Ok, you're the best so you get a bonus chappy!! 3

Konan White and the Seven- scratch that, Six- no, Five Hobbits and a Fairy: Part I

!!#!!

Deidara stood watching as Konan looked at herself in the mirror, she twirled, look again, twirl again, look at herself again, and repeat. It was quite tiresome. She did it about five more times 'til Deidara burst out, saying, "Do you like it or not, un?!"

"I like it!!"

"Good, now let's go!! We have to be on in half an hour, un." Deidara looked at his watch and thought Geez, we've been here an hour already, but at least she finally picked one.

"Oh isn't that one cute!!" Konan squealed pointing to one of the dresses across the room. Deidara had to admit it was pretty cute and maybe Konan could try it on… SHUT UP!! DO YOU HEAR YOURSELF, UN!! Awww, but it's cute… WE HAVE TO GO NOW!!

Deidara sighed. "Konan it takes half an hour to get back to the hideout, un, and the play starts in half an hour so let's go!!"

"B-but the dress is so cute!!" Konan cried while Deidara dragged her out after paying for her dress.

At the hideout, Deidara changed into his out fit. Since he was the most feminine of the guys, he had to be the evil queen. This had been decided without him and he was forced into it. Oh man, was he pissed. Many people got beat into walls that day.

Well, the costume was definitely interesting. First of all, it was a dress. That just made it funny. Sasori had picked it out, so it was baby blue and sparkly with ribbons and bows covering it (not very evil queen–ish but it was Sasori who picked it out). This made it really, really funny. Then one spotted the crown upon his head. Big, fluffy, and blue, it was just the icing on the cake. This made the costume fucking hysterical. Sequins covering it, feathers jutting out at random points, and on top, a white dove (stuffed of course) perched with a freaky 'I'm gonna kill you all! Mwahahahahaha!' look on its face. Oh, this costume was gut-busting, knee-slapping, rolling-on-the-floor-laughing, Neji-and-Gaara's-baby (which would be reeeeeally funny) fucking HYSTERICAL!! The best word to describe this costume is just WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW.

Deidara stared at the crown. It weighed like 20 pounds or something. And he had to where the thing for half an hour too? Man this was going to be a long night.

Outside of Deidara's room, Kakuzu and Hidan were arguing over who had to tell Deidara that it was time to go on stage.

"You go in! I still have the chance of dying! Where as you don't have to worry about that!" Kakuzu glared at his partner.

Hidan glared back. "Yes well it still hurts!"

"I thought you were a masochist!"

Smiling bitterly, Hidan snapped, "Well that pain's fun and people die from it! It's fun pain!"

"Yes, but–" Kakuzu was interrupted by someone screaming "WHO THE HELL DID THIS SIGN!?"

"Oh, shit she found the signs." Hidan weighed his possibility of survival between Deidara and Konan. Either way he was going to get pummeled. "Why don't I go get Deidara? Ok, bye!"

He entered the room and suppressed a snicker. Wow. Deidara's outfit was definitely entertaining. "Erg... we gotta get on stage..." And he couldn't hold it anymore. He laughed and laughed and laughed. That is until Deidara smiled a malicious, sadistic smile and gave him the middle. "I'd rather not thank you."

"I never said it would be me, Ms. Kakuzu." And Deidara left the room. It took Hidan a whole half a minute to get it.

Deidara joined the group that consisted of Itachi, Kisame, Kakuzu, Pein, Zetsu, and a fuming Konan. They all snickered and Deidara said, "Go fuck yourselves." in response. He looked around at the group and asked, "Where's fucking retard?" Meaning Tobi.

"Idk, off being Tobi, probably."

"Tobi is a good fairy!!" And Tobi ran full speed into Deidara. And when he said Tobi was a good fairy, he meant it. He was supposed to be one of the hobbits. Well, since Tobi is a doubie, he dressed as a fairy. Yes, a fairy. With a pink, sparkly, fluffy, pretty tutu. And he had replaced his 'normal' (if Tobi can be 'normal' at all) mask with a pink swirly mask, covered with sequins. On his back was a pair of white shiny see-through wings and he had a pink, heart wand.

"What. The. Fuck? You're supposed to be a hobbit, not a fairy. This is Konan white!! NOT Sleeping Konan or whatever, un!! Konan White, as in Snow White!! You know the movie or the book, the fairy tale, un!!" Deidara stomped off.

"What? I thought it was Sleeping Konan!! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh!! Mommy, he's so mean!!" Tobi cried and hugged Konan.

"Get it off!! You're way too old to be my son!!" Konan grabbed Tobi by the head and flung him across the room.

"Get on stage!!"

"Isn't Deidara on now?" Hidan asked, looking over everyone's heads.

Kakuzu smacked him the back of the head. "No! Itachi is the narrator. Jeez, you idiot!"

With his signature 'hn', Itachi walked on stage. "Once upon a time, you were all weak... and you still are. You want to know why you are weak? Because you lack the sexiness only one ninja has ever obtained. Me. And you shall never obtain the sexiness required to beat me... or be me. So all you haters out there... give it up. And to my fangirls... please stop trying to rape me and I'll stop killing you. It's really quite simple..."

Back stage, everyone was basically sweatdropping.

On stage, Itachi was continuing his rant. "... Oh, and Sasuke just give up... I know you wish to be as awesome as me, but you never will be... Also, Sasuke, Naruto will never fall i–" And his 'speech' was stopped by Konan's shoe flying and hitting him in the back of the head, along with her yelling, "Say the script!! Or at least what you can remember of it!!"

One of Itachi's veins popped out and throbbed and he said, "Sorry weaklings... Once upon a time... uh... they all lived happily ever after."

Back stage, Konan shoved a script into Hidan's hand and ordered, "Go give this to Itachi... that stupid mass murderer..."

Hidan shuffled on stage, handed the script to Itachi and rushed off. Itachi looked at the script, repeating the... gist of what it said. "Once upon a time, a pretty (though not as pretty as me) queen lived. And she had a beautiful step-daughter… yada, yada, yada… basically crazy queen lady don't like her step-kid so she gotta wear rags and whatever…"

And Itachi walked off stage. Back stage, the stage manager told Deidara to get on stage and the 'magic mirror' was rolled on. Deidara stood in front of the mirror and said, "Yo mirror-bitch ain't I pretty?"

"Yeah, yeah, keep telling yourself that…" The mirror was Sasori. His only role.

Itachi walked back on stage, being the narrator, and said, "Mirror-bitch said that every day when crazy queen lady asked until…

"Yo mirror-bitch ain't I pretty?"

"No you're fucking ugly, you smell like horse shit, you're fat, and you look like Hidan's ass-wipe."

Deidara's eyebrow started to twitch and he said, "Yes, well, mirror-bitch better shut the fuck up or I'm gonna smash you to tiny smithereens…" Deidara glared at Sasori. "So who's the fucking whore that's prettier than me?"

"Konan White is way prettier than you." And Sasori disappeared behind a curtain.

"Must kill." There was silence that followed Deidara's line until Itachi realized he was supposed to be narrating.

"Erg… And so crazy queen lady called her servant dude. And told her go kill Konan White." Hidan walked on stage wearing a pair of tight leather pants and a too-small vest.

"Um, my queen… what's up with this fucking costume?! It's too god damn small!! Oh, right… whatcha want?"

"Take my stepdaughter and kill her." He pulled out a box. "Put her heart in this boxy thingy…"

"Yes, ma'am!" He left as quickly as he could with the too small costume. Deidara walked off the stage too.

Basically, through out this whole thing so far, the audience had been cracking up. Itachi glared at them until they were silent and said, "And so the servant dude took Konan White into the woods saying they would 'pick wildflowers.' Wow, you know what this sounds like? It sounds like he's gonna rape her!! Doesn't it?!" Konan's shoe came and hit him in the head again (the other shoe). Hidan and Konan walked on stage and Konan pretended like she was picking flowers while Hidan pulled out a knife. "And he was going to kill her…" Hidan lifts the knife up like he's going to stab her. "But…" Itachi looked around the room, "he couldn't!"

Hidan dropped the knife and said, "I can't do it, my queen, I-"

He never finished what he said because Konan kneed him in the nuts. "Ha, that should teach you to mess with me for I am…" superhero pose "Konan White!!"

Sweat drops galore, my friend. Hidan curled in a little ball on the floor and Konan standing over him. Konan looked around the room, blinked, remembered her script, and said, "Oh… um… right… I'm supposed to be running… right…" And she ran off stage.

Someone came and dragged Hidan off the stage.

The audience sat in complete silence. They were shocked at how stupidly funny the Akatsuki were. Then the laughter they had been stifling burst out. Back stage, Hidan lay crying on the floor when Konan came over and nudged him with her toe, "You'll be fine."

Tobi walked over to Deidara, wondering about the script, "Um… Deidara, why's it say 'gay retarded fairy'?"

"Oh, we revised the script because of the current situation so just go out there. Tell Konan to get on stage too."

"Yes, ma'am!" Tobi said walking on stage.

"I'M A MAN, UN!!"

On stage, Tobi was repeating what the script said. "I am the gay retarded fairy, Tobi!! I shall grant Konan White one wish!!" The crowd was cracking up at Tobi's costume and his line.

Konan was also reading from her script. "Um… I… wish that… I could get away from the queen!!"

"Ok, then go to the ickle house dat way!!" Tobi pointed in about six directions before settling on one off stage."

"Thank you, oh great gay retarded Tobi!!"

Some where in the crowd, Tobi's girlfriend sat (don't ask me how he got a girlfriend he just did) getting embarrassingly pissed by the second. She looked at her friends, which consisted of her sister, Tanka, Gaara, Temari, Shikamaru, Tenten, Neji, Ino, Kankuro, Kiba, Hinata, Naruto, and Anko. Oh, when I get my hands on that boy I'm going to murder him, resurrect him, and murder him again… and resurrect him again.

Kiba leaned over to Tanka and whispered, "Who's the evil witch? She's kinda hot."

Next to him, Anko started cracking up. "Kiba, I didn't know you rolled that way!!"

"What?"

"That's Deidara."

"Homie say wha?"

"You know, the blonde hair," Anko pointed at her mouth than her hand, "the mouths on his hands."

"Oh my Jashin… I just said a dude was hot… ok, no one heard that!" Kiba gave shifty eyes.

"Sure we didn't… And Gaara isn't a Sexybeast." Tanka said, chuckling.

"Gag!"

"Well, at least, I know girls from boys, Kiba."

Back on stage, the curtain had closed and they were setting up the second set. Every one who was on earlier was changing into different costumes. Deidara was a hobbit now and his outfit as almost as bad as it was with the evil queen. It was a too small, bright blue, and had a giant red bow on the back. I hate Sasori…

!!#!!

Poor Tobi, he's gonna get beat to a bloody pulp… Kiba's into to dudes now… Itachi's ranting… and Hidan got kneed in the nuts… wow, how do I come up with this retarded shit…?

Konan White and the Seven- scratch that, Six- no, Five Hobbits and a Fairy: Part II next time!! Peace out!!

-Tanka ;3