Hi, sorry I haven't updated in a while. I was intending to put a Cortana and Guilty Spark based chapter here, but I've been completely unable to come up with any good ideas, so if anyone wants to suggest an appropriate storyline then it would be a help.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything relating to the Halo universe.
3. Mall
"This is Spartan 117, can anybody read me?"
"Master Chief," Johnson's voice rang out over the Spartan's headset. "I read you, what's up?"
"I'm in way over my head," growled the Chief, "requesting extraction."
"No can do Chief," the Master Chief could almost hear Johnson's smirk, "you're gonna have to grit your teeth and deal with it."
"Johnson," the Chief continued with the same level growl, "if you don't get me out of this I'll…"
"Sorry… ksh… Chief… can't… ksh… hear you."
"Johnson…"
"Ksh… breaking up… ksh… can't… ksh… keep up… communications… ksh… Covenant attacking!"
"Johnson, I know you're making those noises." Sighed the Master Chief. "And we're at peace with the Covenant."
"Going… ksh… through a… ksh… tunnel." Johnson cut the communication.
"Jackass." The Chief scowled.
"John!" The Chief grimaced as Miranda Keyes hurried over to him, "I hope you're through running off. We've got a lot of work ahead of us."
The Chief, from his seat on a bench in the Cairo's indoor mall, looked up at his Commander/antagonist.
Miranda was flanked by two other figures, a soldier the Chief knew, called Sergeant Belle and a girl from maintenance that he wasn't familiar with.
The Chief sighed and stood up.
The mall… that was a bad idea if there ever was one. But it was decided unanimously as the Cairo was being built that soldiers would need a place to relax and spend money.
Admittedly most things the mall stocked were highly overpriced, but the soldiers received a substantial paycheck and had little else to spend it on.
With the Covenant wars drawn to a close, the mall was used now, more then ever.
Miranda was staring at the Chief with her hands on her hips and a distasteful expression adorning her features. "Listen John, I understand that you don't want to part with your MJOLNIR armor, and I'm not asking you to give it up, in fact I even condone your wearing it while on duty. I just think we should get you a selection of other clothing so that you look… human, for once. At least off duty."
"I'm never off duty." The Chief played his trump card.
Miranda raised an eyebrow, "John… Master Chief, you are a decorated war hero of unsurpassed skills, but currently the only wars being fought are the ones in the boardrooms. I'll admit there may come a time when we call upon you to help deal with the last survivors of Truth's armada, but until then, your position can be considered redundant."
"So you are coming with us now." Said Belle. "I wish to get this over with."
The Master Chief, officially John for the day, cast a scowl in Belle's direction. Admittedly, he was glad to have the six-foot tall Paris-born woman accompanying him on this shopping trip. She probably wouldn't suggest anything… inappropriate. The giggly little maintenance girl on the other hand…
"Right, let's do this." Miranda spun around and led the way towards one of the clothes shops.
"Do not worry Chief." Belle smiled. "Remember, this is a military shopping center. There's bound to be at least one outfit to suit you." She looked him up and down. "If any come in you size, that is."
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"So John, what do you think?" Miranda flourished an olive green, button-down shirt in his direction. "It's your color."
"I don't think so." John, still in his MJOLNIR armor, sighed. "Listen Commander, I appreciate what you're attempting to do, but I really don't like anything you've offered so far."
Miranda scowled. "Only because you haven't tried anything on. At least take your helmet off."
"Not going to happen." John raised one hand to his helmet protectively.
"Listen John, you're not making this any easier." Miranda sounded exasperated. "Now try on the shirt."
John backed away, casting an imploring look at Belle, only to realize too late that the very helmet he coveted prevented her from noticing his look.
He turned to the maintenance girl, but she was busy searching through the racks of clothing and John could see there'd be no assistance coming from her.
"Ah, Demon, I am elated to have found you."
John turned, and saw, to his bafflement and relief, the Arbiter coming towards him.
The Sangheili warrior raised a hand in greeting as he approached.
"I'd better see what he wants." Said John to a glowering Miranda. He strode over to the Arbiter. "Arbiter. What are you doing here?"
The Elite's mandibles twitched. "I'm here on an excursion, if you will. Since the wars ended many of the Covenant have wanted to experience human culture, the Unggoy in particular. I'm in fact here with one such assemblage, mostly to ensure they don't get themselves brutally maimed."
"Don't you have your own culture?" John carefully steered the Arbiter away from his seething female companions.
"Once." Sighed the Arbiter. "Before the Prophets took control."
"Ah," John nodded sagely. "You look like you need a drink."
"I'm sorry to refuse your courtesy but, as the Arbiter, I am not at liberty to consume intoxicants."
"Not what I meant." John sighed. "How about a coffee?"
"A what?"
John ushered the Sangheili towards a table in the main dining complex. "You'll see."
The Arbiter watched John stride off, marines and Unggoy alike scurrying out of his way.
He sighed and tried to arrange himself in the human-sized seat so that he at least wouldn't overflow over the pathetic plastic device.
"This is the most uncomfortable I've ever been." The Sangheili warrior grunted. "Human's really need to invest in some larger seating apparatus."
He bowed his head in acknowledgement as a couple of Sangheili Councilors strode past on their way to a meeting with Lord Hood.Either they failed to notice him, or the armor of the Arbiter terrified them as much as every other Covenant warrior he tended to bump into.
"Hey split lip." A group of marines sauntered past. "Waiting for your girlfriend?"
Their snigger was abruptly cut off as the Master Chief suddenly brushed past them.
He set a steaming polystyrene cup in front of the Arbiter. "Marines giving you problems Arbiter?"
"Hardly." The Arbiter chuckled, sniffing the coffee thoughtfully. "I'm actually enjoying the human manner of disrespectful banter. It makes a change from the upright reverence the Covenant always offer. Whenever I attempt to speak to my kin I only receive worried looks, as if I were a Prophet or some such." He attempted to fit his mandibles around the mouth of the cup. "This is highly ill-suited to my requirements." He muttered. "Sangheili cups are much wider."
"Sorry to hear that." John unclasped his helmet for the sake of his own coffee. "The treatment of your people towards you, I mean."
"It's not… bad." Said the Arbiter carefully. "It's just hard to retain an old friend when they see you as an invincible holy warrioaaaaaaaargh! Demon!"
"What?" John set his helmet on the table with a decisive click.
"You really do look like a demon!" The Arbiter's mandibles hung agape. "As pale as the ancient dervishes of Sangheili lore! Like a ghost."
"Thanks." John growled. "This is why I hate the idea of dressing in civilian wear. My armor is who I am."
"Such as it has become with I." The Arbiter finally worked out how to work a cup. "Hmmm, this… cor-fee is intriguing. Not as sweet as Sangheili beverages."
John gave a non-committal grunt. "We may have to leave soon, I think the Commander's getting a bit annoyed."
"Maybe you should allow her to alter your attire, you may be able to attract the attention of a female companion?" The Arbiter smirked.
"I don't think so. I have more important things to devote my time to."
"Would you care to offer an example?"
John glared at the, now grinning, Arbiter. "What about you then?" He shot back. "Any… pretty Elites catch your eye?"
"I told you Demon, my people fear my presence, no Sangheili will dare to remain in my presence any longer then necessary. Except Mistress Morgamouss, the high cook, but she doesn't respect anyone and looks like a brute with scales."
"Arbiter! Arbiter!" The cry came from a small Grunt who was waddling towards the table at its maximum velocity. "Come quick! Biegg and Equii are fighting!"
The Arbiter groaned and rose to his feet. "I swear Demon, I'm never working with Unggoy again!"
John watched the Arbiter follow the agitated Grunt over to where two of its fellows were fighting.
The Arbiter displayed an effective and subtle technique to make them stop; he grabbed each one by the scruff of the neck and smashed them face first into one another until one, or both, stopped struggling.
"Now," he growled to the dazed Unggoy, "why were you fighting?"
"Uh… we no fighting." Piped up the first Grunt to recover.
"Don't lie to me." The Arbiter warned. "Remember, an Arbiter can see into the depths of your soul!"
Both Unggoy let out a squeal. "We sorry Excellency, we just… Biegg just… me just…"
"Out with it!" Snapped the irritated Sangheili.
"Equii say hamburgers are a fruit!" Biegg pointed an accusing finger at Equii. "But they obviously a vegetable!"
John thought the Arbiter would throttle them then and there, but the Elite showed amazing restraint.
"Do either of you actually know what a hamburger is?" He asked in a sinisterly calm voice that managed to be far more terrifying then the shouting.
"Uh…" Equii glanced at Biegg.
"Um…" Biegg blanched.
The Arbiter opened his mouth to say something, then clamped his mandibles closed and turned to John. "A little help here Demon?"
"Hamburgers are wheat, vegetable, cheese and meat based products." John glowered. "Very soon there is a likelihood of 'Grunt' being added to that list."
"Right." Equii and Biegg looked at one another, then at John's ferocious glare. "Me want to go now."
The Arbiter set the two down and they couldn't scurry off fast enough, clambering over one another in their haste to get away.
"Let it be known that Unggoy can really annoy me." The Arbiter hissed angrily, sinking back into his seat, which creaked slightly in a worrying manner.
"Right," John gave a half-smile, "so we were talking about finding you a woma…"
"That's it Chief!" The enraged snarl came from somewhere to the left of John's shoulder.
He turned guiltily to find Miranda, Belle and the maintenance girl looming over him. "What's the problem Commander?"
"In a few minutes I'm going to be late for an appointment with Lord Hood, but I refuse to leave until the task I set out to do is completed. So you are going to stand and march off back that store and you are going to find something to wear! That is an order!"
Casting the Arbiter a despairing look, John picked up his helmet and stomped back to the torture rack… uh, I mean clothes shop.
Chuckling slightly, the Arbiter drained the last dregs of his coffee. "All of a sudden I'm feeling much better."
"Oh yeah?" Belle snapped over her shoulder as she followed after the Master Chief. "Well we're doing you next!"