A/N: I'd like to thank everyone who has so far reviewed this fic. I'm getting much bigger response than I had been expecting, and it makes me so happy :) In the other two fandoms I've written fics in (Harry Potter and Artemis Fowl) most of the reviews I got were on the shorter side, but here I'm getting long, insightful, analytic reviews, and you have no idea how much that pleases me:D

I've replied to many reviews, and also thanks to those whose reviews I haven't replied to: Musica Diabolos, Coruscate Corruption, Saldaen farmgirl, AnnieThePipster, Saiyume, Maddie, Anonymous, refloc

Chapter 4

Somebody Kill Me, Please

Kitty was staring at her mirror image, grimacing. Every girl in her place would have been happy to wear a glorious white, lacy dress like this, a pearl necklace and tiara with a veil that sparkled as though it had been woven of ice-crystals - not to mention an engagement ring with a distastefully huge diamond in it - but Kitty wasn't happy in the least.

After all, this marriage wasn't going to be very different from being closed up in the Tower… it was going to be just another kind of imprisonment. For a month she had been kept in a dark cell, for another month under house arrest at her parents' place, and from today on she'd be living in a golden cage. She couldn't even dream of freedom.

During the one month of their 'engagement', she had only seen Mandrake twice – two weeks ago when he'd brought her this ridiculously big diamond ring, and three days ago when he'd come to check whether she had memorised and understood the letters sent to her from Whitehall, detailing the program of the wedding day. Honestly, Mandrake had come to check whether she was aware that the exchange of rings came after the I do's and the bride's first dance after the wedding dinner! As though she were a four-year-old!

Kitty's hands clenched into fists at the memory of her fiancé lecturing her how to behave properly at the wedding reception. How dare he treat her like a backward child!

"Kitty dear, the limousine's here!" Her mother entered, dressed in a lilac dress with a huge, purple, artificial flower on her shoulder. Kitty didn't want to tell her that she looked ridiculous – let her mother be happy today, at least someone was happy about this wedding…

"Coming, Mum," the bride sighed, letting her veil fall before her face, looking once more around in her old room. The room was now more or less empty, as all her things had already been transported to Mandrake's house.

"Oh, Kitty, I'm so proud of you," her mother chattered away. "Getting married to such a fine gentleman! It's the greatest honour! Mrs Mandrake! What a wonderful name!"

"Mum, don't make me vomit on my wedding dress," Kitty said sharply, silencing the older woman.

Ignoring the hurt look on her mother's face, Kitty exited her room, only to spot her father who seemed the epitome of a proud father-of-the-bride. He was practically beaming in his tuxedo. He offered her his arm, and on their way down to the limousine he couldn't stop praising her dress and gushing about his future son-in-law. When she thought she could no longer take it, Kitty firmly stepped on her father's foot, then muttered a 'sorry, I'm so clumsy'. Either because the pain was too intense or because he had finally understood that Kitty had enough of 'John Mandrake this and John Mandrake that', Mr Jones spent the whole journey to Westminster Abbey in silence.

Seated between a hurt-looking mother and a wincing father, Kitty felt contented for a short period of time. It was possible that she had broken one or two of her father's toes. Well, that would at least remind him never to praise Mandrake in front of her again.

Finally, Westminster Abbey came into view and Kitty felt her heart sink into her stomach. Thousands of people were standing outside, waving, cheering and taking photos.

The limousine stopped in front of the cathedral, and in no time Kitty found herself being led down a soft, red carpet, into the building.

Memories rushed to her: memories of herself entering the abbey with her friends Stanley and Fred, Mr. Pennyfeather and several others, trying to raid Gladstone's tomb. She had been afraid then – afraid of the dark building, the spooky statues and of what they would find inside the tomb. Now the abbey looked as different as possible: warm sunshine came through its stained glass windows, painting intricate colourful patterns on the walls, the columns and the statues that looked anything but spooky this time. Not that she'd describe the building as friendly – it was far from that, but it was majestic in a way. Perhaps that's why the government had decided to have the wedding ceremony here of all churches in London.

She had been afraid all those years ago, and she would have lied to herself if she had said she wasn't afraid now. Trying to ignore the whispers of the magicians seated in the pews and the flashing of the cameras, Kitty walked down the aisle, clutching at her father's arm like her life depended on it. If only the red carpet were endless and she'd never reach the altar…

But the red carpet ended all too soon, and she found herself staring at the smugly grinning face of John Mandrake. Oh, if only she had a chance to trample on his foot as well! Hmm, perhaps at the wedding reception, during a dance…

"Dearly beloved," said the priest whose face strongly reminded Kitty of an old, wizened tortoise, "we have gathered here in the sight of God to unite this man and this woman in holy matrimony, which is an honourable estate, instituted of God, signifying unto us the mystical union that is betwixt Christ and his Church; which holy estate Christ adorned and beautified with his presence, and first miracle that he wrought, in Cana of Galilee…"

Kitty yawned. No problem, I'm wearing a veil, no one has seen it…

"… to be honourable among all men: and there is not by any to be enterprised, nor taken in hand, unadvisedly, lightly, or wantonly, to satisfy men's carnal lusts and appetites-"

Yeah, of course, because John Mandrake isn't a wanton, lustful person, Kitty rolled her eyes. She had heard about her fiancé's relationship to a certain Miss Farrar and doubted that he would give up his relationship just because he's getting married to her…

"…and in the fear of God; duly considering the causes for which matrimony was ordained. First, it was ordained for the procreation of children…"

Of course, if it weren't for the fact that magicians aren't allowed to make babies… wonder how they prevent conception, Kitty mused.

"…and to the praise of his holy Name. Secondly, it was ordained for a remedy against sin, and to avoid fornication, that such persons as have not the gift of continency might marry-"

Mandrake and the gift of continency! – Kitty had to force herself not to snort.

"…undefiled members of Christ's body. Thirdly, it was ordained for the mutual society, help and comfort…"

Imagine Mandrake comforting someone…

"…both in prosperity and adversity. Into which holy estate these two persons present come to be joined. Therefore if any man can show any just cause, why they may not lawfully be joined together, let him now speak, or else hereafter for ever hold his peace."

Someone, speak up, please! – Kitty thought desperately.

No one spoke.

Dang it.

The priest continued. "Answer me, John, wilt thou have this woman to thy wedded wife, to live together after God's ordinance in the holy estate of matrimony? Wilt thou love her, comfort her, honour, and keep her in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all other, keep thee only unto her, so long as ye both shall live?"

Mandrake gave Kitty a grimace, and said: "I will."

Yeah, of course! – the bride fumed. Lying in the church, don't you feel ashamed?

"And you, Kathleen, wilt thou have this man to thy wedded husband, to live together after God's ordinance in the holy estate of matrimony? Wilt thou obey him, and serve him, love, honour and keep him in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all other, keep thee only unto him, so long as ye both shall live?"

Do I have to? She sighed. Okay, Kitty, he lied, you can lie too. Go on, you can do it! "I will."

"Who gives this woman to be married to this man?"

"I do," said Mr Jones.

Now Mandrake turned to Kitty with a lopsided grin and began to repeat after the priest, "I, John Mandrake, take thee, Kathleen Jones, to my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance, and thereto I plight thee my troth."

Big words and they mean nothing, Kitty thought bitterly. Okay, my turn.

"I, Kathleen Jones, take thee, John Mandrake, to my wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance, and thereto I plight thee my troth."

A little boy – probably a magician apprentice – came forward, carrying a cushion with two rings. Kitty dejectedly held out her hand for Mandrake to place the ring on her finger (she shuddered as his hand touched hers), and she quickly slipped the other ring on his finger.

"Hereby, with the power bestowed upon me by God, I pronounce you husband and wife," the priest concluded. "Those whom God hath joined together let no man put asunder. You may kiss the bride."

Kiss? – Kitty's insides froze. She had read the official text of the Anglican wedding ceremony, and there hadn't been a mention of a kiss in there…

She glanced at Mandrake, and saw that he was grinning nastily. If you put that into the ceremony to annoy me, I'll kill you, Mandrake, she thought as he lifted her veil.

"Do we really have to?" she mouthed to him.

"Yes," he mouthed back.

"Then be quick. And just a little peck!"

"All right." He leaned closer and she pressed her lips firmly together, to give him as little access to her mouth as possible. Squeezing her eyes shut, she waited for the most unpleasant experience in her life. What surprised her was that it wasn't at all unpleasant. Despite his cold looks, his lips were soft and warm, and she didn't really mind that they lingered on her lips a bit longer than they should have for a 'peck'.

Have you gone mad, woman? – she screamed at herself once the kiss was over. It was horrible, despicable, and disgusting! Wasn't it?

Before she knew, Mandrake had gently but deliberately grabbed her arm and started dragging her down the red carpet, towards the entrance while the church organ began to play and a choir that Kitty couldn't even see began singing 'Hallelujah'.

Even though some light had come into the building through the stained glass windows, now that they had left the church, Kitty had to blink against the blinding sunshine.

The commoners' cheers quickly suppressed the sound of the church organ and the choir. Kitty tried to force a smile on her face, remembering that she was supposed to look like a happy bride. It was a hard task, though, because her lips rather felt like making a pout. Finally, when she managed a smile, her eyes met that of a boy in the crowd. It was a little boy around twelve, named Jeremy. She knew him from the Resistance.

Oh, no, she moaned inwardly.

Jeremy's face radiated sadness, disgust and his eyes were blazing in a way that suggested he was blaming Kitty for having agreed to this madness.

And truth be told, Kitty too was blaming herself. Perhaps she should have stayed in the Tower, withering away in a dirty cell, instead of putting on this show to the whole Empire…

At this moment she thought she'd never felt this bad before. Not even when Jakob had suffered those horrible injuries thanks to Tallow's demon, not even when she'd been chased by Honorius the afrit. At least she'd been brave then, her head held up, standing up to the magicians. And now? She felt she'd lost her self-respect. She'd lost everything to John Mandrake.

Before she got into the limousine, her eyes met that of a girl in the crowd – another Resistance member. She too was eyeing her with a defiant, accusatory glance.

Somebody kill me, please, Kitty thought desperately as Mandrake pushed her into the car.

Closing her eyes, she tried to shut out the outside world – to forget about the cheering crowd, the nasty glances of her one-time Resistance fellows, and most of all: forget about the fact that she was sitting next to John Mandrake, her husband.

"You could have waved at people from the car window, you know," the man spoke up next to her, shaking her back into reality.

"I'm not a queen or princess to wave at my underlings," she replied coldly, deliberately staring out the window, not meeting his eyes.

"Many people regard you as one," Mandrake replied casually. "For the mob, you're now like a noble lady. Like someone they can only dream of becoming. Everyone envies you, Kitty."

At the mention of her name, she turned around to flash him with a furious glance. "I'm not exactly enviable, having to live the rest of my life with you! And don't you dare call my people 'mob' or you'll get acquainted with my fist once again! I hope you still remember your first encounter with it!"

"As if I could ever forget that…" he replied with a sour face.

Feeling a little better, Kitty again turned away from him to watch the trees flash by. They had left the downtown area of London and were now travelling across the district where the richest – obviously all of them magicians – lived.

Soon they arrived at the park of an immense house that Kitty immediately knew was the residence of none other than Rupert Deveraux.

"It was most generous of the Prime Minister to let us use his ballroom for the wedding reception," Mandrake said as the car stopped. "And I expect you to behave accordingly – to show our gratitude towards him."

"I will be as polite as possible, but don't expect me to start licking his boots," she replied impassively and deliberately did not take his hand when he offered it to help her out of the limousine. "By the way, how come the wedding reception didn't take place in your house? Is the place not big and pompous enough, you poor, underpaid magician?"

"In a few hours you will see for yourself whether it's big and pompous enough, and just for your information – I'm completely satisfied with my salary."

"Indeed?" She raised an eyebrow at him. "Strange. You strike me as a man who's never satisfied with his position. I hope some day you try to launch a coup to get Deveraux's place and fail miserably. A few years in the Tower would do you good."

His eyes narrowed and he grabbed her arm and started pulling her (this time not a bit gently) towards the entrance. "Enough of this madness, Kathleen! And don't you dare talk about coups before any magician, or-"

"Or what?" She gave him a challenging look.

"Or you'll regret it as long as you live," he hissed. "And now, move, and be a good girl. You don't need to lick anyone's boots, just be polite enough so that you don't bring shame on me."

"Don't worry, Mandrake, I will be a perfect lady," Kitty said with a withering glance and entered the building with her husband.

o o o O O O o o o

The wedding reception was so dull that Kitty felt like falling asleep and had to fight hard to suppress her yawns. First Deveraux made a long and boring speech about the importance of building relationships between magicians and commoners, then Kitty's father toasted the new couple, but as Kitty had feared, his speech quickly turned from wishing the bride and groom all the happiness in the world to expressing his immense gratitude to the magician society for allowing his only daughter into their circles.

Apparently I hadn't trampled on his foot hard enough, Kitty thought sourly as a pretty woman in her early twenties rose to say the next toast.

"John has been a very good friend of mine for years," she began, and at first Kitty didn't understand why some magicians around started to snigger. "I know him inside out, and I can say that he's not only a wonderful magician, but a perfect gentleman and very able lover as well. You're a lucky woman, Kathleen to have someone like him to warm your bed every night. I wish you two all the happiness in the world!"

Some magicians applauded, some laughed, but the bride couldn't hear them – she sat dumbstruck, gazing at the woman who was currently giving her a cold, patronising smile.

So, that was Jane Farrar, Kitty concluded. What an arrogant, malevolent harpy! She did this to humiliate Kitty, in front of a huge hall full of magicians, all of whom knew about her relationship to the groom.

Kitty glanced at her husband, who seemed to be downright amused by the latest toast.

Wipe that stupid smirk off your face!

Seeing his wife's dark expression, Mandrake's smirk widened even more.

All right, you asked for it…

For the first time that day, Kitty was grateful for the otherwise terribly uncomfortable high-heeled, pointy shoes she was forced to wear. The tip was just perfect to kick somebody in the shin under the table…

"Are you all right, John?" an old minister asked worriedly as the groom doubled over, cross-eyed.

"Ye…yes," Mandrake mumbled through clenched teeth. "Stomach ache… must have eaten… a bit more of the wedding cake… than I should have…"

"Yes, John has always had a huge appetite," Jane Farrar said, sensuously licking her lips. "In all areas…"

Apparently Kitty's well-aimed kick had done its work, because this time Mandrake didn't dare send his lover a grin.

The bride cast a side-ways glance at her new husband to see that he was avoiding both her and Jane's eyes, and his teeth still seemed to be clenched. Satisfied with her aiming, Kitty rose to her feet and cleared her throat.

"Ladies and gentlemen. I'm not sure it is my place to say a toast at my own wedding, but I feel it is my duty to say thanks to all the wonderful magicians who made this marriage possible."

Mandrake next to her stopped doubling over and was now gazing up at her with a shocked expression. Feeling encouraged by his facial reaction, Kitty continued.

"I feel very happy that you finally realised that us, commoners are your equals. I will do everything in my power to prove that I'm a wife worthy of a great magician like my dearest John." She gave Jane Farrar a withering glance, then turned to her husband. "To start proving my abilities, I'd like to show you my dancing skills. Sweetheart, would you give me the first dance?"

Mandrake blinked a few times, too shocked to respond. After a few seconds, some ministers and their jewel-packed wives started encouraging him to go and dance, and Kitty held out her hand towards him with the sweetest smile he'd ever seen on her face.

Wincing, he got up and led his wife onto the dance floor. To Kitty's utter delight, it seemed that every step caused him great pain.

The orchestra began to play one of Strauss's waltzes, and Kitty leaned closer to her husband, whispering into his ear. "Your leg hurts, honey?"

"You know it does, you evil witch," he murmured back.

"This is what you get for trying to humiliate me in front your kind," she whispered, slightly leaning back to give him a radiant smile.

His eyes narrowed. "We'll see who wins this war, Kitty."

"You're limping and winching… this means I've won this battle at least."

"The battle perhaps. But not the war," he replied, and forced a smile on his face. Let everyone believe he was enjoying the dance, even though every step he made was a torture.

o o o O O O o o o

It was past midnight when they arrived back at their house. Their house – the thought filled Kitty with both disgust and excitement. She had never spent the night in a magician's house before. She just hoped that she would get to spend the night alone in her room and Mandrake wouldn't make any advances. If he did, he'd just kick him in the shin again. Or, a bit higher this time…

"Well, does it look big and pompous enough for you?" Mandrake asked as they entered the building. Kitty was greeted by a huge entrance hall, on both sides of which a marble staircase led upstairs. In the middle hung an enormous crystal chandelier.

"Swarovski," the man said, noticing that she was observing the chandelier.

"What?"

"Each crystal on the chandelier comes from Swarovski. It cost me a small fortune, but it was worth it. The stairs are marble from Carrara, and the carpets are real Persian ones. I'd prefer if you never entered the house with mud-stained boots, or if you do, you should take them off here, before you step on the carpet."

"What makes you think I'm the type to dirty the carpets with mud-stained boots?" She crossed her arms.

He shrugged. "You strike me as the type who doesn't care for looks – her looks or the looks of her home."

Kitty's eyes narrowed. "You don't like my choice of clothes?"

"Well, you have to admit that the ones you usually wear are pathetic… As my wife, you are expected to dress properly and forsake the baggy pairs of jeans and the loose t-shirts."

"I dress as I please! It wasn't in the marriage contract that I have to throw my wardrobe away!"

The man rolled his eyes. "I'm too tired to have a row with you right now, so come on. I'm showing you your room."

Kitty followed him upstairs.

"I hope you will find the room satisfying," Mandrake said, leading her through several corridors. "It's better than any place you've ever slept in…"

Kitty decided to ignore the insult.

The house was indeed huge and it took them five minutes to reach the door of her intended room. "Well, this is where you're going to sleep." He opened the door for her, motioning her to enter.

"But I hope you aren't," she replied.

"Don't worry, your virginity is safe with me."

"What makes you think I'm…?"

"Just look at you. It's quite obvious, Kitty," he said in a condescending manner. "But really, no need to worry. I won't take it, as long as you don't ask me to."

"You can wait for that as long as you live!" she snapped.

"Hah! So you are indeed a virgin," he chuckled. "You've given yourself away!"

"Get stuffed," she murmured and marched into her room, banging the door shut behind her.

o o o O O O o o o

A/N: hope you liked it. Review, please!