"Why are we doing this again?" asked Keith.
"If you hate it so much why did you come here?" retorted Pidge and Keith went silent.
Lance snickered and shot Keith a sly look. "He doesn't want to admit he likes it, he's just a Tsundere."
"No anime tropes!" yelled Keith.
Shiro put on a thoughtful face. "I mean … you do fit the definition pretty well."
"Et tu Brute?"
Allura looked slightly annoyed. "You know it's so great of you to constantly refer to human popular culture, I don't feel left out at all."
"I don't think 'Et tu brute' counts as popular culture." Commented Lance.
"Changing the subject," said Hunk, not wanting the situation to derail further "what play are we doing?"
Everyone looked at Lance but he just said: „Why don't you choose one Hunk? I already choose last time, I think it's only fair if someone else gets to pick this time."
"Oh, okay cool … I don't know any plays though."
"C'mon somethings gotta come to your mind."
"Uhhhmmm … the wizard of oz?" Hunk rather asked than answered.
"But that doesn't have any couples!" complained Pidge.
Keith was confused. "How is that a problem?"
"Wizard of Oz it is." Said Pidge typing away on her laptop. "And the roles are: Allura is Dorothy, the lead role …"
Allura punched into the air with a triumphant "Yes!"
"… I'm the good witch of the north and the wizard of oz …"
"Why two roles?" asked Lance.
"I redid the algorithm so we would need less training bots, since they're useless. Anyway, Lance is the Lion, Shiro is the Tin man …"
"Is that a reference to my arm?"
" … Hunk is the scarecrow and Keith is … the wicked with of the west." She finished with a grin.
"Why do I have to be a woman again?" Keith got into his standard sulking position, crossed arms and pouty face.
"Quit whining and go put on a costume." Said Pidge.
Coran had once again assumed the role of director and yelled into his megaphone:" All right, first scene! Dorothy and her dog Toto are at home in … what is a Kansas?"
Lance answered: "A place on earth, mostly made of emptiness and blowing tumbleweed. Hey sounds like a place mullet would hang out!"
"No I wouldn't! "protested Keith "I'm forbidden from entering that and 12 other states again." He muttered. "And half of the EU for that matter."
"What? Keith! What did you do?" demanded Shiro.
Keith looked around for something to get him out of this situation. "Uhm Coran you were explaining the scene!"
"Right, thank you Keith. Dorothy and Toto get caught in a tornado."
Hunk looked around confused. "Did the algorithm forget to assign somebody the role of Toto?"
"I guess it ignored non-human characters … I'll change it for next time." Said Pidge.
"So," said Lance "who's the dog?"
Lotor walked in. "There you all are. What are you doing? I have been searching … why are you looking at me like that?"
"I never agreed to such nonsense when I changed sites." Said a very irritated Lotor wearing a full body dog costume.
"Shhh! Dogs don't talk." Mocked Lance.
"You're enjoying this way too much, blue Paladin."
"Everybody on position!" yelled Coran "Princess, Lotor, get inside the House."
"You mean the cardboard box?" asked Lotor.
"Exactly! Now the storm!"
"What storm? What even are we doing?"
Lotor's questions were cut short by Pidge and Hunk turning on a giant fan that blew him and Allura against the wall. After they turned it of Pidge assumed her role as good witch of the north.
"Oh thank you travelers, with your falling house landed on the evil witch of the east and killed her."
Allura was shocked. "Oh my! Why are human stories so gruesome?"
"You think that's gruesome? Wait till we get to german fairytales and someone abandons their children in a wood before they literally cook an old woman." Deadpanned Pidge.
"… moving on …" said Allura, really not wanting to continue this conversation "Anyway, I'm Dorothy and this is my dog Toto ..."
….
"Lotor! This is where you say your line." Whispered Allura.
Lotor took a deep breath and spoke: "Bark! Bark!"
"And now I have a new ringtone!" said Lance filming the humiliation of the galra with his phone.
Allura continued: "Where are we and who are you?"
"I'm the good witch of the north, this is the magical land of Oz. To get home you must visit the wizard of Oz, while you're at it take these 3 losers with you."
"You're progressing the story way to quick!" complained Lance.
Pidge shrugged. "Yeah the thing is: I'm to lazy to actually learn my lines so I'm just saying what I remember. Also, beware of Keith the wicked witch of the West. No, he is not related to Kanye but evil nonetheless."
So, the four heroes and one dog went on their journey, meaning they walked from one side of the stage to the other.
"What, exactly is the wizard of oz?" asked Allura.
"He is the magical ruler of oz." said Lance
"I thought earth didn't have magic?"
"Well, it's a fictional story."
"And what is the backstory of your characters?" she said eying the strange costumes of the three.
Shiro was the first to answer:" I'm the tin man, a robot without a heart."
That confused Allura. "Well, what would a robot need a heart for?"
"It's a figurative heart."
"I'm a scarecrow with no brain, which also doesn't make a lot of sense now that I said it." Said Hunk. "And Lance is a Lion without courage."
"One of these things is not like the other … "sang Pidge, from the back of the stage.
"Keith!" yelled Coran "This is your part, you're supposed to stop them!"
Keith was confused and quickly scrolled through the script: "Wait, I think this part comes way later … oh what do I care, let's get this over with … lemme see I'm sending my army of flying monkeys? Ok sure why not. But I don't got any."
Pidge slapped her forehead. "Sorry my fault, the algorithm didn't assign that role either."
"So, who's gonna be the flying monkeys?" asked Lance.
Matt walked in. "There you all are. What are … why are you looking at me like that?"
"I don't get it! Why did you force me into a monkey costume? Why does it have wings? Why are Lotor and Lance a dog and a lion? What are you doing? Filming furry propaganda? And why is Keith wearing a dress?"
Keith took a deep breath and said in a monotonous voice: "I'm the wicked witch of the west and you're my army of flying monkeys."
Matt just starred at him not knowing how to react.
"I order you to fight them!" said Keith pointing at the others. Matt looked over and saw them, bayards drawn and in battle formation.
He looked back at Keith and asked: "You want me to fight the paladins of Voltron and prince Lotor, all by myself."
"Yes, it's time someone else suffers." Was Keith's answer, delivered with a straight emotionless face.
"Hello!" yelled Lotor "I'm on a leash."
"Yeah, Allura's leash! You're probably enjoying it instead of suffering."
After Matt got his own ass handed to him in the most humiliating way.
"Give up witch! We defeated your army." Boasted Lance.
"Figures." Was Keith's answer.
"What do we do now?" asked Hunk "The witch melts or something like that, right?"
"Wait a second I have the script with me." Said Pidge. "Oh yes she melts, she melts into a hug. The lion knows that she is just a misunderstood, awkward guy oops I mean girl that just wants to belong somewhere and takes her into a nice warm hug that melts away all her grumpiness uhm evilness."
Lance scratched his head. "Not entirely how I remember it but ok."
He took Keith into a quick embrace expecting the other boy to push him away but to his surprise he was hugged back … and now Keith didn't let go. Lance got a bit concerned and tightened the embrace. "Keith, buddy? You ok there?"
"I had a lot stress at the blade just let me have this for a moment."
"D'aww" came it from the other paladins and Matt, while the three Aliens just watched very confused.
"I don't think I understand human culture." Concluded Allura.