CHAPTER FOUR

Long after she had gone to bed, Anna was still wide awake, tossing and turning, trying to find a comfortable position to fall asleep in. However, her efforts provided no results, and finally she slapped her hands on the bed and growled in frustration. It was no use. She couldn't fall asleep, not when she wanted to be near Elsa, who was on the other side of the castle.

Would it hurt to just go and knock? Anna thought, and immediately felt a stab of pain. When she was younger, that had been the question she had posed to herself over and over, desperate to see Elsa. Having child-like faith, Anna had never stopped her efforts to see her sister, and the fear of being told "no" had never really lodged into her mind. Now that she was older and remembered the numerous cycles of hopefully asking and then meeting disappointment, Anna was apprehensive about asking her sister if she could spend the night with her. Anna lay in bed for several minutes, staring up at the ceiling and going back and forth between going and not going.

The worst she can do is say no. I mean, it would be the hundred millionth time that I've gotten that answer, but will one more "no" really kill me? She might say yes! There is a good chance she will say yes! We're talking again, she's not icing me out. But what if I'm getting the wrong idea from her?

Finally, her persistent nature won out, and Anna threw off the covers and put on her robe. Slipping out of her room, she padded down the stairs and climbed up the other staircase, the one that led to Elsa. Anna's feet felt like lead as she walked up to the queen's door. Her heartbeat was that of a hummingbird's, fast and fluttering. She held up a hand to knock, and stood there for what seemed like an eternity. Memories of her past rose up to her mind, when she little and didn't understand why the person of her adoration wouldn't play with her. Anna now knew the reason why, but still, there was a thought in her mind that she just couldn't push away.

If she had just opened the door, Anna thought. She wouldn't have been isolated, causing her powers to get even worse. I could have helped her! With a twist of her wrist, all our problems could have been solved!

An unfamiliar feeling settled in Anna's mind, hot and cold at the same it, and it took her a minute to register that it was anger. Anna was angry at Elsa, angry that the older sister had refused to see Anna when she needed her. Elsa had had a choice, she could have easily opened the door and all would have been fine. But no, she chose to stay stuck in the endless cycle in her mind that she was a monster that must be hidden away.

Anna's breath grew hot as her temper rose. Occupied with the current events and the joy that she had Elsa back, she hadn't really given thought to her other feelings.

Anna was about to turn around and go back to her room, too angry to think of being near Elsa, when the door slowly opened in front of her. Elsa stood there, in her robe, wide-awake. When she saw Anna right in front of her, the older woman jumped in surprise.

"Anna! You startled me! I was just about to come see you. I couldn't sleep," Elsa finished.

Anna said nothing, trying to control her anger.

"Are you okay? You look...mad," Elsa observed.

"I'm fine," Anna snapped.

Elsa blinked and took a step back, never having been on the receiving end of her sister's anger before. "Would you like to talk about it?" she asked softly.

Anna glared at her sister, and tears began to well up in her eyes. Then she said, "You ignored me, for thirteen years. You missed all my birthdays, every Christmas, when I lost my first tooth, when I broke my arm, the first time I rode a horse by myself, Mama and Papa's funeral, that I had to deal with alone. You missed everything, and you chose to," Anna said hoarsely, her voice getting louder and louder as she got more worked up. "When I needed you, you weren't there! I needed my big sister to give me a hug and tell me everything would be alright, but instead you refused to open the door! And instead of telling me why you couldn't come out, you left me in the dark and let me think that I had done something wrong. I thought you hated me!" Anna's tears spilled over and she crumbled to the floor, sobbing. Her anger slowly ebbed away, and was replaced with heart-breaking sadness. "You hated me, you hated me," she repeated in between sobs.

Elsa stood in her doorway, utter shock on her face. Her arms hung limp at her sides, her eyes were wide with disbelief, and her mouth formed the shape of an "o". Ice had crept its way up the walls, and it was lightly snowing. She too was crying, because Anna was right. She had failed at her most important job, above being perfect daughter, heiress, and then queen. She had failed at being a big sister.

Elsa sank to her knees and placed a hand on Anna's shoulder.

"Anna, I never hated you. I love you with all my heart."

Anna glanced up at the older woman.

"Not seeing you grow up into the beautiful and amazing woman you are now is my biggest regret. And I can never pay you back for what I did. I failed, and I am so sorry." Elsa burrowed her face in her hands, her sobs mixing in with Anna's.

Anna looked at her sister, and let the last bit of anger go by grabbing Elsa's hand. "I forgive you," Anna simply said.

Elsa threw her arms around her sister and they clung to each other.

"I promise, I will never pass up a moment when I can be with you," Elsa said. "I've already missed so much."

Anna sighed, finally feeling set free now that she had shared her deepest feelings. She rubbed Elsa's back, and it stopped snowing and the ice retreated.

"So, I actually came here to ask you something, not yell at you and make you feel like a bad person. Which you're not! A bad person I mean. You just got a little confused and lost, but I say that in the nicest way possible!" Anna rambled.

Elsa pulled away and looked at her with an amused expression.

Anna composed herself. "I couldn't sleep, not with you all the way over here. So I was going to ask, if you didn't mind, if I could...spend the night with you, tonight?"

Elsa smiled deeply. "I was leaving to go ask you the same thing.''

So the two sisters helped each other up off the floor and walked back into Elsa's room. Anna stopped walking when she stepped inside, having never been in Elsa's room before. Anna hadn't known what to expect to see in her sister's room, and gazed at the room slowly, taking it all in.

To her left was a mirror hanging on the wall, next to a chair, which was next to Elsa's canopy bed. It was the same style as her own bed, except there was blue floral patterns painted on the rich wood, not pink. Following the bed was a floor to ceiling bookcase, crammed full of books. There were old books, new books, thick books, thin books, books that looked too expensive too touch, some that looked ancient...Anna's description of Elsa's library could go on and on. It looked as though Elsa had taken and read every book she could get her hands on, bored out of her mind with being in her room all day long.

Directly across from Anna was a triangular window, with diamond-shaped window panes, and a long window seat placed below it. To the right of the room was an armoire in the far corner, and then a grand desk with an important-looking chair placed behind it. The desk was covered in papers, pens, ink, and wax. Anna guessed that this desk was a newer addition to the room, placed here so Elsa could do her queenly duties alone. Also stacked on the desk were more books, and leaning on the side of it was a violin.

Anna's eyes finally made their way back to Elsa, who was standing in the middle of the room, clenching her hands.

"What do you think?" Elsa asked nervously.

"You sure like to read a lot! I've never seen so many books in a bookcase before. And do you play the violin? Elsa, I didn't know that! Of course you would, the violin is so pretty and graceful, it only makes sense. If you were an instrument, you would definitely be a violin. Or maybe a piano..."

Elsa giggled at Anna's strange comparison, seeing that her sister was just as wordy and energetic as she had been when they were kids.

"Those are pretty good instruments to be! Not that I would want you to be one, that would be awful!"

"What instrument would you be?" Elsa asked seriously.

"A tuba."

Elsa snorted at the tone her sister took; so calm, no embarrassment.

"And why is that?"

"Because I'm so clumsy, I feel like I move my feet like the sound a tuba makes."

There it was again, Elsa's deep and rich laugh that Anna was quickly finding she loved.

"Alright, I have to get to bed. I have work in the morning, and so do you," Elsa said, yawning mid-sentence. She sat on her bed and tucked her legs under the covers. Then she looked at Anna and patted the space next to her. Anna nearly jumped on the bed in excitement, slipped under the covers, and curled up right next to Elsa. Her older sister wrapped her arm around her waist and grabbed Anna's hand.

"Good-night, Anna."

"Good-night, Elsa. Sweet dreams."

And the two sisters slept peacefully just like that until morning came.