A/N: Again, I am sorry for the long wait. I think there will be two more chapters after this. A big thank you to all my wonderful reviewers!

THROUGH FIRE

Chapter 4

Dean felt as if someone had ripped his heart out of his chest, as if he was forced to breath through a freezing blizzard.

His body was starting to feel numb with fear knowing that this time Sam's heart had actually stopped.

He could only watch as Mariah took the defibrillator, putting gel on the paddles, before turning around to give them to Dr.Graham.

It wasn't hard to hear their voices now as Mariah positioned herself to charge.

"Charge paddles to 200."

"Charged. Clear."

As Dean drew a sharp breath, Dr. Williams delivered the shock through Sam's body.

But Sam's heart monitor was still flat lined.

"V-FIB. Nothing," the second nurse informed Dr. Williams.

"Come on, Sammy," Dean whispered.

"Charge to 300."

The shock went through Sam's body a second time, but there wasn't any change.

"19 seconds," Mariah said.

Pressing the paddles to Sam's chest, Dr. Williams shocked a third time.

Even though Dean was too far away, he could see those green lines changing. He could almost hear that sound of Sam's heart monitor beeping again.

"Sinus rhythm."

"Rate's coming back."

Dean didn't care anymore. He burst into the room, walking up to Sam's bed feeling the need to see those waves of Sam's heart beating.

When no one said anything, he couldn't help feeling that weight in the air. It was like something heavy weighing everything down.

"What's going on?" Dean turned away from Sam, looking at Dr. Williams.

"When Sam received the reversal of the paralyzing agent we gave him, he went into cardiac arrest." The doctor regarded Dean silently. "He slipped into a coma due to lack of oxygen."

Dean didn't notice how the nurses had left after doing their last check on Sam. He didn't notice how he suddenly felt like he had trouble breathing, how everything he saw was too blurred.

It was like clinging onto the last thread of hope he had, because as of right now, hope was something that was staring to slip away from him.

"When will he wake up?" Dean was surprised to hear his own voice sound so raspy.

"There's no way to know. It could take days, or it could take weeks."

"There has to be something you can do!"

"I'm afraid there isn't." His gaze drifted to Sam. "Now it's up to Sam if he wants to come back."

It sounded as if there was a clear choice, and maybe there was, but Dean knew that Sam was somewhere else right now, somewhere he had never been.

"I have examined Sam's response to pain, and I'm afraid he has no response to deep pain stimuli. He is unresponsive. I'm sorry, Mr. Conners."

"Thank you," Dean muttered, his voice hoarse.

"You can't give up on hope. The thing your brother needs right now is for you to hope for him, because he can't do it himself."

Dean thought about this for a moment.

At that very moment he couldn't remember one time when Sam had stopped hoping. He'd always tried.

"I will," Dean answered.

And he meant it. He couldn't remember ever praying, but this time he would do it if it meant it could help his brother.

"And talk to him. On some level he will hear you." He turned around with a last look at Sam. "I'll be back to check on him tomorrow. If you need anything, Mariah is here."

Dean didn't need anything.

The only thing he needed was for Sam to wake up.

The machines around him looked large compared to the boy they were connected to. Buzzing whispers were sounding as they should, but Dean couldn't help but glance at the heart monitor.

Sam looked so small under all those sheets, like he was tucked into his very own cocoon.

"Hey, kiddo," Dean finally said. "Looks like you got yourself into some trouble, huh?" He sat down on the edge of Sam's bed, reaching for Sam's hand.

Sam still had that paleness about him, even if it was no longer a ghastly white coloring his skin.

Dean cleared his throat. "I...I've been meaning to tell you that none of this is your fault, no matter what you think. It's my fault, Sam. I should have waited. I should have made you wait with hunting."

It was the truth. He knew Sam wasn't really up for that hunt, and still he let Sam decide that they were going to go hunt a Fear Demon of all things.

He'd thought it was what Sam needed, to let out all that pent up anger and guilt. Instead it had only added more, and a brain injury he shouldn't have gotten in the first place.

oooOOOooo

"Sam, look, we don't even know if this is what killed Jessica in the first place. It might have been something entirely different."

"You don't know that," Sam said quietly.

"And you don't either. This is a bad idea."

"I have to do this. I need answers, and this might be the way to get them."

Dean stared at his brother. "And what happens if you don't get them?"

"I'll worry about that later."

"Are you serious? There might not be a later, Sam. And I'm not letting you get your brains hacked just to get some piece of information!" Dean said in a low and even voice, like he was trying hard not to scream.

"It doesn't matter," Sam muttered.

"Like hell it does!" Dean fumed. "You have to overcome your fear Sam, or you can never face this thing."

"Don't you think I know that?" Sam grumbled.

"I have no idea what goes on in that head of yours," Dean said. "But I do know that this Demon takes your fear and uses it against you."

"I'm not stupid, Dean."

"This is not about being stupid and you know it," Dean accused.

"Then what is it about?" Sam challenged.

"Oh, don't you play smart with me, Sam!" Dean roared. "You know damn well what I'm talking about."

Sam eyes were flashing when they looked at him. "You're the one who won't leave me alone for one freaking second!"

Dean arched an eyebrow. "Can you really blame me?"

"If you'd just leave me alone…

Dean cut him off angrily. "Then what? I'm sorry if I'm not able to let you get yourself killed just yet."

Sam never said a word to him while Dean was driving the Impala into the darkness.

oooOOOooo

Dean went along with it because he knew that whatever Sam put his mind to, he'd follow through. He'd be negligent if he let Sam hunt anything alone after he'd seen what Jessica's death did to him.

But he'd never known that those words would come back and taunt him, letting him know that if had said no to Sam, he wouldn't have gotten hurt.

Now, looking at Sam, it was as if his brother was trapped under all those sheets. Those large machines were starting to look more like monsters in the dark room.

"I'm sorry, Sammy. I'm sorry I let you down," Dean whispered shakily. "We should have waited."

Waiting.

It was all Dean could do now, everything else was out of his hands. He could hope that Sam would find his way back to him, but he also had to accept that painful wait.

If Dean hadn't been so stupid, Sam would have been here with him. Sam might have been pissed at him, but he at least he would have been breathing normally.

Why hadn't he made them wait? He should have gotten through to Sam sooner. He should have talked to him much sooner.

Why had he ignored all those signs that had been so painfully obvious? Sam had been right in front of him, trying to deal with Jessica's death by himself, simply refusing to open up to him.

Behind those eyes that sometimes looked inhumanly large, they had only held shadows of pain.

Hope had been something that was always in Sam's presence, but after his girlfriend died it had been swept away replaced by something resembling misery.

Dean had been worried it would slowly kill Sam not to open up, and it had turned out that if Dean had made more effort, Sam wouldn't be lying in a hospital bed right now.

It was Dean's fault, and his alone. He'd failed to protect that one person he'd swore he'd always look after, the one person who had always mattered more to him than anything else.

"Sammy," Dean said brokenly, moving closer to Sam's face. "You have to come back. You hear me? I don't care what it takes, but you have to come back." Dean's hand brushed away the unruly curls from Sam's eyes, as that burning sensation in his eyes returned. "How…how am I…" he faltered. "Things just aren't the same without my pain-in-the-ass little brother." Dean tried to crack a smile, but he couldn't manage it while his brother couldn't even respond.

The sight of his brother lying there, with that sound of air that wasn't his own just about shattered Dean's heart.

What if he didn't wake up?

Dean had pushed that thought out of his head the minute it kept resurfacing, never wanting to think about it for more than a second.

When Sam had been unconscious, that fear had kept looming over him. It was piercing itself into his mind, leaving his body numb and cold.

Just like that, it was as if Dean couldn't breathe anymore. Something had stolen all his air from his body.

It felt as if he was trying to swallow ice, but nothing happened. That large chunk of ice was just there, not moving, just reminding him of how serious everything was.

"Sammy...I'll be back okay? There is something I have to do, but I'm not leaving." It hurt to leave his brother like that. Helplessness tore at something within him. "I'll never leave you, kiddo."

Unlike someone else.

Even though he knew Sam was safe now, he didn't dare to be away from him too long. He just couldn't take that chance.

But there was something he had to do. It had been lurking in the back of his mind, but now when he saw Sam lying before him, he knew it couldn't wait.

Dean knew how rocky it had been between his father and brother. He'd heard every argument leading up to every fight, but he also knew that behind that bitterness for the other's actions, there was still that hidden unconditional love.

Dean had always thought that what came before hunting, before anything, was family. He'd never thought the day would come when he'd be proven wrong.

It was the reason for why he strode determinedly to the entrance of the hospital, thoughts of Sam still touching his mind.

oooOOOooo

The battery was only half full as his fingers hit the buttons in a rush. As he walked up the stone stairs, he could see the action of the ambulances coming with new patients.

"Hello," John Winchester answered.

Dean forced himself not to give in to that anger he felt the moment he'd heard his father answer. He didn't know the reason for why he had been absent when Sam's life had been hanging on a thread.

"Dad," Dean breathed. "It's me."

"Dean... where are you? Is Sam alright?" There was a hitch in his voice when he spoke his youngest son's name.

But Dean barely noticed. "Where the hell are you anyway?"

"I don't care much for your tone, boy."

"Yeah? I don't really give a damn," Dean said, not bothering to conceal the fury in his voice. "What can be so important that you can't pick up the phone and call!?"

"I've come closer to finding the thing that killed Mary, Dean. I can't just..."

"Why the hell not? Are you trying to tell me that hunting actually comes before finding out whether your son is alright or not?!"

"I was planning..."

But Dean cut him off again. "I guess you'll be happy to know that he's come dangerously close to dying twice now," Dean yelled. It didn't matter if it was cruel. He didn't care about what his dad was thinking right now. "He slipped into a coma yesterday."

"I'm going to try to be there, Dean."

"Try? Trying is not good enough. You're acting as if whatever you're hunting right now, is more important than your own son."

"You used to think this was important too," John growled.

"I did...I do. But nothing comes before Sam, Dad. Nothing."

When he heard his father's voice, trying to defend himself, there was a fire of rage burning within Dean.

"I'll be there, Dean." John sighed. "It'll just take..."

"You know what? Don't bother. If you're not even going to make an effort to actually be here, and show that you actually care, then you might as well not come at all.

"You're not serious!"

"Oh, I am serious." Dean was so furious, he felt like banging his fist through that white brick wall. "Just tell me one thing. Where were you when Sam needed you? Where the hell were you when he reached the bottom? Or all those other times he needed you? You weren't there, but I was. So don't you talk to me about being serious."

"He's my son, Dean."

"If you really wanted to see him, you would have."

All that anger he had once felt towards his father but pushed away, was now coming up towards the surface.

"You can't stop me from seeing Sam. It's not your choice to make."

"It is my choice. And if you try to come near him, if you try to visit, I'll kick you out myself."

"You can't do that, Dean. I need to see Sam. I'm his father," John said, seriously.

"You're not the one who's taken care of him all your life," Dean said his voice low with emotion. "I have."

"You know I had a responsibility."

"I know you did, but you had a responsibility to us too."

There was a long silence.

"For God's sake Dean, this is getting ridiculous."

"If you said that what you did was wrong, then I would have forgiven you, but you can't expect me to forgive you when you couldn't even bother to pick up the phone."

"Dean..."

"Goodbye, Dad," Dean said, pushing the button that cut the call.

He knew he'd been harsh with his father, even now he wondered if it was the right thing to do but as he was walking towards Sam's room again, he couldn't help feeling as if he had done the right thing for Sam. Because if his father's presence would upset Sam in any way, he knew he wouldn't have it.

Dean was used to protecting Sam, even from his dad, and if that was what it would take for Sam to get better then he would do it.

oooOOOooo

"But, Dad, this is important, and I can hunt anytime but this time."

Dean stared at his 14-year-old brother, obviously trying to win a battle with their father.

"I told you Sam," John said, irritated. "We need you on this hunt. That's all there is to it."

Sam bristled. "That's all you care about isn't it? Nothing can get in the way of your hunting. But guess what Dad?, I don't even like hunting!"

"It doesn't matter if you like it or not. We have a job to do and we're all going. I thought you'd be happy to get out of studying."

"I like to study," Sam said, his eyes getting that glow they always had when he told Dean about something he read. "It's the way that I am."

"It will just have to wait, Sam. This hunt is important, and you should be more invested in it, seeing as it has to do with saving lives."

"It's always about saving lives," Sam muttered.

"Dad, what are we hunting?" Dean asked, trying to catch Sam's gaze, but he looked away.

"A Demon," John said. When he saw Dean's apprehensive look he added, "We're meeting up with Caleb."

Dean didn't know what it was but something in his father's eyes made Sam speak. "Just because you save lives, doesn't mean Mom will come back," he said quietly.

"What did you say?" John asked, shocked.

"Nothing," Sam said nervously.

John grabbed Sam's arm, shaking him and Dean silently wondered when Sam became way too smart for his own good.

"Dad!"

"You're coming on this hunt, Sam," John gritted out, angrily. "That's the end of it."

"Dad, stop it, alright! You're hurting him."

Dean placed himself between his little brother and his father, who was still holding onto Sam, shaking his arm roughly.

"He should learn not to talk about his mother like that."

"I'm sorry." Dean could hear Sam's voice from behind him.

"He's just a kid, Dad. You're not allowed to hurt him."

He could feel Sam tugging on the back of his shirt, and he turned around.

"Tell him I don't want to hunt tonight," he whispered.

"We're all going on this hunt, Sam. I'm not changing my mind," John said harshly.

"Fine," Sam muttered, heading for the door to his room and slamming it shut.

"Sammy!" Dean yelled.

But Sam was already gone, and all Dean could feel was that heavy feeling of not being enough.

oooOOOooo

When Dean walked into Sam's room, he could see Mariah's form bent over his brother, injecting something into his IV.

"How is he?"

She looked at him, as she rearranged the bag with liquid that flowed into Sam's body. "There's no change, I'm afraid. The doctor will check him tomorrow for new signs of improvement."

"That's good," Dean said, quietly.

"Everything looks fine here." She regarded him silently. "You should get some rest and come back tomorrow."

"No," Dean said, immediately. "I can't leave him...there's no one else."

If Mariah wondered what he meant, she didn't say anything. She just gave him a little nod before she left the room.

"You hear that, Sammy? I'm not leaving," Dean turned to Sam, gently putting his hand to the side of his face. "And I swear, if you even think about looking at that light, I'll kick your ass."

He didn't know much about what people experienced when they were comatose, but Dean knew about that light that could just pop up out of nowhere and swallow you.

It terrified him that this time there was nothing he could do for Sam, wherever he was. He just wasn't in control of what could happen.

There had been times where he was used to being in control, because it was his responsibility that Sam would never get hurt. He was used to being in control in a situation where he saw danger.

But now he wasn't.

Sam was alone now, and the only hope Dean had was that his voice would reach through to his brother, that it could pull him out of wherever he was.

"If you'd just wake up, I promise I'll never let you get hurt again."

It was a promise he'd made to himself.

Dean had always been there to break Sam's fall, but now he hadn't been able to. He'd let him fall like a solid rock into the bottom of the ocean.

oooOOOooo

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