Chapter 4

So difficult to keep pretending

It's getting harder every day

It's plain to see I'm cold and heartsick

Since you turned and walked away.

- "Circles," Mariah Carey.

He couldn't run away forever. He knew that. But he just wasn't ready.

That was one of Felix's bad habits, running away from his issues. Sooner or later, they all caught up with him though.

He hadn't stepped foot in the great hall, for fear of getting seen by Harry. Draco would be just as bad at this point. He didn't fancy bumping into him any time soon either! At least, not after all that had happened. The kiss. God, that kiss!

Felix felt feverish thinking about it. He had to admit, Draco was a fantastic snog. So delicate and careful, yet passionate and fiery too. Heaven. Bliss. Urgh! Draco?! His mind screamed, mid way. I mean seriously Felix mate; you're getting a bit feLINE, hmm? Geez, this is worrying…

Not looking where he was walking, Felix ploughed straight into a girl carrying a whole load of books, it looked like she was about to topple over anyway, Felix just speeded up the motion.

"Shit! Sorry," he jumped down to help her gather them back up. As he did so, he recognised her face.

"Hermione?" he asked softly. Hermione's brown head of hair whipped up.

"I'm sorry? It's uh…Felix right?"

He nodded slightly and handed her a heavy spell book entitled: Curses and hexes for the unworthy. Glancing at the cover he said, "Hope you weren't planning on using it on me any time soon." Hermione just squinted at him in confusion.

"What?" Felix gathered a few more books from the floor and muttered "nothing" under his breath. Standing back up, he watched her brush away dust from her robes.

"Well! I'll er…see you soon, Fergus." She said brightly, extending her hand gingerly as all her books toppled dangerously to the left.

Smiling awkwardly he shook it, "It's Felix."

"Felix?" Hermione nodded matter – of – factly "Yes. Right. Well, bye then!" And balancing her books carefully between her arms, she scuttled off, head bent down in embarrassment.

Sighing heavily, Felix turned back around and continued to plod the empty corridor halls. A loud rumbling in his belly signalled his hunger, Felix ignored the hunger pangs and continued to venture mindlessly. Again his mind started to drift...

"Excuse me, good sir!" Felix had just plummeted head first through the ghost, nearly - headless - Nick. The horribly ice - cold feeling crawled through Felix's flesh, making him shudder outwardly.

"S - sorry! Wasn't looking where I was going..." He stuffed his hands into his pockets and chewed his lip, nervously waiting for the bell to ring, and his escape cue from students. Nick tutted slightly and drifted off and up, through the ceiling.

Tugging at his robes, a nervous habit, Felix pondered whether he should go to the library or stay put. The bell rang, at the same time, pupils flooded out of classrooms. Too late, his decision was decided for him. Leaning against the solid corridor wall, next to a stone archway, Felix focused on looking intently at the dusty floor, refusing to make eye contact with anyone that passed.

However, out of the corner of his eye he witnessed Harry coming towards him, Ron by his side laughing heartily. SHIT! Okay, everything's fine. Don't look up, don't look up, don't look up...

As Harry came nearer his emerald eyes flickered over Felix languid body leaning against the wall. Like a magnetic attraction, Felix's eyes were pulled towards Harry's lingering gaze.

A small smile tugged at the corner of Harry's curvy, almost feminine pink lips. Felix smiled back, a sad look on his face.

Ron noticed the communication and gave Felix a narrowed look of suspicion. Felix's heart bagan to thud as Harry started to walk towards him. Turning to Ron, Harry whispered something in his ear. Ron looked - angry and confused but did not object to whatever Harry had said and walked on without him. Abruptly shifting his eyes away from staring at Harry, Felix cleared his throat and bit down on his bottom lip. His hands began to sweat as he felt rather than saw Harry coming steadily closer.

Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck...

He was trapped. Not that he really wanted to escape. In fact, thinking about Harry slamming him roughly against the wall, ravaging his soft, beautiful lips upon Felix's, kinda appealed to him.

Felix's eyes closed briefly as he imagined Harry dragging his mouth along his coller bone, sliding his tongue on his stomach muscles, steadily kissing him lower down...

"Felix?"

Felix jumped and snapped his eyes open. OH MY GOD! He's Right in front of me! HELP... His brain seemed to chug slowly into gear.

"Hi, Harry." His voice sounded horribly high - pitched. Harry peered at him curiously.

"You, okay? You look kind of...startled?"

Felix nodded quickly. "Fine. You just caught me off - guard." Harry smiled and raised his eyebrows in apology.

"Sorry. You did look deep in thought. What were you thinking of?" Felix felt himself blushing and gave an awkward cough.

"Er..." Felix tried to subtly search around the dingy corridor walls for inspiration. "Just...important stuff." Harry pulled one eyebrow up and pursed his lips slightly. God, he looks so cute! For a moment Felix was temporarily distracted. Harry rolled his eyes and placed his hands on his hips.

"Like?" He asked with a tinge of annoyance.

"Um...my, my...i forgot my coat." Relieved after finally thinking of something, however unimaginative, Felix smiled warmly at Harry. Harry's eyes twinkled in amusement, his own lips half - forming a smile of his own.

"Uh huh. Yeah, SURE." Felix pretended to be hurt.

"What? You don't believe me?" Harry grinned before replying,

"Is the pope Jewish?" Felix stuck his tongue out playfully.

"Ha ha, you're such a comedian." Harry chuckled.

"Glad someone thinks so!" Then he became more serious. "Look Felix, I'm sorry about our last conversation that we had...you know in the hospital wing? I didn't mean to be so...anyway, I really think that you're a great guy and it would be cool to be friends. Hang out, that kinda stuff. I just didn't want you to get the wrong impression of me is all. So..."

"Will you go out with me?"

Harry's mouth started to form words and then dropped open in shock. Eyebrows raised so high, they were in danger of disappearing into his thick, unruly hair he asked, "I'm sorry?"

Oh my GOD! I want to die. Felixs inwardly screamed. Literally shrivel up into a speck of dust and DIE! How could I of blurted that out? It was just so...so...

"Erm...I was just wondering if you maybe wanted to go out with me?" OH MY GOD! I've said it again! Good Lord what is wrong with me?!

Harry closed his open mouth. "Are...are you serious? ...Are you...gay?"

Oh christ, oh shit, he's not gay! This is a disaster! This is horrible, I asked out a guy who isn't even gay, who probably thinks I'm a disgustiong lech who -

"Felix?" Felix stopped his little rant of horror in his head.

"Yes...yes I am gay." There said it. Strangely though, he didn't feel the urge to throw up. He didn't feel sick or suicidle. Having admitted the fact that he was gay, he felt oddly calm. At ease with himself, knowing that he was being honest and genuinly felt for other guys...or at least, knowing he did for Harry.

Harry nodded thoughtfully. "Me too." He whispered. Now it was Felix's turn to be gobsmacked.

"You wha -?"

Harry smiled shyly.

"Yep. I had no idea about you though..." Felix swallowed hard. Was he...suggesting something?

"Okay. Now that we cleared that shit up. What happens next?"

Harry pondered Felix's words and bit his bottom lip. "I don't know...we'll see what happens, yeah?" Felix felt Harry searching his face, hoping he was going to come out with the right answer.

"Yeah, okay. So you don't want to...?" Harry shook his head. Seeing the look of rejection and hurt on Felix's face, he added. "But it's not 'cos it's you. I just...I'm not really ready for a relationship. Not yet anyway, do you understand?" He gently cupped Felix's chin in a soft hand and pulled it up to look him in the eye. Felix smiled sadly and nodded.

Harry returned the smile and leaned forward, giving Felix a light brush of a kiss on his high cheek bone. "Thanks for understanding." He whispered. Pulling away and letting his hand drop at the same time, Harry waved goodbye and walked on.

Remaining where he stood, Felix gave a heavy sigh before rubbing the spot where Harry had kissed him.

He did not see the desolate figure of Draco Malfoy, watching him from afar. Draco gave a sigh of his own, and tried not to dwell on how much he knew Felix hated him.

Of course he fell for fucking Potter. Who wouldn't fall for that gorgeouse little shit? But a little voice, the sneering Malfoy voice he possessed argued back, You can't let scar - head win! No way am I going to give up on Sylvian, not that stunning, drawling, blonde American...we'd look so great together...

Draco manically thought for several seconds as he affectionatley watched Felix sling his school bag over his shoulder, blonde hair falling into his face.

I need to make him fall out of love with Potter. I need Potter to hurt him...badly. So that he'll never want to see his bloody photogenic face again. EVER!

Racing through all the cruel, evil, spiteful, malicious and down right sad possibilities through his mind, Draco eventually settled on a plan that was simple, yet greatly effective. Darling Felix is such a pathetic romantic, It'll definately work.

Smiling Defiantly, Draco rushed off down the corridor, eager to put his 'little plan' into action, immediatley!

A/N Phew! Okay, I have no idea what the plan is LOL!

I don't really think that far ahead. Nah, I just can't be bothered writing a plan for this story, I'll probably be constantly changing it anyway, so there's pretty much no point. When I write, I just make it up as I go along so I'm screwed if I hit writer's block! Hehe

Read and review please!!! It really does help. Even if you don't like the story, say so! I honestly don't mind.

Well, see ya then folks! Will try to update soon but...ya know. We shall see what inspiration comes along...if any! LOL Luv you all, even if you only read the fic and don't review - hugs! HotTimali x x x