AN: I had to edit this a little bit to put in more "parenting" (since those of you who reviewed seemed excited for it, lol). So if there's a part that doesn't make sense, sorry!

It wasn't particularly fun.

The first day, at least. Tweek met with Craig after school as planned, and they decided to go to Tweek's house. "Steal anything," he warned, "and I kick your ass. I mean it."

"I'm not going to steal anything," Craig protested. The baby began to cry. "Fuck. What do we do?"

Tweek dropped his backpack and knelt. "Feed it? Burp it? I don't know." He lifted the baby out of its carrier and began to cradle it in his arms. The crying soon subsided.

"You're pretty good at that," Craig said as he watched. "By the way, what are we naming it? Is it a boy or a girl?"

Tweek checked. "It's a boy."

"Oh." Craig thought a moment. Then: "Damien?"

Tweek rolled his eyes. "Ew, is that one of your creepy bully friends? Think again."

Craig did so amid grumbles of "He's not so bad," and, "Pretty good guy, actually." A minute later, his face lit up. "Thomas," he said.

Tweek considered. "Okay," he responded, wishing he didn't have to do this.

Craig picked up the car seat and they headed to Tweek's car. "Damn," he said upon seeing it. "What is that? A 2002 Jag?"

"Uh huh," Tweek answered distractedly, digging in his pocket for his keys while balancing the baby in his other arm.

"How the hell did you afford that?"

Tweek stopped and stared. "Coffee sells," he said pointedly.

They got in the car and Tweek handed the baby over to Craig. "Support his neck," Tweek warned.

"I will, I will," Craig said grumpily. Holding Thomas up closer to his face, he crooned, "Hello there, Thomas. We're gonna be good daddies." He shot a look at Tweek. "Both of us."

A fifteen minute drive later, Tweek pulled up in front of his house. "Come on," he grumbled to Craig, grabbing his backpack out of the backseat and getting out of the car.

Craig also hopped out. "Holy shit," he said in wonderment, staring at the house in awe.

Tweek tossed a glance at his house. "It's not that big," he said truthfully.

"It's good for a newcomer in South Park," Craig explained. He put his arm through the handle of Thomas's car seat and the boys went inside.

"Hello, Tweek," Cindy Tweak called. She came out from the kitchen with two mugs of coffee. "Oh, hello to you too," she said when she saw Craig. "Shall I make you some coffee too?"

"No thanks," Craig answered politely. "Do you have any bee-"

Tweek elbowed him sharply. "He'll be fine, Mom. This is Craig," he said, accepting the coffee his mother handed him and taking a gulp. "We have to do a project together in health."

"This is our son," Craig said helpfully, holding up Thomas's car seat. "Shh," he warned. "He's asleep.

"Isn't that quaint," Cindy said, cocking her head in a way that Clyde and Token had called "creepy" when they first met her. "My son is a father. I ought to tell Richard." She got the landline phone from its place on the wall and dialed. "Hello, Richard," she said into the phone, "good news. Our son is gay and has decided to adopt a child."

"That's great news. Tell him 'way to go' from me, will you?" they could hear Richard Tweak responding.

"MOM!" Tweek yelled angrily as Craig snickered and covered his mouth. "This is just a project for school! I'm not actually gay! Or an adoptive father! Which isn't even legal at my age!"

"Oh," Cindy said to Tweek. "Never mind, Richard," she said into the phone before hanging up. "You kids have fun with your project."

Tweek groaned and shook with embarrassment as he led the way upstairs, Craig continuing to chuckle. They reached Tweek's room and he slammed the door once they were both inside. "Sit," he instructed, pointing at his bed. Craig sat, and Tweek straightened up. "Okay, listen closely," he began. "I don't want to be working with you on this project. You're a stupid thug that gets cheap thrills out of scaring everyone smaller than you, and I'm letting you know right here, right now, that I'm not impressed by it."

Craig tried to interrupt, but Tweek held up a finger and went on. "Now, for some reason you keep talking about me to Clyde and Token." (Craig blushed.) "I'm not sure of why that is, but no one cares anyway. The important thing is that we're partners on this project. The project is going on for the rest of the entire quarter, which is a long time. A month and a half." He twitched a couple times. "And you better take it seriously, because that bitch Ms. Marshall is making it count for like 40% of the total grade. If I have to do all the work, you better believe I'm telling on you in the progress reports- never has that been and never will it be above me to do so." Tweek finished his tirade angrily.

Craig had his arms crossed, a cool smile on his face. "Damn, Tweek," he said. "You got some attitude, huh?"

Tweek simply let his eye twitch.

Sighing, Craig held his hands up in surrender. "Look. I don't want you to think of me like that. I want us to be friends. And you know what? I'm gonna be a kickass daddy for Thomas. Plus, I'm gonna stop messing with the freshmen."

Tweek was a little startled at the last part, but he recovered quickly. "What about the sophomores?"

Craig paused a minute, as though he were mulling it over, but he answered decidedly, "Them too. I'm going to completely reform myself. From now on, I'm a good boy. No skipping class, no copying homework, no stealing or partying or anything. I'm gonna be right back up there with Token and Clyde. And you." He beamed with newfound pride in himself.

"That's…good," Tweek said, still surprised. "That's really good."

"So do you trust me?"

Tweek stopped, staring at Craig, whose eyes were desperate and pleading. "For now," he said cautiously.

Craig jumped up and gave Tweek a huge hug. Tweek shrieked at first before standing frozen in the embrace, which lasted about ten seconds before the baby started crying.

Craig jumped away when it did. "Thomas!" he exclaimed, rushing back to him. Tweek followed, somewhat stunned, and they sat on his bed on either side of the car seat. Both pulled their legs under to sit on their knees, peering anxiously at the doll. "Do something!" Craig said.

"Um," Tweek said. "Here. Maybe he's h-hungry." He carefully picked up their "son" and grabbed the bottle from a compartment built into the car seat. Fitting it into the baby's mouth, he managed to make it shut up. "Yes," he said, excited with his victory. But then Thomas started up again.

"Fuck!" Craig said. "What else is there to do? Change its diaper? It's a fucking doll."

"Watch your language," Tweek snapped. "And yes, we do have to ch-change its diaper." He checked the compartment and found a diaper. "That can be your job," he said, handing it to Craig.

For a moment, it looked as though Craig was going to protest, but then he accepted the diaper. "Okay," he said slowly, leaning uncertainly over Thomas. "Er…" He clumsily peeled off the mysteriously Asian baby's diaper. "Ew, what the hell?" he exclaimed when he saw the yellow patch on the cloth.

"It's not pee, it's some computer thing!" Tweek said once he'd gotten over the initial shock of Craig's sudden yelling. "It goes in the back…Ugh, just give it to me." He took the diaper back and out it on Thomas himself, who finally cooed and stopped crying. Tweek sighed in relief, rocking the doll slowly.

"You did it again!" Craig said happily. He scooted over to lean against Tweek's right side, watching him cradle the baby. They sat for a moment like that, silent and happy, before Tweek jumped and realized how they were positioned. "Here," he said, handing Thomas off to Craig. He stood up hastily and began brushing himself off.

Craig rocked the doll lightly in his arms, watching Tweek. "Are you okay?" he asked.

"Uh huh," Tweek said, twitching. He reached for the mug of coffee he'd left on his dresser and gulped down the last of it. "Gah!" he yelled, realizing it was empty.

"Calm down," Craig said unhelpfully.

"I can't!" Tweek shouted. "My coffee is gone and you're in my room and I'm a father and the gnomes are gonna come back and Stan is plotting to kill me and it hurts to stab yourself with pencils and bunnies are too cute to be true and I still don't get The Matrix even after seeing it like five times-"

"Tweek!" Craig barked. "You're frightening our child!" Tweek fell silent, and Craig went on. "I'll get you more coffee, it's okay that I'm in your room because we're working on a project and I'm not an asshole anymore, this is only a doll, the gnomes- whatever those are- will be staying far away from you as long as I'm around, Stan is too stupid to plot anything, no one's forcing you to stab yourself with pencils, bunnies can't help being cute, and secretly, I don't think anyone got The Matrix."

Tweek blinked and shook for a minute. "You're going to protect me from the gnomes?" he asked incredulously.

"Frankly, Tweek, I don't know what the hell you're talking about, but yes, I will certainly try."

Tweek looked furtively around the room before speaking again, lowering his voice to a whisper. "Swear?"

"On my life," Craig promised, obviously trying very hard not to roll his eyes.

"Wow," Tweek breathed, carefully walking over to sit on his knees in front of Craig once more. "…They're nasty little fuckers, I'm warning you…You don't have to-"

"Tweek," Craig said firmly, "if a gnome comes anywhere near you, you call me and I will come immediately to your aid. I will protect you from those gnomes or die trying."

Tweek watched Craig a moment, making sure he was being serious, then whistled. "You really are trying to change, huh."

Craig nodded. "Yup. So, why don't you tell me about these 'gnomes' while I give Thomas a good rocking?"

Craig decided to stay the night. He and Tweek, in between caring for Thomas, had long conversations, getting to know each other thoroughly.

"So, what do you think of Park County High?" Craig asked. He was sitting on the ground, leaning against Tweek's bed. "Some of the teachers are something else, eh?"

"Yeah," Tweek agreed. He was pacing around his bedroom, rocking Thomas in his arms, twitching randomly. "Mrs. Lessard hasn't actually taught me anything yet- I haven't once seen her awake."

"What period do you have her?"

"Second."

"Ah," Craig said, nodding, "yes. She always sleeps through third period, but by fourth, she's an excellent teacher…Wait, you said second? Like, with Eric Cartman and Kyle Broflovski?"

"Yeah," Tweek said, surprised. "How did you know?" His voice dropped to a whisper as he asked, "You don't have cameras following me, do you?"

Craig smiled, but didn't laugh. "I hate those guys."

"Why?" Tweek cocked his head to the left as he put the "sleeping" Thomas back in his car seat and sat next to Craig.

"Stan's whole group caused a lot of trouble back in elementary school and junior high," Craig said, his face somewhat clouded. "They brought me down with them sometimes." He looked sideways at Tweek. "When you went and sat with them today at lunch, it kind of pissed me off."

"I like them okay," Tweek said. "They're nice to me. Even Cartman is."

Craig's eyebrows furrowed. "He better not be trying to pull something."

"Like what?" Tweek asked, confused.

At this, Craig threw back his head and laughed. "You're really naïve, aren't you, Tweek," he chuckled.

Tweek shivered involuntarily for a moment. "What do you mean?" he asked.

"People will do anything around here," Craig said vaguely, "and Cartman's had his moments. Just remember, Tweek, if he tries anything, you tell him that you're mine."

"Am I?" Tweek asked concernedly. "I hadn't realized, no one told me, I'm sorry. Although I have to admit I'm not quite sure how it works, see, Token and Clyde already told everyone I'm theirs. But Kenny said that too. But if it's all a mix-up-"

"Calm down," Craig commanded with a laugh, throwing his arm around Tweek's shoulder. "You don't have to worry about anything anymore. You've got me now."

"So it works both ways?" Tweek wondered.

Craig paused. "In a way, yeah," he said, giving Tweek's shoulder a squeeze. He lightly pushed Tweek's head onto his own shoulder. "We're going to be awesome together," he announced.

"I'd be okay with a B-minus," Tweek said from his slightly awkward new position. He inhaled through his nose and noted that Craig used a lot of Axe.

At this comment, Craig smiled. "It's late," he said, looking upward at the clock on Tweek's wall.

Tweek also glanced at it. "Holy shit!" he yelled, sitting up straight in alarm. "It's 3am!"

"That's true," Craig said. He stood up slowly and stretched. "Where are we sleeping?" he asked.

"Uh- er- GAH!" Tweek spazzed. "You can have my-"

Craig snorted. "I'm not taking your bed," he said. He then wiggled his eyebrows. "Unless you're in it too."

Tweek's left eye twitched. "You mean share it?" he asked doubtfully.

Craig shrugged and stretched. "I'm game. It's huge," he said, eyeing the bed.

"O-okay," Tweek stammered. It was weird to think that he had hated Craig so vehemently before, and now they were going to be sharing a bed…

Don't overthink it, he scolded himself in his head. He just doesn't want to sleep on the floor. Especially since you told him about those fuck-damn gnomes.

He looked up to see Craig peeling off his black and white, plaid, flannel shirt. Craig saw him looking and stopped. "Enjoying the show?" he teased.

"No!" Tweek exclaimed. "I just- uh- GAH!" He pulled his own shirt off, folding it neatly and placing it atop his dresser. Quivering in the sudden cold, he turned back around to his bed, which Craig was already in. Tweek nervously got in himself.

"Dude," Craig said. "You sleep in jeans?"

"You're sleeping in your hat," Tweek pointed out, turning pink as he looked down and noticed Craig was in his boxers.

Craig grinned and pulled off his blue chullo. "No, I'm not," he said cheekily.

"…" Tweek sighed and slowly pulled his jeans off under the blankets. He sat up and folded them as well, then placed them on the floor. He felt somewhat uncomfortable, especially with Craig's eyes on him.

After this process, Craig slid downwards under the covers. "Mm," he hummed contentedly. "My mattress is lumpy."

"Maybe there are bugs under the mattress!" Tweek whispered in horror.

"Nah," Craig said, closing his eyes peacefully. "It's just really old."

"B-buy a new one?"

"Can't afford it."

Tweek clamped his mouth shut. He hoped it wasn't sounding as though he was rubbing his fortunate financial status in Craig's face…He hadn't realized. Did he sound like a snob? A spoiled kid? Oh no-

"Don't worry about it." Tweek jumped and looked at Craig, whose eyes were on him. "I'm not dirt poor or anything. Just not as well off as you." Craig snorted. "Fuck, you should see Kenny's house. I love that guy, but his room is just pathetic." Craig bent his elbows behind his head, resting his head on his hands. "Go to sleep."

And Tweek tried to oblige. He really did try. But even after he knew Craig was asleep, he couldn't get his eyes to close in rest.

After about an hour, he gave up on forcing himself into slumber and simply waited to get tired. He turned his head, watching Craig sleep. He felt creepy, but he couldn't look away.

Craig's black hair was messy from pulling his hat off. His eyelids were free of creases. His cheeks were pink, along with his lips, which smiled with whatever dream he was engrossed in. Usually unnoticeable freckles sprinkled across his cheekbones and his nose in a way that was childlike, yet they complemented his face. In sleep, Craig was perfect and peaceful, the shadow of his tough school image finally revealed. Tweek had to resist the urge to reach out and touch him; he longed to brush a thumb against his cheek or run a hand through his hair.

Tweek finally managed to fall asleep like this, watching his new companion intently.

AN: So, yeah, I hope you liked this, lol. I still remember giggling while I wrote this end part, and it was a while ago. So yeah, please review if you have time, either way, thanks for reading!

-See you next week!- Cpt. Essex Cole