A/N: This chapter has taken much longer than I had hoped! I promise there is more to this story than them sneaking around in each other's rooms as well – starting in the next chapter ;) Thanks to all those who took the time to review, I'm glad you are enjoying :).
Chapter 4.
Dinner. Why on earth had he suggested dinner? Kirk paced around his quarters like a nervous teenager. It felt like a date, and he was feeling almost ridiculously anxious. He was still struggling to comprehend what was happening, where these feelings had come from but also the fact that they appeared to be shared by Spock. His First Officer currently did not appear to be acting traditionally Vulcan, as he was definitely more emotive than Kirk had realised, he smirked at the thought of being the one to bring out Spock's human side. He marvelled at the control the other must have to be able to keep control of his feelings and a tiny shiver rippled down his spine at the thought of bearing witness to the Vulcan losing even some of that control.
He groaned and tried to think about something else, still slightly uneasy that thinking about Spock in such a way was arousing to him. They may have kissed but he had no idea where it was leading from here - where he wanted it to lead, if he wanted it to lead anywhere at all - and what about Spock? What were his thoughts on it all? He was well practiced at keeping his emotions hidden and in this circumstance this was distinctly to Kirk's disadvantage.
He tugged nervously at the bottom of the black sweatshirt he was wearing, Starfleet didn't exactly offer a great variety of outfits and this was the best he could think of. He walked over to the replicator, his fingers moving easily over the controls as he tried to decide what his vegetarian dinner companion would be likely to prefer. After a few moments of scrolling through some delicacies which Jim thought sounded simply disgusting he decided to wait and let Spock make the decision himself, jumping at the sound of the Vulcan requesting entry to his quarters.
Spock entered the room and looked around in surprise at what he saw.
Jim had dimmed the lights and set the small table to the right of the room for dinner for two, right down to a candle, its flame flickering gently.
"Captain I am sure you are aware you should not have open flames in enclosed spaces, they are a distinct fire hazard."
Kirk had to fight back a laugh, of all the things to notice and comment on Spock had to choose the candle.
"Relax Spock, it's not a real candle, it's an imitation, it just looks like a real flame, see?" Jim demonstrated by holding one of his fingers to the flame proving it held no danger.
"Fascinating," proclaimed Spock as Kirk moved his hand away, a small smile playing on the human's lips; the Vulcan was a master at ice breaking without even knowing it.
"Are the lights to your room malfunctioning, Captain?"
Kirk turned to face Spock, noticing the confusion on his face, this time unable to hold back the laugh bubbling inside him at the query.
"No, not at all Spock, I was just trying to create a pleasant atmosphere, it's something we humans like to do, and please my name is Jim."
Noticing Spock about to pursue the topic further and not wishing to go into more detail, Kirk cleared his throat and changed the subject.
"I thought it would be best if we made our own dinner selections, I know your tastes are somewhat different to mine and I have to admit I did not know what to choose."
Spock nodded, "Thank you Cap……Jim, I did not expect you to make such a decision on my behalf anyway."
After making their selections they sat at the small table, both concentrating intently on the food in front of them, conversation at a minimum.
Jim shifted uncomfortably in his seat at the silence, watching the other eat. His own fork was frozen unknowingly in his hand, admiring the way Spock appeared to have a complete lack of nerves regarding the situation and was apparently immune to the tension in the air which was all too evident to Kirk.
Feeling the need to break the silence he thought desperately for something to say.
"So, um, I assume there have been no further difficulties in getting the data reports sent nightly to Starfleet?" The words sounding pretty lame even to his own ears.
Spock raised his head with something akin to amusement shining in his dark eyes.
"Captain, I'm sure if all you wished to discuss were data reports we wouldn't be sitting eating at a table lit by imitation candle light in the privacy of your quarters."
Jim's jaw dropped and he stared at Spock open mouthed, he had thought the date like conditions had gone unnoticed by the Vulcan from his earlier comments, he was obviously mistaken, but who would have thought Spock could be so dry about it.
"I, um," he could feel a prickly blush making it's way up his neck, and then suddenly he found himself rambling, "I didn't know where to start, I mean what is this? Where has it come from? Where is it going? Is it going anywhere? Christ does either of us even know where anything goes, I mean……"
He broke off wondering where the hell the normal eloquence to his speech had disappeared to.
One corner of Spock's mouth rose, a sign Kirk was beginning to recognise as the Vulcan equivalent of a smile.
I can assure you I wish I could provide you with answers to some, if not all of your questions, but I am afraid that you are simply voicing the same thoughts as those which are causing me a great deal of meditation, and to no avail."
Kirk sighed, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand before leaning on it against the table.
"Ok, so how do we even begin to work this thing out?"
"I do not know…Jim." Kirk smiled at Spock calling him by his first name and relaxed his posture, only just realising how tense he had become.
"When I kissed you the other night, I didn't even know I was going to," Kirk admitted, "but once I had started I didn't want to stop, something about it just felt right."
Spock interrupted, "My thoughts on that evening are inclining towards the opinion that you shouldn't have stopped."
"But you weren't responding, I..." Kirk blustered, not knowing how to finish the sentence.
"I had never found myself in such a situation before, I did not know how to respond, and I felt a confliction in what to do, a confliction finally resolved earlier today."
"Meaning?"
"Meaning since our meeting earlier today, which I found most acceptable, I have managed to reach the conclusion that having been given the opportunity I would have responded to your endeavours on that previous evening."
Kirk closed his eyes briefly as he took a deep breath, "So what is this between us?"
"I do not believe I have a name for it Jim," even Spock was surprised at how easily the Captain's first name was slipping from his lips. "I have never come across emotions like this before and I am unable to process their meaning clearly, all I can say to you is I feel a growing affection towards you."
"And I you," Jim responded, unthinkingly stretching his hand across the table to take Spock's in his own.
He had intended it as the simple human gesture that it was, but it caused Spock's eyelids to flicker, his fingers moving to entwine with Kirk's. They stayed like that for several minutes, the only contact between them the slip and slide of the fingers on their left hands. Kirk studied how different caresses and strokes brought about variations to Spock's subtle reactions. He felt his arousal growing as Spock's lips parted to allow a long exhale of breath when his fingertips made a trail over the back of the Vulcan's hand.
Reluctantly Jim pulled his fingers free; as much as watching Spock react to him was exhilarating he knew it wasn't helping to solve anything for either of them.
"Ok, so we don't have a name for whatever this is, but is it going somewhere?" Noticing the confusion on Spock's face at his choice of expression he continued, "I mean do you see this progressing as a relationship?"
"Vulcans take any form of relationship seriously Jim and this would certainly not be seen as a logical relationship for any Vulcan male to enter into."
Kirk couldn't help laughing gently, "There's a shocker," he said dryly.
Spock continued, "However it is not unheard of, sometimes it is not possible to choose who you form a bond with, and that is what I am discovering with you."
Jim sat quietly, not knowing how to respond, this was such alien territory for him in so many ways, he rarely did relationships, let alone discussions on how he felt about another, yet here he was doing just that and with Spock, of all people. The universe certainly worked in mysterious ways.
"So do we just take this step by step and see where it leads?"
"It appears to be the only sensible thing we can do."
"Well we could just get down to it?" Kirk tilted his head to one side and winked at the Vulcan.
Spock noticeably tensed, "Captain, Vulcan's certainly do not enter into that kind of relationship lightly."
Kirk threw the Vulcan a teasing grin as his confidence began to return, this was more familiar turf for him.
"Ah, but you are only half Vulcan Mr Spock, I'm sure there is another side buried deep inside of you just waiting to be unleashed," Jim stood and walked around the table so that he was standing over his First Officer an infuriating smirk now playing at his lips.
Spock rose from his chair and matched Kirk's stance, "There is a reason that Vulcans, even half Vulcans have to maintain a strong grip on their emotions," he said lowly.
Kirk felt a momentarily flicker of fear which almost immediately turned into a frisson of excitement, all the time marvelling at the control shining from Spock's eyes. He swallowed hard.
"If you are trying to warn me off, that is definitely the wrong way to go about it," He rasped.
"I am just trying to advise you of what could be involved should this relationship progress," Spock replied levelly.
"I'll take my chances," Jim said his voice still rough. His mind was reeling as, unable to resist, he slowly ran a hand down Spock's chest, feeling the hard angles beneath the fabric.
"There is so much I want to do to you, with you," He said, unable to keep his growing need from his voice, looking up as a hot Vulcan hand took a hold of his wrist to prevent it moving lower, watching the faint green blush spread across the Vulcan's skin.
"We will have plenty of time once our duties with the Elasian envoy have been fulfilled." Spock's voice was quiet, and frustratingly for Kirk, still betrayed no emotion. He grasped the other's wrist tighter as Kirk tried to tug it out of the Vulcan's grip. "Please Jim, do not make this difficult for either of us, the time is not right and as you have said this is something to be taken slowly. I do not want to mislead you into thinking I am willing or able to do otherwise."
Kirk nodded, the liaison with the Elasians was something he had been looking forward to since the Enterprise had been requested to make the rendezvous, however he was beginning to wish their arrival at their destination was not quite so imminent. His shoulders sagged with defeat as he said, "Is there a possibility that you are ever wrong?" He said, his tone frustrated but his eyes alight with humour.
"Being that all my thinking is done on a logical and balanced basis I would have to conclude that that is not a possibility." The corners of Spock's mouth twitched into the widest smile Kirk had seen yet, making the human laugh and shake his head in mock despair watching as Spock's dark eyes studied his face intently.
"Jim, please understand it is most difficult for me to express my feelings towards you in a manner I would like to."
The human responded by taking the other's hand in his own, squeezing it gently before tracing apparently random patterns over the back of Spock's hand, as a way of response, an impish look crossing his features as Spock started with surprise, pulling his hand free.
"I can sense that I may come to regret informing you of the sensitivity of a Vulcan's hands."
"Don't worry I will be discreet," he assured the Vulcan, "and speaking of discretion I assume you are in agreement in keeping these developments in our…friendship to ourselves for the time being."
"Absolutely Jim, I see no benefit in either of us becoming the subject of idle gossip from the crew, it will not help with either the matter in hand or the forthcoming mission."
Kirk smiled, he had known that being discreet would not prove an issue for Spock. He looked around him as he said, "This isn't exactly how I thought the evening would go," gesturing to the table next to them and his barely touched food, "although I feel it has been….helpful?"
"I am in agreement Jim, I am most satisfied that we are thinking along the same terms in regards to our situation. "
Jim was startled as Spock's comment was followed by him leaning forward and tentatively pressing their lips together. Kirk responded, his lips parting under the heat of Spock's, savouring the feel of the Vulcan's tongue against his own. He could feel his arousal from earlier growing stronger as he licked all around Spock's mouth, occasionally letting their tongues battle together before continuing on his mission to taste as much of the Vulcan as possible. Knowing that if he continued he would find it almost impossible to stop he pulled away after a few more moments, letting his fingers trail against his First Officer's as he stepped back. He looked at the floor as he tried to steady his breathing before looking up, his deep blue gaze still betraying his arousal as it met the, now even darker, stare coming from the Vulcan.
"Yes, you can be certain of that and I think I can honestly say you are doing fine in showing me how you feel." He said huskily.
Spock swallowed hard at the look in Kirk's eyes. "I am of the belief I should go and meditate once again, I am coming to the conclusion I shall need as much time as is possible."
Kirk nodded, not trusting himself to move as he struggled to control the want he could still feel coursing through him.
"I hope you have a restful night Jim."
Taking a deep breath Kirk managed a weak smile, "and I you Spock."
Kirk waited until the doors drew closed behind the Vulcan before muttering to himself, "I need to go shower," making his way to the bathroom with a sigh.
Tbc