Chapter 04/(10.4)
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['She found me.
Even though I was running away, she caught up to me.
Even though I was hiding, she saw me.
Even though I was sinking really, really deep, she still reached me.
She always found me.
The truth is; I really did wanted to be found.
And,
I was grateful to have been found.
More than that,
I was glad that it was her who found me.']
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/"SASUKE-KUN!"/
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['She was always calling me and I heard her every single time. But every time I turned around, she was always...
always...
forcing a smile on her face.
She didn't seem to hate me like everyone else so,
Why?']
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/"Don't you ever get tired of putting up that act?"/
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['Why was she always looking at me like that?
I got curious. I started to think about her. Before I even realized it, I was looking for her.']
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/'So that's it.', he thought as he heard everything from outside the literature club room.
("...And the fact that you told me I can't help Uchiha. To me, it feels like I need to prove myself to you as well. So that's just what I'm going to do. I'm gonna prove to you just how wrong you were about me! You'll see! I'll convince him to come to school more. We'll get through senior year with our own efforts. Just so you know! I believe in Uchiha. I know he can be capable, if he only tried. We don't need your special project. We don't need your special treatment and consideration.")
Sasuke cocked an eyebrow.
("Uh, Haruno-")
("I know you're worried about him but you'll see. He'll come around. I just know it. This may seem wierd but, I do believe that there's more to him than what he lets people think about him. And he gives me the feeling that, he's just waiting for someone to scratch that surface and show exactly who he really is inside.")
'This girl.", he mumbled.
("He and I might actually become good friends. You know, how everyone seems to hate us? He might actually learn to like me as a person. I'll make him like me. He's definitely gonna l-")
The door suddenly opens.
"Love me.", Sakura finished her sentence. She then turned around to find herself in front of him./
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/"Give up on me."
"No! You may be a time bomb waiting to explode or a fragile glass that could break anytime, for all I care! I'm going to be blunt and insensitive with you! I'll be the one to tell you that whatever problems you're facing right now, you're being stupid about it, trying to face it all alone! You need someone to pull you in the right direction and it's going to be me. I'll pull you. And I'll keep pulling you until I get you out of whatever hell you think you're in!"/
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['Aa. The force was too much to handle. I got sucked in then and there.
It was as if...
There was a special place for me...
Beside her.']
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/Sakura's hair clip in one hand, a book in the other, Sasuke descended the stairs.
"Oh. Can I help? ... Not at all."
'She sounds... different.' Sasuke saw Sakura as she was talking with somebody on the phone.
Sakura chuckled. "Oh Sasori. It's nice to hear your voice too. I missed you."
Sasuke was on the same floor as her by then. 'This is a different side of her.'
Sakura lowered her phone holding it to her chest.
He slowly moved closer to her. Finally he could see her face. She was smiling—Genuinely. "So you can smile like a normal person."
Sakura suddenly looked at him just as he placed the book and her hair clip on the concrete railing.
"W-W-What was that?"
"You can... smile properly after all." He used his index finger to draw a curve at the corner of his lips for visual emphasis.
"I-I-I don't w-want to hear that f-from y—a person who doesn't smile AT ALL."
Sasuke realized that someone else was there with them./
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['What was I thinking at that time?']
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/"Hand in my homework will you?", Sasuke told Sakura then moved away from her.
Sakura was confused for a moment but she looked carefully at the book again and there was in fact a piece of paper between the pages. When she turned to look at Sasuke again, he was already moving towards the stairs.
"Why not do it yourself?", asked Naruto, finally ascending the stairs.
"Can't stay. Got work today.", Sasuke answered as he descended.
Sakura stayed silent. Both boys had a serious, passive expression on their faces.
"You came to school just to do that one homework?"
"Aa." Sasuke stopped when he stood side by side with Naruto on the same run. "Since someone went through all the trouble of handing it to me the other day."
There was a look of surprise in Naruto's face as he turned to Sasuke. Sasuke, on the other hand, continued down on to the second floor without even looking at him./
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['Ah. That's right. I wanted to boast. I wanted to show off.
'Look, the girl you're crazy about but can't even get to look at you, I caught her attention,' I thought back then.
Maybe, I just missed competing with Naruto,
Or,
Maybe, I just simply missed being relevant.
But that's not what really mattered back then,
All I could think of was,
My world suddenly seemed bigger when she was around. It was like, places that has been closed for me opened once again.
It was suddenly easier to breathe and move through this world.']
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/"You borrowed this from the Library yesterday and you're suppose to return it today.", she reminded him.
"Aa." Sasuke took the book and then went ahead.
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"Uchiha-san!", she suddenly called him.
Sasuke stopped and slowly looked back at her. She wasn't forcing a smile on her face anymore.
"Uhm... Next time! ... Next time let's do the homework together okay?" She lowered her head as if afraid of what he might say to her.
"Aa."
Sakura raised her head to look at him.
Sasuke just knew that she wanted to make sure she heard him right so he nodded at her.
Sakura's face lit up
'That expression.'
He went on his way but not without glancing back at her one more time. He caught her smiling.
'Finally.'
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['I knew Naruto like her. And I also knew she likes someone. I knew it. But,
I really did wanted to be found. I wanted someone to catch up to me. I wanted someone to see me. I wanted someone to reach me.']
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/"I'm here for you too. Let's do our best. Let's just do what we can do for now. And right now we're still young. Let's just focus on getting through high school. Then college. And then when we're older; more matured and more able, we can truly be independent. You don't really have to rush the idea of completing yourself as a person. You don't have to do it alone either. I promise, I'll still be here for you. I'll help you then. Fill that space. Even if this world forces you to become someone else. I'll still remember the 'you' from this time. I'll remember you as just Sasuke-kun. And I'll remind you just how perfect you are as just you."
Sasuke needed a moment to take that all in.
"Sasuke-kun?", she reluctantly spoke.
He chuckled so she finally looked at him. "I swear! Everything that comes from your mouth, sounds like a confession. If I didn't know about Sasori, you would've stirred something up in my heart long ago."
Sakura suddenly covered her face in embarrassment. "Damn it, Uchiha! Save your flirting for Karin! You're the one who's bad for my heart! You're a natural flirt aren't you?!"
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He placed it inside his pockets. "Thank you."
"F-For what?"
"For saying the words I didn't even know I needed to hear."
Sakura smiled at him.
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['That was supposed to be enough.
But,']
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/"Sasuke-kun!"
He heard her calling but he didn't slow down.
"Sasuke-kun! If you're in such a hurry then don't bother! Just go home-"
Sasuke suddenly stopped so Sakura ran into his back. He immediately turned around and reached for her.
That's when Sakura had reached out to grab him as well.
His right hand ended up on her waist while Sakura had hold onto the other. He realized that she was still bent back a little so, he gently pulled her to help her straighten herself but his action caught her off guard. She lost her balance and crashed into his chest instead. Sakura was not moving so he got worried. "Are you in pain?"
She pushed herself back a little to look up at him.
Sasuke was carefully studying her face to make sure that she was alright, when a car suddenly drove by. The headlights shone on them for a moment, and in that moment Sasuke got a good look at Sakura's vulnerable expression.
He was suddenly more aware. His eyes widened in realization and he quickly pulled himself away from her."/
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['She had feelings for me,
And I realized, I had feelings for her.
I fell in love with her.']
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/Sasuke moved forward and held his hand out to her. He tried to wipe her tears but she slapped his hand away and took a step back.
"Stop it! Just stop being nice to me! Why are you the one who's here with me?! Why isn't HE here instead of you? You're not him! You're not Sasori!"
Sasuke left without saying anything. Sakura got on her bus. The both of them never looked back.
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A block away from the bus shelter, Sasuke stopped. He looked at his right hand and closed it into a fist./
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['Why didn't I stay away?']
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/Sasuke stood by the road as he waited for a ride back to Konoha's town proper. Next thing he knew, Sakura threw herself into his back and hugged him.
Hearing her heavy breathing and feeling it on his nape, sent shivers down his spine. "Sa-Sakura?!"
She held him tighter. "Ne, Sasuke-kun."
He tried to hold her hand. "W-What?"
"Let's be friends?"
He let his hands fall to his sides instead. "Aa."/
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['I should've stayed away.']
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['I had more than one reason,']
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/"Teme!"
Sasuke had just walked out of the school building when Naruto called him. He saw his best friend waving at him from a nearby bench. He sat beside a girl with rose gold hair.
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"So? What was that all about?", Naruto stood up and questioned him as soon as he was within earshot. "Did you get in trouble?"
He shook his head.
"Right! Sakura-chan."
"Yes!"
"Let me introduce my best friend. Uchiha Sasuke."
Sasuke turned his attention to Sakura as she stood up. She did it more for formalities sake, he realized. He could tell that he was making her uncomfortable.
"And Sasuke. This is my classmate, Haruno Sakura-chan."
Naruto's words may not mean anything for Sakura. But for Sasuke, he understood what the word 'my' in that sentence meant. She was after all, the girl that Naruto had fallen for at the young age of seven—after she saved his life. It was Naruto's way of proclaiming that he had made progress. He didn't just knew her name anymore. He got one step closer to getting to know her better and possibly, asking her out, eventually.
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"I'm telling you Sasuke, it's her.", Naruto showed him his foxy grin. "My saviour! It's destiny!"/
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/Sasuke finally released her.
Sakura looked back at him. "Hey! Naruto read it!"
"Aa."
"Eh?! So Naruto can read the letter but I can't?!", she complained.
"Yes. Because he's my best friend and I'd let him know first-hand before I make a move on a girl or accept one's confession."
Naruto smiled. Then he let his lips form a smug grin. "There you have it Sakura-chan!", he told her as he moved forward. He didn't miss his chance to lightly smack her head with the folded paper before walking passed her and handing it back to Sasuke. He then looked back at Sakura after Sasuke took it. "Sorry! But you only come in second to me!"/
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['More than one reason.']
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/"You understand right?", said Madara. "The way things are, you need to work harder now. It's not just about you anymore. For me. For Obito and Rin. And... For your brother's son."
Sasuke nodded. "I know. Nothing has changed. I'll go according to plan."
"Are you sure?" Madara doubted his resolve. "I heard that the reason you didn't continue this... 'treasure hunting' of yours was because you met a girl."
"She- It doesn't change anything."
"I see. We all need 'it' I supposed. You're in that age too. Very well. Indulged yourself. Enjoy the company of your girl as much as you can, while you can.", implied Madara. "I just hope you're being careful. You wouldn't want to make the same mistake your brother made right?"
'I won't.'
"Very well then. You'll hear from me again soon." Madara patted Sasuke on his shoulder before moving towards the car in front of them.
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As soon as the car was leaving the property, Sasuke turned around and saw Sakura.
Sakura smiled awkwardly then waved at him. "H-Hey."
He nodded.
The sound of a motorcycle had them turning their attention towards the main gate. Sasori drove through the entrance and stopped right in front of them. He didn't bother to turn the engine off. "What's he doing here?", he asked Sakura as he raised his eye shield.
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She doesn't really need to keep working, does she?", asked Sasori.
"No!" Sakura retorted. "I can't stop yet. I promised him. I had a deal with Orochimaru-san."
Sasori looked at Sakura. "You can't? Or you won't?", he implored.
"I can't just quit this. And you know why?"
"Damn right I do." Sasori stared at Sasuke. "Hey! Say something will you!"
"Sasori. Stop.", Sakura tried to hush him.
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"You don't get to decide for her.", said Sasuke.
"But you do?!"
"She decides for herself. She can stop anytime or… she can work if that's what she wants to do. For as long as she wants to."
"She'll work as long as you need her to. Tell her it's okay to quit and she'll stop coming to work. Tell her you don't need her anymore and she'll stop talking to you."
"No." Sasuke flat-out told him.
"No?! Of course not! Of course you won't."/
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['I thought I had my feelings under control.
I thought I was only doing all of that to help her.
When really,
I just couldn't stay away from her.']
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/Sasuke attempted to fix the messy mop Sakura's top bun had become. He clears Sakura's face of sticky wet hair and found himself lost in her eyes.
His eyes darted down to her lips.
He brushed his thumb along Sakura's lips and she closed her eyes.
He leaned forward.
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/"...You wouldn't want to make the same mistake your brother made right?"/
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Sasuke stilled. He stared at Sakura.
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He remembers Izumi and could only imagine what she might've went through when Itachi disappeared from her life.
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'I won't. There's absolutely no way, I'll put her through that.'
He let Sakura go. He suddenly heard Suigetsu's voice and quickly moved away from her./
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['But the damage has already been done. I had already made a mistake.']
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/"I… love you. I'm in love with you Sasuke-kun."
"Sakura. Y-You have Sasori."
"Sasori? S-Sasori's gone. He- He's gone. He left me for good."
"Because of me? He's gone so now, you're coming after me?"
"No! I- I really love you. Weren't you listening? I've been in love with you for so long."
"Stop. I- I can't- I'm sorry. I- I… N- I was going to ask Karin out."
"Karin?"
"Aa."
"But… I love you."
"She loves me too!" Sasuke said through gritted teeth. "For a lot longer than you have too. And... unlike you, she never thought of it as a struggle. Not even once. And in spite of what I've been through, she certainly didn't bother to find a way out of feeling that way about me."
"But I was- No, you're right and I was wrong. So wrong. But… I thought y- … You tried to kiss me."
"Y-You were… vulnerable. I- I'm just a man."
"But… all this time… You were so kind to me and…"
"I thought I could have my fun with you. That's all it was! I was… tired of my daily routine. I was bored and… Sure you help me with my problems along the way and I'm grateful but… seeing you fall emotionally apart was part of the game. I wanted to play with you until you couldn't hold out much longer. It took longer than I expected and I just got bored of you. But like I said, I'm grateful for everything you've done for me. That's why I tried to let you off easily by slowly giving you space. This dinner was a sincere favor I wanted to ask of you as a friend but, I made a mistake early this morning. Old habits die hard. It was a mistake." His voice cracked. "I knew I screwed up. It wasn't supposed to end like this. Three more weeks and we could've gone our separate ways peacefully." He was shaking the whole time and unable to look her straight in the eyes.
"That's… That's so unfair! You're so unfair!"
"Unfair?! Me?", he scoffed. "You're the one who keeps a boy at the side while you flirt with whoever you please. You bragged about your future with Sasori while giving me mix signals. How did you think I took it?! I thought that you just wanted to play too! Clearly, I was wrong. My bad! Good thing we haven't fucked yet, right? You get to walk away from this with a lot more than just your dignity intact-"
A piercing sound echoed throughout the deck as Sakura's hand collided with Sasuke's face.
Sasuke lick his cut lip as he slowly turned back towards Sakura. He expected to see the face of a hurt and crying girl. Instead he saw a blank expression.
Sakura then turned away and started searching for her missing items again.
Sasuke watched her in remorse. He was finally going to take out what he had inside his pocket but then he noticed that Sakura froze in place. She suddenly looked guilt-ridden. He was distressed to learn that someone else was there. He quickly looked behind him to check who Sakura was looking at.
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Karin stood by the door. She had a painfully concerned, pitying look on her face.
"Karin?"
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Sakura then slowly walked past Sasuke and moved towards Karin. She lowered her head as she walks by Karin.
"Sakura.", said Karin.
Sakura stopped and slowly turned to Karin with a now pained expression. "Karin.", she whimpered.
Karin was not sure how to feel about seeing Sakura cry miserably right in front of her.
Sakura stepped back and lowered her head in apology.
"S-Sakura?"
"C-Congratulions!", Sakura wept. She then pulled back right before Karin could touch her and turned away.
"Sakura!", yelled Karin as Sakura ran away from there as fast as she could.
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"Well?"
Sasuke looked at Karin
"Aren't you going to go after her?"
"I- ... N-No."
Karin stomped towards him.
"Karin,"
Karin slapped him on the same cheek Sakura had earlier. "This is not you! The Sasuke I loved would never do such a thing!"
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Karin shook her head in disappointment before walking away from him./
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['I lied to her because I thought it would be for the best.']
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/"You shouldn't have allowed her to fall in love with you in the first place! ... It's too damn late! She loves you! No matter what you do, she's going to get hurt! Wether she hates you or not, when you leave, she's going to cry!"/
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/"I got rejected by the way. Guess, I win. I'm braver than you. Smarter too, as it turns out."/
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['Everyone was right. I was only thinking about myself.']
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~[*]~
['I was afraid.
I love you. I wanted to hold you. I wanted be with you.
But if I allowed myself to do that,
I would never be able to let go. I would never be able to ask you to forget about me. And I would never ever want to be anywhere else but beside you.']
"In the end, I couldn't do anything for you.", he whispered as he brushed away the strands of hair on Sakura's face. "I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you."
Sasuke lie beside her, watching her as she sleeps. He sighed heavily as he took notice of the bags under Sakura's eyes.
'You haven't slept well at all recently, have you? No wonder you're so tired.'
He smiled.
'It would be a problem for me if you woke up right now anyway. I don't know what I would do to you.'
He rested his back on the mattress and spent the rest of his remaining time listening to her breathing.
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Sasuke slowly got out of bed. He walked quietly around the bed and took his lanyard from off the table.
He looked at Sakura's sleeping form one last time before moving towards the door.
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Sasuke was surprised when a woman came up to him as soon as he got down from the taxi in front of Senju Hospital.
"Sasuke."
"Izumi."
"Hi. I was surprised when you called to tell me you were coming to Tokyo.", the woman smiled at him gently. "It's very nice to see you again."
"Yes. You too. I was actually planning to go visit your house after this." Sasuke picked up his luggage. "You didn't have to come all the way here."
"It's okay, I don't live very far away from here. Besides, I always wanted to go here. I Just never really had a good reason too."
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"So this was where Itachi was confined before he asked to go home to Konoha." Izumi looked around as she and Sasuke walked down the hall. She suddenly stopped and took a moment to look out the window. They were so high that even the communities along the other side of the river was visible. "He was so close and yet so far away."
Sasuke took the scrapbook out of his bag and handed it to Izumi.
Izumi was confused but accepts it anyway.
"Itachi left it for me. It's a map, sort of. I was supposed to follow it but I... gave up on it."
Izumi brushed her hand across the cover before opening the book.
"Whatever he wanted me to find, I thought Jun should have it."
"Y-You know about Jun?"
Sasuke nodded. "Maybe, one day he could go and see the world, the way his father did. It would be like, they're together every step of the way."
Izumi held back her tears as she hugged Sasuke. She then withdrew herself from the embrace then resumed skimming through the book with a brilliant smile. "If I had known, you already knew about Jun, I wouldn't have made an effort to prevent the two of you from meeting."
"I knew that was the reason you didn't want me to meet you at your house."
"I'm sorry you weren't able to find it." Izumi suddenly realized something as she skimmed through the pages. Her smile became softer this time. "But maybe, the way things turned out isn't so bad after all."
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Sasuke just sat there, staring at his phone.
"I remembered the time when you use to glare at your phone whenever Sakura called."
Sasuke turned towards the bed. "You're awake."
Suigetsu wet his lips. "Admit it. You missed it during summer and now," He kept talking despite the difficulty. "You stare at your phone longingly, waiting for her to call."
"You must be doing okay, if you can talk like that."
"When did you get here?"
"This morning."
"When are you leaving?"
"This afternoon."
"Oh."
"By the way," Sasuke thought he should lift the mood. "Your personal nurse told me to get her as soon as you wake up so," Sasuke stood up.
"Wait! How do I look?"
Sasuke smirked. "Cooler than me. Way cooler."
Suigetsu grinned. "You better start writing that speech, Uchiha Sasuke."
"Aa." Sasuke walked towards the couch at the other side of the suite. He gently shook Karin awake.
Karin woke up with a jolt. The white oversized cardigan that she used as a makeshift blanket ended up on the floor as she made her way to Suigetsu's side.
Sasuke found it a good time to leave.
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Sasuke saw the time.
It was almost twelve noon.
"Sir, we have to go.", said the man beside him.
Sasuke remained stationary.
"Sir,"
"One moment."
He took out his phone and just stared at it.
His companion checked his itinerary, worriedly. "Maybe we could-"
"I said, I need a moment."
The man fell silent. He started pulling down the hem of his sleeves as he also looked at Sasuke's phone.
Sasuke glared at him. "Alone."
"Oh." The man backed away from Sasuke, giving him enough space.
Sasuke turned on his phone less than two minutes before twelve o'clock. He then blinked between the clock and his phone as he watched the second hand pass the twelfth hour and complete a full circle.
Nothing.
"Sir? Shall we?"
He sighed.
He was about to follow the man when his phone rang at around a minute pass twelve.
The man he was with was just as surprised as he was.
Sasuke picked up on the second ring. "Sakura?"
He could only hear crying from the other line.
"Sakura?" He walked ahead of his companion maintaining his distance to allow himself some privacy.
("S-Sasuke-kun…")
"What's wrong?!" He headed towards the main doors.
("Sasuke-kun…")
"Aa. I'm here. I'm listening."
("Sasuke-kun… I… I'm sorry~")
"No. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. For everything."
("I love you~")
Sasuke inhaled deeply as he walked out of the building.
("I love you so much.")
"Thank you... I…"
("I know. It's okay. I understand. But… I still love you after all. I can't help it.")
"Aa."
("I really, really love you.")
"Aa." He could hear Sakura trying her best to stop crying.
("T-This is it… right? … This is… goodbye.")
"A-Aa." His voice cracked.
("I'm really glad I got the chance to hear your voice again.")
Sasuke looked down and closed his eyes. He was relishing the moment. "I feel the same way."
("I think I'll be fine even if it's the last time.")
"You have to."
("Uhn. I'll do my best here so~ You too.")
"I will."
("Good luck with… everything.")
"Aa."
("Stay healthy. Stay safe.")
"You too."
("Be happy~ Sasuke-kun~")
"I hope you find happiness as well."
"G-Go… Goodbye~"
Sasuke raised his head.
"Sasuke-kun?"
He opened his eyes, taking in the scenery in front of him—A city that is no longer Tokyo or any other city in Japan. "…goodbye…"
He was so used to losing people who are important to him, so used to getting left behind, so used to not getting what he wanted that he no longer knew the difference between having something and having nothing. But in that instance, Suigetsu's words made the most sense.
Once, there was a girl who made a promise that she would always remember the real him even if the world forces him to change. But he had asked that girl to forget about him.
~Beep~
The moment he ended the call, he felt as if something inside him had died.
"Mr. Uchiha."
He turned to his companion. He now stood beside the chauffeur who was holding the door of the car open for him.
Sasuke nodded at the man then took his first step towards his new life.
~[**]~
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TBC
[*] = Pierce/One Ok Rock
[**] = Et cetera/One Ok Rock