Chapter Four: Revelation

"You should rest," Carol said, glancing down at the freshly made bed, his pillows and blankets back in their proper place. "Did you want me to make you a pallet on the floor … or will the bed do this time?" She was as skittish as a colt. There would be no escaping him now, nor could she postpone the little chat he had demanded earlier. She would have continued to put it off, but she was coming to find a wounded Daryl could be just as persistent as a healthy Daryl.

He flopped down heavily on the side of the bed and stretched his bad ankle, hiding the wince threatening to mar his brow, his gaze never leaving hers. "Soon," he mumbled, his hands coming to settle over the smooth curve of her hips as he pulled her down to sit on his good leg.

Carol gasped, her hands bracing against his chest as he held her to him. "Daryl! What are you doing?"

Fight or flight. It was written all over her face. How many times had he seen it on his own over the course of his lifetime. She could fight him all she wanted, but there was no way in hell he was letting her go. "Keepin' y' from runnin'. Y' think I can't see it all over y', how much y' want t'?"

"I'm not," she insisted, forcing herself to relax. She didn't want to hurt him when he'd already suffered too much. She calmed her breathing and closed her eyes, focusing on his gentle arms around her, his scent enveloping her warm and welcoming.

"Y' are, woman. Here …" he pressed his scarred fingertips to her brow. "And here …" he said again as he rested his hand over her heart. It was then he tilted her chin up to meet his gaze. "When y' gonna learn there ain't nothing y' can't tell me? It goes both ways, y'know? Y' ain't got t' do it alone."

She let her hands fall to her lap. "I didn't want to burden you. You carry the whole weight of our family on your shoulders, Daryl. I didn't want to add to it."

"So, what … y' bury it all inside until y' cain't take it anymore?" he asked gently, tightening his hold on her. "Is that why you left? I thought y' were enjoyin' your little intrigues … your little romance." It left the bitter taste of bile in his mouth, but he wasn't going to fly into a jealous rage. Not now when she was finally willing to talk to him.

Carol pursed her lips and gently pushed against his chest to get him to release her. He didn't budge. "It wasn't like that. It … everything … just got to be too much. I felt dead inside, Daryl. I didn't know who I was anymore and I just needed to try to feel something. I used him. It's just another thing in a long list of things I'm not proud of."

"I'm sorry," he murmured, letting his hands fall to her waist.

"For what?" she asked, genuinely confused.

"Not bein' there when y' needed me."

"Daryl, we were all trying to adjust to this place, to find our niche." She rose from his lap and began to pace. "Then there was Pete abusing his family and Rick lusting after Jessie and the mess that followed. Me playing happy housewife, you leaving sometimes for weeks at a time on recruiting missions and the ever-present walkers at the gate. It was too much! We can never catch a break." She hurried back to his side to help him take his vest off, taking it and laying it over the dresser pushed against one wall. "Are you alright?" she asked, not having missed the groan.

"Take your boots off an' come lay down with me. M' back's killin' me an' I cain't sit up anymore," he grumbled petulantly. "I fuckin' hate this."

Carol did as he asked, rounding the bed as he eased onto his stomach and looked expectantly at her. He frowned at the distance between them. "You should have come straight back to bed after Carson treated you. I just thought you could use the fresh air."

Daryl rolled his eyes at her gentle scolding and wrapped his arms around his pillow, propping his chin on it so he could hold her gaze. "Nag, nag, nag. Is this how it's gonna be now?"

"Now? I've always been like this."

"Pfft."

"How is it going to be now, Daryl?" she whispered, her eyes luminous in the soft lighting from the bedside lamp.

His eyes darkened considerably, his sharp teeth working furiously at his lip as his arm crept across the mattress to snake about her waist. He held her gaze, leaving himself open and vulnerable, his heart on his sleeve as he dragged her closer to him. He assumed the position he'd held the previous night, his arm secure about her waist, his thigh wedged between her own, his lips hovering at her ear, his warm breath teasing her. "What do you want, woman? I know what I want, but I can't know what you want unless y' tell me. I'm not a mind reader." He pressed a sweet kiss to her jaw before leaning back enough to look down into her sloe-lidded azure eyes. Had that one chaste kiss stirred her as it had him? "I just want to protect y'. I want y' at my side, Carol. I want y' t' come t' me when somethin' is botherin' y' … I don't care how small. I jus' want you."

Tears glistened on her lashes, nearly too overcome with emotion to speak. It was more than he'd ever spoken about his feelings before … feelings for her. She cradled his beloved face in her hands, a bittersweet smile touching her lips. "You won't want me when you know what I've done."

Daryl leaned into her touch, watching a small smile bloom on her lips as he rubbed his scruff affectionately against her palm. "Don't care whatcha done in the past. Ain't nothin' worse than what I've had t' do. We get t' start over. 'S many times as we need t'. Jus' stay, Carol." He dipped further into her hold and raked his teeth over the delicate tracery of veins in her wrist, reveling in her gasp. "Y'know I love y', right?"

Carol broke down in great heaving sobs, covering her face with her hands as she tried to turn away from him to hide her pain. He wouldn't allow it, however; choosing to hold her against his chest and rid herself of everything she'd bottled up for so long. The tremors shaking her slender form transferred to his with each sob, sending a fresh jolt of agony through his wounds, but he pushed it aside. Nothing was more important to him than her and what she needed from him in that moment. How many times had she pulled him back from the edge? At the farm, he'd unleashed his unbridled anger on her and she'd refused to give up on him, he'd left after Woodbury with Merle and she'd welcomed him back with open arms, he'd had to put his brother down when the governor had left him to turn, and she'd dried his tears and given him a reason to keep fighting. She was everything to him.

When her sobs quieted, she told him about her actions – in detail – which had gotten her banished from the prison, of the betrayal she'd felt to have Rick leave her behind, severed from her family … from him. Carol went on to unburden her darkest secrets, of how she'd lost the girls and then confessed to Tyreese of Karen and David's murders in the hopes he would end her suffering. His heart had nearly stopped, his fear so great he could feel the panic welling up behind his breastbone. She apologized for being so cold when they'd hied off to Atlanta in search of Beth. She'd only been trying to protect her heart when she knew she couldn't stay with him in the end. He let her talk without interruption – mostly – until early afternoon. Already, he'd had to postpone his appointment with Carson twice, waving Tara out the door, wearing his darkest scowl.

"I didn't leave you, Daryl. I was running from me," she confessed, tucking her joined hands up beneath her chin and trying to burrow further into his embrace. The stronger I become, the more of myself I lost. I'm a monster. I more than proved that to Rick last night when … oh, god, what I did to Dwight. I should have left him to the council, but I couldn't let it go. When I saw what he'd done to you …"

"You're not a monster," he rasped, his lips pressing to her brow as she poured her anguish out in silent tears. "Monsters don't show remorse or regret." He loosened his grip on her just enough so he could lean back to see her face. "That woman I met so long ago at the quarry? She's still in here," he vowed, tapping a finger against her chest. "Still fightin' for her family, for me. Yeah, you've gotten strong an' capable. Hell, you're one of th' fiercest fighters I know … but not without a reason. It's what humans do, Carol. We grow and evolve, otherwise we won't survive. We're still here … still tryin'. We ain't ashes, woman."

"Do you hate me? For the things I've done?" she asked, fearful of his answer.

"Hate being without y'," he admitted so readily. The time for waiting and hiding from his feelings was over. If they were going to heal, it would be done together. "When y' ran, where did y' go? How'd Rick find y'?"

Carol drew in a deep calming breath at his easy forgiveness. "I didn't have a clear destination in mind. Not really. I just knew I needed to run. I ran headlong into trouble too. I encountered a group of saviors on the road … gave them a chance to turn around and leave, but –"

"They didn't wanna take good advice?"

She hummed in agreement. "I thought I took care of them all, but there was one who followed me. I was wounded, praying for an end, waiting for it when Morgan found me. Some of the Kingdom's scouts found us and took us to Ezekiel. They treated my injuries and took me to see their king. He's quite a character," she chuckled, the first light-hearted sound he'd heard since she'd first begun her tale. "But I couldn't remain there either, Daryl. I needed to be alone where I didn't have to kill anymore." She sighed and rolled onto her back, reaching up to trail her fingers over his jaw. "Morgan was worried about me. He somehow learned Rick was looking for me and told him where I was. I was going to turn him away when he told me about Glenn and Abraham, but after he told me Negan was holding you as his prisoner, I couldn't hide away anymore. You needed me."

"Always have. Y' th' only one ever found good in me, made me want things I didn't think I deserved," he murmured softly, resting his head against her shoulder. "Wasn't 'til after Merle died … that's when I realized how much I loved y' … more than just a friend. At first, I was afraid things would change, that if y' didn't feel th' same, I'd lose our friendship."

Carol bit her lip, saddened that he thought so little of himself. "I'd never turn my back on you, Daryl. Trust never came easy for me in the past – Ed saw to that – but with you … with you it's easy. I know you would never betray me, never break my heart …" She let her lips find his cool brow as her fingers toyed with the ends of his hair. "You should have told me."

"I was going t'," he said a little defensively. "And then that flu broke out at th' prison. I got scared. What if somethin' happened t' y'? What if somethin' went wrong on th' run t' th' vet college an' I didn't make it back? So, I made a choice. I was gonna tell y' when I got back. Didn't know Rick was gonna go all dumbshit on us while I was gone."

Carol shrugged. "He had his reasons." Though she'd forgiven Rick, there were still times she felt bitter over her banishment.

"Bullshit," Daryl huffed. "He was bein' an asshole! An' what made it worse was him pullin' that shit when I wasn't there. He knew! He knew I never woulda stood for it."

"And if he hadn't done it? Where would we all be?" she asked, arching a brow. "Fate is a funny thing, Daryl. What if I'd have stayed? There's no guarantee I would have made it out of the prison alive."

"I woulda got y' out," he insisted, nuzzling her collarbone.

"Think what would have happened to Ty and the girls? Would Lizzie have succeeded in killing Judith just as she did Mika? How would Tyreese have handled that? What if I'd have been captured along with the rest of you at Terminus? Who would have been there to save you?"

Daryl frowned darkly. "A'right, I get your point. Still didn't make it any easier t' be separated from y'. I was gonna tell y' that first night we made camp after we all got out o' Terminus, but I could tell somethin' was off with y', so I waited. An' I kept waitin' because it just never seemed t' be th' right time. Bob, going t' Atlanta, y' almost dying, losing Beth and then Ty, livin' on th' road again, findin' this place …" He smirked up at her. "You playin' Suzie homemaker, Tobin." That last one left a bitter taste in his mouth. "I thought I was gonna die this last time, an' all I could think was I hadn't told y'."

Carol frowned, hoping they had something to salvage. There had always been so much standing in their way before. What if the next threat they faced tore it all down? "Are you sure? Do you really think we can have a second chance?"

"Yeah, I do. Long as y' want t' be with me. I ain't goin' nowhere, Carol … not without y'."

She stretched as he wrapped his arm more firmly around her waist, dragging her flush with his body. Her fingers trailed along his jaw, tangling in the scruff on his chin as she pulled his down to meet her lips. Soft and sweet, how she'd always expected it would be between them. He'd never been anything but gentle and protective with her. And when he healed from his injuries, she wanted to see another side of him, one ignited with desire and passion. "I love you."

"Alright, Dixon!" Tara called from the now open doorway. "You're not running me off again, no matter how much you snarl at me. Carson wants you in the exam room … NOW! You can make out with your honey later."

Carol gasped as she got a look at the wind-up clock on the bedside table. "Daryl! We should have been to see the doctor hours ago. Why didn't you say anything?!"

Daryl buried his face in the pillow and groaned as his woman rose from the bed and reached for her boots. "We was talkin'. It was more important."

"Move it, Dixon," Tara smirked. "Or I'll go get Rick to make you."

Daryl sat up carefully on the side of the bed, fire coursing through his back, the toes of his good foot curling into the carpet. Even banged up, bruised and tortured, he knew Rick wasn't a match for him. "I think I can take 'im."

*.*.*

"Daryl?" Carol murmured groggily, fighting her way back from sleep. She instantly missed his warm weight, having had him pressed to her side for most of the day and night. Her breath hitched painfully in her chest as she raised to her elbows. The sheets were cool where he'd lain, and panic took root in her heart. She threw the blanket off her and reached for her boots, not bothering with more than half the buckles before she grabbed her jacket and pounded out of the room.

The main room of the house which had been converted into the clinic was quiet, one lone occupant dozing behind the desk. There were few patients now, only the more serious cases sequestered in the remaining rooms. She tried to keep her steps light as she hurried towards the front door and out onto the wrap-around porch. Where was he? Her chest hurt with the onset of her panic, the potential for a full-blown anxiety attack very real. There were patrols everywhere, watch rotation for the wall and gate, not to mention people ambling about during their down time. Someone must have seen him leave the clinic. She'd go door to door if she had to.

"Miss Carol, ma'am?"

Her hand automatically curled around the hilt of her trench knife, a reflex as she turned towards the voice on the darkened street. "Yes? Ben?" Recognition flashed briefly in her eyes, remembering the boy who'd come to her cottage with Ezekiel for her weekly delivery. He was a hard worker, and had put in the time and effort to learn the bow staff under Morgan's tutelage.

"Yes, ma'am." He stepped into the muted light provided from a single bulb on the porch. "You seem to be agitated … is there something I can help you with?"

She moved down the steps to meet him halfway, coming to a stop on the curb. "I seemed to have misplaced my patient. My … er … Alexandria's hunter, Rick's first lieutenant … about yea high," she said, holding her hand a few inches above her own head. "Long hair, smoky blue eyes, angel wing vest? Seen anyone like that?"

His boyish smile widened when he was able to give her an affirmative. "Yes, ma'am. He's with Carl at the gate."

"The gate?!" she gasped. She nodded at the boy and hastened her steps, fretting over what might be running through Daryl's mind to have brought him all the way out there. Carol waved him off as he moved to follow. "Thank you, Ben."

She had to force herself to slow down. If he heard her running up behind him, there was a good chance he'd react badly. Even if he hadn't been through such an ordeal, it would have had his guard up in an instant. It was a surprise to see he'd grabbed half a pair of crutches from the clinic before venturing out for his evening stroll. At least she didn't have to worry over his sprain. His back, however … she could only hope he hadn't damaged the repairs Carson had labored over that evening. It was only because Daryl was a quick healer that the doctor had been able to glue and stitch him back together. The strong cocktail of antibiotics and anti-inflammatories didn't hurt either.

As Carol drew closer to the gate, a spear of guilt shot through her. The main gate was closed, but the screen had been pulled open to allow Daryl to look out onto the road beyond where a solitary walker slammed his body against the iron bars, his thin arms reaching in towards the living. She didn't want to watch and have to look upon the evil she'd wrought. "Close the screen, Carl," she commanded firmly as she neared Daryl.

"Leave it," the hunter countered, his orders superseding hers.

The boy looked torn, his gaze ghosting back and forth between the two, but he was all about chain of command and wouldn't dream of disobeying Daryl. Carol sighed, almost afraid of what she'd see in Daryl's eyes.

"Couldn't sleep. Thought I'd come out for a smoke," he murmured softly, his deep gravel voice drawing her in, forcing her gaze up to his. "Didn't mean t' worry y'. Hadn't planned on comin' down here."

Carol released the breath she hadn't realized she was holding as he reached out and drew her into his side, his long rough fingers kneading gently at her nape as she tucked her head beneath his chin. "I just don't want you to try to do too much too soon. You have to give yourself time to heal, Daryl."

"Hard t' relax with devils at th' gate. Merle used t' say that a lot. He'd start drinking an' shootin' up … start seein' shit, hallucinatin'. Next thing he'd be screamin' about devils an' demons comin' t' steal his soul. Devils at th' gate." He soothed his hand over her back, drawing comfort from her pressed so trustingly into his side. He nodded at the walker slamming into the gate. "Never thought I'd actually see it like that y'know?"

Her fingers curled over the handle of her trench knife. "I should have let Rick put him down. You didn't need to see this." She began to pull away, intent upon ending what was once Daryl's tormentor, but his grip tightened on her, anchoring her in place.

"Y' did what y' thought was best. I ain't never judged y', Carol. You've always acted t' protect your fam'ly." He spoke softly, knowing all too well the guilt she was feeling.

Her lower lip trembled as she fought against the tears stinging her eyes. "I've never deliberately tortured anyone before, Daryl. Back at the farm … when you beat information out of Randall … I accused you of being Rick's henchman. I didn't understand then, and I'm sorry. That was when you'd finally decided this group was yours and you'd do anything within your power to protect us."

Daryl propped himself better to lean on his crutch and brought his hand up to brush away her tears. "Naw, not th' group. It was when I knew I'd do anythin' t' keep you safe." He tilted her chin up to ghost a kiss across her lips. "S'always been about y', Carol."

Her fingers curled into the front of his vest, unfastened over his bare chest, clinging to him. "I thought if I were alone, if I didn't need to kill to save someone I loved, if I could just hide, I could somehow quell the darkness in me."

"No one can make it alone anymore," he reminded her of Andrea's last words the night she died in that dungeon in Woodbury. "Y' got fam'ly, friends … me. Protectin' those y' love is just a part o' this world now, Carol. Y' kill t' save us. We kill t' save you. It's not a choice, but a necessity."

"Then why do I feel so hollow?" She knew he was right, but it didn't rid her of the ache in her chest.

"Because you're a good person … best one I know. Y' think I don't feel it when I have t' make th' tough decisions out there? When I make th' wrong one an' it comes back t' bite us all in th' ass?" he spat bitterly, his eyes narrowing on Dwight. "If I hadn't tried t' help him, maybe Denise would still be alive. Maybe if I hadn't agreed with Rick t' take Negan's outpost, y' an' Maggie wouldn't've been captured. If I hadn't gone after Dwight for revenge, I wouldn't've gotten shot … Glenn an' Abe wouldn't be dead."

"They would've found another way in." Carol's heart ached as his head dropped to her shoulder. He wasn't trying to hide his pain, he was sharing it with her. Pain shared is pain lessened. She'd told him that ages ago, when they'd lost Merle. It had been the first time he'd truly let her in. Now, she doubted he would be so willing to help others, and it saddened her. His heart was so filled with compassion and mercy, but his capacity to trust had been decimated. "It's not your fault, Daryl. You tried to help him and he paid you back in spades, betraying you, stealing from you, hurting you. He wasn't worthy of your goodness, baby." She brushed away the tears he'd shed and offered him a sad smile.

"Least he cain't hurt nobody else. Negan either."

"Yeah?"

Daryl nodded. "Carl told me th' girls spent three hours down in th' basement with th' bastard. Wasn't much left o' him when they got done with him. Morgan was so pissed because Rick allowed it, he left … went back t' th' Kingdom. Hope he stays there with his mind fuck games. Don't care how good a fighter he is or how much we could use 'im. I don't want 'im screwin' with your head no more."

She nodded. "I think that would be best for everyone."

He pressed his brow to hers. "Y' glad t' be home?"

"I'm glad to be with you. Everything else will come with time … for the both of us." She pulled away and looked back down the street towards the clinic. She couldn't help but notice the lines of pain around his mouth and eyes. "Come on. We need to check your temp and get another round of antibiotics in you. Then you need to rest or Carson isn't going to release you in the morning."

Daryl let his gaze wander back to the gate, his hand wrapping around the buck knife on his belt Carl had retrieved from his room at the house. He hoped his other would be found once everything looted from the Sanctuary had been sorted, but this one would do for now. "Jus' gotta take care o' somethin' an' then we can go back."

Carol bit her lip. Oh, how she wanted to protest, not wanting him to pop his stitches, but she couldn't deny him the satisfaction of putting the walker down. The usual night sounds indigenous to their small community ceased, the cicadas and crickets seeming to hold their collective breaths, the only sound ringing through the stillness that of his crutch softly striking the pavement and walker Dwight's low moaning growls. Carl's brow creased with a worried frown, shooting a questioning glance at Carol, but she shook her head. This was Daryl's decision, his closure, his chance to begin healing. She wouldn't take that away from him.

Her archer paused for a long moment, out of reach of the walker's grasping hands and snapping jaws, the gate holding him back. Daryl stared, forgetting nothing of what he'd endured at his hands. He'd felt, at the time, that he'd deserved what was being done to him … penance for Glenn. Now he knew he couldn't cling to that belief any longer, otherwise, he'd never heal. He'd never be the man he needed to be for his family … for his woman. He'd been granted another chance in a long list of many, and he wouldn't squander it.

Enid came down off the parapet on the wall and Carl set his rifle down, each of them grabbing for one of Dwight's grasping arms, holding him in place against the gate, silently assuring Daryl they were there for him, supporting him. The knife slid easily into the thin bone at the temple, the dead light fading from the yellowed eyes as the moaning ceased and the body went slack. And with it, Daryl buried his guilt and pain in some dark corner of his battered soul where he vowed not to let it intrude on what he wanted to build for his future. He had a life to build with Carol, not just the day to day survival they were all accustomed to now, but a community to rebuild and make strong … with his family.

Carol slipped her arm around his waist, below the heavy bandage beneath his vest. "Pookie … you're barefoot."

The kids snickered as they let the walker drop to the pavement outside the gate. Someone else could remove it for burning in the morning. "Such cute toes too," Enid retorted dryly.

"Pfft," he scoffed, watching the two teenagers go back to their duties.

Daryl arched a brow at Carol as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and let her steer him back towards the clinic. His back was on fire and he really wanted that incredibly soft bed awaiting him in his appointed room. Mostly, he just wanted to lie down and pull her beneath him, to lay his head in the crook of her neck and breathe her in. To find solace in her arms. The corners of his mouth quirked up into a half smile. "Guess y'all thought I couldn't get too far without m' boots."

Carol sighed, leaning into him to lend her support. "They always underestimate you. Don't worry … I'll fetch some from home before you're released in the morning."

"Home …"

A/n: So, they've nothing to hide from one another anymore. It's all about healing now, not to say there won't be a few pitfalls along that road, but nothing too terrible. And he's had closure where Dwight was involved. Carol ended him first, and Daryl got to end him for good. I cannot say enough how much I loathe Dwight. UGH! Anywho! I hope you all enjoyed it. Please comment and let me know :D Y'all are awesome!