AN1: This story is based on characters from Criminal Minds. I do not make any claims to have created them but I do enjoy writing them.
AN2: I'm planning on this being a rather long story. JJ's critically hurt and Emily passes the hours waiting for the woman she loves to wake up by recounting their life together. The story will toggle from the present to the past. I hope that isn't too confusing.
AN3: The story is rated T but not all chapters will be M. I will try to remember to warn you when I've turned up the heat.
Hope you enjoy. Please read and review.
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Emily had mixed emotions when she thought back to the days leading up to their first date. It may have not started out with a happy event but it sure ended with one. She had been having an awful time keeping her feelings hidden from her friend for a couple of weeks and it was getting harder and harder every day. Then came Super Bowl Sunday and her team, except Jason Gideon, a senior profiler who was with the team at the time, was going to gather at The Auld Dubliner, a local Irish pub, for the big game. Emily had intentionally distanced herself from JJ in this social situation afraid that after a few drinks in her, she might not be able to keep herself from hitting on the girl. So while Emily preoccupied herself by hanging out with Garcia, Morgan, Hotch, and Hotch's wife Haley, JJ was having a good time kicking ass while playing darts. Emily didn't know that JJ was such a fantastic dart player and wanted to watch her friend play but the tight jeans JJ was wearing along with the short red shirt that kept riding up and exposing her deliciously defined stomach was too much for Emily to handle. They were all having a great time dancing, drinking, and blowing off some steam. Hell even Dr. Spencer Reid, the department's resident genius, was enjoying a drinking game involving Star Trek trivia with some people he'd met there.
The evening was cut short by a horrific case that took the team to rural Georgia. The case involved what initially was thought to be two unsubs that were murdering people in their homes and releasing videos of the murders on the Internet. During the case, JJ uncovered a potential witness, a man who had reported a prowler outside of the initial victims' home and Hotch sent her and Reid to go speak with him to see if they could learn any further details other than what was written in the police report. After JJ and Reid left, Emily returned to the local FBI field office with the rest of the team and was watching the shocking video of the latest victim being ripped to shreds by dogs when the local police detective recognized the dogs in the video. The detective thumbed through his notes to find the name of the owner of the dogs, a Tobias Henkel. Emily still remembered the look on Hotch's face when he realized that was the name of the person JJ and Reid had been sent to talk to.
Emily was sick with worry during the hour drive out to Henkel's home. She had tried JJ's cell phone repeatedly but could not reach her. When they arrived it was dark and JJ and Reid were nowhere to be found. Hotch and Gideon searched Henkel's home while Morgan, Emily and a couple of other police officers searched the barn that was out back. Guns drawn they entered the darkened barn calling out their colleagues' names. JJ pulled her gun on the group as they entered. She was obviously in shock, disoriented, and quite shaken. Only the sound of Emily's voice brought JJ around,
"JJ, look at me"
Even though Reid had been kidnapped by Henkel, who as it turned out had dissociative personality disorder and was actually acting on his own, Emily was more than a little relieved that JJ was okay - a little scared, disheveled, and bloodied, but okay - and vowed to keep a watchful eye on her. That did, however, lead to JJ pulling her gun on Emily…again! Emily had been watching JJ in the bathroom at Henkel's house. She watched as her friend leaned against the bathroom sink and canted her hips. Emily was enthralled with the sight before her and she didn't realize she had startled JJ; that was until JJ pulled her gun on her for the second time. Emily knew she needed to get JJ out of that house to help clear her head so she took JJ with her to question Henkel's former NA sponsor. Emily took the time away from the team to talk a little to her friend about what was happening but what she really wanted to do was hold her and tell her that everything was going to be all right.
JJ put on a brave face and tried to hide the fact that she was struggling with what had transpired after their discovery of the unsub even going so far as to try to get Morgan to verbalize what she felt; that she was to blame for Reid being imperiled. Emily was especially worried about JJ's psyche when the unsub sent live video feed of Reid's torture to the team. Emily could tell that JJ was beating herself up about this. When Henkel posted the final murders he'd committed on the web, JJ had forced Garcia to show it to her in an effort to prove to herself how tough she was; that if she couldn't handle this tough situation, she would need to get out of the field.
After Reid had been rescued they all boarded the jet to head back home. Gideon and Morgan kept a watchful eye on Reid, Emily and Garcia watched over JJ, and Hotch kept vigil over all of them. Emily had never been so worried about her teammates before. She hadn't been with the team when Elle was shot so this was her first experience with any of them missing or being put in harm's way. Knowing it was inevitable in their line of work, she wasn't looking forward to ever feeling this fearful again.
When they landed back home, Emily grabbed JJ's ready bag and walked her to her car. Emily was still watching for any outward sign that JJ was ready to admit she was struggling with what had happened to her or Reid.
"JJ, let me take you home. It's late and you're tired. Tomorrow is Saturday and we can come pick up your car whenever you want. I've got no plans."
"No, Em, I'm fine. Don't be silly," JJ said flashing her signature smile "I'll call you tomorrow, maybe we can grab some lunch or something."
Emily looked JJ over carefully. The profiler in her knew that JJ was anything but okay. She may have been smiling but it wasn't coming anywhere close to reaching her eyes. The friend in her, however, knew that JJ was one that needed her space. She hated to be crowded or mollycoddled. Though she may have looked fragile, JJ was very strong and hated to be treated like she was made of glass.
"Okay, JJ, you know where I am if you need me." Emily said as she put JJ's bag in her car, gave her a hug, and watched her go, knowing that JJ was hurting both physically and emotionally. Emily sighed and headed for her own car.
Emily arrived home, took a quick shower and changed into a pair of shorts and an oversized t-shirt she liked to sleep in. She went downstairs, cut up an apple and some cheddar cheese for a light snack, and was going to watch a little TV when her cell phone rang. She knew who it was even before she looked at the display: JJ
"Jay…" she started to say but stopped when she heard her friend crying.
"Em (sob), I (sob)…"
"JJ are you home?"
"Yes" JJ managed to choke out.
"Stay there. I'm on my way. I'll be there as soon as I can, babe."
Goddamnit, Prentiss, Emily chastised herself. You knew she wasn't okay and you let her go home by herself anyway. You should have insisted that you stay with her.
Emily ran upstairs threw on a pair of jeans, a bra, and a t-shirt and headed over to JJ's house as fast as humanly possible. She really didn't care if she got pulled over, she was more than ready to pull out her FBI credentials and use them to her advantage. Good thing it was late Friday night so traffic was light heading out of the city. She made the 30-minute trip from DC to JJ's home in Woodbridge, VA in about 20 minutes.
Emily decided to try the door handle first before she knocked and found it unlocked. She let herself in to find JJ sitting on her couch. She was crying and, telling by the box of tissue and the many used ones around it, she had obviously been doing so for quite some time. Emily sat on the couch next to her friend and wrapped her arms around her letting JJ brake down and cry on her shoulder.
After several minutes, JJ had calmed down enough to try and speak. She sat up and turned to face Emily and the sight broke Emily's heart.
"It was all my fault, Emily. Reid was abducted and tortured and it was all because I didn't stay with him."
"JJ, it was Reid's decision to split. He told us that himself. This is not your fault. This isn't even Reid's fault. This was Henkel's doing. You know you can't blame yourself." Emily said handing JJ a couple more tissues.
"The look on Morgan's face. He blames me for this. He already doesn't consider me an equal to the rest of you because I'm not a profiler…."
"Morgan can be an ass, JJ," Emily interrupted. "He doesn't mean to be but he can be especially when he's stressed. He was worried we wouldn't find Reid alive. But he didn't have a right to make you feel like it was your fault. And what's more, I guarantee that if it were you two out there by yourselves; he would have done the same thing Reid did because that's Morgan."
"I should have known better." JJ said wiping her nose and the tears from her eyes with the tissue.
"Maybe but so should have Reid. You'll know better next time, JJ. I know you will never let this happen again." Emily brushed the hair that was hanging in JJ's face away and pushed it behind her ear.
"I don't know if I trust myself in the field again, Emily."
"Stop it. Stop it right now. This was an unfortunate thing that happened but you can't let it ruin you. You're stronger than that. You're a hell of an agent, JJ. And you can't let this make you start doubting that."
"That's easier said than done, Emily."
"Look at it this way, JJ. Reid left you out there by yourself without back up. What if you hadn't been able to protect yourself against those dogs? What if Henkel had been in the barn instead of out in the field? You might have been the one kidnapped, hurt, or worse and that would have killed me. I'm actually kind of pissed off at Re.."
JJ's lips crashing down on her own interrupted Emily's sentence. The kiss was powerful and hungry. Emily opened her mouth when JJ's tongue demanded entrance. Emily knew this was wrong but she couldn't have stopped it if she tried. She'd wanted her friend for so long, she was powerless to fight against it. The warmth of JJ's mouth, the sweet taste of her, was wonderful and caused the synapses of Emily's brain to go haywire. Emily was completely lost in the kiss. It was everything that she'd imagined and more. One hand gently held the back of JJ's neck and the other was on JJ's hip. Though Emily wasn't quite thinking clearly, she was able to concentrate on not letting that hand start to roam over the beautiful woman who's mouth was on hers.
JJ, however, was not showing any such control. Emily started to feel JJ's hand move from her hair, down her back, and start to make its way under her shirt sending shivers down her spine. That caused Emily to pull back out of the kiss. She immediately missed the contact with JJ's lips.
"JJ, we need to stop," Emily said breathlessly.
"Why, Em?"
"Because this is a horrible idea considering what you've been going through."
"But I want you, Em" JJ said in a lustful whisper
"God JJ, you have no idea how long I've wanted to hear you say that." Emily said looking into JJ's eyes. Emily noticed that her friend's eyes were not their normal bright blue color but rather the color of the deepest part of the ocean.
"You had to have known, Emily."
"JJ until a few minutes ago, I wasn't even sure you were interested in women."
"You're a hell of a profiler, Prentiss." JJ laughed
Emily smiled and rested her head against JJ's. Emily felt JJ's hand start to snake under her t-shirt feeling the warm skin beneath it. Emily reached behind her to stop JJ's hand from going any further.
"JJ, we need to talk about this."
"No Emily, you need to take me to bed."
"I'm telling you this right now, that is not going to happen. Not until we talk about things and figure out what this is. I've wanted you for weeks now, JJ. A little while longer isn't going to kill me," stated Emily truthfully.
JJ sighed and turned away from Emily in frustration.
"JJ, look at me." Emily said to a slightly rejected JJ.
"JJ, please."
When JJ turned back around, Emily could see tears forming in her eyes.
"Aw, Jayj, I'm not saying this to hurt you. I would love nothing more than to take you to your bedroom right now and make love to you for the rest of the night."
"So what's the problem? I'm…"
"The problem is, JJ," Emily interrupted, "tonight wouldn't be enough. I don't want just one night. I want you, all of you, and not just your body. I'm thinking long haul here, Jayj. And for that to happen, we have to make sure that it's right. You and I have too much to risk for it to be a one night stand."
JJ smiled shyly and then looked into Emily's eyes.
"Long haul, huh?"
"Yeah, long haul. Like you and me, relationship type stuff." Emily said awkwardly
"So what are we talking here? Dating?"
"Well, yes, ideally there would be dating. Would you be open to that?"
"Seriously, Em, I'm going to recommend to Hotch that you retake your profiling classes. And I'd like to go on record right now that I really should be a profiler because I knew you would be rather receptive to that kiss."
Emily smiled and could feel herself blushing. Had she really been that obvious to the blonde? She thought she'd actually been doing a bang-up job of hiding her true feelings.
"Jayj, all kidding aside, before we go any further, we have to make sure this is real. You do realize just how much we'd have to lose if we were to go out and not have it work? We work together, at a place where not only is intradepartmental dating frowned upon, but cause for dismissal. And I'm sure that goes doubly for same sex relationships. Plus there's the fact that we need to have each other's backs when we are in the field. I already let my emotions get to me as it is where you're concerned."
"You'd need to put this into one of those nifty little compartments you were telling me about, Em."
"There isn't a compartment big enough to hold how I feel about you," Emily said tilting up JJ's chin so she could look into her eyes.
Emily leaned down and gently started kissing JJ again. Except the kiss didn't stay gentle. It turned heated again rather quickly and this time Emily allowed her hands to roam a little. They were in JJ's hair and then ran along her sides. Emily broke from JJ's lips and started to kiss along JJ's jaw line and down the side of her neck. JJ started to moan when Emily began sucking on the sensitive flesh of her neck.
Emily made herself pull away before she went too far to stop.
"Fuck" JJ said exasperatedly
"Sorry, I shouldn't have started up again. I'm serious, Jayj. I want us to give this a real try. I think we might be worth the risks – both professionally and personally."
"I know the professional risks. But personally?"
"Jayj, you're the best friend I've ever had. If we make a try at this and fail, I would lose that. I don't make close friends easily. You're too important to me to just throw it all away. So what do you think? Do you think we're worth taking a shot?"
JJ looked at Emily, "I, um, hadn't really considered our friendship, Em. I wouldn't want to lose you as a friend either."
"I know. That's why I mentioned it. And that's why I won't have sex with you. We have to be able to look at each other in the morning. It's has to be for the right reasons."
"I think we have a shot at something special, Em. I think it might be worth the risk."
"I do to, JJ. But I'm not kidding, no games, no bullshit. There is too much on the line for both of us. We have enough drama at work; we don't need it in our personal lives too. We're risking an awful lot to be together. But I want you to know, I think it's going to be worth it too."
Emily kissed JJ again but this time chastely as to not overheat the blonde again.
"So about that date…"
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Emily smiled when she remembered that conversation with JJ that night, the night when they decided to embark on this relationship. They had kissed a little more and had fallen asleep on JJ's couch wrapped in each other's arms but not before Emily had formally asked JJ out. They had set a date for the following Friday. Emily hadn't been sure she was going to make it through that week but she wanted to make it special and that required time.
"JJ, honey, I still get butterflies in my stomach when I think about how nervous I was on our first date. It seems like it was just yesterday…"
Hope you liked this chapter. Next…their first date. Please review.