Chapter Four! I'm sorry guys this isnt the best sorry but still R&R :)

I was sat on my sofa with my script in front of me. The staples that been used were not very good as the pages were already loose. Yes, I am thinking about how useless staples are because it helps, if only slightly, to what is actually hurting me. Him.

I hadn't spoke to him since that day and thankfully Quinn hadn't told him where I was either. The only time when I could see…see, him again is when I had closure. I didn't know whether he made contact with me because I threw my old phone out but I added everyone's contacts even his. Though I will not be ringing him.

Back to my other problem. Jesse St. James. He was still my male lead in the play and still the same old idiot that I had fell in love with in school. I hate him, he always says that there's something wrong with how I sing, dance or act, sometimes all three to the crew. He knew how much he would annoy me by doing this because I was absolutely perfect.

I was interrupted in my thoughts by the buzzing of my phone vibrating. Sighing I picked it up and looked at the Caller ID: Mercedes.

"Hey Mercedes." I said.

"What's up, girlfriend?" She was her usual diva self nothing wrong with her, good.

"Nothing much just going over lines, you?"

"Missing you and I am not the only one. All of us washed- up gleeks are, Blaine, your parents, Finn's parents, Shelby, Beth and most importantly Finn. He still loves you, Rachel and you can not tell me that you don't because everyone knows you loved him ever since Glee Club started."

I sighed into the phone, I held the tears back

"He went over to Quinn's, Rach. The day you flew over there and Quinn thought that he was going to have breakdown right there and then. He doesn't see us anymore, we have to go and see him. He only goes outside for work. If that isn't missing you, then I don't know what is."

"He ended it, remember? Not me. He's only like this because we both didn't expect it and…I don't know. I just don't know anymore."

I heard her sigh dramatically in the phone.

"Look at all the things you and Finn went through in High School and how in love you were after all that. How in love you were a week ago. How in love you still are but both of you will not admit because you both think that the other's over the other."

"It's not like I don't -"

There was a slight knock at the door.

"Sorry, M. I have to go there's someone here. Bye. Love you."

"Love ya."

I hung up and the shouted 'come in'. The door slowly opened and a young blonde girl of nine ran from behind it and jumped on me, screaming my name. Beth. My mom soon followed but thankfully, she didn't jump on me. She just laughed and nodded.

"Hey, Beth. Mom."

"Hello, Rachel. Beth leave her alone."

"Why don't you go watch some TV and then we'll go to the park?" I said to Beth.

She nodded and hugged me. Beth looked so much like Quinn it was unbelievable. Sometimes she even sounded like her, it was creepy. When Beth skipped away, my Mom looked at me sad and sympathetic. Here we go, I mentally said. I was about to go through what I just went through with Mercedes.

None of them realised how much it actually hurt to talk about him. None of the realised ho much it hurt to hear his name, his pain. The didn't know that ever since I got here that I cried myself to sleep. I hated feeling like this, feeling this pain and loss. I missed him, of course I missed him. I missed him so much. But Mercedes was right I still was deeply in love with him but our paths had lead different courses, to different places. Knowing that was the worst thing imaginable.

"Hey." I said to Kurt and Blaine as they walked in.

Both said hey back but kept looking at me wearily like they were expecting me to have a breakdown or something. I showed them into the living room and got embarrassed when I realised I still had the picture of Rachel on the coffee table, I was glad they couldn't see the ring behind it.

Kurt cleared his throat when he seen the picture and Blaine shifted on his feet slightly. God, I had just made this so uncomfortable. They all knew I was broken and now I was given actual proof that I was.

"Okay, we can't stop long as we have reservations." Blaine said.

"But, we have another job for you. Remember when you said that you wanted to sing again?"

Kurt said smiling brightly and holding his hands in front of him. I nodded and was very confused. What had he done?

Kurt squealed and smiled. "They wanted a singer at the bar Blaine works and we told them about you. They immediately agreed, we understand that you are the Coach at McKinley but we figured you could do both. The bar is only on the weekend." Kurt said his bright blue eyes shining with hope.

"We.. We also thought that it would be a helpful distraction with everything." Blaine stopped, I noticed how he picked his words carefully. I was fine. Three words that all I had to say but I couldn't bring myself to it. Plus everyone knew I was lying.

But this job would bring me closer to her. I only sang in Glee because she brought it out in me, when I sing its either for her, about her or just wanting to feel her within my reach. I would do this job just for her, my friends and family but she was the main reason.

None of them would know the real reason behind my choice when I nodded my head. They would never have know what I was thinking about when I signed the contract. That when I sing any song I will picture her beautiful smile and her eyes gazing at me proudly. Cheering me on with her all she had.

I looked up at the window and out at the sky.

"One day Rach, I promise I will get over you. But for a while I'm never letting you go."

I quickly glanced at the picture and the ring.

"So close."

Thanks for reading,, Review please... Much love MidnightGirl467 xxx :)