Day 1: Afternoon

The first day had been the worst.

After the events of that morning, Kyle had quickly learned that no matter how much he wanted to help or how bad he felt for Stan, there was no possible way to run interference on Stan-gate without worsening the situation instead. He had also quickly learned that half the school had lumped him in with all the rumors. Apparently being a gay kid's best friend was more than enough evidence for a conviction in accordance with playground law. So he kept his distance, focusing on himself. It was stressful, and by lunchtime, he had already taken more than he could handle.

"Hey, guys, what's up?"

"Fuck. You," Kyle said plainly, pointing his finger at a smiling Cartman as his fat friend set down his lunch tray and eased into his usual spot. Stan was off sitting at a table alone with Wendy, the two of them hunched towards each other and speaking in low, strained tones.

"Well, hello to you too, Kahl," Cartman said mildly, popping a french fry into his mouth.

"No, Cartman. Too far. You went too far today. Stan's our friend."

"It was so crazy when Stan came out in front of the whole school today, did you guys see that?" Cartman dipped a handful of his fries into some ketchup wetly. "I wasn't gonna bring it up, cause you know, I didn't want to brag? But I'm super psyched you guys all totally loved my tribute. Stan was so brave today. I really wanted to do something that reflected that courage. I think the spirit of the original song really shone through, too, which is what I was going for."

"Nobody 'totally loved it', asshole. You completely humiliated Stan," Kyle shot back angrily, trying not to raise his voice too much as Cartman shoveled more fries into his mouth.

"I have to agree with Kyle, Eric. What you did today was totally not c-c-c... cool," Jimmy interjected, glaring.

"If you were the one in his position, how do you think Stan would treat you?" Kyle challenged.

"I don't know, he'd probably try to make out with me or something," Cartman replied dismissively. Then he raised one eyebrow. "But while we're on the subject, I've also heard a lot of interesting talk about you around the water cooler–things that have, in my mind, confirmed a certain hypothesis I've been forming throughout our long-standing professional relationship. Is there anything you want to say to clear the air?"

"I'm not gay," Kyle said plainly. He already felt like a broken record.

"Stan is," Craig noted flatly.

"Good point, Craig," Cartman added seriously.

"I'm not Stan, and I'm definitely not gay," Kyle explained, voice tight with controlled anger.

"Choose your stance wisely, Kahl. Oprah and Gayle denied it, too, and it nearly destroyed them."

"Real topical, fatass." said Clyde. Cartman scowled at him.

"Oprah and Gayle aren't even gay," Kyle pointed out.

"Yeah, unlike you and Stan," Cartman was quick to retort.

Kenny sniggered.

"So, Kyle," Clyde interrupted, lowering his voice. "What's he like? You know... between the sheets?"

"Don't know," Kyle said curtly, but everyone could tell they were getting to him.

"Yeah, Kahl, is he a gentle lover, or does he know how to be rough when you need it?"

The boys chuckled at Cartman. Kenny piped in, muffling something high pitched and utterly filthy. They laughed harder. Kyle slammed his hands down on the table.

"I'M NOT. FUCKING. STAN!" he screamed, only to realize in the seconds following that everyone in the cafeteria was staring at him–including Stan. He blushed furiously, sinking down into his seat. Eric Cartman took a smug bite of his burger and chewed.

"Jesus, Kahl, no need to get so defensive."

Kyle slammed the front door on his way in.

"Welcome back, bubbe, how was school?"

Kyle dragged his backpack on the ground behind him, head down and seething.

"Kyle?" his mother ventured with a frown as he passed her on the couch. When he spoke, he couldn't disguise the bitter sarcasm in his voice.

"Hey, Ma–if your best friend is gay, does that mean you are too? I was just wondering, cause according to all the kids at school, it totally does."

Kyle all but glared at his mother pointedly in anticipation of her response. Her frown deepened, and she raised an eyebrow at him.

"What's this about, Kyle?"

"Stan's gay," he mumbled, picking up his bag and slinging it over his shoulder.

"Stan's what now?"

Kyle sighed when he heard his father's surprised voice from the kitchen. Mr. Broflovski stepped into the living room curiously.

"Gay," Kyle repeated flatly. Sheila looked appropriately shocked, then bustled into the other room.

"Goodness, I'd better give Sharon a call," she announced worriedly. Kyle rolled his eyes in exasperation.

"Forget it."

"Do... do you want to talk about it, Kyle?" he heard his father offer as he stormed up the stairs.

"No," he yelled down before closing his door loudly enough for his dad to hear. He threw his backpack down on his chair and paused, listening for footsteps on the stairs. When he heard nothing, he flopped backwards onto his bed with a sigh, staring moodily at the ceiling.

Kyle hated his life, and he hated his best friend, at least a little. Cartman's little stunt had made Stan's new found sexuality the breaking news that the entire school was talking about. For Stan, the worst was over, in a way. Everyone knew, and eventually, they'd all get over it. But Kyle hadn't counted on the whispers and the snickers following him down the hallways–or maybe he just hadn't been selfish enough to consider it. But he knew it would be much easier to ignore the gay kid than the gay kid's friend who screamed "I'M NOT FUCKING STAN!" in the cafeteria.

His phone buzzed, and he swiped his thumb over its screen to unlock it. It was from Stan.

apparently being forced to talk about your feelings for an hour doesn't get you out of detention for fighting. fml

Kyle sighed, a twinge of guilt shooting through him. He had forgotten about Stan's awkward meeting with Mr. Mackey after school. But somehow...

He deleted the message with a few taps and set the phone on his nightstand, rolling away from it. Despite almost every rumor, he wasn't Stan's boyfriend. And as such, he didn't need to respond to every fucking text Stan sent him.