you okay?"
"Naruto-san!" a familiar male voice chided as the brunet who associated with it seemed to spontaneously generate behind Naruto and Hinata. "You should treat Hinata-sama better than that!"
Naruto seemed exasperated. "Funny how you should be the one telling me to treat her better…"
"I treat her fine!" the recurring brown-haired Chuunin argued, hands on hips as he leaned in on Naruto, who leered back with one arm resting on the back of his chair. "I don't smack her in the head every time I introduce myself to people!"
"And I don't stalk her!" Naruto argued back.
"You would if you weren't married to her!" the Chuunin scoffed.
Sasuke sighed. "Enaku, shouldn't you be in the kitchens?"
The brunet's head swiveled to face Sasuke. This seemed to affect his balance slightly, but he retorted to Sasuke anyway, "Well, they said they don't need me, they said, even though the eggs clearly needed to be beat and the window should have been opened, and when you're all having such a wonderful—wagh!" His answer was cut short by a cry of alarm as he seemed to finally notice his offset of balance and fell over Naruto.
"Ack!" Naruto yelped as the Chuunin pushed him into the table, the chair fell sideways, and Naruto's head landed on the plate that was associated with the lavender-haired girl who sat next to him before she suddenly was nowhere to be found. Naruto's hands wound up unevenly above his head, and one of the Chuunin's arms lay across his chest. Unfortunately for the both of them, but the brunet especially, the Chuunin's face seemed to have wound up pressed against the general area of Naruto's stomach.
Overall, the position was very…interesting.
"Awwww," Haruka sighed.
Shikai, who had instinctively stood up in the commotion, now faced Haruka with the fury of any animal made violent through fear. "Nee-chan! What are you awwwww-ing this time!"
"Because love is really," Haruka answered, smiling blissfully before sighing distantly, "awwwwww-ful."
"Yeah," Shikai retorted, facing Naruto and the Chuunin again, "well," he added, turning back to Haruka, "that," he continued, eyes flickering back to the scene across the table, "is just," eyes back to Haruka, "really," he nearly finished with another glance at Naruto, "gross!" he finished, his alarmed gaze remaining on his sister. "You're right!—love is awful!"
"Not awful," Haruka corrected. She took a relaxed breath to fully sigh, "Awwwww…ful."
Throughout this conversation, the pale-skinned redhead who sat two seats to Hinata's left stared at the position with widened eyes until Naruto mustered the courage to clear his throat and tell the Chuunin, "So, Keri-san, is 'wagh' all you could say? No…confessions before this?" His voice dripped with restrained anger that had clear origins in embarrassment.
The Chuunin looked up at Naruto with a clearly distressed expression. "Well…the things about wagh is…it's…you know…a war cry." Naruto obviously did not believe him. "Wagh!" the Chuunin repeated, lunging to make an action not unlike strangling the blond but with a definitely half-or-less-hearted determination. Hinata gasped, realizing too late that the action was but a joke. She laughed nervously when everybody looked at her.
Itachi, meanwhile, sat at the head of the table, squinting tiredly at the scene. He couldn't quite say that there was anything that he appreciated whatsoever about the situation. He'd rather that this Naruto kid—and the strange thing was, the name seemed so familiar, and it seemed so pathetic that he couldn't remember—hadn't been so loud and hadn't attracted that Chuunin, in a very stop-taking-it-the-wrong-way-you-pervert manner, and that they hadn't wound up making this commotion. It would be nice if they could just go on with the next person, get introductions over with, do all the nice friendly family cheerful whatever-it-is-that-Sasuke-had-in-store, and go home as though none of it had happened. And he did mean none of it had happened. Why couldn't they just introduce the little girl who sat on Naruto's…wait, where did she go? Oh, never mind. She probably was just a cardboard cut-out or something so Sasuke seemed to have a bigger "family," and the cardboard was probably knocked down in that Chuunin's latest act of clumsiness.
His spiteful thoughts were interrupted as he felt something warm close around his ankle. He looked down to see the cause, and found the very same pale-eyed, lavender-haired girl who used to sit next to Naruto was now clinging to Itachi's lower leg. She smiled up at him cheerfully. "Will you be my boyfriend?" she asked, her voice rich with childish misconceptions.
Itachi glared at her. "Sorry, little girl," he nearly whispered, "I'm gay."
"What's that mean?" the girl wondered.
Sasuke watched this scene and decided this was the best time to chuckle unnaturally, probably thinking otherwise of the tone, and lie for Itachi's inconvenience. "Why, Misaki-hime," Sasuke flattered with no shame that Itachi would consider to exist, "it means that nobody would deny such a beautiful princess as you." He smiled with obvious dishonesty at Itachi. "Not even Itachi-kun. Especially not Itachi-kun." His grin returned to the girl (Misaki, did he say her name was?). "Of course he'll be your boyfriend."
The girl smiled widely and genuinely while Itachi looked to Tobi for condolence. Tobi, of course, had a mask, and thus nobody would ever be able to read his expressions, but he seemed to stare at Itachi a bit longer than may have been necessary and stood up, shoulders slouching, and walked some length down the table, followed momentarily by Ren. He stopped behind Sasori and muttered something that seemed to make the Akatsuki-dedicated side of the table slide down a seat, so he and Ren sat there.
Itachi sighed. It wasn't that the situation wasn't unfortunate earlier, but it was even more unfortunate under this light.
"This light" was, specifically, the fact that he had a seven-year-old who hadn't yet realized how strange their age difference was. Tobi seemed to think that he was serious about this, and seemed to decide it best to take Ren away. It was also the clarification that Sasuke was trying to inconvenience Itachi in every way possible. And it added the fact that Haruka now sat next to him at the table. It was hard to tell which factor of that was worst.
Naruto humphed to regain attention from the Akatsuki side of the table. That Chuunin was no longer topping him, but was now hovering over Hinata, seeming to try to take one of the sticks that held her bun in place without making the hairstyle fall. "Can we just go on like none of this ever happened?" Naruto whined.
"Of course," Sasuke agreed.
Naruto nodded, seeming to not yet have noticed that the seat on his left was no longer occupied. A moment later, he seemed to realize that, indeed, the next person in line was not there, and then he stood up abruptly, yelping, "Misaki-chan! Ah! Where'd Misaki-chan go?" He promptly jogged around the table, repeating, "Misaki-chan! Misaki-chan! Where'd you go, Misaki-chan? Come out, Misaki-chan! Misaki-chan!"
Yes, the child's name was most definitely Misaki.
"She's right here, Naruto-niisan," Sasuke provided.
Naruto completely disappeared and reappeared behind Sasuke, and stared under the table at the little girl with the unnatural hair color. He breathed a sigh of relief. "Misaki-chan, what are you doing down there?"
"I'm saying hi to my boyfriend," Misaki squealed. Itachi shivered.
Naruto's mouth opened and closed several times before he asked, "Misaki-chan, who is your boyfriend?"
"Itachi-kun," Misaki giggled.
"No," Naruto refused, glancing at Itachi with very obvious nervous panic. Was that a drop of sweat rolling down his cheek? "You're too young for a boyfriend—not until you're—uh—graduated from the Academy." Nearly every pause was accompanied with another anxious glance. Itachi, by now, was most definitely wondering what the blond was so afraid of, and also why his name was so familiar.
"Otou-san," Misaki whined, "you didn't say that before!"
"Well," Naruto hesitated. Where was the sake? Itachi suddenly wanted to take a sip of alcohol every time the blond looked at him like that. Being drunk throughout this thing really would be useful. Oh well. He could just drink the water until someone offered him something less…grounding. "I didn't realize that you'd"—slurp—"you know"—slurp—"take an interest in such a"—slurp—"well…" slurp "…abnormal…person"—slurp—"at such a young age…" Slurp. "Could you please stop doing that?" Itachi nearly drained the glass as Naruto stared at him edgily. It took him a moment to realize that the blond was speaking of Itachi's little game.
"Oh," Itachi muttered in response. He racked his mind for a good reason to not let his game be ended. "Well, you see…I can't," he lied, hoping it wasn't too obvious but careful to keep the same level of coolness that he always used in his voice. "Because if I don't drink water…I'll get a major headache." Kisame said that happened to him sometimes, right? "And I don't think that you'd want me to get a headache. I can get quite…touchy when I have a headache."
"Okay," Naruto agreed quickly and turned back to Misaki…who was clinging to Itachi's leg…slurp. "Come on, please come back to"—slurp—"our side of the table."
"But Otou-saaaan," Misaki whined. "I wanna stay here with Itachi-kun, because I love him and he loves me!"
"Misaki-chan," Naruto scolded, glancing at Itachi and making him take another sip from his nearly empty glass of water. "You should come and sit with your mother and Ayumu-san." Slurp. There was more noise from the straw this time than before. Itachi's glass of water had only a few mouthfuls left. Additionally, the point he made regarding guests using the restroom was becoming a reality rather than a potential scenario.
"But I don't wanna!" Misaki protested, hugging Itachi's leg closer. At this rate, it would have to be amputated when it lost all circulation.
Itachi took a drink of water, more so because it was becoming a habit than because Naruto looked at him again, but the water seemed to be gone, as the satisfying slurp was replaced with a very unprintable sound that could quite reasonably be compared to a garbage disposal.
"Enaku-kun," Sasuke called, seeming to cause the toppling of the chair that Naruto once occupied. That Chuunin stood abruptly from behind it, seeming rather flustered.
"What is it, Sasuke-san?" that Chuunin asked obediently.
"…never mind," Sasuke decided. "I suppose it would be a hazard to nearly everybody to let you carry glass…"
That Chuunin crossed his arms. "I'd be able to do it if my doctor hadn't said that I shouldn't go el-three-three-seven for a while after that ten-minute burst."
"Nonetheless," Sasuke added, waving his hand dismissively as he turned to Naruto. "Naruto-niisan, would it trouble you too much to retrieve another glass of water for my dear brother?"
Naruto stared at Itachi for a moment, making him instinctively attempt to gain more water through the straw and fail. "E-excuse me," Naruto muttered, reaching for Itachi's glass. Itachi passed it to the blond, who took it somewhere where he really didn't care.
Silence took its place at the head of the table while a small conversation further down the large piece of furniture noticed this and quickly died out.
Sasuke broke the silence by clearing his throat. "I suppose Naruto-niisan will not be hindered by missing these introductions. Shall we resume?"
Positively toned murmurs answered him, and he grinned a Sasuke grin. "Well, I suppose Hinata's really the last person to be introduced without commotion, so we'll go on with whoever's next to her."
That Chuunin sat to Hinata's left, and presumably had been sitting there since Naruto left to find Misaki, minus when he fell out of the chair, but he now sat there again. He started nervously and asked, "Me?"
"Yes," Sasuke answered coldly, "you."
"Oh," that Chuunin muttered before raising his voice. "I'm Keri Enaku." Silence stretched again, as though he was expected to say something else. "That is all," he added.
The next person going down the table was a redheaded male with dark circles under his eyes and one arm repetitively making a stroking motion under the table, but rather than introduce himself, he pointed out, "Wasn't there a girl who sat here a moment ago?"
"Yes, there was," Sasuke agreed. He backed his chair up and ducked his head under the table. Itachi knew someone somewhere was having a good laugh over the wording of this, considering his brother's hairstyle. "Misaki-hime, come out so everyone can meet you."
The seven-year-old girl crawled out from under the table and asked, "Where can I sit?"
Sasuke shrugged and looked at Itachi with a smile that could be interpreted as friendly only on Opposite Day. "I'm sure Nii-san won't mind…"
And that was why Uzumaki Misaki spent the rest of the gathering sitting in Itachi's lap.
"This is Uzumaki Misaki," Sasuke introduced for her. "She is the daughter of Naruto-niisan and Hinata-san. She is Ayumu's twin sister."
Misaki giggled and waved down the table.
There was a slight transition as all eyes turned to the redhead. "My name," he said, his voice not quite carrying through the room, "is Sabaku no Gaara." He blinked, then grinned slightly as he held up the upper half of the black cat whose abdominal half seemed to be in his lap and under the table. "This is Katena. She's my kitty." The cat mrawled loudly in what seemed to be a lazy complaint. Enaku inched his chair closer to Hinata and further from Gaara and his cat. Gaara turned to the blonde on his left in indication that she was next.
A few murmurs fanned out as those who could hear ran a quick commentary for those who couldn't. The woman on Gaara's left, whose blonde hair was tied back into four stylish fashion statements of ponytails, waited for this to subside before introducing herself. "I am Sabaku no Temari. Gaara-sama is my younger brother." She turned to the man on her left.
"Yo," the long-haired brunet began casually. His face was almost entirely hidden behind purple embellishment, and his long hair shaped around his Suna forehead protector and his face and tied into a long ponytail in the back. "I'm Sabaku no Kankurou. Temari-san is my older sister, and Gaara-sama is my younger brother." He turned to the next person.
The next person obviously didn't care, as his face was buried in a book. Itachi had seen the orange cover of it before; Icha Icha something-or-another, if he remembered correctly. He hadn't been very interested in it; the red circle with a slash through it made him believe it was so adult that there would be no interesting plot.
Behind the orange book, lopsided gray-to-silver-to-white hair poked unevenly upward. The character took his time realizing that he wasn't supposed to read, and when he did, the book dropped only enough for one lazy-looking eye to peer over it. "What?" he asked innocently. "Is there a problem with me reading?"
Sasuke sighed. "We were introducing ourselves. You were next."
"Oh," the platinum-haired man who flaunted a Chuunin's vest answered simply. The bottom half of his face remained obscured by the book, but Itachi saw that the bridge of his nose was covered by navy blue cloth, as well as that one of his eyes was covered by his forehead protector. "I was right at my favorite part though. Oh well." He sighed. "Haven't done this in a while. My name is Hatake Kakashi. I have no intention to tell you my likes and dislikes. My goals should be of no concern to you, either. As for hobbies…I like to do stuff." He buried himself in the book again without doing anything to indicate that he finished or who was next. He giggled as he read the text.
To his left was a dark-haired Chuunin, who sighed when he realized it was his turn and muttered something that Itachi couldn't hear. "I'm Nara Shikamaru," he told, his dark eyes bearing a defensive expression and a small glitter of exasperation. The mission was underestimated, and the only other thing you need to know is that staring is rude." He turned to indicate the next person.
"Um, Shikamaru-san," the next person commented, almost too quietly for Itachi but not quite. "You're not standing up—they're not staring."
"You know as well as I that they will," Shikamaru argued. "I'm just warning them."
The man on Shikamaru's left had pale brown hair that barely fit into the stubby ponytail at the base of his neck. Red spirals adorned each cheek, and he shrugged at Shikamaru's answer. "I'm Akimichi Chouji—Shikamaru-kun's teammate, attendant, and friend." He crossed his arms seriously in conclusion.
The next man grinned widely; this action warped the red isosceles triangles that pointed down his face. "I'm Inuzuka Kiba. Hinata-san's teammate. I'd introduce you to Akumaru, but Sasuke-san wouldn't allow him in here." The brunet shook his head disdainfully. "But cats are allowed—what's the deal with that?"
"Katena-chan is well-behaved," Gaara defended, no doubt stroking the cat affectionately under the table.
"The primary concern," Sasuke added, "is that Akumaru is considerably larger, louder, and more energetic than a cat. Furthermore," he went on, "Gaara-sama's wishes have a way of being prioritized."
Kiba humphed and crossed his arms, closing the matter and giving the responsibility of introduction to the last person on that side of the table.
The last man before the foot of the table hid his eyes behind darkened goggles that effectively covered the entire upper half of his face. The lower half of his face was obscured by a solid piece of black cloth attached like a veil, which covered all of his skin down to the gray jacket that he wore under it. "I am Aburame Shino. I am Kiba's teammate as well as Hinata's. I have been Jounin for a few months now."
While Shino sat at the end of the table, two others sat at the very foot of the table, across from Itachi and Sasuke, though not as evenly spaced. The man on Shino's immediate left stood up valiantly, his glossy black hair set in a braid that waved as he shoved away from the table. His bushy eyebrows and excessively round eyes kept a set expression of pure determination, and his build was notably muscular, even through the ANBU uniform. "I am Rock Lee!" he declared, one arm reaching forward to present a hand in a fist except for his thumb, which pointed directly to the ceiling. "I am the Taijutsu master, after my sensei! I am the Green Beast of Konaha!"
He said no more. Silence filled the air. A breeze almost seemed present; someone commented about someone else leaving the door open. A leaf skittered across the floor.
Rock Lee sat down unimpressively. His neighbor, who seemed to have wound up inching so closely to Lee that some minds leapt to the conclusion that Naruto and Enaku's positions were previously awkward, but these two might have something real.
Lee's neighbor had dark brown hair that seemed easily sat on by its owner, and his eyes were the same pale gray as Hinata's, Misaki's, and Ayumu's. He leaned in on Lee, shoulders rigid, and announced stiffly, "I am Hyuuga Neji; teammate of Rock Lee before he surpassed me, and cousin of Hinata-san." He hesitated. "That is all."
Sasuke, waaaaay at the other end of the table, grinned. "Well, Nii-san," he concluded, "that's my side of the family. Care to introduce yours?"
Itachi nodded. "For those who don't know," he began icily, "I am Uchiha Itachi." As was done on the other side, he merely turned to face the next person, in this case Haruka.
Haruka's face lit up. "Hi! I'm Haruka, and I guess I still don't know my family name, which is kind of funny, because it was at least three years ago the Okaa-san and Otou-san took me home, and then all that stuff happened and I was really confused but Nii-san and I most certainly did keep the house from burning down, and that whole event was really weird and crazy and distracting and I guess that's why we were too distracted to tell me my family name, but even three years later I still don't know, because it was really crazy when I first got there and it must have slipped everyone's mind, so—"
Haruka was interrupted by her father setting his hand on top of her head. "That'll do, Haruka-chan."
"But what is my family name?" Haruka wondered.
"Smith," Pein told her rapidly.
"…Smith Haruka?" Haruka wondered. "That's a kinda weird name…"
"We came from the west," Pein told her, his hand still resting on her head. "Where we came from, you'd be Haruka Anderson."
"…that's weird," Haruka commented. "I thought you just said my family name is Smith."
"Of course it is, Haruka-chan," Pein agreed. "Of course it is."
"…well, now what?" Haruka wondered.
"Now," Pein answered, "I introduce myself." He took a relatively slow breath and exhaled partially before announcing, "I am Nemo. That is all you need to know."
"My name is Lucy," Kai lied. "Lucy Smith."
Shikai didn't say anything for a moment. Pein still hadn't removed his hand from Haruka's head. Shikai shrugged, sighed, and said, "I have no idea what they're talking about with the family name, but I know that everyone calls me Shikai. I don't know if I'm Smith Shikai or Anderson Shikai or Shikai Smith or whatever else, but I guess you should just call me Shikai."
Most eyes were on Kisame even before Shikai finished. Kisame sighed and announced, "I am Hoshigaki Kisame. You've probably heard my name before. I apologize for Itachi-kun and myself for any problems we caused. I would appreciate it if you stopped staring."
"I wasn't staring!" Sakura denied without being prompted. "I was just…you know, looking at you, and it was hard to look away, because you're kind of…I mean, not that blue skin, sharp teeth, gills, and a giant sword strapped to your back are intimidating, but they're a little, you know, alarming, at first glance…"
Kisame sighed and leaned back. Deidara was next.
"I'm Deidara, un," Deidara announced, smiling impishly. That was all.
"I'm Akasuna no Sasori," Sasori introduced. "And I suppose that's all I have to say."
Ren came next. "I'm Uchiha Ren. I have been a member of Otou-chan's organization for about a week now." She indicated Tobi, who was on her right and thus the next person to be introduced.
"Tobi is Tobi," Tobi announced, his voice slightly choked. "And Tobi is a good boy, but it seems he wasn't a good enough boy." He hung his head shamefully. Ren patted him on the back soothingly, and shot a glare at Itachi. Misaki, sitting in his lap, squeaked and cowered.
Itachi gawked inwardly, keeping his outer expression calm. Did everyone seriously think that he liked Misaki more than Tobi? He wondered why exactly he hadn't murdered the girl yet.
"I'm Hidan," Hidan announced boredly. "I can't think of any reasons why you'd have heard of my reputation, so I have nothing more to say."
"I'm Kakuzu," Kakuzu sighed, also suffering boredom. "I deny raping Hidan, and I do not endorse coming out to this event."
Murmurs of agreement washed down the Akatsuki-devoted side of the table. It took some time for them to subside long enough for the second-to-last person on Akatsuki's side to introduce herself.
"I'm Rensawa Kitsuchi," Kitsuchi announced, her face bright even without the blue star tattooed on her cheek. "As you may see from my dress, I am not an actual member." She said no more, and thus Zetsu, the last humanoid on Akatsuki's side, was next and last.
"I'm Zetsu," Zetsu's white half announced.
"No, I'm Zetsu," their black half argued.
Zetsu's white half sighed. "We're Zetsu," it corrected.
"And we haven't eaten any real food in ages," Zetsu's black half announced hungrily.
Neji inched a little closer to Rock Lee, and a little further away from Zetsu.
A/n again: Neji is not gay. Well, he might not be gay. It doesn't matter; he's mostly there to help Sasuke try to intimidate Akatsuki. And to be the lucky dude with Byakugan who has a chance to sit next to Zetsu with them.
I wish I was Neji. I really want to see what the hell Zetsu looks like under the robe.
...not that way. Just, seriously, what the hell is under that cloak?
Evidently, something capable of creeping people out. Like Neji.
Due to the nature of my next chapter, I have decided to, rather than leave you with a preview, close this chapter with one line that I hope will describe it well enough. Hopefully, the chapter will be written in time for a well-timed posting (tomorrow):
To the Holiday Themed Fillermobile, Batman!