Say My Name
AN: Song: Wasted by Zebrahead: /song lyrics/
Chapter Four: Wasted
He stumbled into the metallic living room of the Bebop to be greeted by a singing red head jumping around bouncing off the walls.
"Spike-person and Faye-Faye walkin' in da roooooom!" She bounced in front of him as he glared at her.
"Ed shhhh, not to loud! Can you do me a favor?" He asked as Faye shifted in his arms to look at Ed. Spike moved his hand into Faye's coat pocket and pulled the plastic bag from the cloth's depth. Ed looked at the bag and grabbed it holding to her face so close her eyes crossed. "Can you tell me what was in this bag?" Spike kneeled down to look at Ed through her green goggles. Ed nodded happily as Faye grinned idiotically in her own world of hopped up bliss.
'No pain. No hurt. Just his arms……' He straightened up as Ed ran off holding her arms out like an airplane vrooming away.
/Gotta get up
Gotta open my eyes/
Spike walked over to the gold tinted couch and sat Faye down on it in a sitting position. He bent over looking at her face.
"Faye promise me you won't go to sleep ok?" He looked at her eyes as the stared blankly into his. Her eyes, they were so empty, so glassy, so emotionless. Her head lulled as she nodded understanding his words as they echoed in her head. He sat down next to her looking forward at the fuzzy screened T.V.
/I'm swimming through this haze
That's been around me for days/
Her head was swimming with strange feelings. She felt hot in her coat as sweat began to drip from her forehead. She looked around the room as the walls started to move and defy gravity. She giggled seeing the metal ceiling under her feet.
/Don't wanna come down/
She didn't want to face reality, she didn't want to face all that pain and rejection, she didn't want to face him.
/But you were always around/
But there he was sitting next to her.
/And everyone's so strange
There is nothing that they can change/
But she couldn't change what happened.
/Take my hand/
Faye's hand was on the cushion of the couch as she stared at his profile. She couldn't help loving how close she was to him. She looked away as she felt a warm finger touch the back of her hand. Her eyes snapped to the spot of contact. She saw his hand covering hers as he grasped it.
/Show me how this all fits in your plan/
What great plan did that night fit into? What cosmic joke was this life she was leading? Did the act of the previous night have any meaning to her future? Was it the future, or just the past?
/Understand
That I don't need you/
She thought she could live with out any one, any man for that matter…then she met Spike…
/I just need to
Feel how does it feel/
She grinned as she looked at his face. She shifted around so her head was in his lap looking up at him. She let her hands rest on her chest caressing his that she held. He didn't make any attempts to pull it away as Faye began to speak.
"Your hands are so big……" She brought his hand to her face and covered her pale skinned countenance with it. She held his wrist as she breathed in deeply.
/To crush the world in two/
"You could crush anything in them; you could crush my face right now, or snap my neck like a twig." She moved his hand to wrap around her throat. She kept her gaze on his had as he stared down at her with worried eyes. "Or…" She brought his hand to her chest and held it there as it rose and fell in time with her breathing. "…you could rip my heart in two…if you wanted to."
/One last time/
"…again…" she whispered to herself. His face was puzzled as her gaze flicked back up to him. His miss-matched eyes searched hers as she picked his hand up and held it against hers. Her fingertips came up to the beginning of his. He bent them over hers as she laughed.
/And I
Am wasted/
A smile flashed over his lips for a moment as she laughed. He knew it was just a side effect of the drugs, he didn't know if what she said was true or not.
/Feel how does it feel
To scream without a sound/
"Have you ever wanted to scream until you couldn't anymore?" Her voice was icy cold as she asked the question. She let go of his hand and he brought it to her forehead, he felt the sweat on it as he tried to wipe it away.
"Yeah……" he whispered as she rolled over facing away from him looking at his knees as one of them bounced nervously. She placed her hand on it as he stopped.
"I did……last night."
/One more time
And I'm/
She stopped and grinned.
"And don't think it was because you were so good." She pressed her head against his pelvis as he moved back slightly shocked. She was floating back in and out of seriousness. Jet walked in and stopped in the doorway.
"Spike?" He asked as Spike waved him away. Jet shook his head as he walked away back to his bonsai trees.
/Still wasted/
She knew what she was saying but couldn't fully understand the impact of her words or what Spike would think of them.
/Get me away
I'm thinking maybe someday
You'll find out who I am/
"Spike you've neva seen the real me……" she rolled back over her face looking up at him.
/But you don't give a damn/
"…and I bet you don't give a damn……" She pressed her face against his crotch as his knee began to bounce uncontrollably.
/Closing my eyes
It's all the same to me/
She shut her eyes tight as she breathed heavily. She just wanted him to love her like she loved him…but he is still in love with a ghost and she didn't know if she could compete with his blond angel.
She held the tears back as she spoke her harsh words. "Faye…don't say that."
/What I don't want to know/
She wanted to know what he saw her as, a human being capable of loving, or just a vile shrew that had no emotion.
/Is what I'm not going to see/
But she would never see what she wanted to.
/Watch the world stop
I drop put my finger on it
Thinking back to the day you said/
"Spike……" She moaned again. He took her shoulders and sat her up.
"Faye you can't think straight. Your burning up." She glared at him as she stood up. She wobbled as she straddled his lap taking off her jacket and throwing it to the floor.
/I could get up on it/
Faye leaned her head on his shoulder as Ed bounced in.
"Spike-person! Faye-Faye took heroin! An old Earth drug." Ed wiggled her arms trying to be spooky as she wavered her voice dramatically. "Faye-Faye's gonna be GOOOOOFY!…….but goofy should go bye bye soon soon!" Ed came over to them and looked at Faye's arm. "Faye-Faye was bad bad! Keep Faye-Faye away from the bad bad stuff and Faye-Faye won't be addicted to it! Ed is gonna go look it up some more for Spike-person." Ed ran off to research some more.
/Say that you have changed
I'm the same just a little loaded
Comin' in out of phase lost my place/
"People can, maybe, sometimes change Spike, did you know that? But it's more than just saying it, it's showing it." Faye whispered against his neck as his gazed shifted to the top of her head.
"I don't know if I have or not…cause I don't know how I used to be. I don't know anything of my past." He felt a drop of water spill down his neck as she wrapped her arms around his neck.
/Now I know I've blown it
Fall into a sea of your distress/
She had blown her façade long before this; she had blown it when she let him see her cry. That was when he saw her whole.
/And I confess that
I take less than your best/
But she didn't know if he could take a woman that was damaged. She knew she could take him damaged and hurt, the way Julia left him, his half shell cynical self.
/But you don't want
To give it away today/
"Faye forget the past, live for the future. The past is behind you." She moved back and looked into his eyes. He saw her life returning to those emerald pools.
/Blue sky gray
Nothing that you say
Take another trip
Take another fall
Take it all away/
"How can I when my future doesn't want to forget his own past." She didn't know if he would see what she was saying or just let is pass untouched.
/Take my hand
Show me how this all fits in your plan
Understand/
"Spike I'll tell you why I wanted to scream." She was going to tell him what he said that crushed her heart.
/That I don't need you
I just need to
Feel how does it feel
To crush the world in two/
"You took your hands and crushed me." She wasn't thinking straight.
/One last time
And I
Am wasted
Feel how does it feel
To scream without a sound/
"You took your words and killed me." His eyes begged her to go on, but he could see the pain it was causing her to say these words. He could see how much whatever he had said actually hurt her so bad.
/One more time
And I'm
Still wasted/
She was wasted and didn't know the impact of her words. "You used me." Her eyes burned as she continued. "You said you loved her to me. You told…" she took a deep breath as closed her eyes tears burning beneath her lids. "You told Julia you loved her…to me. You saw her, but used my body…" Her head spun as the heat took over her body, the sweat was pouring from her brow as she broke down before him.