~I shall only cry dry tears
And I shall pretend you're hear
It's painful to have you in my heart
But in my soul you shall never part~
"Germany, are you listening to me at all?!"
Germany's gaze shot from watching the snow fall peacefully and slowly to the ground outside, to the angry Russian sitting merely inches from him. He immediately straightened his posture and looked directly at him.
"I'm sorry but would you mind repeating the last thing you said?"
Russia sighed and dropped his gaze shaking his head.
"If Germany isn't going to take this war seriously then what is he even doing here?" Russia asked in almost a helpless voice. Germany was going to snap at him and argue that he was the one that was taking care of everything and if anyone wasn't taking the war seriously it was Russia, but then he saw the sad look in the man's eyes. His violet eyes looked like they were pleading with him, ready to cry and burst into tears. The life in them seemed to be missing and they seemed so hopeless and lost. And God they were so full of pain.
Germany sighed and held his tongue.
"You seemed like you were very deep in thought…what were you thinking about?" Japan, who was sitting on the other side of the table, asked speaking up.
"Nothing, nothing at all…"
That was probably one of the biggest lies Germany had ever told.
Germany was thinking about and remembering the look of absolute hurt on Italy's face when he had shoved him away.
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Italy eyes showed what looked like the greatest pain in the world when Germany shoved him away. Italy stumbled back a few feet and looked at Germany unable to speak. His stomach was in a knot from every emotion that he was feeling. Hurt, pain, love, admiration, confusion, fear, and some other things he didn't even have words for. He had just told Germany he loved him and kissed him, finally making his feelings known, only to be rejected. The sting of Germany's strong hands shoving him away by his shoulders barely even compared to the sting in his heart. In fact his heart felt like it was breaking into a million pieces.
Germany stood a few feet away from him with his eyes wide and his heart pounding. Did Italy just say he loved him?! And to add onto that kissed him! On the mouth!
He was too shocked and surprised to say anything. He could barely even move! Shoving Italy away was his natural reaction, but now he wished he wouldn't have because of the heart breaking look on Italy's face. Italy's eyes were wide and glassy with tears. His arms were spread slightly from his body, still in position from hugging Germany. His mouth was slightly agape from surprise, but oh God those eyes.
His eyes which usually held so much happiness and joy and life now looked so desperate and hurt and sad. It made Germany want to just die.
"I-Italy, I-I-I…" Germany couldn't even think of the right words to say to comfort Italy. What would you say to someone you just rejected? There really was no nice or painless way of doing it. No matter how he worded it in his mind all of them sounded hurtful and vicious.
"Italy…"
In Italy's own mind he was trying to think of why Germany would have rejected him. Germany never seemed to mind all the times when Italy clung to him and hugged him. Sure he had gotten mad when he popped in on his shower a few times but who wouldn't? Germany had even kissed his cheeks before!
Could it be about the fight they had had a few days previous? Maybe Germany was still mad about that and was confused with Italy's actions! Maybe he thought Italy hated him and was just surprised that he didn't! And maybe it also had to do with his position in the war. Maybe Germany thought Italy was only doing this to gain intelligence and get an advantage somewhere, like find his weak spot or a vulnerable point!
Italy figured it would take just a bit more convincing to make Germany realize he was telling the truth!
"Germany I'm not lying! I really do love you! I love you a lot! If you think this a trick or a lie, I promise it's not! I've loved you for a really really long time! I swear I love you Germany!"
But before Germany could say anything in response, Italy was grabbed unexpectedly by men and dragged away quicker than when he arrived.
Germany knew these were Iraq's men from the color of their hair and skin and by their accents. He remembered how their strong arms had grabbed Italy so roughly, picking him up slightly but mostly dragging him. But he couldn't get the image of Italy screaming and kicking out of his head as they dragged him away.
"Germany!!! I love you!!!"
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These words replayed in Germany's head over and over like a song stuck on repeat. They stung, they hurt, and they confused him. He had never heard someone tell him that they loved him before. Sure his people said 'I love Germany' but they meant the land not him. It felt weird to him. It almost…tingled. Every time he heard the words in his head it was like a process his body and heart went through. His stomach would feel like it was flipping, his heart would hammer so hard it would feel like it stopped beating, his breath would catch, his face would flame, and he would forget where he was for a few seconds.
Then came the pain. His mind would throw out all kinds of rationalizations and explanations. His heart would start to hurt more and more with every beat and his stomach would feel sick.
Germany was so confused he wasn't even sure what to feel anymore.
He decided to at least try and focus on the meeting in attempt to get his mind off of it. It was hard and the issue with himself and Italy remained in the back of his mind, but at least it gave him something else to think about.
"So Russia is there a reason you called us here today?" Germany asked, finally putting his head into the meeting.
"Actually yes there is, my apologies to you Germany for calling so early."
It's true; Russia had called Germany around seven that morning for a meeting. It didn't really matter though since Germany hadn't been able to sleep at all that night. Germany's mind unwillingly wandered back to Italy's hurt face and his confession. Before his body or mind could react he tried to focus on something else.
"Okay Russia called me this morning around seven which for him would have been around nine and in Japan it would have been three in the afternoon."
While thinking this, trying to get his mind off Italy and back in the meeting, Germany just waved a hand signaling Russia to continue.
"Well to be honest I've been starting to get a bit worried."
Japan looked at Russia curiously and questioned him further on this matter.
"Worried about what Russia-san?"
"I have been worried about the number of men on our side. We have you and Germany, two very strong countries with equally strong men, plus myself but…"
Russia paused looking at his gloved hands and then at both Germany and Japan.
"…I want more."
Germany's face showed surprise and confusion and Russia answered his unspoken question.
"Why? Well this is war after all and a little more insurance never hurt anyone."
"But Russia if we get more allies this war could get out of hand fairly quickly!" Germany spoke up trying to reason with him.
"And if we're not careful this could turn into World War 3…"
Russia fell silent taking this into consideration. Japan had a point about another world war and Germany too had his. But his mind was decided on this matter and he would not be wavered.
"But there is a reason for my… anxiousness." Russia said with his eyes closed and leaning back in his chair again.
Germany and Japan looked at each other in question wondering if it was something they did or if something happened to Russia.
"And… what would that be…?" Japan asked nervously suddenly feeling uneasy.
Russia just smiled and his hand went under the table.
"I'm glad you asked…"
Russia produced a few cut wires that were attached to a small camera no bigger than the nail of his thumb. Both nations wondered why in the world Russia even had that and their nerves stood more on end.
"I found this the other week."
"What is it? I mean I know it's a camera but-"
"It's a spy camera to be exact. Someone is trying to watch us."
So someone had placed that camera in Russia's house to try and spy on him! But wait did that mean…?
"Why didn't you tell us about this earlier?! How do you know that there aren't bugs in our houses?! What if we're being watched?!" Germany's nerves were getting the better of him which resulted in his outburst. For a second he forgot he was talking to possibly the most violent and frightening man on Earth.
"You assume I didn't think of you and Japan?" Russia asked his face slightly darkening.
"No! No! I'm sorry, I was just-"
"I understand your fear Germany but how do you think I felt when I found them in my house first? Do you think I was calm about it and just brushed it off?"
"Well I didn't-"
"And did you think about how hard it was to remove them without the person who set them in the first place knowing?"
"I just lost my-"
"My patience is thin Germany. I don't want an explanation; I just want a yes or a no."
Russia grinned at Germany, his eyes showing evil and the sick enjoyment he was getting from watching the German squirm.
"No, no I did not."
"Da, of course not. Now if you would Germany, please sit back down. I don't believe I was done speaking yet."
Germany reluctantly sat back in his chair and sighed quietly as he waited for Russia to continue. Japan had sat silently the entire time, getting his first glimpse of the sadistic side of Russia.
"Whoever set these up was smart. They must have been studying and watching me and obviously figured out when I would leave the house. The technology of it is quite admirable as well. Well the mechanics of the camera anyway, the microphone is a little faulty. It shorts out for a few seconds when loud noises or anything above a shout is picked up."
Russia turned the camera over in his hand a few times as if it were a stress ball to soothe his nerves.
"It took me a while to figure out who set them and how to remove them without this person knowing. This is the first one I found, which was hidden behind old coats in my office. There were five or six more that were hidden in other parts of my house as well. Some men of mine found a way to replace the feed of the cameras with a pre-recorded scene and just set it on repeat. That way the person would never know."
Japan spoke up softly, not wanting to interrupt, but was curious about something.
"Why wouldn't you want them to figure out you removed the bugs?"
"Good question. Well for one, I didn't know who put them in place so I wasn't sure which one to attack. If I attacked the innocent, it would be fun da, but I would pay for it."
"I don't think I've ever heard anyone admit out loud that they think attacking the innocent is fun…" Germany thought to himself.
"And also if they found out I wouldn't be able to bug them right back."
Germany and Japan's heads both shot out of their own thoughts and their full attention went back to Russia.
"You put cameras in their house too?" Japan asked showing a bit of excitement.
"Da, I had those men of mine place cameras with better microphones in their houses. I can hear and see everything they're doing."
"But wait, you didn't answer the question of 'are there cameras in our houses.'" Germany stated still a bit worried.
"Well I didn't want to scare you so while you're both sitting here those same men are checking your houses for cameras and bugs."
Germany was about to argue with the point of invasion of privacy and Russia could have just told them but he thought about it and Russia was actually smart to do that. If they had been home when he told them, no matter how hard they would have tried to hide it; their behavior would have changed because of being nervous of the cameras.
"You forgot to ask one more question…" Russia said almost in a sing-song voice.
"What question…?" Both nations asked in unison.
"Who set the bugs?" Russia grinned as Germany and Japan both leaned forward looking excited and fearful at the same time.
"Who set them then?" Japan asked wide eyed.
Russia chuckled and stood up. "Why don't I just show you?"
Russia lead the both of them to a door that revealed a room full of monitors and panels with joysticks and buttons, obviously controls for the cameras. German and Japan both frantically searched the monitors for any sign of who it was but turned to the other nation when the Russian spoke.
"They're having an argument…" He said quietly while grinning at a monitor...
"Who's having an argument? Who are they?!" Germany asked bursting with anticipation.
"Our good friends America-kun and Canada-kun…" And with that Russia zoomed in on them and turned on the sound.
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Canada glared at his brother with crossed arms and mad eyes. His blue eyes turned ice cold and he hoped that it felt like they were drilling through America's head. America of course, just sat at his desk eating a hamburger, oblivious to his brother's cold stare. Only when Canada "hm-hm"ed he looked up from his lunch and at his brother.
"Whoa what's with the face?"
"You deserve it!" The other blond snapped back at him.
"What flew up your nose?"
Canada narrowed his eyes, causing the blue to seem even icier.
"You really have to ask?!"
America took another bite of his burger and nodded. Canada snapped feeling angry that America wouldn't even give him his full attention. Apparently his lunch was just too interesting!
"I'm always doing your dirty work you idiot!!!"
America look surprised at his brother's sudden outburst and loud words. He had never heard him shout that loud before.
"You made me spy on Russia and Iraq! And you made me study when they left their houses so that you could set up cameras which I ended up doing too! And then you decided it would be a great idea to put cameras in their allies' houses too! Oh let's not forget who had to call Iraq to tell her that Italy was running to Germany's house! You know hard that was?! Your camera's microphones are faulty! When she asked for a reason why Italy was headed over there I had to reduce the audio quality because she shouted and it made the mic shut down! It took me a while to do that too! I was afraid she hung up before I answered her! And then of course the job of watching the monitors became my job too!"
"I have important things to do thank you!" America argued defensively thumping a hand to his chest.
"Like what?!" Canada asked stepping closer to America's desk rolling his eyes and spreading his arms.
"Strategizing my next move!"
"You mean strategizing my next move!"
"Well if you don't like it why are you doing it?!"
"Because I'm your brother and unlike someone I know, I actually know how to act like it!"
Canada now stood in front of America's desk looking down on him with a face red from anger and his hands clenched into fists.
"I'm surprised you even remembered me when this war started! You never noticed me before! In fact you barely ever noticed anything! You still don't notice anything! Even huge mistakes or problems pass you by! In fact… you know what I noticed?" Canada's voice calmed a bit as he went into thought.
"I noticed that the cameras at Russia's…they seem to repeat in a pattern…"
America's head jerked and he said almost in a whisper.
"Canada Shh! I al-"
"It seems like it's just something playing over and o-Mmph!"
Canada was cut short by America shooting up from his chair, putting his hands on Canada's shoulders and pulling him foreword harshly into a forceful kiss. Canada was too shocked to do anything and he could feel his face going completely red. Why in the world was America doing this?!
America pulled away from Canada slightly, looking directly into his eyes, only a few centimeters of space between the two. He said quietly, almost in a murmur, to Canada, their spectacles touching," Not a sound."
"America!! What do you think you're-"
America crashed his mouth onto Canada's again this time sliding his tongue into the other blonde's mouth gently sucking. It almost surprised him when Canada started to slightly kiss back after a few moments.
Again he pulled away, but this time brought his mouth to Canada's ear.
"You underestimate me sometimes." America whispered into Canada's ear. "I look at those monitors too and I noticed the exact same thing you did. I think Russia found out we placed bugs in his house and now he's bugging us back. But I want to play along and mess with his head."
"Why?" Canada whispered back now understanding why America had kissed him so suddenly. America had wanted to keep Canada quiet so that he wouldn't lead on to the fact that they knew that there were possibly cameras watching and hearing them. But still… there was a twinge of pain when America had pulled away.
"Remember the whole cold war incident?'
"Yes."
"I want to mess with that bastard like he messed with me."
America's arms, which were still wrapped around Canada, tightened their hold. Canada could feel America's teeth clenching and his body slightly trembling. He remembered how scared America had been during that time. America had tried to act like it didn't scare him in the least and that he was fine but when America had been alone with Canada, he broke down in sobs and was shaking terribly. Canada remembered this and wrapped his arms around America, stroking his back gently and whispered to him," It's going to be okay. I won't let anything happen to you."
America sighed giving into the comfort Canada was offering and rested his head Canada's shoulder.
"He smells like maple…it smells nice…"
Sometimes America wished that he hadn't been so mean to Canada so that they could be like this more often…
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Germany replayed the scene over in his head a few times. The three of them had watched and listened to America and Canada's argument but couldn't hear anything after America decided to make a move on Canada. The three of them had jumped a bit in surprise and after a few moments decided to return to their meeting room. Russia had gone over a list of possible countries to ally with and had assigned both him and Japan countries to recruit.
Germany had again brought up the subject of getting Lithuania to join but Russia just sadly shook his head no and insisted that "Liet-kun" hated him. After a few moments of awkward and depressing silence Russia ordered Germany to "Get me Poland."
And that's where he was headed to now. Russia had ended the meeting shortly after the mention of Lithuania and lead Japan and Germany to the door muttering to himself about bright green eyes and soft brown hair. Germany almost felt sorry for the Russian.
But of course his mind insisted now on focusing on his own problems. No matter what he tried to think about now his mind ended up wandering to the incident with Italy. The look of panic Italy had when he was being dragged away, the way his limbs were flailing trying to fight off the men, but the thing that stuck the most in his mind was Italy's departing words.
"Germany!!! I love you!!!"
And there was that tingle again…and then the pain. Germany sighed and let out an angry groan. Why did Italy have to tell him this now?! Why couldn't he have decided to tell him this before the war started?! And what was that crap about "I'm not lying" and "this isn't a trick"? For all he knew it could be! Wasn't love when you would do anything for that person and would stand by them no matter what? Wasn't love when you would be selfless for someone and think of them before yourself?
If Italy really loved him then why didn't he join Russia's side? If Italy really loved him why did he ally with Iraq? Sure his brother was there but to be honest Romano didn't exactly like his twin brother all that much. And if he really cared about family then why didn't he just convince his brother to join Russia's side? If Italy really loved him then…why did this hurt so badly?
Wasn't love supposed to be wonderful and beautiful? Wasn't it supposed to make you happy and feel magical? Wasn't it supposed to be where you couldn't stop thinking about that other person? Wasn't it supposed to be where you couldn't get the other person off your mind for even a second no matter what you did?
Wait…did that mean Germany loved Italy too?
Germany stopped walking suddenly as this thought entered his mind. His whole body froze and he drowned in that question.
"Do I love Italy too?"
His heart hammered and his mind swirled and it hurt… it hurt him. So many reasons why he did and didn't love him flooded his mind and he couldn't take it.
His confusion soon turned to great anger and he started to stomp the rest of the distance to Poland's house.
"Good," he thought angrily and suddenly sadistic "Something I can take my anger out on."
The Pole's house suddenly came into view, shining brightly in the afternoon sun. The walk way that lead to the front door was lined with bright and colorful flowers and Germany felt disgusted with their perkiness. He made sure to step on a few with his heavy boots on his way up. When Germany reached the front door, instead of knocking, he kicked it loudly with the toe of his boot.
He could hear the blonde's voice from inside.
"Oh my God! Like hold on a sec'! I'm coming!"
Germany heard Poland's footsteps coming through the foyer and getting closer to the door.
"Stupid Poland…you don't even have the sense to ask who it is before you answer." Germany thought this to himself as he heard the sound of Poland unlocking the door. When the door was opened fully Poland looked a bit surprised and fearful before regaining his composure and looking bright and happy.
"Germany! Oh my God like what are you doing here?" he asked trying to sound cheerful and glad to see the German.
"Oh just thought I'd stop in to see an old friend of mine. We are friends right?"
"Ha-ha! You know it! We're totally friends! The best of best friends! Bff!" The nervousness was starting to show in the green eyes and voice of the smaller nation and Germany grinned in delight.
"And friends do friends favors right?"
"Totally! Like all the time!"
"Well then since we're best friends and all, how would you like to do me a favor?"
"Anything you need Germany! You name it!"
Germany almost forgot how fun it was to intimidate the Pole. He especially loved the way Poland looked like he would jump if Germany said "boo" loud enough.
"You know the war that's going on?"
"Yeah…?"
"Well then you must know whose side I'm on right…?"
Poland's mind brought him the name of the man who had hurt Liet…who had given Liet his scars…who had made Liet so sad…who had torn Liet away from him. Russia…
"Yeah I know." Poland said suddenly annoyed and crossing his arms.
"Well he's my friend too and since friends do favors for friends, I'm doing him a favor."
"I totally don't get what that has to do with me…"
"Join and ally with us you idiot."
"Pfft! Me? Join that total physco?! Please Germany! Dream on!"
"So you're saying no…?"
"Duh I'm saying no you big-Ahh!"
Germany reached forward suddenly grabbing Poland's hair and pulling him by it so that Germany could whisper into his ear.
"Do you remember world war two, Poland?" He said quietly and grinning.
"How could I forget?!"
"Then you certainly remember what I did to you during that time."
Poland's mind flooded with images of his people screaming, crying, begging, and asking him why this was happening. Why was Germany invading? What had they done? Poland had never felt more helpless in his life and he felt so guilty for his people since he was unable to fight off the Germans.
"Do you want that to happen again?" Germany asked him tightening his grip on the soft blonde hair that woven through his fingers.
"No!" Poland said his eyes wide and slight tears forming in his eyes.
"Then all you have to do is ally with us."
Poland stayed quiet thinking it over in his mind. His people had suffered so much in world war two. So much death and disease and God, so much crying. Everywhere he went he heard men, women, children, his people, sobbing and crying just hoping it would be over. Suddenly, Germany interrupted his thoughts.
"And you know if you want we could always get our friend Lithuania to-"
"NO! I WON'T LET LIET NEAR THAT GUY!!!" Poland screamed thrashing around not even caring about the pain anymore.
Germany grinned and released Poland's head from his hand with a hard shove. Poland stumbled back a few inches but his green eyes shone with hatred.
"I don't care what Russia does to me but I won't let him near Liet again!"
Poland was furious and his teeth were clenched as he remembered all the times that Lithuania had secretly called him from Russia's house trying not to cry and tried to pretend he was okay. He remembered when he had seen the scars on Lithuania's back from where Russia had hurt him. He remembered all the times Lithuania woke up screaming from nightmares and even during the day, he would scream when flash backs hit him. Liet had been hurt and scarred enough. He didn't need any more pain.
"Oh so it has a temper?"
"Shut up! I'll ally with you and that creep on one condition!"
"Fine then, what's this condition of yours?"
"If I ally with you, Liet doesn't get touched. Russia isn't allowed to talk to him and no one else on his side either kay'?"
Germany chuckled darkly staring at the other nation. He nodded and answered Poland with "Fine then, we won't touch your precious Liet-kun."
He reached out a hand for Poland to shake but Poland just said to him sharply," Damn right you won't!" and shut the door loudly in his face.
Germany turned away from the door laughing and walked back down the path crushing some more flowers along the way.
"You were right Russia… this is fun."
Authors' Notes:
Havoc Cheese: Oh my GOD that was long! It took me five hours to write all that but it was so worth it because I think this chapter is the best so far! Thank you to all who have read it!!!
RedMoonDragon: Demo~ Thank you for reading it!! And thank you for whoever reviewed or looked at this chapter's illustrations!
Havoc: Yes! We love all our supporters, fans, watchers, reviewers, and readers so so much!!! Here's to you guys! *Lights off fireworks*
RMD: Demo~ pretty!! Da, I can't wait to see what's gonna happen in the next chap!! Demo~~ *lights fire crackers*
Havoc: Me neither~! Oh wait… we're writing it! But you know the one thing that had me worried about this chapter...?
RMD: Mm? Demo what?
Havoc: I was so worried the entire time I was writing the last couple pages, that Germany was going to come crashing through my window screaming "WHY-
Germany: *Crashes through window* WHY DID YOU MAKE ME SUCH A DICK?!
RMD: Demo~ speak of the devil and the devil shall appear-
Russia: Da you called?
*Havoc and Red now run for their lives as two of their main characters chase after them down the street screaming like little girls.*
See you in the next chapter~!
Russia: KOLKOLKOLKOLKOLKOLKOLKOLKOLKOLKOLKOLKOLKOLKOLKOLKOLKOLKOLKOLKOLKOL