"Cas is alive," Dean said, walking back into the kitchen. He had spent a few moments with Cas's body just letting the fact that he was alive sink in.
Sam looked over and nodded with a smile to his brother, "Yes."
"And... Chuck is God." Dean added.
"Yup."
"Right."
Sam nodded, "It might take a while for us to get used to this." Sam agreed, "You know these cookies are incredible."
"He might have laced them, he seems to like you," Dean muttered leaving the room.
"Hey you have your angel, let me have mine!"
Dean and Sam waited impatiently for Gabriel to return as promised and when he did arrive, Dean found he suddenly became extremely nervous. Looking back, Dean wouldn't be able to tell you much about the actual trip there, whereas Sam would explain in detail the feeling of the journey. Being zapped someplace by an Angel felt very odd, like being dizzy on a speed train, moving incredibly fast but more as if the world were spinning to suit where you wanted to go. However, being zapped into heaven felt like Willy Wonka's glass elevator that swayed slightly with each flap of wings but moved just as fast as the other.
Sam would tell of the beautiful pristine hallway they walked though as Gabriel led them to the Angels heavens.
Dean could only tell you about the details in the ornate carvings in the black onyx door with a glowing Enochian plaque on it.
Gabriel had been giving explanations of certain things as he walked them around, enjoying his self-proclaimed role of 'tour guide'.
"The colour of the doors are different here for the angels because with the humans, all their doors are white because Dad considers all Mortals in Heaven pure," Gabriel explained watching Dean's inspection of the door.
"This door is Castiel's?" Sam asked looking around at the hall, the doors here were a vast range of colours whereas Cas' was pure black.
"Sure is, Cas is in there." Gabriel smiled, "Dad's meeting us here, so we'll just wait."
"Why is it black? Because of Lucifer?" Sam asked Gabriel quietly looking around the hallway.
"Oh no, Cassy's wings are black." Gabriel explained with a shrug, "The kid got bullied for it a bit as a fledgling."
"All the angels wings we've seen were black," Dean stated, "Why was he bullied?"
"Any wing's you've seen on Earth, were only shadows, so they would all look dark but Castiel's are black, they always have been. He used to hope they'd turn white or silver but they didn't, they just seemed to get darker." Gabriel explained, "Cas was bullied a lot, he was smaller than the other angels in his generation, petty stuff like that, you know how siblings can be. Cas worked and worked and showed everyone how wrong they were, he became the leader of his garrison, he lead his team to the Righteous Man in Hell! That was a big deal. But it's also where things turned-"
"To crap for him? Yeah, thanks." Dean grunted and Gabriel stared at him.
"But he would never change anything Dean. Except maybe his transgressions again you or your brother. I've been talking to him, he doesn't regret everything he's learnt or experienced since meeting you."
There were a few moments of silence before Sam cleared his throat and asked Gabriel a question. "What colour are your wings?"
"Caramel gold," Gabriel said winking at Sam before flexing his back and letting his wings unfurl. Six golden feathered appendages emerged from his back, they shined in the well-lit hallway, not a single feather out of place.
"Awesome!" Sam blurted out, "And you've got the six because you're an archangel right?"
"Yup!" Gabriel grinned, "Glad you like them."
Dean rolled his eyes and spotted Chuck strolling down the hallway wearing the same suit as before but his hair was a bit less tamed.
"Can I see Cas now?" He asked as Chuck approached them.
"Dean and Sam, how lovely of you to join us!" Chuck greeted them kindly, smiling at Dean's request. "Dean, Castiel doesn't know you're here yet, Gabriel didn't get a chance to mention it. Castiel has a lot on his mind at the moment, please be patient with him, he is undergoing some change."
Dean nodded, swallowing down the nervous bubble that had settled in his chest. The fact that Castiel was inside was just occurring to Dean. He was actually going in there, to Cas, where he could stare and touch him to his heart's content. Okay so maybe not exactly but it's been a long time since he actually saw Cas and he's working off his emotionally addled brain for memories and coherent thoughts right now.
Gabriel opened the door for him politely, giving him an odd stare before Dean found his legs moving on their own accord. Gabriel clapped him on the back and shut the door behind him while Dean took in the sight before him in shock.
It was beautiful. His eyes scanned the scenery, it was the most beautiful garden Dean had ever seen. It was neither landscaped nor manicured, rather it was wild and overgrown but it made it only made it all the more beautiful. He turned to see the door hadn't disappeared but rather moulded into the side of a familiar looking brick building.
It was what looked like the outskirts of a forest, and Dean noticed there was a lightly tread path leading through the trees. The sight that greeted him was the best of all. A huge tree had fallen: around it grew wildflowers, blossoming through the overgrown grass, and on the log, with his back and beautiful wings to Dean sat Castiel. He could feel himself smiling like a fool but he didn't care, why should he?
After a few moments of just staring at the Angel's back, Dean cleared his throat announcing his presence.
A shiver of shock ran through his wings and he turned about in shock, almost losing his balance before Dean rushed forward to steady him.
"Dean," Castiel started, surprised; he opened and shut his mouth again as if to say something but remained silent until Dean spoke. Dean was so relieved to hear his voice that he almost forgot what he was doing there.
"Heya Cas," Dean smiled, taking in the sight of his best friend standing before him again.
"What are you doing here?" Castiel asked, his face suddenly full of concern.
Dean was taken aback and he pulled a face. "And here I was maybe hoping for a hug or something."
"Gabriel said you were okay." Cas whispered, his voice low and scared, "I suppose you could just be a part of my heaven, it would be appropriate." he added looking back to Dean with a content smile. "You would like a hug?" Cas asked tilting his head in confusion and Dean wanted to kiss him.
"Yeah, I would," Dean said, and when Cas stood up, he felt himself relax the moment he wrapped him up in his arms. "I am okay Buddy, Sam is with Gabriel now, he's good too. You saved us again and you'll never understand how much I appreciate it. You'll never understand just how good it is to see you Cas." He squeezed him tighter and felt Cas finally return the gesture. Dean felt something tickling his ear and looked around to see Cas's wings hovering around them but not entirely encasing Dean as if unsure. "Your wings are awesome, by the way, Cas," Dean added and felt both, Cas relax into his embrace and the wings wrap around him.
When he pulled away, Cas still looked upset.
"I'm glad you're alive Dean, you and Sam." he spoke answering the questioning expression on Dean's face.
Dean continued watching him, waiting but Cas didn't continue. "You know you look pretty good for a guy who just got smited."
Cas stayed silent as he looked down at himself as if assessing his form.
"Nice suit, you look very handsome," Dean added without thinking but didn't regret it as he watched a pink flush rise up Cas's neck. "Your dad zapped you into this, how the hell is your tie still wonky?" Dean asked exasperatedly nudging Cas's chin upwards so Dean could fix the garment.
Cas didn't reply, he just stared at Dean, watching him.
"Can I touch them?" Dean asked tentatively wanting to fill the silence after Cas still remained silent. "Your wings?" Dean added as Castiel looked at him curiously.
He looked surprised but he nodded, "Yes."
"You still honing your communication strategy Cas? What's up? Why are you so quiet." Dean had asked, before he raised his hand making contact with some of the feathers. A shudder ran through the wings but Cas nodded for him to continue.
"You're still my charge, we're bonded, things just make it more sensitive," Castiel explained, Dean frowned, but nodded.
"As long as you're cool with it," Dean said and Castiel bowed his head, nodding again.
"You know, the few hours before Gabriel brought us up here but after we met your dad I've been thinking, you should hang out with us more. You've got your room at the bunker and I know you don't eat but we did make you almost drunk once right? We could go on a bender, that would be fun." Dean was rambling, this wasn't the careful conversation he had mentally planned.
"You still want me?" Castiel asked his voice faint and he sounded like he was hurting. Whether mentally or physically, Dean didn't know.
"Of course we do, you're a Winchester. We should have told you more often, we just aren't one of those families who talk about stuff, but we can be- hell, we should be. It would save a lot of problems." Dean laughed dryly and changed wings.
"Would I still be welcome in your home if I were human?" Cas asked, and he flexed his wings slightly as Dean moved.
"Course, but dude if I'm honest, you've never looked more angelic- Cas what's that?" Dean asks spotting a large patch of burnt feathers on the lower part of each wing, close to Cas's back.
Cas drew in his wings close to his back again, covering it from Deans view, so the human walked around the wings to face Cas.
"It's an old injury, nothing to worry about." Castiel murmured looking at Dean with a small but forced smile.
"Not the way to make me not worry Cas," Dean said furrowing his brows staring down at Cas.
"It doesn't hurt anymore and there is no damage to my flight it doesn't really matter does it?"
"Why don't you wanna tell me? Was it Lucifer?"
Cas shook his head quickly. "Hellfire," he said plainly and Dean took a seat on the log.
"So you did that, pulling me out?" Dean asked and he groaned, "It's my fault."
"No." Cas growled, "I would have died for you Dean, even then, before I knew you. I only knew you as the Righteous Man. I didn't know you as I do now, but even then I would have sacrificed myself for you."
"You almost did by the look of it." Dean muttered, "I don't want you to sacrifice yourself for me, Angel."
"Naomi told you I was lost the first time I laid a hand on you in Hell, didn't she?" Castiel asked and Dean nodded. "Dean, the truth was, I was lost the moment I saw your soul. I left my garrison, I broke rank - leaders aren't supposed to get their hands dirty, so to speak. Uriel used to say that we'd get the credit either way. However with you, I heard your cries for months - years, Dean; we took so long to find you and I will never forgive myself for that. Your screams echoed around Hell so painfully, even now I remember them." He stopped talking after his voice caught in his throat as he spoke and Dean could feel his body move as he took calming breaths that Dean was positive weren't necessary for the Angel.
"You wanna talk about the human thing you said or you want me to keep petting you?" Dean asked as he stood up and walked behind Cas to get better access to his wings again.
"There are things I wish to discuss with you, yes, but I am mainly waiting for you to yell at me," Castiel confessed spreading his wings wider in invitation.
"About what? That whole thing with Lucifer?" Dean barked out a raucous laugh but Castiel knew there was no humor in it.
"You expect me to be mad? Damn Cas, mad doesn't begin to describe it." Dean said and Cas' back and wings drooped slightly, so Dean continued. "Then I lost you again and all that went out the window, I don't care." Dean admitted, "You're alive, wings and all, and with me, I count that as a win." Dean smiled at him as Cas glanced back at him.
More time passed as Cas was almost being lulled to sleep by Dean's gentle movements. It was a shame that Castiel knew this couldn't last.
"What did you need to talk about Cas?" Dean asked again sitting down by Cas, but turning in towards the Angel so he could still access the feathery wing.
"You like my wings." Cas murmured as if he was shocked at the fact.
"Of course, I do, your wings are awesome Cas. The burnt bits, although it looks painful and I feel like shit about it, they still make you look rather badass."
"I don't want to be an Angel anymore." Cas blurted seconds after Dean had finished talking, his words rushed and almost blended together but Dean's answering expression made it clear they were understood.
"Okay," Dean replied after a pause, Chuck had told him to be patient. So he tried to be. "You told your Dad?"
He bowed his head, "Yes, my Father and my siblings have been surprisingly supportive."
"Surprisingly?" Dean asked and Cas shrugged.
"After all that I've done to Heaven and Earth. I guess I shouldn't be surprised should I?"
"Cas, stop. They don't want to kick you out or anything you fool. I was amazed listening to Gabriel talk about you, he actually sounds like a decent brother, I have some respect for him now. Chuck, well he just put my Dad to shame which isn't hard, but he looks like the best Dad ever, if they support you it's cause they love you not because they want to get rid of you."
"Did Father tell you why I am not already fit to leave here?"
"He mentioned something about faith or whatever." Dean shrugged.
"Because I no longer wish to be an Angel my grace isn't attaching itself to my vessel, I cannot leave here as an Angel until I find my faith."
"But you don't want to be an Angel anymore?" Dean asked turning to sit, facing Cas and guiding him to do the same. "What would need to happen to become human now then?"
Cas looked up at him from where he had been watching Deans hands fiddling.
"I would have to fall." Cas said plainly, "It will be difficult as I'm not... complete but I don't see myself finding my faith anymore, I love my Father but I am far too attached to the idea of being human again."
"So what's gotta happen?"
Would I-" Cas paused but Dean's hand in this wing again encouraged him, "Would I be welcome in your home, with you and your brother as a human?"
"Of course," Dean said, shrugging and playing with the smaller feathers close to his shoulder blades. "We've been through this already Cas."
"I didn't succeed very well last time as a human but I wish to try again," he confessed, voice quiet.
"Of course not, you cleaned toilets for a living Cas."
"I did more than that Dean I-" Cas pushed, trying to make Dean understand.
"Oh yeah, burritos too, I forgot."
Castiel stared at Dean but Dean didn't meet his eyes.
"How else was I to survive, Dean? I had nothing else." Cas spoke the hurt clear in his voice.
"You had me!" Dean said, then he looked away, looking down at his feet as he realized. Castiel hadn't had him. Dean had abandoned him when he was needed the most. "Right."
"Dean I was rather proud of myself, my-" Cas said trying again as he regained his composure.
"Poop duty?" Dean muttered and they both knew Dean was trying to defuse the situation, add humor at someones expense. A prime example of the Winchester way, but Cas still looked hurt.
"Dean I had nothing. You had Sam, he was dying, he needed you more than I did, I understand that. This isn't about you-" Cas said, anger seeping into his voice as he tried to reason with the other man.
"You had nothing and I sent you off with even less, and alone. I'm sorry about that buddy. It's not like I'm going to do that again! Is that what you think?"
Cas didn't reply, he only stared at Dean.
"I had reasons, Cas," Dean said desperately. This situation was far too raw for Dean's liking, he was bound to say something he'd regret.
Maybe that would be okay, though, perhaps it would fix things, make everything easier.
"I know Dean." Cas said, pulling Dean from his deliberation.
"Not a single one was because I wanted to! Cas I never want you to leave us, let alone have to kick you out myself." Dean promised him.
They stared at each other, Dean nearly got lost in the familiar gaze and the blue of Castiel's eyes but instead, he found courage.
"Cas," Dean said taking a deep breath and even going as to far to place a hand on Cas' own where it rested on the log. "Cas, I'm in-" Dean's words stopped dead in his throat as a rambunctious laugh sounded from somewhere unseen through the trees.
Sam and Gabriel came into view walking the same path as Dean had, and Sam stopped frozen as he took in the sight that presented itself to him. Dean assumed, from the look of panic on Sam's face, that he was beginning to gauge exactly what situation he was interrupting.
Dean pulled his hand away from Cas' after several moments of the newcomers both staring at their joined hands.
"Hey Castiel," Sam said after he shot Dean an exasperated look. Sam was relieved by the silence, because although he had been looking at their hands, he did notice that Cas had been staring at Dean. Castiel, the real Castiel Sam now noticed, stared at his dean with such warmth, such unrelenting love that whether platonic or not, Castiel had been looking at Dean as if he had hung the moon.
Dean meanwhile, now after having removed his hand from the Angels, his expression was one of a deer in the headlights.
"Sam," Castiel smiled fondly turning his attention to the other Winchester he stood up and Dean followed his lead though he turned away from the others gaze and seemed to be very interested in Castiel's wings.
There were several moments of them only smiling fondly at each other, before Sam strolled forwards, closing the space between him and Castiel as he wrapped his arms around the other man in a hug.
"Oh," Castiel gasped in surprise before returning the gesture.
"It's good to see you Cas, it's so good to have you back," Sam told him as he hugged the shorter man. Sam squeezed tighter gently, using the gesture to reaffirm his words.
Sam released him from the hug taking in his appearance with another smile.
"You look well Sam, I'm glad I had enough strength to heal you both."
"Yeah you and me both dude, thank you so much for that," Sam exclaimed sincerely.
Sam was like a bouncing puppy at the best of times but Castiel was genuinely glad to see Sam Winchester looking happy after months of pain. Lucifer, despite his claims of boredom over the Winchester, had still targeted him over Dean. That was an act of selfishness in a way as Castiel knew that Lucifer had known that he was simply closer to Dean and had the Devil been trying to hurt his brother, Dean would have been the primary target. That's not to say that Dean got off lightly, but he got the verbal attacks, although knowing Dean, Castiel doubted that he hurt any less than Sam. The words would have been mulled over in Dean's mind over and over until he drank himself into a stupor to forget them.
"I was just talking to Dean," Cas said to both Sam and Gabriel, "about my desires."
Sam looked surprised and almost taken aback.
"He doesn't want to be an angel anymore," Dean explained to Sam, deadpan, wiping the smug expression from his brother's face.
"Oh, right." Sam sounded surprised but nodded, listening to further explanation.
"I was wondering if I am still welcome in your home, and by your sides and if I would still be accepted as a human."
"Yeah, I mean Cas you're always welcome with us, as far as I'm concerned-" Sam started but Dean cut him off.
"Cas, we've been through this. I've told you were welcome with us. You didn't question it when I said I wanted you before did you?"
"As a human, I wouldn't be useful," Cas said so quietly Dean leant in to hear.
"Don't you dare Cas. Don't you dare. If you were just someone whom we use when you came in handy, then I never would have forgiven you for Crowley, the Leviathans, Sam's fucking mind. Or his soul, Naomi, Metatron, hell I probably would have wanted your blood myself but I forgave you for all that because I love you. You are a part of our screwed up little family and I know we are shit at talking and conveying our love but that's the Winchester way Cas. We are not going to take you for granted again okay? Human or Angel."
Castiel stared at Dean.
"Castiel? That stuff Lucifer said, you didn't believe that did you? The stuff he said wasn't true was it?" Sam asked looking at Cas with a concerned expression.
Cas looked over at Sam with a pleading expression before he turned back to Dean.
"Dean I-"
Dean shook his head and Cas fell silent.
"You're my best friend, Cas, how could you think that we wouldn't rather have you than a seemingly easy fix to smite Lucifer? How could you even believe that we would consider?" Dean asked rounding on Cas, "I'll repeat myself here, you are a Winchester, and like it or not we don't let each other go easily, that works for you too Cas, it has for a long time now."
"Dean you say that but all I remember is you both telling me that I wasn't strong enough, to save my grace, to save my energy. That I was no help to you." Castiel spoke, anger seeping into his voice, "I had panic attacks at the idea of leaving the bunker, flashes of you beating me, me beating you, me hurting innocent people so I stayed in the once place I felt at ease, the home of the two people I feel safest with."
"Why not tell us?" Dean asked in a whisper.
"I tried!" Cas shouted, almost sobbing, "You were busy with Sam and you didn't listen! Instead, you yelled at me over Metatron. Just like the time with Crowley, I went to you Dean, I watched you rake leaves. I couldn't bring myself to ruin your normal happy life, but I tried, Dean!"
"You didn't think that maybe I wanted to see you? That maybe it was something I needed on par with having Sam back? That losing both of you broke me so much more?"
"I didn't want to hassle you. You seemed happy."
"You used to be able to read my mind Cas, if you read it, then happiness would not have been there. Read it now." He said as a challenge, glaring at the Angel.
"Dean," Cas spoke, almost begging.
"Just don't." Dean gritted out, "You're just an Angel, don't pretend to understand how this works Cas. I've said it before, Angels just aren't equipped to care, and they shouldn't bother trying." Dean spat angrily at Cas before storming away.
Cas watched him go, no emotion on his face.
"I'm ready Gabriel." he said after several moments of silence, he spoke before Sam could.
Sam looked over from where Dean walked away, seemingly back out of the Heaven and over to Gabriel in confusion.
Gabriel looked reluctant but he eventually nodded staring at Castiel. "Just wait a few moments Cassie, I'll get Dad okay?" Gabriel said before turning to Sam, "Stay with him." he instructed and Sam nodded before Gabriel vanished.
"Dean doesn't mean that, he's just emotional right now. We watched you die again Cas, it wasn't easy for either of us." Sam tried to explain.
Cas was sitting down now, taking deep breaths; his vessel looked calm but his wings were shuddering like leaves in the wind.
"Cas are you okay?" Sam asked sitting down by his side, "Look at me." Sam said and Cas obliged. Cas looked broken: it was an expression Sam had gotten far too familiar with seeing on the faces of the two people he loved the most over the past few days.
"I am sorry Sam, I don't know if I will survive this fall after all." He whispered, "I was meant to wait, try to heal more but I just need-" Cas shook his head and fell quiet.
"You need this, I understand, I've been there." Sam said, "So what is the process?"
"Gabriel had planned on taking me to the bunker, it is warded, and Gabriel could ward it further but now," Cas paused, "Dean doesn't understand."
"Next time he sees you he'll say sorry, or he'll act like nothing happened. You're more than welcome with us Cas. Dean will be fretting anyway if you go elsewhere."
"I might miss, I don't know how good at aiming I'll be," Cas said with a shrugged as they both looked up seeing Gabriel came back. He was singing:
"If you fall into the ocean,
if you fall into the sea,
I swear I'll catch you, don't worry,
If you fall off a cliff or if you fall in a ditch,
I'll catch you, I promise!
If you fall out of a truck or out of a car,
I'll catch you, so you won't get a scar."
Gabriel paused, "Well, I can't help much with the scar if you insist on falling right this moment, but I will do my best, brother."
Cas bowed his head and Sam looked from one Angel to the other. Sam noticed Gabriel's gaze had fallen to Castiel's wings. They had stopped shaking but feathers were falling, and as they landed on the grass below droplets of grace seemed to bleed from the places where they once grew.
"All the jokes Heaven has made over the years about Dean Winchester being the reason you fell, who'da thunk it would happen like this?" Gabriel quipped to Castiel, who only stared at him.
"Dean doesn't do feelings Cas, he wouldn't leave you. He carried your body to the Impala, I swear it almost killed him, but he wouldn't even let me help. I'm pretty sure he wouldn't have even left your body if it weren't for Gabriel making a ruckus in the kitchen and making us on guard for an intruder. If you can get to the bunker then do your best, if not, we'll come to you okay?"
"You don't have to do that, Sam."
"You won't have much of a choice, Cas. Dean's not going to let you go - not again."
"Have you forgiven me? I know Lucifer wasn't kind to you." Cas asked, "Dean got it too but you, it must have been difficult, my betrayal."
"I know why you did it Cas, the same reason you and I do half the crap we do. To save Dean." Sam said, "It was hard seeing him with your face or vessel, and I know it took us far too long-"
"You were busy." Cas interrupted quietly, his face emotionless again.
"That's no excuse," Sam argued. "And I'm sorry, Dean is too, we should have known. But as much as Dean denies it, it was a very Winchester-esque move. Self-sacrifice is the Winchester way." Sam paused, "Thank you, by the way, you shouldn't have but thank you."
Cas nodded and Sam was relieved to see he looked calmer, less emotionless.
"Sam, your brother should be with Balthazar now, go to him, he'll take you home. We'll be in touch," Gabriel told Sam, who nodded. He walked towards Castiel again, another quick hug and a muffled 'good luck' was all that was needed.
The three of them knew that Sam truly understood little of the magnitude of the event that was taking place but Sam walked away looking over his shoulder with a small smile and a nod to Cas and Gabriel before he turned from their sight.
Gabriel admired his little brother's sudden urge of spunk. He had sat by his bedside while Castiel healed from the battle with their elder brother Lucifer. He sat, spying on Castiel's dreams, slipping into his mind, wanting to understand why Castiel had said yes.
What he found were love, ache and loss. The visions that had ripped through his mind, Castiel's panic and terror at the prospect of leaving the bunker, the many images of Castiel hurting Dean or vice versa, some supplied by Naomi, others courtesy of the mark of Cain or some such other ailment.
He took care to travel back to Castiel's time as a human, noting that Cas had wanted to stay with the Winchesters but not questioned when he had been told to leave. Castiel automatically assumed he would be deemed a liability to the boys. Then with the blur of Dean and Sam's offhand comments even when Lucifer was in the vessel about how Castiel was not robust enough to do what they needed him for, the boys sighing and saying that they'd have to find another way. After everything he's been through, Gabriel had finally begun to understand.
As for the Winchesters, Gabriel admired that Sam's first priority when Castiel had regained control of the vessel was to instruct him to expel the other angel, despite knowing they needed Lucifer to fight Amara. Gabriel respected Sam for that. Castiel was Sam's priority, he didn't even consider for a second that this was a viable solution to their problems.