Time skip 14:00
I wake up and the headache is gone. I get up and see Suga staring at me.
me: What?!
Suga: You are awake. I bought your stuff.
me: My stuff..? Why?
Suga: You are moving here.
me: Excuse me what?! No, I'm not.
Suga: Yes you are. Your dad and I talked about it and...
me: YOU DID WHAT?!
Suga: We agreed that it's better for you and Luca to live here.
me: WHO THE FUCK GAVE YOU THE PERMISSION TO GO BEHIND MY BACK TO TALK WITH MY DAD ABOUT ME AND LUCA?!
Suga: No need to shout! I'm right here I can hear you just fine.
me: I can't believe you. I tell you one little thing about me and now you think you can make decisions for me?!
Suga: It's not that... We were talking with the boys and we thought that you would be better here...
me: GET OUT! GET THE FUCK OUT NOW!
"Who the fuck he thinks he is!" My head is aching again for yelling at Suga. So I decided to text to Jin.
me: I need more painkillers can you bring me?
Jin: Sure.
Jin comes to my room with the pills.
Jin: Are you okay?
me: Yeah...
Jin: I heard you earlier and what it's worth, I would love to have you here. But I don't agree with Suga's approach either.
me: Thanks... I could have moved here, but the way he did it... I just...I feel like killing him right now.
Jin: Yeah! But you should get some rest so that headache doesn't get worse.
Jin leaves the room. "Why couldn't Suga just ask me if I wanted to move here? why did he have to go behind my back?"
Nobody's POV
Jin: You shouldn't go in there for a while. *looks at Suga*
Suga: Why?
Jin: Because according to her words she feels like killing you right now.
Everyone laughs.
Hoseok: Suga you really know how to handle her. *smirking*
Suga: Shut up!
Everyone is laughing at Suga.
Suga: You think she'll stay?
Jin: I have no idea. I don't know what goes on in that head.
Suga: I think no one does...
Later that evening 19:00
Sara's POV
I didn't get any sleep because I was so pissed at Suga. It's like he tries to make me mad all the time. I was doing some school stuff because I haven't been really doing so good in that area but now I'm bored and I need some change. I go see if there's anyone else in here. I go downstairs but there's no one in here. I go to the balcony. I really feel like smoking right now but I don't have any smoke left. I think others don't even smoke. I lean against the railing.
Suga: Are you still mad?
I flinch. Then I turn around and look at him.
me: Yes!
Suga: I'm sorry... I wasn't thinking...
me: That's the problem with you. You never think.
Suga: Sorry...
me: Okay that's just annoying... "And cute"
Suga gets up from the chair and comes closer.
Suga: Can I make it up to you?
me: No! Go away!
Suga doesn't listen to me. He keeps moving closer to me.
me: You aren't thinking again..! I'm serious now. Go away!
He's still coming closer. I put my hands on his shoulders so he can't get any closer.
Suga: I really want to kiss you now. You look so cute when you are mad.
me: Hey! Calm down! No one is kissing now.
Suga: Shame... I'm a really good kisser.
Then he just goes inside like nothing happened. "Seriously? Sometimes I don't get him?" I go inside too because it's getting chilly outside. Well, it's already the end of September. Suga is sitting on the couch watching TV. I sit next to him. The show is so bad that I have to change it. I try to take the remote from Suga but he notices that I want it and he takes it and puts it behind his back.
me: Hey! This show sucks, I wanna change it.
Suga: But I want to watch it.
me: No you don't. You just want to make me angry again.
Suga: That too, but I really like this show... *smirking*
me: Please..? "He looks so sexy when he smirks."
Suga: No.
I try to get it from behind his back, but I end up laying on top of him. He smirks. "I hate him right now. I love him right now." I peck his cheek. He gets confused and I get the remote from him. I smirk. He is still confused but he gets up. I change the channel. Finally, he realizes what happened.
Suga: Hey! That was unfair..!
me: How so?
Suga: You know how I feel about you.
I just smirk at him and keep watching the show. He keeps staring at me. Then he puts his hand around me and pulls me closer to him. I don't mind it.
Suga's POV
Sara is falling asleep. Her eyes are getting heavier. Soon she is in sleep. She is cute when she sleeps. Jungkook and Ashley came home from their date. They look happy. They notice us and comes to us.
Ashley: Is she sleeping?
Suga: Yeah!
Jungkook: She looks so peaceful...
Suga: Yeah! I'm gonna carry her to her bed.
I leave the lovebirds and I take Sara to her room. I lay her on the bed. When I try to leave she takes my hand.
Sara: Stay...
I smile little. I lay beside her and I fell asleep too.
3:00
Sara's POV
I wake up screaming. Suga wakes up too. I can't breathe properly. My eyes are teary.
Suga: Sara what's wrong?
I just hug him tight. This feeling has to go away! My heart is beating really fast. The feeling isn't going away. I break the hug and I run into the bathroom. I try to find something sharp. I find scissors but I feel Suga grabbing my hands trying to get it.
me: No I need it!
Suga: No Sara. please... Give it to me!
The memories and hallucinations take control. I push Suga away. I cut my wrist but doesn't help.
me: No... no no no... Mom! I want out! No.. No! Mom! Help!
Nobody's POV
Hoseok wakes up in someone's scream. He immediately goes to Sara's room the bed is empty so he goes to the bathroom. He is in shock. Sara is screaming and covered in blood. Suga is laying on the floor bleeding.
Hoseok: JIIIIIIN!
Jin has already woken up and runs to the bathroom. He puts Hoseok's sit on the bed. Now everyone else is awake and comes running.
Jin: Call 911!
Namjoon takes the phone and calls. Jin goes to the bathroom. Sara is still screaming. Jin: "Well at least she's alive." Jin goes to check on Suga. He checks Suga's pulse, it's very weak. He tries to look where all the blood is coming from. There's deep cut in his thigh. Jin takes a towel and tries to get the bleeding stiff. Sara tries to cut herself again.
Jin: No! SARA NO!
Namjoon comes in and tries to take the scissors away from Sara, but doesn't get it. It looks like Sara can now see Suga because she starts to scream even louder. Her hands are shaking and she is crying desperately. She cuts her ankle a few times. Hoseok starts to cry seeing what Sara is doing to herself. Jimin and Taehyung go comfort him. Finally, the medics came. They quickly take care of Suga's leg and lift him to the barrow and take him to the ambulance. The ambulance leaves to the hospital. Sara is still screaming but the other medic has gotten the scissors from her. They carry her to the other ambulance and it leaves to the hospital too. Everyone is in shock. They quickly go into the cars and leaves to the hospital.
Next day
Sara was brought to the psychological ward. No one could see her until she was mentally stable. Suga had surgery on his leg. The cut was so deep that it had damaged some blood vessels. It wasn't serious but Suga couldn't walk. Suga was just brought from the surgery and he hasn't woken up yet.
Suga's POV
I'm awake but I can't open my eyes, they are too heavy. I can hear others talk but I don't know what they are saying.
Namjoon: Suga you're awake!
I slowly open my eyes. It takes all my concentration to get them open.
Suga: *cough cough* Where am I?
Jin: Hospital...
Then I remember what happened. I get up quickly to sit down. My wound is burning. It's really painful but I can't think about it now.
Suga: Argh! Sara! Where's Sara!?
The doctor comes in the room.
doc: You shouldn't be sitting.
Suga: Where's Sara?
doc: Okay... So you've had surgery on your leg. The surgeon was able to repair the damages but you are looking at long recovery.
Suga: I don't care! Where's Sara!?
doc: I'm sorry but I don't have any information on her.
Suga: Well go find someone who has!
The doctor leaves the room. Everyone gathers around Suga.
Jin: Are you okay? We were really worried about you...
Suga: Do you know what happened to Sara?
Everyone looks down.
Suga: What?
Namjoon: She was taken to the psych ward...
Suga: What!? She's not crazy!
Namjoon: We know that but this time it was bad...
Suga: What do you mean?
Namjoon: She... She couldn't stop hurting herself...
Hoseok: They don't tell us anything because we aren't family...
Suga: I need to see her!
I try to get up from the bed. My wound is hurting more and more but I don't care. I need to know that Sara is okay.
nurse: You can't get up! You will rip open the wound!
Suga: I don't care! I need to see her now!
I get up from the bed. I try to stand up but my legs gave up and I fall on to the floor.
Jimin: Suga!
The nurses run over to me and try to lift me back to bed.
Suga: Get away! If you aren't going to take me to her I'm going myself!
The doctors and nurses talk something.
doc: We can take you to visit her once she is stable...
Suga: Stable?!
doc: She lost a lot of blood... And she is medicated now so she doesn't hurt herself again...
A tear is coming from my eye. I feel so helpless... A few hours later they finally take me to see her. They open the door and I see her sitting on the floor shaking and crying. I go to sit beside her. I hug her tightly.
Suga: I'm sorry... I'm so sorry...
Sara: I- I d-don't wanna be h-here...
Suga: I know...
I take all the medication hoses out of her. "She doesn't need drugs to make her more confused..." She looks so helpless and broken. We sit on the floor for a few hours. The drugs are wearing off. She is about to return to reality.
Sara: I hurt you...
She looks at my leg and then my eyes.
Sara: I hurt you..!
She is starting to cry again.
Suga: No, don't think about it... I'm okay! I'm going to be just fine!
She is looking at the leg and gasping for air. I take her face between my hands.
Suga: Hey! Look at me! I'm okay! Just breathe, okay?
The doctors come in.
doc: She needs rest and so do you. Also, the police would like to talk to you.
Suga: Why police?
doc: It's hospital policy to call police in cases like this.
Suga: Well I'm not talking to them and neither is she. There's nothing to talk about.
Nurse's takes me back to my room. The police come to talk but I don't wanna say anything to them. And I don't really know what happened...
Luckily others tell the police what happened and I don't need to talk to them. I hope Sara will be fine...
Week later
Sara's POV
me: As I told you before, I'm not talking to you. I don't need to. I wanna go home.
psychologist: You know that you aren't getting better before you start to talk to me...
me: Yeah whatever...
I've been in the psych ward for a week now. They are trying to make me talk about my memories. It's doesn't help. It didn't help when my mom was dragging me to a psychologist. It didn't help then why would it help now. I really want out of here. Suga is coming to see me today. I don't know if I wanna see him. He always tries to help me. Doesn't he get that no one can help me? I always end up hurting the people who are trying to help me. I'm messed up, don't they know that already.
Later...
Suga: Hey! Can I come in?
me: Yeah!
Suga: Are you good?
me: You know my answer already...
Suga: Yeah! You are good when you get out of here... So you had a psychologist today?
me: Yeah... Didn't get discharged...
Suga: Yeah...
Then we just sit in silence. This is how all of our conversations go nowadays. I walk to the window. It's snowing outside. The snow looks so beautiful. It covers the ugly autumn under it. It looks so pure. New beginning... I want that too... I scratch my wrists.
Suga: Does it itch?
me: Hm?
Suga: Your wounds... Does it itch?
me: Sometimes...
Suga: You changed your style...
me: Hm? ...Oh yeah... My psychologist thinks that colorful clothes could help... Dum... *laughs*
Suga: It looks good...
I keep staring forward to somewhere in the future.
Next morning
nurse: Here are discharge papers. You need to fill them and then you are free to leave.
me: What? I'm discharged? I thought that she said I get out when I start talking...
nurse: Well we have too many patients so mentally in the best state have to be discharged.
me: Well I'm not complaining...
When I walk out of the hospital I feel the cold air filling my lungs. I feel at the same time sad and happy. A tear falls down on my cheek. I wipe it away. " I'm sorry Suga... I don't wanna hurt you anymore... I love you so fucking much!"
Next day
Suga's POV
I'm going to see Sara today. She is getting skinnier in there. Is she eating properly? I walk to the front desk.
Suga: I'm here to see Sara Olsen.
front desk: I'm sorry but we don't have a patient in that name.
Suga: What do you mean? She was here the other day. She hasn't just disappeared.
front desk: Oh yes! It looks like she got discharged yesterday.
Suga: What? But she isn't okay! How can you just discharge her!
front desk: I'm sorry but I can't answer to that. If you don't have anything else...
"God Sara! You can't just disappear!" I get into my car and drive to her dad's house.
Suga: Hey is Sara in here?
Sara's dad: No isn't she in the hospital?
Suga: No she got discharged! Can you believe them, discharge a mentally ill patient? So she isn't here?
Sara's dad: No! I thought that... Have you called her?
Suga: Like million times but she's not answering.
Sara's dad: We should call the police, she can't just disappear like this!
Nobody's POV
Sara's dad calls the police and Suga calls to others. Police come to the house but there's nothing they can do. Sara is adult and she's only been gone for a day.
Suga: So the fact that she is mentally ill means nothing!?
Policeman: I'm sorry but you have to wait 48 hours to report her missing and then we can start to investigate this.
Suga: Fuck this shit!
Jin: Suga calm down...
Everyone is getting more and more anxious. Everyone fights even from the smallest things. Luca starts crying.
Taehyung: Luca what's wrong?
Luca: W-where's S-Sara? I miss her!
Taehyung: Oh honey! She's... She's just...
Namjoon: She's missing...
Jin: Namjoon!
Namjoon: What? He has right to know... But don't worry the police will find her!
Lucas crying gets louder. He's just a helpless little boy. Taehyung takes him to his arms. Everyone is going crazy. They are trying to call Sara but she never answers.
Suga: " Where the hell are you? You can't just leave like this!"
Suga throws his phone to the ground. It breaks down into small pieces.
Jimin: Suga calm down! You are scaring Luca!
Suga goes to sit next to Luca on the couch. He hugs him. "How could she leave him?" Next morning they report her missing and the police starts to investigate it.
3days later 20:00
There haven't been any updates on the investigation. They have tried to keep the days as normal as possible for Luca. The police come to the house to give an update.
policeman: Hello!
Suga: So? Anything new?
policeman: Yes! We found her...
Suga: Seriously? Where?
policeman: All I can say that she is doing well and is not in any danger.
Suga: What do you mean?
policeman: She has requested that we won't tell you where she is and that we tell you that she's okay.
Suga: Excuse me! What again!?
policeman: She is an adult so we can't force her to come back. Our job is to make sure that she is okay.
Suga: Well can you tell me where she is so that I can go get her back?
policeman: She has requested...
Suga: I don't give a fuck what she has requested! Where is she?!
Jin: Suga... She doesn't want us to know... Thank you for telling us...
The policeman leaves but Suga runs after him.
Suga: Please I need to know where she is...
policeman: I know how you feel but I can't tell you...
Suga: Why not? Is there like a law or something...?
policeman: No but I...
Suga: Please tell me!
policeman: I'm sorry but I can't even if I wanted to. I don't know where she is. Only the local police know.
Suga: Please anything!
policeman: I'm sorry...
Suga: Please!
policeman: ... All I know is that she is in China, Sanya I think...
Suga: Thank you!
Suga runs inside takes his car keys and leaves. Everyone looks at him confused. Suga drives to his home and packs his bads, takes his passport and drives back to Sara's dad house. Then he packs Lucas bags and comes downstairs.
Suga: Luca we are going to get Sara.
Jin: Suga what's going on?
Suga: Where's Luca's passport? Oh, and I need your written consent that I can take him with me. * hands the paper to Sara's dad to sign*
Jin: Suga! Do you even know where she is?
Suga: Yeah! But we need to get going.
Jin: Hey! Are you out of your mind? It's almost 9 pm Luca should be sleeping
Namjoon: Jin that's useless, he doesn't intend to change his mind.
Suga: He can sleep in the airplane. Let's go!
Sara's dad gives him the paper and Luca's passport. And they leave to the airport. The next flight to Sanya is in 6 hours away. "I'm coming to get you Sara and I'm not leaving without you!"
In Sanya 6 am hotel
"We're finally here." Luca is sleeping on the bed. "Maybe I shouldn't have brought him but he's the last chance if she doesn't want to come back." I go lay beside him. I'm really tired.
2days later
"I still haven't found Sara. It feels like she knows that I'm here and is hiding from me on purpose. But this is a big city… The police haven't been any help. They aren't looking for a person who doesn't want to be found."
Suga: What if we take a day off and go to the beach?
Luca: Yes!
Suga: Okay! Go get your swimsuit... Oh, I forgot I didn't pack you that... Don't worry we can buy you a new one...
We go buy Luca a new swimsuit and go to the beach. It's so sunny and warm. Luca is building a sandcastle. He looks happy for the longest time.
Suga: Hey I go buy us some snacks, don't leave anywhere!
I walk to the kiosk. Suddenly I see a familiar figure in the bar. I walk over.
Sara's POV
I was waiting for my drink when I hear a familiar voice.
Suga: I thought you didn't drink.
I turn around and see Suga standing right next to me.
me: I don't. It's non-alcohol.
Suga: So you have been hiding in here for the past week.
me: ... Yoongi... You should go back home...
Suga: You know what's my answer.
I slightly smile at him. He's more handsome than I remembered. Then I see Luca in the background.
me: You brought him.
Suga: Yeah! He needs his big sister. And I'm not going to be the one who has to tell him that you aren't coming home.
"I've missed Luca so much... He looks like he hasn't eaten properly."
me: Have you fed him? He looks skinnier.
Suga: Would you eat if your sister would just leave you with strangers?
me: I left him with dad... Like you said he should be the one taking care of him...
Suga: Yeah, but I didn't mean that you should just leave without telling anyone! Do you have any idea how worried we have been? Or don't you just care?!
me: I'm...
Suga: What? Are you sorry?
me: No, I'm not sorry...
Suga: What? Why? Why did you even leave?
me: I needed time to think... I was going to come back eventually...
Suga: When? Next week? Next month?
me: No... Maybe next year...
Suga: What?
me: I would have come back for Luca.
Suga: What about...
me: What? What about what? Us? Boys?
Suga: Yeah?
me: I don't know... Yoongi I seriously don't know!
Luca sees Suga talking with me and runs to me.
Luca: Sara! You are here! I thought that you left me!
me: No honey! I would never leave you!
I get down on his level and hug him tight.
me: I'm never gonna leave you, okay! I'm always here for you!
Tears fall from my eyes. I get up. Suga wipes my tears with his thumb.
me: Are you hungry? You look like you haven't eaten in a long time. I know this very good place here, let's go!
We walk to this small restaurant. "I love this place! Mom used to take me here all the time when I was younger." The restaurant owner is my mom's old friend and knows me well, but she has never seen my brother because we moved to Seoul before he was born, before my life was messed up.
owner: Sara! Is it really you?
me: Hi Lei!
She gives me a big hug. Then she looks at Suga and Luca.
Lei: So... Who are they? I don't think he can be your son.. but he could be your husband.
me: Lei... This is Luca, my brother...
Lei: Brother... So Xia's son?
me: Yes... And he is Yoongi.
Lei: And what is he to you? Boyfriend? Husband?
me: Lei... No, we are.. friends. But we come here to eat so do you have an empty table?
Lei: Always for you! Come!
We get in the table and waiters immediately starts to bring us foods. I love how Lei always cares for me. I remember when I was younger we would come here every Saturday when we lived in here. I look at the wall I see the old photo of us eating. Suga notices the photo too.
Suga: You look just like your mom.
me: I wish.
We eat all the food that they bring to us.
me: Thank you, Lei! You are awesome, you know that?!
Lei: You should come here more often...
Luca: But we live in Boston... You can't come here every day. *we all laugh*
Lei: Yeah I know...
me*I hug Lei* I promise I'll come as many times as I can.
We leave the restaurant. We walk in silence to their hotel. I don't know what to do. This is all a big mess in my head. All I wanted was to clear my head but it's even more mess than it was before. I can see that Suga is thinking something. But I'm afraid to ask, he might say something I don't want to hear now. I'm carrying Luca in my back. I think he might have fallen asleep. We arrive at the hotel. I try to wake him up but Suga stops me.
Suga: You can just carry him to our room.
me: I don't know...
Suga: C'mon...
I carry him in the room. I put him on the bed. He grabs my hand. My heart breaks a little. He's still so small. I sit beside him. I stroke his hair.
Suga: Why did you leave?
The question is sudden and I don't know the answer. I keep stroking Luca's hair. Suga sits behind me.
Suga: Why did you leave?
He asks again. I know he's going to keep asking if I don't answer him.
me: I needed time.
Suga: For?
me: Think.
Suga: What?
me: Me...
Suga: Why did you have to leave. You could've thought in home.
me: No, I couldn't.
Suga: Why?
me: Because!
I was irritated to all of his questions.
me: ... Because you were there.
silence*
me: You were suffocating me. You always tried to help. I don't need saving. I can't be saved... I only make everyone around me hurt. I make you hurt...
Suga sits on the bed beside me. He tries to touch me but I get up quickly. My eyes are teary. He gets up and makes me face him. He takes my hands on his. He stares at my eyes.
Suga: I don't care if I get hurt! I want to help you.
I smile because I remember when I first saw his eyes.
flashback*
As I walk out of the hall I bump into somebody.
?: Watch where you are going.
me: Excuse me?!
?: Oh you are deft and blind?!
I face his face. I glare at his eyes. "Oh, he has pretty eyes." I decide it's not worth of the trouble so I just walk away. Besides I'm hungry.
?: Yeah! Just walk away it's not like you would've been opponent for me anyway.
I'll show him middle finger when I walk away.
end of flashback*
Suga: What?
me: No, I just remembered the first time you looked at me like this.
Suga smiles too. He has so beautiful smile. I could watch it all day long. But I can't because all I do, is hurt him. I can't go back. At least in here, I can't hurt anybody. I sit back down to the bed. My tears start to fall. Suga takes my face in his hands and wipes my tears with his thumb.
me: I-I don't want to hurt you! I can't hurt you anymore. It hurts me when you hurt.
I'm crying. I can't hold it anymore. I'm so fucking hurt. Suga kisses me on the forehead. He looks me in the eyes. His hands are so soft. Then he kisses me on my lips. His lips are so soft. The kiss is full of love, hurt, and lust. Then our lips separate. He looks at my eyes.
Suga: You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that...
I kiss him back. First, he is in shock but then he kisses me back. His lips are perfect. We are kissing lustfully. Then Luca talks in sleep and we broke our kiss. We look at each other and start to laugh. I put my hand on Suga's mouth that he doesn't wake Luca. I get up and hug him tight. I can't believe we just did that. I'm scared. I broke the hug and go to the bathroom. I look at myself from the mirror and at the first time, I don't feel totally disgusted. I go back to the room and I see Suga sleeping next to Luca. They look so cute together. I go lay another side of Luca. I look at them.
me: I love you Yoongi.
Suga: I love you too...
Oh.. I thought he was sleeping. He smiles little like he knew what I was thinking. I close my eyes and I fell asleep almost immediately.
Next morning 12:00
Suga's POV
I wake up but I can't find Sara. "Did she leave again?" I get up from the bed and go to the bathroom. I see her naked in the shower.
Sara: Eeek! Get out! Get out!
I quickly close the door. Then I realized that she had cuts all over her body, not just wrist and ankles. She had huge X on top of her heart. I open the door again without thinking it twice.
Suga: What is that? *I point at the X*
Sara: Get the fuck out! *trying to cover herself*
I give her a towel and she wraps it around her. She is glaring at me angrily but I don't care right now.
Suga: What is that?
Sara: It's nothing.
Suga: No it's something. What is it? It looks new... When did you do that?
Sara: It's nothing...
I grab her hand. Now she looks furious.
Sara: It's none of your business!
Suga: Please..?
She looks at herself in the mirror. I can't read her expression. It's like she is about to cry but at the same time, she's about to hit the mirror. She looks down squeezing her fists. Then suddenly I see a tear dropping. I don't really know what to do or say.
Sara's POV
me: It's a reminder to not to love.
Suga: What? Why?
me: Because... Love is pain.
Suga: Sara... I love you. Loving you only hurts when you don't talk to me or you disappear. Love isn't always pain. It can be joy, laughter, happiness. It's only pain if you let it be.
I kiss him. He's too sweet.
me: This is when the love doesn't hurt.
I smile to him slightly and push him out of the bathroom and lock the door.
Suga: Hey! That's not fair! You can't just kiss me and then lock the door.
me: I just did.
Suga: Aish... This girl!
I know that he wanted more but I couldn't give him that. And Luca was in the room... I dry my hair and I get dressed. I go back to the room. Luca has woken up.
me: Morning sleepy head!
Luca: You are still here! It wasn't a dream!
me: Of course! I told you I'm never leaving you again.
Suga smiles at me.
Suga: So you are coming home?
me: Suga...
Why did he have to ask that? And in front of Luca. He's mean...
me: I... I don't know if I'm coming right now... but I will eventually.
Luca looks disappointed. But I can't lie to him. I'm just not ready... I'm not sure yet...
me: Okay, we should go eat..!
We decided to go eat brunch in the park. It's so fun being with them, but I can't stop thinking what I did to Suga. He doesn't walk normally. I saw him taking painkillers in the morning. He shouldn't have come looking for me. He's only hurting himself. "I'm sorry Suga."
Suga: Hey! What are you thinking?
me: Hm? Oh, nothing really...
Suga: Hey I can see that something is going on in there. So, what's up?
me: Just that you should go back to Boston, now that you found me...
Suga: No. We are going when you are going.
me: Luca needs to go back to school...
Suga: He's fine... Right, Luca?
Luca nods his head mouth full of croissants. We laughed at his cute expression.
Suga: We are not leaving until you are.
I can't believe him. How can he still be here after all I have done to him. He's too good for his own health... I laugh a bit.
Suga: What?
me: Nothing.
He looks at me suspiciously but doesn't say anything.
Suga's POV
"Oh right! I need to call boys." I was looking for my phone but then I remembered what happened to it. I really haven't had a chance to buy a new one.
Suga: Can we go to the mall?
Sara: Why?
Suga: I need a new phone...
Sara: What happened to your old phone?
Suga: Ahem...
Luca: He threw it on the floor and it broke.
Sara: Seriously. Why?
Luca: Because you didn't pick up.
Sara: Oh.. *laughing*
Suga: Well... Can we go? *embarrassed*
Sara: Yeah! I should buy a new phone too...
Suga: What happened to your phone?
Sara: Oh I broke it and threw it in the trash.
Suga: Seriously?
Sara: Yeah! Well, I didn't want to be found, so... Also if I had the phone and you would've called me, I would've probably answered, so... It was easier to just break it than not answer. But we should go.
We go to the mall. It's huge and it takes a while to find the right shop. We buy our phones and I call Jin immediately.
Jin: Who's this?
Suga: Hi it's me Suga.
Jin: Yoongi! Finally! You know how worried we have been?! You just left somewhere and didn't even tell us where and then you don't call us to say you landed safely!
Suga: Jin! Can I talk now?
Jin: Fine, but I wasn't done yet.
Suga: So I...
Jin: You didn't find her did you? I knew you wouldn't find her. I should've stopped yo...
Suga: Jin! I found Sara.
Jin: You did?! SUGA FOUND SARA!
I can hear others screaming in the background.
Suga: Jin...
Jin: Yeah?
Suga: I think...
Jin: So when are you coming back home? Are you already at the airport?
Suga: Jin! Can I just talk now!?
Jin: Oh, sorry...
Suga: So... I think we aren't coming back for a while... She isn't ready yet.
Jin: Oh, okay...
Suga: Look, I need to go now or they are gonna buy the hole toystore. I'll call you later?
Jin: Okay... Just get her back home..?
Suga: Yeah, I'm trying...
I ended the call and run over to Sara and Luca.
Suga: So, who's idea it was yo buy the toy store?
Luca: Oh, can we?
Suga: No! You have toys at home.
Luca: Sara promised to buy me the robot that I saw last week.
Suga: Did she now? Sara, you really need to learn to say no to him.
Sara: maybe...
We walk around the mall. She is so quiet. "What is she thinking?" I don't think I wanna know what goes on in that head. But I wanna help. I take her hand. She flinches like she just came back to reality. She looks at our hands but doesn't take her hand away. She looks at Luca. I can't read her face. I think I never could. You can't tell what she is taking from her face. She's so mysterious.
Suga: Hey! Are you hungry?
Sara: We just are.
Suga: 3 hours ago. It's 4 pm right now...
Sara: Oh, really? We should go eat then. What do you want?
Suga: I don't care. Luca, what do you want to eat?
Luca: PIZZA!
Suga: Oh...
Sara: You never ask from a child what they wanna eat if you wanna eat healthily... *laughing*
Suga: I guess we are going to eat pizza then...
We walk to a pizzeria. We ordered our foods and we sit down. Sara is still in her own world. She is thinking too much. We get our orders and we start to eat. "Wow! I didn't think that you can put so much food into so small people's." They are eating and talking something but I can't really pay attention to what they are saying. I'm just staring at Sara.
Sara: Hey! Stop staring!
Suga: What?
Sara: Stop staring!
Suga: I don't want to.
Sara: I do.
Suga: I don't.
She is so cute when she is annoyed. Her eyebrows wrinkle a little and there's a small dot between them. Her eyes get narrow and her look is full of angry. It looks like her eyes are full of lightning. I smile at her cute expression and she gets more annoyed. She just stuff's the rest of the pizza in her mouth and leaves. I laugh.
Suga: Luca I think your sister has a bad temper.
I get Luca and we run after Sara.
Suga: Sara! Wait!
Sara just walks away from us. "God she walks fast." I run to her. She doesn't look at me. I take her hand and I stop. She almost fell over for my sudden move.
Sara: Hey!
I pull her closer.
Sara: Get off!
Suga: I think you forgot someone...
Sara: Who?
I point at Luca who is running towards us.
Sara: I didn't forget him. I just thought you would look after him.
We wait for Luca and then we walk back to the hotel.
Sara's POV
I don't feel like being with anyone right now. I just need time and space. Suga just doesn't seem to realize that. I need space to breathe.
me: I'm gonna go back to my own hotel...
Suga: Why? You can stay here.
me: No I need to go.
Suga: Why? Can't you take a room from this hotel?
me: No I can't. I'm gonna go.
Suga: Why?
He started to irritate me more. I just couldn't be there anymore.
me: No I can't be here! I can't be around you right now! I need space! I need fresh air!
I just walk off before he can say anything. I can't be there now. I can't be around him. I walk to my hotel. I go to my room and I just fall to my bed. It's really hard to breathe. I feel like someone is choking me. I take my clothes off and I go to the shower. The feeling doesn't leave. I'm laying on the floor trying to breathe. Instinctively, I take the blade and I put on my wrist. This is the first time I hesitate to cut but the feeling is getting bigger inside of me. I make a small cut. It doesn't hurt. I make bigger and deeper into my thigh. It starts to bleed. Slowly the pain gets to me. I can breathe again. I slowly get up from the floor. I see myself from the mirror. I have changed a lot. I'm skinnier. My cheeks are thin. I have dark shadows under my eyes. I dyed my hair back to my normal color. It looks weird. I look tired and like I haven't eaten in a long time. I'm disgusted the way I look. I walk back to the room. I lay on the bed. The blood is coloring the sheets. My phone is ringing all the time. I don't wanna answer, I know who it is. "Suga..." I fell asleep.
Next day
It's the first day of December. Christmas is coming soon. I don't feel like celebrating tho. I wanna go back to sleep but I know that it's not any better. I would love to sleep without the nightmare. I wanna see Suga but I know it's not a good idea now. I need time...
Suga's POV
I couldn't sleep all night. I'm too worried. Why does she always do this? Why does she always make me worried? I can't get up from the bed. Luckily Luca is still in sleep. I close my eyes. Suddenly there comes a picture of Sara laying on the floor bleeding. She could have done it again. I take my phone and call her. She doesn't pick up so I leave her a voicemail.
Sara's POV
I'm laying on the bed when I hear my phone ringing. I'm sure it's Suga. I let it ring. He leaves me a voicemail. I'm curious to hear what he wants.
Suga: Hmm... I'm sure you are still in sleep but I... I wanted to check if you are okay... I'm worried... Call me? Please..?
I don't wanna call him now. I know he worries but... I texted him to say I'm okay.
Text:
me: I'm okay.
Suga: Okay... Just wanted to check. You wanna have breakfast together?
me: Lunch?
Suga: Okay. Where?
me: I'll text you the address later.
I put my phone away. I go back to the bathroom. I find bandages and I bind my wounds. I put clothes on and I leave from the hotel. I walk around and I end up to the beach. I sit on the sand. I watch how the kids run and play. Adults laugh with each other. That's what happy should look like. I watch the sea. It looks calm now. I decided to call dad. I want to know how he is.
I've sat on the beach almost three hours talking with dad. It's almost noon and I text the address to Suga. I should go there too. I get up and I almost fell back. I feel weak. I look at the bandage on my thigh. It's bleeding again but I don't care. I take a cab to the restaurant.