AN: Nothing much to say about this one except that it came from a topic in chat and was supposed to be a comic I was too lazy to finish.

It had been a stupid idea. A stupid, stupid, STUPID idea. Trying to change Hao back to a child would just mean that security around him would have been doubled or so, meaning it would be harder to get rid of him.

And beyond that, him practicing the spell while there might have been others around.

So, because of his idiocy, he and Eliza were stuck babysitting the four-year-old versions of his team-mates –all five of them.

Well, four now.

Pirika had decided to take her brother for the day, and Eliza had gone off grocery shopping, so it was just him and the four remaining boys.

He'd never had experience babysitting but, he had to admit, it wasn't so bad. If you gave them coloring books and television, they behaved themselves.

He'd been reading peacefully all evening while they played –only occasionally having to tell them to settle down.

The entire group looked up at a knock at the door.

"Door!" Ryu called cheerfully.

Faust smiled lightly, nodding to them as stood from his seat.

"Just stay there, I'll get it," he told them. He strode across the room and opened the door to reveal a crying Horo Horo.

Faust sighed –this was not what he needed. He picked the child up and brought him into the room, cooing softly, "It's alright, ssh… what's wrong?"

Horo sniffled, "My sister's being real mean," he said, wrapping his arms around Faust's neck and burying his face in the scarf, "She's yelling at me an' I didn't do anything!"

The necromancer sighed, patting the back of Horo's head lightly, "She might just be on her period. There's nothing to worry about."

Horo paused, moving his head to look at Faust, "What's a period?"

Faust blinked, staring at the child, "You don't know what a period is?"

"Nuh uh."

"Any of you?" Faust asked, looking around the group.

They all shook their heads. He tightened a corner of his mouth before slowly letting a smile spread across his face.

He'd always wanted to give 'the talk'. Ever since his father's, well, disturbing one, he'd wanted to prove he could do it better.

There was a possibility that, if Eliza stayed an over-soul, he'd never have children. So, really, this might be his only chance. And it couldn't be said Faust VIII passed up opportunity.

"Well, I'll have to tell you!" He put Horo on the floor and began to draw quick diagrams, "Come children; it's story time!"

All five lit up and crowded around the table eagerly.

"This story is called: What the Hell is Menstruation?"

They giggled, but sat down and listened intently.

"When boys and girls get older, they go through a thing called puberty." He held up a diagram of two naked people, pointing things out as he mentioned them. "With boys, the testicles drop and the penis lengthens. You'll start growing body hair, your voice will drop, and you'll start growing faster as you develop testosterone.

"With girls, they start developing estrogen. The breasts develop and pubic hair starts to grow. However, they also start a process called menstruation.

"This is when the egg finishes it's lifestyle (usually about a month), then begins to break down and come out as blood for three to seven days."

Chocolove blanched, "And they don't die?"

Faust raised an eyebrow, "No, of course not."

"But… they're bleeding so much…"

"Ren's sister isn't dead."

Ren's jaw quivered, "SHE does it too?"

Faust nodded. The child shuddered and curled into himself.

"Anyway, when this happens,. They go through something called PMS. This usually entails cramping, mood swings and cravings…"

"Hey! 'Liza! Did you get that, too?" Yoh asked cheerfully.

Faust paled and looked up from his diagram.

Eliza stood at the door, jaw dropped and hands shaking as they clenched the bag of groceries.

"J-Johann… are you… giving the talk?" she asked hesitantly, eyes darting around the group.

He nodded hesitantly.

She swallowed, then dug through the bag. She pulled out a container and offered it down. "Here, I bought cookies. You can have them if you all forget everything he told you."

They cheered, running over and taking the package.

"Johann? Can I see you outside?" she hissed as put the bag on the counter, grabbed his arm and dragged him out of the room. "What the hell is wrong with you?" she snapped as soon as the door was shut.

"What do you mean? They were asking, and I…"

"They're FOUR!" She snarled at him, "You don't do that until they're ten or so!" She clenched her hair at the roots, "Oh my god, what are we… why… oh god…"

He smiled awkwardly at her, "Eliza, it's not so…"

She held up her hand to silence him, "Just go. I have to try to undo this." She went back into the room and locked him out of it.

The children stared at her, faces covered in cookie crumbs. Eliza sighed before smiling lightly at them. "Not so many, you'll spoil your dinner…" She sat down and sighed irritably at the diagrams Faust had drawn. "Alright, we're going to have to…"

"Why do girls have to do that?" Ren asked softly, keeping his eyes on the ground.

She ran a gentle hand through his hair as she though how best to approach this. "Alright, since you aren't going to forget this, we'll go through it slowly. Let's start with the difference between boys and girls…"

It was two hours later that Eliza finally opened and looked out the door. Faust looked up from where he sat, smiling lightly. She stared at him for a long while.

"Well, I did it right," she said, mouth tightened, "I shouldn't have had to, though."

"Oh," he said, moving over to give her a place. "Did it go well?"

"Fine," she sighed, sitting down next to him and elbowing him softly. "You're way too eager to ever be a father, Johann. If I ever have a child, you don't get to do any of the raising."

He put his arm around Eliza's shoulder, pulling her closer, "At least you're always there to clean up after me."

She laughed softly, "What would you ever have done without me?"

"Die," he said, kissing her on the cheek.

"Yeah, you really would have," she said, looking him over. "Let's go in. And DON'T traumatize them again."

He smirked with a shrug, "I'll try, but I'm so over-eager…"

When she glared fiercely at him, he smiled nervously, "Joking! I'll keep my mouth shut for the rest of the night."

"You're damn right you will," she told him, "Just go eat your udon."

He kissed her again before they stood and went back inside to the children.