Nothing Is What It Seems To Be

Chapter 4

Disclaimer: JE owns them I get to take them out to play

"Come on Ric, let's go up and get some lunch. We should have plenty of time before Steph brings my Mom home. If you don't want to see Steph you can come down and play with the guns while she is here. She won't be here long. I have it planned that Angie Morelli might drop over for coffee - that will set Steph running! Oh, by the way, Angie and I were best friends in high school and are still very good friends."

Helen placed a salad of field greens and grilled chicken in front of me with a cruet of balsamic vinegar. Then she let the first zinger go…

"Ricardo, I need to know what your intentions are regarding my daughter. I am fully prepared to continue with my explanation but, I need to know how you feel about Steph and please don't give me that bullshit about your life not lending itself to relationships. I have just spent over 7 hours explaining part of my very complex life and how I have fit all the relationships together in it. So save the bullshit - this is the real deal and you have to own up to a very dangerous mother. I can promise you - you don't want ME messing in your life, you just came from a little demonstration of what I can and will do. You are a babe in the woods compared to me and the power I yield. So I repeat the bullshit stops here."

"Helen, I love Stephanie. I have never had a relationship with another woman like I have with Steph. I want her in my future, I want her as my wife and I want her to be the mother of my children as long as that is what she wants. But, first I have to know where she stands with Morelli. I am done with mandated government contracts. My contract is fulfilled - it ended with Herr Schmidt. I can choose my missions now if I want them. But, I won't pursue a relationship and watch her run back to Morelli with your encouragement. I'm tired of watching you push this relationship with Morelli till Steph is half crazy with the pressure you exert on her."

"Don't misjudge me Helen - I will be a worthy adversary if that is what you want - I too have a great sphere of influence."

"I really like you Ricardo, it's good to know you have finally pulled your head out of your ass concerning my daughter. You're not afraid to stand your ground with me - it's going to take a strong man to stand beside my little girl. That's all I need to know - now I will finish my story."

"I married Frank when I was 24. Frank is a good man, he is honest, faithful, quiet, and trustworthy. I needed a man exactly like him. Everyone in the Burg, with the exception of Mary Beth thinks that Valerie is my child. Valerie is Frank's daughter from his first marriage. Valerie's mother died in childbirth. Frank couldn't cope after Lisa's death and didn't know what to do with an infant. Lisa, his wife, was my best friend. I had been a bridesmaid in their wedding. They were living in Maryland at the time I lived in the same apartment complex. Frank and I decided to get married. It wasn't a romantic decision, it was a practical solution. Valerie need a mother and I needed to help take care of Lisa's child. The man I did love refused to include me in his life. Marrying Frank gave me protection in that it covered me from my past pursuit of my parent's killers. No one would suspect the boring girl from the Burg who worked as a 'secretary.'

"We married when the war in Vietnam was in full swing. They had the draft back then. When Frank got his notice to report he went for the physical and was declared 4F. This meant he could never serve his country because he had a heart defect, not life threatening but not acceptable to be in the Army."

"When I heard the rumors and stories recently that he was being portrayed as an officer in the service, a Ranger, a Black Ops operator - code name Havoc or a war hero I was flabbergasted. Frank's skill with a weapon of his choice is his knife and his victim is his twice a week pot roast. His focus is so great he does not lift his eyes from his victim till it is dead and drowned in a sea of brown gravy. Frank is a good man and through the years we have learned to love each other. He loves our girls. Frank is content working in the Post Office."

"We moved back to New Jersey when I got pregnant. My pregnancy was horrible. I had morning sickness all day - everyday for the whole 9 I was 3 months pregnant I had an emergency appendectomy. Six months later I had an emergency C section. I woke up in the intensive care unit with the doctor and Frank standing beside me. Frank was crying. We had twins, our baby son didn't survive but Stephanie had. The doctors explained she was a miracle. There would be no more babies for me and Frank. Frank was devastated, he had lost his love Lisa in childbirth and his son with me. Steph was the most beautiful baby I had ever see. Porcelain skin, a light covering of brown curls and the most amazing blue eyes. She was also the terror of the newborn nursery. She screamed all day - not a whimper - but a loud, angry and demanding scream. I didn't care. I loved her and was fiercely protective. When she was 4 days old we were still in the hospital when William was buried. I never got a chance to see him, hold him but, oh how I loved that little boy. Even in my joy with Stephanie my arms were empty and my heart was breaking. After the service our priest came to me in the hospital. He brought me peace with the words to comfort a grieving mother. William would be Stephanie's guardian angel, she would never be alone, she would be protected and he would whisper in her ear to guide her and keep her safe. William would certainly earn his wings protecting his sister. Stephanie has my instincts but she also has William watching out for her. She calls it her "Spidey Sense" I know it is her brother's whispers."

"Ricardo, I'm going to give you a glimpse into Steph as a baby. She rolled over at 3 weeks. The pediatrician didn't believe me till he saw her do it at her 1 month check up. She crawled at 5 months and could crawl up steps. I found this out when I put her on a blanket in the living room, went to get her bottle. I returned to the living room to find Valerie pointing up the steps. There she was at the top of the steps looking down with a big smile. At 9 months she took off on a run one day. There was no holding on to furniture, faltering steps - just stood up and took off running."

I stopped my story and looked up at Ricardo and the smile on his face. All he said to me was..

"What happened? I can't talk her into running now unless I bribe her with Boston Crème doughnuts."

I smiled as I refilled his coffee cup..

"Bribery is good for Steph. Why do you think I bake so many pineapple upside down cakes."

"Steph learned to do midair summersaults by bouncing on her bed. I enrolled her in gymnastics at the age of 4. Child protective services had been called by the emergency room doctors. The clerk in the emergency room didn't need to see our medical cards, they knew our number by heart. Steph knew the name of every orderly, nurse and doctor. Luckily for me, the caseworker was in our house investigating when Steph wearing her baby blanket as a cape attempted to fly down the banister and do a midair flip into the foyer. She did not do a graceful dismount and with the speed she had picked up she plastered herself to the wall looking like a Garfield stuffed animal stuck on a window. As I picked her up she kept mumbling 'It's not my fault Mommy it was my blankies fault' This time the caseworker accompanied us to the ER and verified she had seen for herself our little daredevil in action. The investigation was completed and closed."

She was a challenging child. I loved her spirit and zest for life. Her spirit that so closely resembled mine. No matter what I asked her to do she would always do it 'My way Mommy my way' or when havoc reigned as a result of doing it her way 'It's not my fault Mommy'

I met Ricardo's eyes and he told me "Something's never change."

"When she was six, Joey Morelli dared her to a game of 'choo choo' in his garage. Never one to turn down a challenge she followed him. Valerie came running home and told me. I ran down the alley and into the garage to find Joey under her pinafore with his hands going where they shouldn't. This was not a case of 'doctor' you show me yours and I'll show you mine.'

I dragged him into his house to Angie. It was the middle of the afternoon. I didn't think that bastard of a husband of hers, John, would be home.

I knew he hit her but, in my naivety I didn't imagine he would hit his little boy. While I was telling Angie about what happened he came into the room. I could smell the alcohol and I saw Angie's face. I looked at Joey - I saw fear, he stood there backed up against the wall and wet his pants. God Help me-I was so afraid of this man as he staggered up to me with his fist raised yelling - I picked up Steph and ran out the door. In my fear to get my baby away from this man I didn't think to grab Joey. I will never get over hearing the screams from that house and my guilt. Joey was out of school for 10 days. When he returned he had a broken arm and a broken look in his eyes.

I looked at Ricardo - "I pray to God for forgiveness for being such a coward that day. I didn't protect Joey."

"Stephanie loved heights, the higher the better. Somewhere between 6 and 8 Steph decided she was Wonder Woman. She would sit for hours on the peak of the garage roof with a pillowcase clothespinned to her shirt staring off into the distance. The baby blanket had been put in her dresser when she figured it was the reason for her flying failures. I had given up trying to stop her from climbing on the garage roof but I would station myself looking out the kitchen window. One summer afternoon I was praying for an answer on how to get Steph to cooperate and praying for patience if she didn't. I saw her stand up and look down and then she started to talk to someone. I ran out the door yelling at Steph to sit down and then I heard Joey Morelli say…

"You can't fly you are a girl -only boys can fly"

"Uh Oh…never let it be said Steph ever turned down a dare especially from Joey. Before I could utter another sound she shouted 'I can to fly!'

She took off at a run and flew for about 5 seconds and then crashed to the ground. Joey ran like hell from the yard. She had knocked herself unconscious and had a compound fracture of her right arm. This resulted in her first hospital stay and the beginning of her lifelong hatred of hospitals. All my baby kept saying to me was 'Mommy I did fly but, it wasn't long enough'."

I looked up at Ricardo when I heard him laugh out loud. I had seen him smirk, I had seen a simple tiny lift of his lips that resembled a smile but, I had never heard him laugh much less a belly laugh that had his shoulders shaking. I guess I looked shocked and I just stared at him. When he got himself under control he told me he had always wondered where her aversion to hospitals started. But, he was sorry to inform me that her love of flying had intensified and she was now a member of the Rangeman parachuting team and competed nationally. She was one of the top women in the country for doing freefalls and acrobatics in the air.

Dear God in heaven, things turned dark. I saw spots and then everything was black. When I came to I was shaking, that little piece of knowledge had escaped my spying. After I was able to pull myself together, Ricardo told me he and his team had over 2000 jumps a piece and were certified instructors. They taught Steph to "fly" but to this day they personally packed her chute and checked all her equipment. They weren't willing to take a chance on her packing her own chute.