Chapter Four

The end of the week rolled around quickly and when the bell rang on Friday afternoon, Charlie and Joey made their way to their lockers together. They had seen a fair bit of each other during classes, although Charlie had disappeared every lunch time and she hurried home right after school. She was very private about her life and Joey still wasn't sure if there was a friendship there. Charlie hung around with other people as much as she did with her, so she figured the chances were that she would find her feet and ditch her soon enough. She hoped it might not happen. She'd become quite attached, which was surprising when she barely knew her. But the cool crowd were definitely interested in a new recruit and Joey knew as well as anyone, the pull that that kind of gang had.

"Hey, Charlie," she ventured. "Would you like to hang out at the weekend or something?"

She felt nervous about asking. It almost felt like she was asking her out on a date or something. They'd got a lot of comments throughout the week about Joey being gay but Charlie hadn't seemed to register them. She didn't seem to care. All she'd said was that Joey must have been very brave to come out in high school. Joey had remarked that she hadn't so much come out voluntarily but happened to fall out of the closet instead.

"Oh," Charlie replied, as if surprised. "Yeah. Maybe. Sure."

"I could give you my number?" Joey suggested.

Charlie nodded and pulled her phone out of her pocket in order to make the exchange. She hoped she would get to text or call her. Joey had been so nice all week and they got on really well. She was desperate to make even just one friend and she thought Joey might be it. But she worried. With Ruby to look after and the mess her head was in, she didn't think she'd be the most available person in the world and she thought even Joey would get bored or frustrated with her. Joey smiled and said she'd call her at the weekend and the two girls walked out together.

"Hey, Charlie!" a female voice called.

The new girl turned to fine Belle Taylor, her boyfriend Aden Jeffries and their friends, Angelo Rosetta and Roman Harris standing there.

"There's a beach party tomorrow night if you want to come," Belle said. "Leave the lesbian behind though."

Joey didn't react but she was immediately disappointed. If the cool kids were asking Charlie to socialise with them and Joey was asking the same thing, somehow she doubted that Charlie would choose her.

"Thanks," Charlie said.

She had no intention of rejecting Joey but it felt nice to be invited. And kicking back at a party instead of dealing with a baby she could barely look at, sounded very appealing. She turned and continued to walk out with Joey in silence.

Arriving home, Joey headed up to her room to get changed out of her school uniform. She and Charlie had walked part way home together, which had been nice. She hoped that she might get to hang out with her the following day, although she decided not to hold her breath. Mostly, Joey was glad that the week was over. She had a tonne of homework to do of course but usually, she took it down to the beach so that she could enjoy the sunshine at the same time. Heading downstairs in jeans and a black sleeveless top, Joey headed into the kitchen to make a snack. She froze when her brother, Brett and his best friend Robbo charged through the door, deep in discussion.

"Make us a drink," Brett told her.

She pulled a face and told him to make his own.

"Women!" Brett commented.

Joey dodged out of the way as they came towards her and scampered upstairs with her food. She just hoped that Brett and Robbo would go to the party and be out of her hair for the evening. She'd never liked Robbo and she hated him now.

Charlie arrived home to Ruby wailing.

"Oh!" Ross said when he saw her. "I was just about to go up to her but you can now you're home."

"I just got in!" Charlie protested, dumping her bag on the floor.

"You are her mother, Charlie."

She glared at him.

"You don't need to keep reminding me," she snapped. "I do know."

She headed up the stairs to see to her daughter who had obviously just woken from her nap. Entering the room, she approached the cot and as usual, struggled to reach out to her. She turned the mobile on, hoping that it would distract Ruby from her tears. Momentarily it did but then she began crying again. She wanted love and affection. Charlie felt her heart break as sobbing Ruby gazed up at her, arms flailing and reaching up. Taking a deep breath, Charlie reached in and held her. She cuddled her close and felt her snuggle into her. Gazing down at the beautiful child in her arms, Charlie sank into a chair. She gave her the little finger that she so loved to hold, pull and chew.

"Why can't I be the Mum you need me to be?" Charlie wondered aloud.

She surprised herself by bursting into tears.

"I want to," she said. "So much. I hope you know that."

Ruby continued to play with Charlie's hands.

"I do love you. I can't seem to show you but I do. I love you. I just... it's so hard."

She cuddled her closer than she ever had before and sobbed, feeling suddenly inconsolable.