Chapter 4 - 100 days of Tony Stark madness
Day 10: GOD OF WAR vs. GOD OF LIGHTNING
Dedicated to all Thor fans and Anime-GuardianAngel (You'll see)
It was a normal day in the Avengers Tower (who can possibly define what normal is for them?). Half the team was lounging in their common room where Clint was trying to show Steve and Thor how to play video games – my god help him.
"You see you take this black thing called a controller and it will allow you to control the characters on the screen." Clint said handing them each a small PlayStation control.
"Why are Midgardians fascinated by the imprisonment of tiny people in large boxes?" Thor asked aloud. For the sake of their sanity Clint and Steve decided to leave that one for another day.
"Um…they haven't figured that out yet. Anyway we use the PlayStation to play a game."
"Why is it called PlayStation?" Steve asked.
"Um…I don't know. It's an electrical operating system you use to play video games with." Clint answered awkwardly – these two ask the weirdest questions ever. He didn't understand – you just play and have fun! You don't need to dissect the awesomeness that is the PlayStation.
"Is it like a train station?" Thor suddenly asked. Clint sighed.
"No – it's this box right here that is connected to the TV – but enough about the word PlayStation! Let me tell you the controls. So the X button is to jump, the triangle button is for a heavy attack, the O is to grab something and the square is for normal attacks." he explained slowly. Thor furrowed his brow – not again.
"Are many Midgardians illiterate? Why are the controls shapes instead of words?" Thor asked. Clint and Steve paused…that was a very good question…
"We'll get back to you on that. Now. Let's play my favourite game – God of War!" Clint said excitedly skipping off to the CD stand and taking out a case that was prettily displayed behind the glass.
Inner geek coming out of the closet much?
"TA DA!" He said showing them his prized possession. Steve and Thor stared at him. Steve took the game from Clint and looked at it with Thor.
"It's just a disc." Steve stated. Clint's megawatt smiled dimmed slightly.
"Yes – but it is an epic disc where you get to be the God of War!" He said excitedly. Thor took the game out of Steve's hand and stared at it.
"Why would I want to be the God of War? I am the God of Lightning!" Thor boomed.
"You pretend when you're in the game Thor." Clint said slowly. Thor looked at the game and chunked it out the window.
"I DO NOT LIKE THIS GAME!" He boomed once more.
"My vintage baby!" Clint shouted as he chased after it. The Captain grabbed the hysterical man before he could throw himself out the window as well.
"Not worth that fall soldier." Steve said holding Clint back from certain doom.
"Thor!" Steve shouted. Thor had the decency to look sheepish while Clint sank to the floor in shock.
"Apologize to Clint NOW." Steve said pointing at the devastated man.
"My apologies for discarding your unamusing game." Thor mumbled. Clint pointed a shaky finger at Thor.
"I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU!" Clint shouted as he ran out of the room – possibly in tears.
"Thor."
"Yes Captain."
"Don't touch the man's videos games – he's unstable."
"I will try not to upset him so. But Captain – did you not have the same reaction when Stark turned your My Little Ponies collection into a series of exploding projectiles?" Thor asked in genuine confusion. A dazed look crossed the Captain's face.
"DON'T JUDGE MY PONIES!"
Day 11: The Master has been pranked
Inspired by: FreezeOver
Tony Stark whistled as he walked out of the Avengers Tower. It was a good day – his arc reactor was not killing him slowly today, Pepper was happy and the Avengers had not burned down his building – yet. He took a sip from his morning coffee and noticed a crowd of people looking up at his building and taking pictures. He smirked – yes it must be so awesome they are taking pictures of it!
"Hey mommy – why is there a picture of Iron Man in a diaper on that building?" A little boy asked as they walked past him.
Tony spat out his coffee all over himself. WHAT? He thought spinning around and staring up at his beautiful building – which was suddenly not so beautiful anymore. His poor baby!
"It's called a prank honey." The mother replied.
DOUBLE WHAT? Who dares prank Tony Stark – let alone IRON MAN?
Snooping time.
The door to the Avengers common room banged open – it goes through a lot of abuse every day. So much so that there is a permanent dent in the wall beside it.
"NOBODY MOVE!" He shouted. Everyone looked up at the fuming engineer and shrugged before continuing whatever it was that there were doing. He growled and with a click all the electronics turned off in the room.
"Hey!" Was the resounding protest in the room.
"Who did it?" He asked dangerously. Five very angry avengers glared back at him.
"Did what Stark?" Steve asked irritably.
"THAT!" He said turning the TV on. All over the news was footage of Avengers Tower - now decorated with the Iron man in diaper picture.
The entire room burst out laughing.
"IT'S NOT FUNNY!" Tony shouted jumping up and down. Clint brushed a tear from his face.
"They're calling it the IRON BABY!" He said between bouts of hysteria. That caused a whole new round of laughter. Tony fumed silent to the side.
"I don't know who did it Stark – but it wasn't us." Bruce said trying to hide his smile behind his coffee – but failed miserably. Tony stared all his teammates down suspiciously before groaning.
"But then it could be anyone!" He whined. Suddenly the door opened once again and a very bemused Pepper Potts enter their domain. Everyone froze in true fear.
There goes his list of good day facts. Darn.
"Stark." She said warningly.
"Potts." He mimicked her tone as always.
"Who is CEO of Stark Industries?" She asked calmly. Pepper calm was a scary sight to see – it meant she was royally pissed inside and one wrong move and she would have your head.
"You are ma'am."
"So who has to deal with the PR mess?"
"You do." He replied feebly.
"And who is going to fix this problem before they end up on the couch?" She asked icily. He gulped.
"Me?"
"Fix it. You also have a postcard." She said as she threw a piece of paper at him before walking away.
"He got pwned." Clint whispered to Steve. They all gathered around him to take a look at the little piece of paper.
"He's mocking me! The little bastard is mocking me!" Tony said in disbelief. The postcard was a mini version of the Iron baby.
"I hope you liked the surprise portrait - I must say it is a huge improvement to the suit." Steve read out to everyone. They winced – that was brutal.
"I MUST FIND THIS BOY!" Tony said as he threw the offending postcard onto the ground – it floated softly to the floor. He scowled at the slow descent and stomped on it for good measure. "How do I find him?" He asked as he started to pace in front of the team. They watched him in amusement.
"My god Stark – just watch the stupid CCTV video on your street! There's no way someone could get that up there without being caught!" Natasha said finally getting fed up with his dramatics. He froze and pointed an excited finger at her.
"You! You are a GENIUS! I apologize in advance for helping them hide your guns. I will buy you an entire truckload of them!" He said speedily.
"WHAT?" She shouted angrily as he ran away from the room to go find his laptop. She slowly turned back to the guilty faces that stood behind her.
"It was you…" She said dangerously. They froze in utter horror.
5 minutes later.
When Tony came back he found four grown men cowering in the corner with matching red puffy hand prints displayed across all of their cheeks. He turned around just in time to see a hand make direct contact with his face at supersonic speed.
SMACK!
Ugh. He looked up dizzily – he didn't remember angry girl slaps feeling like that. Those high school boys don't know what they were whining about - let them get bitch slapped by an enraged spy. Then they could talk.
"Touch my guns again and you will all scream – but no one will hear you." She said scarily leaning into their faces. They would die before they admit they whimpered.
Thor ran away to change his pants.
Everyone stared after him. They really didn't want to know.
Tony pushed himself off the ground and rubbed his wounded face. He squinted.
"I think you took out my left eye." He whined. Her own eyes twitched. The others quickly took cover behind the couch.
A knife suddenly appeared in her hand.
He quickly spun around and went to set up his laptop and connect it to the TV. He was smart enough to know when to back down. Otherwise he would have been slaughtered by one of his angry girlfriends years ago.
They relocated to sit on top of the couch and watched as Tony turned his laptop on and pulled up the CCTV footage from last night. There was a resounding gasp. They all recognized the distinct clothing of the culprit who was scaling the side of Avengers Tower in the middle of the night.
"LOKI?" 4 out of 6 voices shouted in unison.
"BROTHER?" Thor chimed in afterwards.
"THE ASGARD BASTARD?" Clint added angrily.
"Hey! Do not speak ill of my home world!" Thor said defensively – he had somehow managed to get back in time to watch the footage with them. Thunder was heard not far off in the distance. Clint gulped and inched away from the volatile demi-god.
"You rang oh mighty Avengers?" A new voice asked from behind them. Everyone spun around and stared at the definitely not imprisoned Asgardian.
"Brother – how did you get out of Asgard? Let alone the prison?" Thor asked warily.
"Oh…I did not brother – not technically." Loki said with an evil grin.
In a faraway galaxy…
"I'm not Loki! I swear!" A poor guard who had been magically disguised to look and sound like the God of Mischief said as they shoved him back into the cell.
"Yeah, yeah. Tell it to the King – you really need to be more creative Loki."
"BUT I'M NOT LOKI!" The framed guard screamed helplessly. The other guard took out a large metal object.
"NO! NOT THE MUZZLE! NOT THE MUZZLE!"
Day 12: The baking incident
Inspired by: TheFurturist
Somewhere in Malibu…
"Alright boys! Let's get baking!" Tony said as they entered his gigantic kitchen.
"Do you know where anything is?" Bruce asked warily. Tony jumped up on the counter and grinned at him.
"Not a clue!" He replied cheerfully. Bruce sighed as he went to search for brownie making tools.
"So basically you're going to be no help at all right?" Steve said warily.
"Yup! I just provide the facility!" Tony cackled. Bruce and Steve sighed as they got to work.
Clint and Thor left them to that as they went upstairs to put their stuff away. Suddenly Clint pulled out a small bag full of unknown dubious content. He smiled at it evilly.
"What is that in your hand that is making you giggle Clint?" Thor asked curiously. Clint's grinned suddenly widened.
"Would you like to try some weed Thor?" he asked mischievously.
"What is this weed you speak of?"
"It's like a happy potion."
"Sounds wonderful."
"It is."
20 minutes later.
As expected Bruce and Steve were the only ones actually doing any work whatsoever. Well it was more like Bruce was doing the work and Steve watched him like a Hawk – asking as many questions as fast as possible. Bruce finished mixing the brownie batter and pointed his spatula at Tony who was busy doing another experiment of his in the corner.
"Do you know where the other two went?" He asked as he placed the batter beside the oven. Tony hmmed.
"What were you saying Brucie?" He asked as he slowly tipped a red liquid into his unknown mixture. A puff of smoke rose from the mixture and turned the edge of his hair to dust. That was never a good sign. Bruce stared at the truly mad scientist and shook his head. "Never mind." He said sharing a look with Steve.
Suddenly the kitchen door burst open and the two missing men walked in completely decked out in gangster wear. Thor had a boom box resting on his shoulder and placed it on the counter. He and Clint crossed their arms and leaned against each other with matching serious faces. Clint clicked the play button and they started…to sing.
Everyone froze in horror when the song came on.
"BABY! BABY! BABY! OHHHHH!" Thor boomed in his deep voice. Tony is startled from his experiment.
"LIKE BABY, BABY, BABY, NOOO!" Clint joined in. Steve thinks he is about to faint.
"BABY! BABY! BABY! OHHHHH!" Thor boomed once more. Bruce did an epic face palm.
"I THOUGHT YOU'D ALWAYS BE MINE! MINE!" They sung together.
The vibrations shook the kitchen and suddenly Tony's experiment tipped over and the fan behind him caused it to splash everyone in the room. They all froze.
"What's that smell?" Bruce asked worriedly. They looked down at their smoking clothes. Suddenly their clothes burst into ashes and fell to the ground.
They all stared at each other in shock.
3
2
1
"STARK!" Everyone shouted as they tried to cover their manly bits.
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! It's not my fault!" Tony shouted as he grabbed a pan to keep a shred of dignity.
"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? Why did it make our clothes disintegrate!" Clint shouted as he grabbed a kitchen towel.
"It was for weapon experimentation!" He shouted back. Steve stared at the blond hair on the ground and froze.
"I'M BALD!" Steve shrieked.
"SHUT UP! YOU'RE 92 FREAKING YEARS OLD! I'M ONLY 39!" Tony shouted falling to the ground to grab a bunch of dark brown hair in futile as they crumbed through his fingers.
"MY BEAUTIFUL LOCKS OF HAIR!" Thor boomed in sorrow.
"NATASHA WILL NEVER LOVE ME ANYMORE!" Clint sobbed. Everyone paused to look at him funnily.
"I don't think she's that shallow mate." Steve said uncertainly. Clint shook his head in shame.
"No – you don't understand! Hair is a necessity in boyfriends!" He wailed.
"I vote we never speak of this ever again." Bruce said after a few moments of watching the sobbing assassin.
"Agreed."
3 days later.
"Why are you all wearing baseball caps?" Pepper asked curiously. They all pointed to Tony.
"He did it." They said in unison.
"Did what?" Natasha asked as she walked down the stairs. They all took off their hats in at once.
The girls gasped.
"MY BOYFRIEND IS BALD?" They shrieked together.
Badass Badass Badass Badass Badass Badass Badass Badass Badass Badass Badass Badass Badass Badass
Funniest days yet! I just got an AWESOME idea! Who wants a day where they are disguised as CROSSDRESSERS? Review if you like the idea!
A/N: Requests will be continued to be accepted as always! The funnier, the more likely I am to write it!