A las beginnings don't last forever.

Two days.

The first day came as usual, waiting for him to pass through the door and him coming. I hear he says two more days, so he and th rest of the guys will go to 24, meaning 24/7, a bar/convenience store after their shift. I ask about those two days to Charlotte and Isabela, they say:

"He's leaving"

My heart tears apart, my stomach is 'hit', shock overwhelmed me, it's been 3 months since it happened and I cry as I'm writing it. They speak in hushed tone to themselves, I hear snippets of him going to a vegan restaurant but I just feel. When im done with my shift I go to him, lean against his side of the kitchen.

"You're leaving" is my statement

"Yeah" he confirms

"Im saying goodbye"

"You can tell me tomorrow"

"I don't work tomorrow, you're leaving just when im getting a fond of you" he doesn't look at me, just shrugs and says:

"l'll be back, the company owes me money"

I just look at him and say:

"You owe me a hug"

We just stare at each other until at the same time we reach for the other, hugging, I hugged his neck hard, he grabbed my shoulders for a bit and then after a few moments let go. I stood there, waiting for another one so he went towards the oven, took out his peppers, put them on the rack and went to his station, he just looked at me and just breathed a short breath and hugged me again, not looking at me afterwards. I cried going to the car, in the car, on my way home, all night but because my free day was the next day, today was a last goodbye.

I went the next day to confess to him, what my heart had to say.

I waited beneath a tree in front of the restaurant, looking like a creepy sniper woman without a gun, I had my chance when he was alone but didn't do anything, when I go down again, Charlotte asks why im still there,

"To say goodbye" I answer

"You already did, yesterday"

I went to the kitchen and asked if I could talk to him since he was speaking to John about something, I looked weird and bizarre just staring at them, both of them glanced at me a couple of times,until Charlotte spoke to me:

"Get out of there its not a good idea, it's a work station", even if the restaurant wasn't opened yet.

"I have something t say to him and Im not going to tell you"

"Do you want me to call him?"

"No, I'll do it"

I called him over a couple o times, wanted him to lean over so I could whisper in his ear but he said:

" This is my job, it's important"

"I have something important too" My heart

"So let's hear it" rather impatiently and rude

I lean in and say: " I fell for you"

"Thank you" turns his back to me and continues to speak to John

I run away, Charlotte calls out:

"What happened?"

"I'm just being weird" I turned and left looking at my phone, feeling heartbroken.

I laid out my heart to this man and he brushed it off, like it was nothing. For days after that I felt stupid, doing it at a bad time, just because I was never going to see him again. I spoke to my mom about it, because moms help with the matters of the heart, it could've been a bad time for him, maybe you'll see each other on the streets and say hello to each other, maybe things will grow from there. At the same time though, I didn't want a man to dismiss me like that in my life, he might have showed me his true colors, and he just used me and toyed with my feelings, while everyone saw and watched in amusement of a shy girl having a crush on the "bad boy". My heart says to give him a chance but my brain says no. I believe it would have been beautiful, all my imaginations might have come true, the hugs, the cuddles, the kisses, everything I wanted, with him.

I saw him a week later when I was leaving a parking lot, I remember not knowing why I had to look in that direction or maybe I saw a chef coat and looked up. His eyebrows were raised, I just shrugged my shoulders and hit the gas pedal.

After that I kept going to that parking lot because I was there first and wasn't going to leave for him but I did leave, not for him, for me. I kept getting hopeful to see him and getting let down each time, so I decided to not hurt myself by having hope, moved to another one that he used to go to, but doesn't go to anymore, obviously.

I write this to set it free from me, at the same time for him to find it and see what it was like for me. Its been 3 months since that day, if it's meant to be it will, if it isn't, well that was one ride from cloud nine to earth in 0.001 seconds, the math is wrong but you get it. These memories are precious to me, my first love, my would've, my could've but wasn't.

Thank you for reading this, I hope it teaches you of what to do in the matters of the heart.