Chapter 4 – Sing for Absolution

Edward's POV

Waking up I rolled over and squinted at the clock on the wall. My eyes shot open and I sat up straight. Eleven o'clock?! Why didn't my father wake me up earlier? Last night's events rushed to me and I sank back onto my pillow in despair. That's right. Dad is in the hospital. Sick with the flu.

I sighed and swung my legs over the bed, getting up and dressing. I threw water on my face and brushed a comb through my untimely hair before going out into the kitchen. I hope Mother had eaten something. I could cook for her if she hasn't, but I hope she isn't that down.

Walking out into the kitchen I swayed slightly and tripped over my own two feet, catching myself before I fell to the ground. Chuckling to myself and standing up right, I went to the cupboard. "I think I hang out with Bella too much," I said to no one. Stopping with one hand on the cupboard door, I frowned. I knew that was wrong. I could never hang out with Bella too much. I could never see Bella too much. She was my light to another dreary day in Chicago. I would never be able to go on without her if she wasn't with me.

I got a fluttering in my stomach just thinking about her and my palms grew sweaty. My heart lifted at every sight of her and I knew now that as much as I wanted to go to war I would never be able to leave her here without me. Just knowing the pain she would be going through and the pain I would be going through would have been too much for me. Dad was right when he told me not to go to war.

"I know you, son. You would never be able to leave Bella here to fend for herself. You care for her too much, even when she can take care of herself." He laughed out loud to me. "You probably would have lost an arm purposely just to get sent back to her."

I sighed. It was true. I probably would have.

Finally opening the cupboard and grabbing some bread, I walked over to the counter. I slathered my bread in butter and walked out to the hallway, finding Mother who had seemingly disappeared. "Mother?" I called in between bites. "Mother? Where are you?" I knocked on her bedroom door. "Mother?" I called quietly, just in case she was still sleeping. I thought that highly unlikely, but she was so upset yesterday that last night's events could have wore her out.

No answer. I frowned worried and slowly opened the door, peeking my head inside. "Mother?" I called. Lying in her bed was Mother, still sleeping. I walked into the room and closed the door behind me before creeping over to her bed. I shook her shoulder gently, calling for her to wake up. She rolled over and faced me. Her eyes opened her groggily.

"Edward? What time is it?" she asked.

"It's about eleven fifteen by know."

She shot up and smoothed down her hair, jumping out of bed. "Oh my. I need to get up. I have so much to do! Oh, if Bella doesn't mind I hope she helps. Why didn't you wake me up earlier? Oh, of course, your father always wakes…you…oh." She slowly sat back down on the bed. "Oh."

I sat down next to her and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. "It'll be alright Mother," I said comfortingly. "If it helps I'll call on Bella. She'll be happy to help you Mother. You know she always is. Just don't work her to hard." I smiled at her trying to lighten up the mood.

She returned my smile, getting up, and shooing my out the door. "Yes, yes, you're right. Now, I need to get dressed. So out!"

I laughed and was pushed out the door. I walked to the front hall, grabbing my sweater from the back of the hall chair and walked out to the cloudy Chicago air. Sighing happily at the city I loved and the optimistic feelings Mother left me with, I started walking towards Bella's house. Anticipation at seeing her beautiful face was hot in my veins and I walked faster than before. I couldn't wait to see Bella, and hug her, and…

I slowed my walk down. This fire in my veins, this anticipation. I've never felt anything like it before. It had always been there I knew that, but always on a much lower key.

And suddenly, like an epiphany, I knew. I love Bella Swan.

I fell down onto the bench on the side of the sidewalk and buried my face in my hands. How could I go to Bella's now? How could I face her and know that I now love my best friend, that I probably always had? There was no way she felt the same way. I groaned. What have I done? I've ruined the greatest friendship that I ever had.

"Edward?"

I spread my fingers and looked through them. Carlisle Cullen stood in front of me, looking at me with great concern. I stood up quickly. "Dr. Cullen."

"Are you feeling okay, Edward? Do you want me to give you a check up?" he asked. He probably thinks I caught the flu from Dad.

I shook my head. "No, thank you Carlisle, but I'm fine."

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"Yes, I- I just had an epiphany I guess…" I said. I shut my mouth fast. What is it about Dr. Cullen that makes me want to tell him everything that's on my mind?

He looked at me knowingly. No, I thought in anguish. He knows I love Bella. I can see it in his eyes. He knew before I did even.

"Hm…I see. Well, tell Miss Bella that I say hello." He said. I nodded and made to walk away. "Oh, and Edward?"

I turned and looked at him.

"Don't hesitate to tell her."

And he walked away humming quietly to himself. I knew he didn't mean to tell her he said hello, too.

I sighed and shoved my hands in my pockets. I really hope I don't ruin everything. She can't possibly find out…

No, I haven't ruined anything. Not yet at least. I just won't tell her. She'll never know then. It will be like it always was. Just because I know that I love her doesn't mean she will know and doesn't mean she will become quiet and shy and awkward around me, like she is with other men that try to court her. She doesn't believe it, but she is too beautiful for her own good. Already she's had many men who have tried to win her heart and three men ask for her hand without even a first date.

I kicked a rock harshly with a flare of jealous. There was no way I would be able to look at that now.

I walked up her stone porch steps and knocked on the door. I heard the running of steps and a slight stumble before Bella tugged the door open with a bright smile on her face. Wisps of hair fell out of her ponytail and her sweater hung half off her shoulder revealing just the tiniest bit of shoulder.

I held back a gasp and my face flushed for probably the first time ever as bad as Bella.

There was no possibly way I would be able to be just friends with Bella now.

"Edward! I was waiting all morning for you to come by. When did you wake up? Noon?" she said, excitedly. "Oh, I should help Elizabeth! And how is your Dad?" She opened the door for me and I stepped into her house.

"It's good to see you to Bella," I said, laughing. There. That was not so bad. That was even normal. I can do this. "I woke at eleven, thank you. And my dad is the same as last night."

She smiled. "Of course. He usually is the one that wakes you up at ungodly hours."

"Yes," I laughed.

Just then Renee walked down to the front hall. "Oh, Edward, is that you?" she called.

"Yes. It's nice to see you Renee," I said.

"It's been awhile hasn't it?"

I nodded.

"Well, you to have fun. Don't let Elizabeth work you to hard, dear," she said. Bella whined at her mother to stop. I chuckled. "Oh and I'm sorry to hear about your father Edward."

"Mother! He's not dead," Bella hissed.

"I still must be hard Bella. I am simply being polite."

"Isn't something burning…again," Bella said.

"Oh no!" Renee ran out of the room and to the kitchen.

Bella and I walked slowly down the sidewalk, enjoying each other's presence and the nice air, despite how cloudy of a day it was. I nervously wrung my hands together, running them through my already messy hair too many times. I could tell Bella was trying to figure out was going through my head, but when she shrugged to herself I couldn't figure out what she meant.

Did she think I would tell her in time, or that I was just worried about Dad? Bella was always so hard for me to read. It wasn't as easy as it was for everyone else. This frustrated me to no end. If I could just tell if she loved me back, if she felt the same way then I could be happy. But, only she knew what was going on in that head and I doubt it was her feelings for her best friend.

But, if I told her know it would be out there in the open. It would be out there for her to decide if she loved me back or if she didn't. And if she did then we could be happy together. I would be able to be with her and love her more and more each day. But if she decided she didn't I would be devastated, we would be awkward, and it would never be the same again.

I couldn't decide. I didn't know what to do and my head was killing me now.

Out of nowhere my head started pounding with pain, I grew dizzy and I couldn't stand up right. Just as we were passing the bench I had my epiphany at before I grew faint and sick to my stomach. I grabbed my head and made for the bench.

"Edward?" Bella called, panicked. I cringed at the worry in her tone, knowing that I put it there. "Edward, are you okay? Oh God, Edward please don't be sick!" she sat down next to me and grabbed my arm frantically. "Come on. Let's go see Dr. Cullen." She tugged on my arm, trying and failing to get me up from the bench.

I waved her off and pulled her back down on to the bench. "I'm fine Bella. I only some bread and butter today and I slept longer than I normally do. My body is just not used to that."

"Oh Edward. That's crap and you know it!" Bella cried.

I shook my head, but that just made everything worse. I started to fall back lower onto the bench. I closed my eyes against the dizziness and the pain.

"Edward? Edward!" Bella cried.

My vision started growing black and I was losing consciousness. The last thought I could remember was praying to God Bella does not catch the influenza.

When I came to it was night and I was on an uncomfortable cot. People were groaning all around me and my stomach was still rolling. I looked around trying to get comfortable with my surroundings. I sat up and discovered I was in the same place they put Dad. I was in the community center make-shift hospital. I groaned and sat up fully against my bed.

"Oh Edward. You should lie back down. You need your rest."

I looked to my right and saw Bella sitting in chair by my bedside. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying. My heart tore in two seeing that look on Bella. What did I do to her? I was horrible.

"I'm so sorry Bella," I said.

"It's not your fault that you're sick. Stop blaming yourself like you always do." She wiped her hand across her face, trying to rid the dry and fresh tears from her eyes.

I frowned, but refused to stop blaming myself. I looked all around me, but the two patients beside me were facing away and asleep. I looked back to Bella. She was avoiding my gaze. Something else had to be wrong. I swallowed heavily and hoped my next question would be a good answer.

"Bella?" I asked hesitantly. "Where's Dad?"

Tears fell from her eyes at an alarming rate. She looked down at the floor. "I'm so sorry Edward," she whispered, sobbing at the same time. Her voice was thick with tears. "He's gone. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." She sobbed uncontrollably. I swallowed against my own anguish and pulled on Bella's arm telling her silently to get on the bed with me.

I held her to me and rocked back and forth, rubbing her back. "Shh…Bella. It will be okay."

"Stop saying that Edward," she sobbed. "It won't be okay. Edward…Elizabeth is sick too."

I looked over at the patient next to me who had rolled over. Mother's usual peaceful face as she slept was contorted in pain and dried tears were on her face.

I buried my face in Bella's hair and cried too. No she was right. It wouldn't be okay, not anymore.

A/N: I have a Beta...but she went MIA on me. Seriously. It's DeathIsOnlyTheBeginin. So if one of you knows where she is, PM me, 'cause I kinda want to know...Maybe my email is being wierd? shrugs

Anyways, I was too impatient to wait for her, so I'm putting it up. I really love this chapter. The song (I think we all know) is Sing for Absolution by Muse. I love Muse. Amazing in concert!

Review please! And I'll put the edited chapter up if I find my Beta, it might be different...but the plot won't change.

--LT