I own nothing.

We arrived at an apartment building that looked sleazy. Stu looked at it like it was his worst nightmare.

I patted him on the shoulder "It could be way worse. And who knows you could really like her."

Stu glared at me and started walking up the stairs. We all followed and Alan started talking about how we reminded him of a certain movie.

"It's got uh Ted Danson and Magnum PI and that Jewish actor."

I sighed "Three men and a baby Alan."

Alan smiled "Yeah that's the one. We're three men and a baby except for the fact that we have a woman also."

Stu looked back at him "Shut up, Alan. What room was it again?"

Phil yelled from back of the pack "Its 825."

As we were getting closer the blond woman from the pictures walked out on the phone. As soon as she saw us she lit up.

"I found him. I'll call you back." She hung up and reached for the baby "Thank God, he's with his father. I was freaking out. I missed you, sweetie." She turned to Stu "And I missed you." She leaned over and kissed him aggressively.

Phil nudged me "How come I don't get kissed liked that."

I looked at him with an eyebrow raised.

Jade pulled away from Stu "What the hell happened to you guys?"

Phil smiled at her "Actually we were hoping you could tell us."

"What do you mean? I got up this morning, I went to go get coffee and I came back and you were gone." She looked at Stu "Why are you being so quiet?"

"I'm not being quiet."

"Haha you're so cute. I gotta feed Tyler. Come inside you guys."

Phil put his hand on my lower back and started to lead me inside.

"Did you hear that? Baby's name is Tyler." Alan said from behind us with a tone of disappointment.

Phil looked back at him "Yeah I thought he looked more like a Carlos too, bud."

I chuckled causing Phil to look at me and smile. He held his hand out to me and grabbed it letting him pull me inside with him. We walked over to the couch and sat down next to each other.

Jade smiled at all of us "Would you guys like something to drink? I have water, tea, juice, and some milk."

Stu raised his hand "I wouldn't mind a glass of tea."

She smiled at him and went to go grab him a glass. She poured it and looked at us "Ok, what's up. You guys are acting weird."

Phil let go of my hand and leaned forward "Look, it's Jade right?"

Jade handed Stu the glass "Very funny Phil."

"Right, Jade, uh you remember our friend Doug."

"Are you kidding he was the best man at our weddings."

"Exactly. Well we can't find him and we're getting worried."

"Oh my God, that is so Doug."

I tilted my head in disbelief, one night and the broad thinks she knows everyone in and out.

She twisted a little and Stu saw her left hand. He spit out the tea he just drank.

The baby started crying and Jade started to comfort him "Oh, sweetie, I'm gonna go clean him off. It's alright, daddy didn't mean it."

Phil turned to Stu "What the fuck man, you gotta hold it together."

"Holy shit."

"She is super hot man." I pinched his side "Not as hot as my wife but you should be proud of yourself."

I laughed at the last statement.

Stu looked really freaked out "She's wearing my grandmother's ring!"

"What?"

"The ring I'm gonna give to Melissa. You remember, my grandmother's Holocaust ring?"

"Fuck, ok."

"She's wearing it."

Of course Alan chimed in with "I didn't know they gave rings out at the Holocaust."

Phil and I turned and gave Alan a look.

Jade walked back out with the baby "He's ok. "

I smiled "Oh good."

"He was just hungry, he's fine."

Phil leaned forward "About last night , uhm, do you remember the last time you saw Doug?"

"Uh, I haven't seen him since the weddings."

Phil reached in his pocket for his note "The wedding. Okay. Great. And, uh what time was that at?"

We looked over at Jade who was pulling her shirt down to feed the baby. We all looked away except for Alan.

"Well, it was, um… I guess it was around one, because I had to go back to work and finish my shift. And then when I got out I headed over to the hotel with Tyler."

Phil looked up at her trying not to stare at her exposed boob "And was Doug there then?"

"I didn't see Doug because you guys were passed out. The room was a wreck. So I just curled up next to Stu."

She did a little roar at him and Phil and I laughed.

Stu raised his hand "I got a question. Um, you said when your shift ended. Does that mean you're a nurse? Or a blackjack dealer?"

Jade looked at Stu confused "You know this, I'm a stripper."

Stu mouth closed real tight "Mhm."

"Well technically I'm an escort, but stripping's a great way to meet the clients."

Phil nodded "Smart."

Stu shook his head in disbelief "Savvy."

Jade got a huge smile on her face "But that's all in the past now that I married a doctor."

Phil and I couldn't keep the grins off our faces.

Stu shook his head "I'm just a dentist."

Jade got a confused look on her face. I leaned over Phil and looked at Stu "Now, now. Don't be modest after all aren't you the one that says a dentist is a doctor?"

He looked at me to reply but the door was suddenly busted in and two cops ran in screaming and holding guns at us. The baby started crying and we all raised our hands in the air. The cops made the four of us get up. They put us all in handcuffs and stuffed us in the back of the police car.

We were all chained up in the police station while Phil called Tracy on the pay phone. A cop wandered over to us with a group of school kids that were obviously on a field trip.

"So after we take their mug shots we bring them down here where they wait to be interviewed by the arresting officers. Trust me kids, you do not want to be sitting on these benches. We call this place Loserville."

The kids laughed and the cop led them away. One kid stopped to take a picture with his phone and Alan kicked it away. They glared at each other for a moment before the kid walked away.

I looked at Alan "What was that all about?"

"He didn't ask to take my picture."

I shook my head at Alan and looked at Phil who was trying to convince Tracy that it was a good idea that we stayed an extra night.

I looked back when I heard a cop yell out our last names. Phil hung up with Tracy and the boys tried to untangle themselves. It was funny to watch Stu hop over their arms and Alan to be dragged backwards as we walked to the interrogation room. Once we were in there we were unhand cuffed and told to sit down at the table where a female officer was sitting looking at some papers. A male officer walked in and started talking to us.

"Lady and gentlemen. I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is we found your Mercedes."

Phil and Stu were elated when the officer told us that. I however couldn't shake the weird look he was giving us.

The officer nodded "Yeah, it's over at impound right now. We picked it up at 5 a.m. this morning parked at the Las Vegas Boulevard."

Phil rubbed his mouth "In the middle, that's weird."

The officer nodded "Yeah, that is weird. There was also a note." He pulled out a napkin "It says uh 'Couldn't find a meter but here's 4 bucks.'" He threw the napkin on the table. "The bad news is we can't get you in front of a judge until Monday morning."

Phil looked stunned "Oh, no, uh, officer, that's just impossible. No we need to be in L.A. tomorrow for a wedding."

The female officer leaned forward "You stole a police car."

Stu leaned forward "We didn't steal anything. Um, we found it."

Alan nodded "Yeah, if anything we deserve a reward or something, like a trophy."

I put my head in my heads "I'm dealing with idiots."

The male officer looked at us hard "I see assholes like you every day."

The female officer chimed in "Every fucking day."

The guy turned to his partner and started to imitate dumb tourists "Let's go to Vegas, we'll all get drunk and laid!"

The started making whooing noises and waving their hands around. I leaned back and gave them a weird look.

The guy turned to us "Let's steal a cop car because it'd be really fucking funny."

They stopped and the female officer looked at us hard "Thinking you gonna get away with it. Not up in here."

The guy yelled "NOT UP IN HERE!" at us making me jump.

I nudged Phil to say something "Oh, uh, sir, if I may, um, I'm assuming that that squad car belongs to one of you."

"Yeah."

"Yeah. Look I'm not a cop. I'm no hero. I'm a schoolteacher. But if one of my kids went missing on a field trip that would look really bad on me."

"What are you getting at?"

Stu looked at Phil "Yeah, Phil, what are you getting at?"

Phil smiled that charming smile of his "No one wants to look bad. We gotta get to a wedding and you guys don't need people talking about how some obnoxious tourists borrowed your squad car last night." They officers gave each other a look and I knew that Phil had them "But look, the point is I think we can work out a deal. Discreetly of course ma'am. What do you say?"

The cops looked like they were thinking it over. The female officer pushed a clipboard to her partner and pointed at something on the page. He looked at it and laughed. He looked up at us "Let me ask you a question: Do, uh, any of you have a heart condition or anything like that?"

I furrowed my brows "I do. Why?"

Phil and Stu looked at me weird "You do?"

I shrugged "Yeah I have dilated cardiomyopathy. I've had it since I was a kid. How do you guys not know about it? I mean it's the reason why I barely drink."

Alan nodded "I knew."

I looked at Phil "He knew and you are supposed to be my husband."

Phil just shrugged.

The female officer looked at the guys "The rest of you are good though right?"

Phil nodded "Yeah, why?"

The cops smiled "Then I think we have our deal if you gentlemen agree to help us in a demonstration for the kids today."

The guys nodded and the officers led us to a room and the other officer that was giving the kids their tour led them in and had them sit down.

The male officer stood in front of the kids "Okay kids, you're in for a real treat today. These gentlemen have volunteered to demonstrate how a stun gun is used to subdue a suspect."

I nearly laughed at that and the kids looked impressed. I looked at the guys and they looked worried.

The cop picked up some stun guns "Now, there is two ways to use a stun gun. Up close and personal." While the guys were distracted with each other the cop hit Stu with the hand held one. Stu screamed and dropped. The kids started laughing at his misfortune.

The cop was fiddling with the gun "Or you can shoot it from a distance. Do I have any volunteers? You wanna come up here and do some shooting? Huh?" All the kids rose their hands "All right. How about you young lady. Come on up here. All right." A young girl walked up to the front and the cop turned and faced us "Let's go handsome, come on." Alan started to move forward "Not you fat Jesus, slide it on back. You, pretty boy." Phil got this weird look on his face and walked forward.

The cop turned to the girl "All right it's real simple. All you gotta do is point, aim, and shoot. All right?"

She nodded and he handed her the gun and stepped back.

Phil looked at the girl "Ok look, you really don't wanna do this."

The girl looked at the cop "You can do this just focus."

She nodded and looked back at Phil "Don't listen to this maniac. Let's think this thing through. "

The cop looked at Phil "FINISH HIM!"

The girl shot and got Phil in the junk. The cop started laughing "Yeah! Right in the nuts! That was beautiful."

I knelt down by Phil who was grabbing himself and red in face "Oh honey."

The cop looked at the crowd "Well done. Give her a hand everyone."

Everybody started to clap including Alan. I hissed his name at him to make him stop.

The cop took the gun back from the smiling girl "Good job, well done. That was great. Good. Hey we got one more charge left. Anybody wanna do some shooting up here?"

All the boys rose their hands and the cop pointed out one boy "How about you big man. Come on up here."

The got up and started walking to the front and glared over at Alan. I realized that this was the same kid that Alan had the confrontation with before and knew this was not going to end well.

The cop handed the boy the gun "Okay same instructions. Just point, aim, and shoot."

The cop backed up and the boy faced Alan with the glare still on his face. He slowly rose the gun making the red dot run up Alan's chest. The cop was encouraging him the whole way "There you go. That's the stuff. I like the intensity. Eye of the tiger. Good. You're holding fifty thousand volts little man. Don't be afraid to ride the lightning."

At this point the red dot was on Alan's face and boy shot hitting him in the face. The cop started laughing again "In the face! In the face!" Alan was still standing, although not very steady. "Oh, he's still up. He's still up. All right everybody relax. Take it easy." He picked up the hand held one and got Alan in the neck making him fall over "We've seen it before. He just needs a little extra charge. There we go. Some of these big boys, you gotta give them two shots. All right kids, who wants to get their fingerprints done huh? Alright lets go."

He led all the kids out of the room. His partner, who was still laughing, looked at me "When they can walk again you're free to go. Just hand this to the guys at the impound lot and they'll get you your car." She handed me some paperwork and walked out of the room laughing while I stayed kneeling next to my husband.