"We were a lot more involved with this album. We actually wrote eight out of the twelve songs," James explains to the radio host, the answer coming out effortlessly yet almost robotic from having repeated the information so many times.
The woman doesn't notice that James' interest is partially a façade, hidden behind the beaming smile on his face. She nods, her dark brown bangs bouncing against her forehead. "Oh yeah? Are any of them particularly special to you guys?"
From the other side of James, Carlos chimes in, "Well, I wrote Invisible and I like that one a lot. It has a great message."
Logan picks up when he finishes, "I wrote Time of Our Life and that one's really fun. It's a real high energy song and everyone has fun dancing…"
From my spot against the wall I begin to daze off, having heard responses along the same lines multiple times over the past few weeks at previous interviews. My mind wanders to my conversation with Carlos and James only two days ago; when I revealed the real reason for my dislike of Kendall. Since then they have been constantly begging me to tell them what happened after me and Kendall's… encounter. They swore they wouldn't bring it up in front of anyone, so I've been doing my best to keep the alone time with Carlos and James to a minimum and changing the subject every time it came up.
Telling them what happened afterwards would mean that I'd have to live through it again and there was no way I was going to put myself through that. I had just gotten over the flood of emotions that came along with seeing him for the first time in five years when the tour started. I shut myself off from feeling anything towards Kendall, besides hate. He wasn't the kid I used to know anymore, so why even bother thinking of him.
If this job wasn't such a great addition to my resume, I definitely wouldn't be here. In the beginning I thought it would get better, that somehow I would develop a tolerance for his actions, or the Kendall I knew would resurface, but that never happened and it looked like it never would. He had managed to completely abolish any positive feeling I felt toward him in record time. The difference between this Kendall and the Kendall I knew was so incredibly vast that for the first few days I couldn't wrap my head around it. But, I get it now. Whether Kendall has always been this way and I just never noticed, or for whatever reason he changed, it didn't matter because this is who he is now.
A huge, annoying douchebag.
Logan, on the other hand, was more of a medium-sized, annoying asshole. As much as I hated to admit it, without the "emotional attachment" that I had for Kendall, it was harder to hate him as much. Sure, he made crappy decisions and was relentless with trying to get me in bed with him, but he never hurt me. Sometimes I wanted to accept Logan's choices, blame it on "being young and living life", and be polite towards him in whatever way just to get on Kendall's nerves. Make it seem like Kendall was the sole one I hated, which was true, though they didn't know.
There's an uproar of laughter from the small crowd sitting in front of the five stools occupied by the boys and the middle-aged woman. Judging by the blush on the interviewer's cheeks and the smirk on Logan's lips, I assume that the 'who's the biggest flirt' question was posed. It always happens this way; he'd pretend to deny it then seconds after he'd hit on whatever woman in the room. I don't understand why girls constantly eat that shit up.
"Okay, last question," the brunette woman starts again, "something that I'm sure everyone here wants to know…" Ah, here it comes, the inevitable. "Are you guys single?"
Carlos chuckles, "Everyone just got really quiet, that's really funny." The room is filled with laughter again.
"It's very important and viable information, Carlos," Logan says in mock-seriousness with a smirk and the other boys nod.
"So to answer your question, with the exception of Carlos, we are all single," James states, his answer only partly honest seeing as he was also a part of the exception.
"And mingling," Kendall adds slyly. He and Logan exchange a glance, their cocky expressions making me want to slap the smirks right off their faces. Of course the audience thinks that it's funny, they start laughing again. If only they knew.
Rolling my eyes, I turn away from the group. The hour is almost up and because the boys had done their signing before the interview started, we could finally leave. Leaving the boys in Ranel's capable hands for the last few remaining minutes, I head out to the large black SUV sitting in front of the radio station. I lean against the side of the car and pull out my phone, scrolling through my contacts until I reach Bret, my boss.
Our conversation is short, after I tell him that we should be arriving at the venue within the next thirty minutes, my stomach knots up when he requests that I come and talk to him as soon as we get there. My hands start to shake as I hit the end button.
What could he possibly need to talk to me about so urgently? Was I doing something wrong? I'd made sure the boys had been on time to all of their events so far. This interview was at a later time than usual, scheduled to end only two hours before the show. I always had those two hours off, so the fact that Bret wanted to talk to me was unnerving. What if he knew about Kendall and I? What if someone told him about the morning I acted unprofessionally towards Kendall and Logan?
I run a hand through my hair, pushing my bangs away from my face with a sigh. The front doors open and the boys start to trail out of the building. The group loads into the car, and for whatever horrific reason I get stuck sitting between James and Carlos in the very back. I would've put up with sitting next to Logan or even Kendall if it meant I wouldn't have any chance of solitude with the other two. Kendall and Logan start arguing about who the redhead in the front was more interested in.
Taking this as the perfect opportunity to bombard me, the guys on either side of me both turn towards me as soon as the car starts moving.
"Look," I start before they have the chance to say anything. "I already told ya'll. After it happened, we went to IHOP to eat, and then he dropped me off at home. That's it, alright? Obviously, I was just another girl that he slept with, nothing different from what he does now. It meant nothing to me and clearly it fucking meant nothing to him. So just drop it, okay?" My tone had grown harsh without me noticing. I hold my breath and glance around the car, making sure no one besides Carlos and James heard what I had said. "Please," I add softly, not wanting to think about my past with Kendall any longer.
But no matter how hard I try to convince Carlos, James, and even myself that that night meant nothing to me, it would never be true.
Kendall cuts the engine and the car goes quiet. He flicks his keys hanging from the ignition twice before turning to face me. "I had a great time with you tonight, Tegan."
"Are you referring to the whole night, or just the sex?" I ask skeptically, a smile threatening to break way onto my lips.
"Oh, definitely just the sex," he smirks.
"It was pretty great, wasn't it?"
He laughs while shaking his head slightly. "But seriously, as amazing as that was, even if it hadn't have happened I still would've had an enjoyable night."
The intensity in his eyes has my cheeks burning and my confident demeanor disappearing instantaneously. I turn away from his gaze, snapping the hairband around my wrist. It was weird how one minute I could talk to him like it was nothing, like we were the best of friends, but then as soon as those bright green eyes landed on mine I felt as though I could throw up from the abundance of butterflies in my stomach.
"I had a great time with you too, Kendall," I reply quietly, glancing up at him.
Kendall smiles softly, his dimples barely visible. "You don't just mean the sex, right?" he teases and I roll my eyes good-naturedly.
Realizing how late it is, I reluctantly reach for the buckle of my seatbelt. Before I can push down on the button, Kendall's hand covers mine. My eyes flutter up to his as he trails his fingers up my arm and to the side of my face. The pads of his fingers trace my jawline lightly then stop to cup my jaw, his large hand covering my entire cheek, the now familiar calluses rubbing against my skin. This time when our lips touch it's not as hungry as before. His lips move against mine slowly and I savor every moment. My hands gravitate up to the back of his head, lightly twisting his dark blonde locks between my fingers. I'm grateful that he keeps the languid pace, knowing that even the slightest advancement would lead me to wanting all of him.
Kendall pulls away gradually and I'm tempted to move in and catch his lips with mine again. He rests his forehead on mine before saying, "I should probably get your phone number."
"Yeah," I reply softly.
We pull apart so that I can input my number into his phone and he the same with mine. I gather my things from the floor of his car and pull them onto my lap. I look at Kendall one last time and his expression mirrors my own, eyes not as bright as usual and lips slightly turned down at the sides, neither of us wanting the night to end quite yet.
"Don't forget me when your band gets all rich and famous, alright?" I say in hopes of getting a smile from him. It works.
"What makes you think that'll happen? You've never even heard us."
I shrug, "Because you're you." My cheeks redden, realizing how lame I sounded.
His smile widens. "Come here," he says with his arms open.
Without hesitation, I wrap my arms around his neck, his own enclosing just above my waist. I try to memorize his scent, not knowing when I might see him again, despite the fact that we exchanged phone numbers. I knew how crazy it could get, the summer after senior year. Everyone will be busy preparing for college and finally starting their own lives. I imprint the feel of his arms wrapped around me into my mind, along with the soft, still damp texture of his hair.
"I don't think I could ever forget you, Tegan," he whispers a few moments later, his lips close to my ear. "…Even if I wanted to."
"Hey!" I laugh, pulling away to glare at him.
Kendall smiles, still greatly entertained by teasing me. "Besides, you have my clothes and as much as I like seeing them on and off of you, I'm going to need those back sooner or later."
I slap his shoulder lightly, the blush returning to my cheeks. "Shut up!"
"I'm kidding!" he laughs. He places a gentle kiss on my lips the releases his hold on me with a sigh. "See you later, Tegan."
"Bye, Kendall."
We talked for weeks after that night, constantly calling and emailing each other. Though, as I had predicted, we saw little of each other face to face, with him focusing on his band, which then turned into him auditioning for TV shows, and while I directed all my attention towards college preparation and working. Soon our contact was sparse, then nothing. It was like Kendall had dropped off the face of the planet. He changed his number, my emails were never returned. I didn't feel whole for a long time after that. Even though I had only known him for a short amount of time, he meant a lot to me, more than any person ever had.
Years passed, and I eventually got over it. I became so engrossed in my courses that I stopped wondering where he was, but he was still there in the back of my mind. Then I got offered this internship. It was perfect, everything I needed to build a resume that could potentially land me great jobs, plus it was paid.
Waiting anxiously in the small room for Bret to return with the four men I would be essentially catering to for two and a half months, I pull on the elastic band around my wrist, the material slapping against the skin quietly. I had a slight clue who Big Time Rush were, having heard one of their songs on the radio, but I had no idea as to what they looked like. The door opens suddenly and I quickly stand. My heart races as I realize that Bret isn't with them, but is somewhat calmed by the warm smile on the first guy's face.
He stands at only an inch or two taller than me, with almost black hair and slightly tanned skin. "Hi, I'm Carlos," he introduces himself. My eyes keep switching from his gorgeous dark brown ones to his beaming smile. I take his outstretched hand in my own, shaking it while returning his smile.
"Tegan," I say loud enough for the rest of them to hear.
A voice chimes in from beside Carlos, the accent difficult to place as he says, "What a pretty name for a pretty lady." My eyes land on the speaker and if he wasn't so attractive I probably would've rolled my eyes at his previous comment. A smirk tugs on his lips, revealing dimples in both of his cheeks.
"Thanks," I reply softly, shaking his hand.
He smiles brightly and his dimples deepen, showing off a row of perfectly straight, white teeth. "I'm Logan." He's around the same height as Carlos, if only a couple inches taller. His dark brown hair is shorter on the sides and spiked up at the top of his head.
"You're going to want to stay away from this one," the last guy in the room warns as he drapes an arm over Logan's shoulders. They banter for a moment and only then do I realize that he was only kidding. This one is considerably taller than the other two, with long brown hair swept to the side just above his eyebrows and a face that was almost too faultless to believe was real, let alone that it belonged to a man.
He pushes Logan away playfully then smiles down at me, his face brightening instantly. "I'm James."
I shake his hand just as I had done with the others, my eyes still tracing over every facial feature. Was it possible to have this many good looking guys in one band?
"Wait, isn't there supposed to be another one of ya'll?" I ask suddenly, noticing the lack of the fourth member.
"Oh yeah." Carlos looks around the room. "Where's Ken-"
"I'm here!"
My heart drops at the voice. It couldn't be. I look past James as the body walking into the room and swallow hard. It was him. But how?
"Did you get lost or something, dude?" one of the guys teases, but I'm too focused on Kendall to distinguish who.
He looks exactly the same as he did five years ago. The only differences being the length of his hair and the very slight changes age brought. Five years, I haven't seen him or talked to him in five years and here he was, right in front of me. My heart starts to race and for a second I'm not sure if I want him to remember me or not.
His eyes land on mine and all the memories that I had pushed away come flooding back. It's like no time has passed, like I hadn't spent all those years trying to forget him. He has to remember, I need him to remember. I can finally have him back, my Kendall.
I search for any sign of recognition in his eyes and my heart crumbles when it never comes. He turns to the guys for a second and I can make out the faint mark of dark lipstick on his jaw. When he looks back at me, that familiar smirk is on his lips, but any hope that the Kendall I once knew and that once knew me is still there disappears as he says, "My name's Kendall, and who do I have the pleasure of meeting?"
I don't want the memories anymore. I wish it hadn't of been such a big deal. I wish he wouldn't have grown so important to me. I wish that I would've just had him drive me home. I wish that day I met the guys three weeks ago really was the first time I met him.
I wish I could forget it all, just like he had.
Okay so officially done with flashbacks, I think. Haha. From now on the guys are going to be more involved in the story, so hang in there, I just had to get the backstory established. Again, I apologize for the wait. No excuses, I just had a super difficult time writing this chapter. Anyway, I hope you liked it. (: