Ranger's Treatise

by Kal Ancalas

You've always wanted to be a third jobber, but is it as much fun as it's cracked up to be? A bored and cynical Ranger shares his thoughts on the world of Maple Story. Not for the easily offended. Gah, I can't believe people are still reading this...[dc]

4. Not So Quickies

Part IV: Quickies

Since I really don't feel like typing up a whole discourse on Maple, I'll just scribble a few thoughts here and there.

However, I must pay tribute to all those who have read this story and enjoyed it. Truly, if you have the willpower to read the rantings of a slightly demented Ranger, and if you actually enjoyed doing so, my heartfelt thanks to you.

Zer's Axiom of Crogs

The one time that Crimson Balrogs will show up on an airship is the one time you're AFK.

Zer's Axiom of Guilds

The more you spend on a guild, the less fun it becomes.

Maple Economics

Disclaimer: Don't take any of this for granted. If you decide to invest all your money in Pumpkin Pies and end up breaking yourself, this is not my fault. I write this only as a satirical bit.

How times do change.

This afternoon, as I went into the Free Market to make my daily rounds, seeing if anyone had a decent Arund for sale (Which no one did, as usual), I couldn't help but notice the price of Dead Mine Scrolls. 200 grand a pop.

Funny, I could've sworn a while back, they were 100K.

Oh yeah, another thing. I heard a 5 attack Work Glove being hawked for about 12 mil.

…Huh, what happened to the normal price of 6-7 mil?

Obviously, no one really thinks of economics in a MMORPG. That's understandable. I mean, come on, you're here to kill stuff and have fun, not write up freakin' reports like in the Wall Street Journal. However, item prices were really the only thing on my mind that I felt like writing about.

First, we have the stars. As far as I know, there are nine types of throwing stars available in GlobalMS. Subis, Wolbis, Mokbis, Wooden Tops, Icicles, Kumbis, Tobis, Steelys (Or Steelies, if you will), and Ilbis. (Until Zombie Mushmom comes onto the scene, we won't be seeing Hwabis for a while.)

Obviously, the first would be of little use here, since you can buy those cheaply at any armor store for 500 a set. However, it's interesting to note the fluctuations of prices here. Again, we make reference to Tespia here.

Ah, Tespia. The legendary Beta server, that existed when MapleStory was still in its infant stage.

Let me tell you, if you were to visit Tespia now, you wouldn't recognize the place. For one thing, third job hadn't even been released yet. No way. To the Maplers in Tespia, simply being level 30 was the equivalent of being level 70 today. (Incidentally, Tespia is also the foundation of my theory for why there are so many Ice/Light mages out there. Back in the day, people used to flaunt Thunderbolt like crazy, given that it was the only mob attack that looked cool at the time. Yes, no one noticed Arrow Bomb. Crazy ingrates.)

In any case, word spread, and soon enough, mobs of prospective Maplers were flocking to Ellinia to become Lightning Wizards. (Little did they know that Thunderbolt starts out doing 1-2 damage and is a huge MP waster.) But, in any case, the damage was done. The influx of wizards had begun. (Now, Thunder Spear is kind of an answer to that, but it's slow, unwieldy and doesn't reach its full potential until maxed. Kinda like Strafe.)

Of course, I was not taken in by this, and created a warrior. Who incidentally never passed level 16. After that, Maple crashed on my old computer, and I couldn't reinstall it, so I had to put Maple off for about half a year until I got a new computer. By then, my Tespia account was all but forgotten. (Shame. If I had remembered it, I could be playing a Level 100 plus Crusader by now.)

However, 16 levels was sufficient enough to provide a foray into the mysteries of Tespia.

Getting back to a previous point, as I said before, if you had something other than
"Beginner", "Swordman", "Archer", "Magician", or "Rogue" under your name, you were a pro. Others simply idolized you. (And remember, Ossyria didn't exist at the time, which could explain why Level 30 and above equips looked like cash items.)

And the Free Market permits didn't exist. Yes, we had a Free Market, but with no permits, it was basically a cheap red herring. Tons of people, including me, wandered every channel of the FM trying to find something. To no avail. So, us Maplers established the bottom of Perion, Channel 1, as a makeshift Free Market. Often, merely wanting to go to Fire Boars would cause you to lag out.

If you want to get an idea of how primitive Tespia was, as compared to Global today, take Bera, and subtract the following:

-Ossyria (Orbis, El Nath, Zombies, etc.)

-Level 30+ equips (Except for the Blue Axe, for some odd reason)

-Ludibrium

-Aqua Road

-Omega Sector

-Cash Shop

-Third job

-Item names that don't sound like they were translated by drunk people

Yep. It would be a dull place to be, Tespia.

Now that I've efficiently changed this piece from "Maple Economics" to "Memories of a Demented Server", let's get back on track here.

I know. Posting lists as fictions is a removable offense by FF Law. However, there's no law that says you can't insert a list or two into your story, so don't flame me for this.

Prices of Random Stuff (!!!Approximate!!!)

Item/Tespia Price/Price when only Scania/Bera existed/Price as of 11/14/06

Wolbis/50,000/30,000-50,000/1,000

Mokbis/150,000/75,000-100,000/50,000

Tops/Same as Mokbis, give or take 25-50k

Kumbis/300,000-400,000/200,000-250,000/75,000-100,000

Icicles/750,000-1,200,000/500,000/300,000

Tobis/3,000,000/2,000,000/1,750,000

Steelies/12,000,000/7,000,000-8,000,000/10,000,000-14,000,000

Ilbis/25,000,000/18,000,000/30,000,000-35,000,000

EW(Clean)/30,000,000/10,000,000/4,000,000

K-Fan(Clean)/1,000,000/500,000/200,000

Yep. How times have changed. Obviously, the prices of everything except the Steelies and Ilbis can be attributed to inflation. Somehow, I don't know why the prices of Steelies/Ilbis have managed to skyrocket in the last couple of months. Maybe Nexon decreased the drop rate, or maybe there's an evil cartel of high-leveled people that controls the prices for all rare items. We'll never know.

Zer's Axiom of Free Market Stalls

Every time you buy something fairly expensive, you will find the same item being offered at a nearby stall at a significantly lower price.

Zer's Axiom of Hackers

Hackers suck.

A Day in the Life of Zer

"You've always wanted to be a third jobber, but is it as much fun as it's cracked up to be? A bored and cynical Ranger shares his views on the world of MapleStory. Not for the easily offended."

Those are the words that greet you every time you read this collection of memories. I could have written a better summary, but that's all FF would let me fit in their tiny text box.

In any case, so far, I've never really provided an actual foray in what it's actually like to be a Ranger. However, I feel the time has come to introduce my fellow brethren to the wonder, mystery, and fantasy of being a Ranger.

Enjoy.

You are ZerPheonix74.

You are a Ranger, Level 73, located in the world of Bera.

After a hard, strenuous day in the horrors of your local high school, you are ready to cool off and get some much-needed relief. You dash upstairs, where your computer is conveniently located.

You trip and fall with a crash onto the bedspread. No matter, because the pain in your foot will be soothed in a while. You flick on the computer.

After the desktop loads for what has seemed like an eternity, you eagerly move your cursor to the little mushroom icon on your desktop and double-click.

GameGuard Error: Failed to Initialize

You instinctively check your computer's connection, to find that nothing is amiss.

GameGuard Error: Failed to Initialize

…

GameGuard Error: Failed to Initialize

Wonderful. So you restart the computer and wait another eternity.

But at last, that error has been averted. You then log into Maple, click Bera. Which character will you use? Your screwed-up level 41 Fighter, your weak, noobish level 31 Cleric, or your sexy-as-hell level 73 Ranger?

No contest.

You land in the middle of the Forest of Dead Trees III, where you were training the weekend before. You are at 99 percent, just 1 bit short of hitting level 74 and gaining the skill Arrow Rain, a technique dear to the heart of every flamboyant jackass in Maple.

You leap down and begin to kill the wandering zombies. There are no little red blips on the map, for once. What a relief.

That is, until you lag a bit. Normally, one would disregard this, but you know what that momentary lag is.

Someone's entered your map.

Indeed, it's a Hermit. How stereotypical. Level 80-ish, you'd say. He's flaunting a Pireta Hat, Mamba, and Ilbis. Immediately, he casts Shadow Partner and starts his massacre. You indignantly attempt to keep up by using Strafe, but alas, your level 5 Strafe can't stand up to a maxed Shadow Partner.

Because you're a kind soul and you don't want to tell the jerk to CC, as annoying as he is, and you move quietly to one side of the map. That is, until he deliberately comes over you and starts killing. Needless to say, your EXP is not improving much at this point.

Finally, the Hermit in question throws out the spark that lights the proverbial fire.

"CC."

That's it. Maybe you can live with a Hermit sharing your Zombie Channel, but HELL NO are you going to relinquish your precious spot to this arrogant jackass. No, you were here first, there's absolutely no question of that.

You immediately reply that you'd like to share the map. He replies with the kindest of statements, "STFU noob." How charming. Now, normally, you won't throw out insults at people, but that's a bit much, so saying so, you proceed to exchange sharp words with the invader.

Then, he calls your mom something that even you wouldn't call her, as much as you despise her and her iron-fisted rule. But wait! You have thought of the perfect comeback. Immediately, your fingers dance over the keyboard, intending to deal out the final jab.

Uh-oh. You just realize you've been poisoned for the last minute or so, and your HP is dangerously low. And, a zombie happens to be wandering toward you.

You furiously mash your HP potion hotkey, but to no avail. With a shudder, you recall that hotkeys don't work while you're typing text.

Frantically, you manually open your Items menu, hoping to guzzle down a precious Elixir before the moment of death.

No…800...600...

The hand cursor moves to the pink bottle.

400...200...

You double-click the Elixir, but too late. A tombstone has planted itself in front of you. And, instead of 99.50 percent, you now stand at 92.50. An extra hour of work.

The last thing you hear is the Hermit's cruel laugh, before you are transported back to El Nath.

-----

Nevertheless, you purchase an overpriced DM scroll and make your way back to the Dead Mine. You carefully pick through about 40 maps before you find a kind Bandit who is willing to share his map with you for a party. It's not going to help you level faster, but you have no choice. You reluctantly accept the party offer.

About an hour later, despite your earlier setback, you are at 99.99 percent. Only one more zombie.

You press the spacebar. Double Shot…Final Attack…

It is over. The zombie disintegrates, while you eagerly listen to the trumpet blare that means you've leveled. You bid good-bye to the bandit and happily return to El Nath, your job done for the moment.

Finally. You've put 3 points in Mortal Blow the level before, despite your friends' advice. Now, with 3 more SP in tow, you can get Mortal to level 5, and then get Arrow Rain.

Ecstatic, you rush out to the Snowfield, eager to test your technique on a few Jr. Pepe's. You set Rain to a hotkey and stab down with your finger.

A rush, a storm of blue shards rain down, and it's over.

FTW?! 524 DAMAGE?

Geez. You could've caused more damage with Arrow Bomb. Disgusted, you head off to Orbis Tower, conveniently not having a scroll with you.

-----

After a long climb through the stone spire, you decide to go back to Henesys and flaunt your newly-gained technique. You pay 5000 mesos for a ticket and head to the Orbis dock.

When the ship finally arrives, the usher asks if you would like to board. You click yes.

The connection to the server has ended. Please try it again later.

After a bit of cursing and bashing your fist against the wall, you quickly log back in. Hopefully you can still catch the ride back. But no. The ship has closed its doors, and you must now wait another fifteen minutes to get a ride home.

Finally, the second ship is ready to leave. You again present your ticket and this time, thankfully, are not denied entry. You join the crowd of people, most of them level 90-100'ers on their way back to Victoria Island.

Suddenly, you hear footsteps on the stairs. Oh, shit! If your mom finds you playing Maple on a school day, you're definitely screwed.

No matter. Quickly, your hand leaps to the keyboard, and presses Alt-Tab, the godsend of discreet Maplers. MapleStory is now minimized to the toolbar, leaving a background window containing information on photosynthesis and the Calvin cycle.

"What are you doing up here?"

"Aw, geez, Mom, I'm doing research for my Bio project!"

She stares at the screen, but sees nothing suspicious.

"I see…So what'd you learn in class today?"

You frantically wrack your brains for something remotely interesting that occurred in class today.

"Hey, did you know that alcohol is actually a waste product of prokaryotic bacteria? So every time you crack open a bottle of wine or beer, you're drinking bacteria pee!"

She stares at you, then leaves. Heh, maybe that'll teach her a lesson next time she brings champagne to a party. You press Alt-Tab again.

Only to find yourself dead a second time, from the Crogs. Go figure.

-----

When you finally reach Henesys, your mood has been somewhat lifted. Enough of this crap. You're going to relieve some stress, and you're going to do it well. You disable trades, whispers, and create a fake party. You then dress yourself in the garb of a Pure Noob, your Patriot replaced with a headband, your Linnex replaced with a T-shirt and jeans, and your Golden Hinkel replaced with a sword. Then, you step out onto the Fields of Henesys.

Heh, a ton of Pure Noobs. You climb up to the top ledge, where the green shrooms spawn, and wait for a Pseudo-Pro to appear, so you can scare the shit out of them.

After waiting for about 5 minutes, one finally appears. A level 50-something Lightning Wizard. He blasts down the mushrooms with his flashy Thunderbolt. The Pure Noobs stand amazed.

But you've got something better. You whip out a Red Viper, strong enough to deal sufficient damage, and before anyone can comprehend why a Pure Noob can hold a level 35 bow, you bust out Rain and effectively end the lightning man's tirade.

After your moment of glory is over, you glance around and see the dumbfounded faces of the Pure Noobs. You grin and glance over at the red-faced wizard.

Suddenly, he screams "SHOWOFF!"

This, of course, incites the Pure Noobs around to scream "SHOWOFF!" too at you. Soon, people start mass defaming you, including said wizard. You frantically try to explain that you're only here to relieve stress because you don't understand the Calvin cycle and that the mage was also being a showoff too, but to no avail. Finally, the place calms down a bit and you retire to a nearby rope to hang out, so to speak.

Then, you see a mushroom and a snail whiz by your feet with supersonic speed. You realize that a hacker is here. You've had experience with those guys before, and whatever happens is not going to end well.

Then, the idiot wizard shouts, "OMFG HACKER! EVERYONE REPORT THE RANGER!"

Of course, you're not the one hacking, and you're not stupid enough to do so, but the Pure Noobs are goaded into a frenzy again, and mass defame is once more rained upon you. You realize, from a smirk on the idiot's face, that the mage in question is actually the hacker, but you can't do anything against this mob mentality, so you simply leave, in a very foul mood.

You then simply go back into Henesys, climb upon the haystacks near the town entrance and stare at the taxi for no good reason. What did you ever do to deserve all this misfortune, just because you're a Ranger, one of the rare characters in Maple, instead of a massively powerful Crusader, a flashy Mage, or a flamboyant Hermit? Sheesh.

Suddenly, you notice a Pseudo Pro, level 40 or so, standing casually in the midst of a bunch of Pure Noobs and AFK Noob Pros looking for fame. You recognize him at once. The equivalent of a terrorist suicide bomber today, you know exactly what's on the guy's mind. Summoning sacks.

For a second, you want to walk away and let the noobs be slaughtered, but you take a glance at them. Look at them, innocent like that, never doing a soul harm, if not annoying them a bit, and also the AFK pros. You recall how you died twice today and lost so much EXP. Were you going to doom those people to their fate in good conscience?

You ready yourself, tensed for an outburst, and as soon as the first Trojan appears, you spring into action, whipping out your Hinkel. The noobs are screaming, running for cover, and you act fast, using Rain to divert the horsemen's attention and then slaughtering them with your Strafe.

The assassin, his plans foiled, slinks away snarling. You sigh. There were no casualties, thanks to your swift action, but aside from a wondrous stare, no one seems to notice your act of heroism. You get out your Relaxer and sit down in it, moping.

Suddenly, you see a young archer standing in front of you, level 15 or so.

"Hey, dude…what you did there was really awesome…thanks for saving my life."

He then fames you. You are surprised, as no one's ever famed you randomly before.

"Someday, I wanna be just like you."

The archer then leaves, no doubt to continue hunting the snails and mushrooms that lay to the west. You lie back in your Relaxer, exhaling calmly.

Yes, it's good to be a Ranger.

Okay, that was quite honestly one of the sappiest things I've ever written, aside from a few of my other shorts, but it's fairly decent.

Zer's Axiom of Potions

You always run out of potions every time you're in the middle of a bunch of monsters with Maple Messenger on.

Zer's Axiom of Bowman Equips

The necessary equipment you need (Dark Linnex, scrolled Arund, etc.) will always be abundant in the Free Market ten levels before you actually need it. When you actually need the desired equipment, it is nowhere to be found.

Afterword

Well, that pretty much wraps up the Quickies, even though that's kinda ironic because this is the longest chapter I've written and nearly doubles the size of this whole story.

Anyway, your feedback is much appreciated. I dunno what I'll write for the next chapter, though. A Ranger/Sniper debate's been suggested, but I'm not sure if I can handle a topic like that efficiently without cruelly insulting every Sniper on this site.

In any case, though, if you prove that you like this treatise, I'll come up with something.

Until the Balrogs fall,

-ZerPheonix74