AN: Random aside, I love the host/symbiote dynamic. So, yeah, this story really is just barely started. Not sure how long it's going to be in all, but I'm not even close to any of the key plot points I have envisioned. Sometimes I wish I could just throw away all the setup and go straight to the actiony boom-boom-pow stuff. But I digest...
Selmak observed silently as Jacob sifted through their supplies, preparing for their imminent return into Bastet's court. Let him check each item a second, and even a third, time. Felt the stiffness of his movements. Heard the thick blankness of his mind as he did an amazing job of pushing away all thoughts save for the task at hand. Grief had hit both of them with an iron fist.
She had lost many children, various family, by proxy of her hosts. Numbers did not make the situation any easier. Perhaps the opposite, if anything. She felt each loss keenly, and they seemed to draw upon each other to form a compounding ache. But, the memory of their lives, their spirits, was something she would not wish to forget.
Samantha had been one of the hardest for Selmak to deal with, and not merely from the raw hurt Jacob felt at any thought or mention of her. Selmak had come to know Samantha well for herself, not simply through the memories and impressions of her father. With or without Jacob, she knew she would have felt a burning respect for this human. For her wisdom, determination, and morality. Traits that father and daughter shared quite closely.
I'm trying to work here. Jacob's thoughts were sharp in her mind. She shrugged off the reprimand. His way of coping was displacement, and it did not suit her.
You know I feel no less strongly than you.
The communication device was shoved in the pack with more force than was strictly necessary. Selmak sighed inwardly. Jacob was stubborn. It was a trait she respected within her hosts. And she had been fortunate to have so many of such strong will. If she was indeed among the wisest Tok'ra, it was only because of them. Many humans, she knew, would often defer to their symbiote. Such a relationship was a bit too close to that of the Goa'uld for her liking. A Tok'ra, Selmak firmly believed, was only as good as the hosts it had inhabited.
It was good to be challenged. To see the perspective from one whose life was but a brief spark. It reminded her of the fragile nature of things, the ephemeral quality of the moment. The depth of emotion. It was far too easy for the symbiote to elevate itself above all others. To lose the reverence for life she felt was vital to existence.
This, too, is why she embraced the pain of loss so strongly. Selmak's greatest fear lay in no longer feeling the sting. On that day, she would no longer truly be Tok'ra.
She could only hope that she never lived long enough to see it.
I'm not ready yet. Jacob's thought was as close to an apology as he was willing to give. She could respect that, and give him time. For now.
She chuckled in his head, bemused with her own frustration. And this is the double-edged blade of the strong-willed host. They are stubborn even when you do not wish it.
"You wouldn't have it any other way," Jacob said aloud.
Certainly not.
Finally satisfied with their supplies, Jacob closed the pack. He left the room to have one last word with Garshaw before going on their way.
"Jacob." He turned to regard the Tok'ra coming down the corridor behind him. The man gave a small bow of his head in greeting. Jacob returned the gesture.
"Serys, what is it?" Jacob said.
Serys gave a slight frown. "We have received a message from the Tau'ri. They wish to speak with you."
And Selmak understood the Tok'ra's hesistation. Ever since Samantha had passed, she and Jacob had had little to do with Earth. He wished to avoid the potent reminder. As of yet, Selmak had no good excuse to ignore his wishes.
"What about?"
Serys drew his host's, Taren's, features in aprehension. "I am uncertain. General Hammond merely wished to speak directly with you. He only said the matter was of some importance."
Be easy on the boy. Selmak warned. Jacob would have pressed the issue, but at her insistence he took a deep breath.
"Ok," Jacob said, his reply meant for both her and the man before him. "I'll be right there."
When Jacob entered the communications room, Garshaw turned to him. He could see Hammond's features on the display. The General looked rather uncomfortable.
"Selmak, Jacob," Garshaw said with a nod. As much in greeting as to notify Hammond that they had arrived. "I shall allow you some privacy."
With a curious frown, Jacob watched as she left the room. The Tok'ra that usually manned the post had already disappeared.
Curious. Selmak thought. They were both puzzled.
"George," Jacob said cautiously as he stepped into view of the other man.
"It's good to see you, Jacob."
Without knowing why the other man was calling, Jacob wasn't so sure he agreed. Selmak chided him, and he gritted his teeth slightly. "Likewise. I'm busy, George, I was on my way out."
"Garshaw informed me. I'm glad I caught you first."
It sounded as if he was stalling. Selmak never knew the General to be so hesitant. She, too, was starting to grow uneasy. Jacob stared at the man, impatient.
"What's going on?"
"Well, there's been some recent developments on P3C-670..."
The flash of anger was hot and heady. It almost caught Selmak off guard, but she managed to take control before Jacob could start yelling at the man. The last thing he wanted to hear about was the place where Samantha had died. Selmak held her own resentment.
He would not tear at wounds without cause. Her logic did little to deflect his raw emotion.
"General Hammond," Selmak said, her tone much calmer than she felt, "please come to the point. Neither of us are amused."
"I'm sorry, things are a bit complicated, and there's no easy way to say this. The short story though, is that Major Carter is alive."
Selmak blinked. Neither she nor Jacob could form a coherent thought for several long moments. They had both read the reports. Been to the world themselves. And had both agreed, as painful as it had been to admit, that Samantha was dead.
Alive? Jacob's thought was pure disbelief. Selmak shared the feeling, she couldn't possibly see how.
"Samantha survived?"
Hammond shifted, weighing his words before he spoke. "In a manner of speaking."
Jacob retook control, slightly frantic. "Damn it, George, stop being cryptic."
"An alien race found her while SG-1 was returning with a search party. They took her to another world where, apparently, they put her consciousness into another body."
Another silence as they tried to process. But there were far too many pieces. Found by aliens that hadn't been detected on the planet? Taken away without being seen? And returned only now, after so long?
"How is that even possible?" It was the only coherent question they could come up with. Jacob looked to the nearby chair, contemplated using it, and remained standing.
Hammond shook his head. "Honestly, I don't even know."
"I'm on my way to the stargate."
"Wait," Hammond said as Jacob turned towards the exit. "We need you to bring something."
"George?"
Hammond sighed. "Like I said before, it's complicated."
Rutaluen
Sam stood at the bottom of the ramp with the others. It was difficult to stand still, to not shift from foot to foot. Not only at the implications of the device he was bringing, but at the idea of seeing her father. Wondering what he would think. Yes, General Hammond had given him a brief overview of the situation. But how would he react when he finally came through? The possibilities left her nervous.
Not for the first time, she looked down at herself and felt horribly underdressed.
The stargate rippled, and before long the surface gave a heavy slurp as Jacob stepped through. He stopped immediately at the top of the ramp. His eyes scanned through the assembled group. Stopped on hers. Sam couldn't breathe, nor could she look away. The stargate disengaged, leaving the room in silence.
Jacob's eyes ran over her. Taking in every detail, she was acutely aware. And, she figured, comparing them to the daughter he thought he had lost. Knowing she didn't, couldn't compare only left her feeling more naked. Inadequate. Nervous.
Unable to remain still any longer, she shifted, rubbing anxiously at her neck. Sam had to clear her throat before the words would come out. "Um, hi, dad."
He blinked, shaking his head slightly to clear the fog. Jacob's brow furrowed slightly, apprehensive. "Sam?"
"Yeah." She didn't know what else to say.
His head bowed briefly as the Tok'ra took over. Sam watched as he slowly came to the bottom of the ramp, setting the case he carried at the bottom. Selmak's tone was equally stunned. "You must forgive us. Jacob and I had never expected to see you again."
To see even Selmak fighting so hard against emotion took away what was left of her voice. Sam could only watch as his hand came up to the side of her face. The contact shocked her, and she flinched slightly, it was the first true touch she had received from anyone except the Talare.
Instead of being comforting, that realization left her overwhelmingly sad.
"I'm sorry," Selmak said to whatever reflected in Sam's eyes, removing her hand.
Sam swallowed. "It's ok."
The Tok'ra gave her a nervous smile, then glanced at Hammond. "Though I must admit, when General Hammond told us that you had been given another body, this is not quite what we had envisioned."
"That makes two of us," Sam muttered.
"We have a room set up," Hammond said. Sam was glad to get out of the public area.
Jacob was in control again, nodding. "Let's go."
Sam entered the room with her father, SG-1, and Janet. The General excused himself to deal with briefings, and Sam suspected also for her benefit. There were already plenty of witnesses for reports, anyways. The room had no windows, no glassed observation areas, and most importantly, no cameras. For some semblance of privacy. The recall device wasn't selective with the memories it provoked. It could be guided only to a degree. Especially since she didn't know exactly what she was looking for, Sam couldn't be sure exactly what could come up. And for the sake of what they were trying to do, the visual display would be used.
But she'd rather be embarrassed than ignorant.
Janet eyed her as she set up the monitoring equipment. Sam knew the other woman still had reservations, but her mind was already firmly made up. She had seen similar looks coming from her father. Jacob knew as well as anyone how useless it would be to try to talk her out of it, and thankfully didn't even try. She had offered him a small nod of thanks after. No one spoke while the preparations were made.
Sam sat down in the chair that had been set up. She shifted until her tail no longer pinched.
Jacob placed the memory recall device against her temple. Sam winced as it connected through the soft tissue underneath. She glanced over to where her team stood, and noted each one had their own look of discomfort. Jack rolled on the balls of his feet.
"Ok." Sam turned back to her father as he spoke. "We're going to start with a low setting. Ease into it. We'll start with something you can already remember. What's the first thing you remember after..."
She could only nod as he trailed off. Knowing the subject was hard for everyone in the room, Sam purposely kept her eyes on the table where the screen had been set up. Her eyes closed as Jacob activated the device with a brief circle of the control wand. Willed herself back to those confusing moments.
For an indeterminable time she floated in darkness. Undescribable heaviness dragged at her, as though she was weighed down with the force of an entire planet. Eventually, sensation spread. A dull throbbing in her head. The more she contemplated the confines of her existence, the sharper the pain became. As though the mere act of thought hurt. Heavy ache. Sharp throb. In the darkness, this was her entire world.
The pain began to subside slowly. All too slowly. But as it eased, she started to notice noise. Intermittent. WIth rises and falls of frequency and tone. There was a comforting familiarity to it. But she was still too far away to really contemplate the whats or whys or hows. She merely listened, let the cadence flow through her. Lull her.
About the same time she realized that it was speech, she also realized that she didn't understand it.
Panic took her. She knew then that something was wrong. And in knowing that, the darkness was no longer acceptable. The overwhelming heaviness still grabbed at her. She had the idea to open her eyes, but the concept felt foreign to her. As though she hadn't the slightest clue of how to go about it.
The struggle went on for an eternity. When her eyes did open, her brain didn't acknowledge it for some time. Shapes and colors seemed to bleed slowly into her vision. Even after the shapes coalesced, none of it meant anything to her for another eternity.
At some point, the voices stopped.
She blinked slowly, incapable of anything else. The two creatures came into view and kneeled beside her. She watched them in the edge of her vision. Helpless, she was terribly afraid. Would have screamed if she were able.
The one in the flowing robe spoke. To her. But the words were still meaningless. Its skin was a dark blue, faintly mottled with lighter patches. The other one was more turquoise, and much more naked. It spoke similar meaningless words. Then cocked its head.
Somehow, she worked her mouth. The two words left her horridly drained. "Don't understand."
Turquoise turned to Blue and spoke. After a brief reply, Blue closed its eyes. When they opened, Blue spoke once more. Though the same incomprehensible words came out, she felt something in the back of her mind. A faint whisper.
"Rest. Your body is shocked."
Confusion reignited her fear. "What..."
Blue's hand came down, rested on her shoulder. "You are among friends. Rest now, there is nothing to fear."
Sam gasped slightly as the device was deactivated. A residual chill streaked along her spine. For a moment all she could do was blink.
"Are you ok?" Jacob said with concern.
"Yeah," Sam replied breathlessly. "I just... Yeah."
"Anyone else see what I saw?" Jack said. Sam turned, saw Daniel nod slightly and Teal'c eye the screen that was blank once more. Janet frowned.
"Sir?" There was still a bit of fog in her brain she had a hard time shaking.
Jack shook his head in disbelief. "Those guys were speaking gibberish. And then, they weren't. How's that?"
Sam knew he would take issue with her answer. And knew there was no way around it. So she merely ripped off the band-aid.
"Shara'le is telepathic."
The collective wide-eyed stare was almost gratifying.
"They can read minds?" Daniel said.
"No. Just her."
Janet shook her head. "How?"
"I don't know," Sam said.
"You never asked?" Jack cocked an eyebrow at her.
"I asked, she didn't say."
He seemed dissatisfied with the answer. But she had hardly been in a position to pry, and specifics hadn't really been important.
Sam turned back to Jacob, frustrated. "Can we move on now?"
"All right. I'm keeping the setting low. For now." He added the last piece when Sam frowned.
"Fine."
Jacob gave her a tight smile. "Try to relax, ok?"
But she couldn't really. He barely reactivated the device before the memory spilled out.
Gra'has blinked heavily. "What is your purpose here?"
"I don't have a purpose here." She turned to walk away. It had already become clear what Gra'has thought of her.
"You remember nothing?"
"No." She replied without even turning around.
"Not even the location of your world?"
She sighed. "No."
"Unfortunate. I would be happy to see you leave."
Sam shook out of the memory. A little upset that it had taken her by surprise.
"Ever the charmer, that guy," Jack said.
The easy way he fell into his usual digs almost made her smile. "Yes, sir."
"Pretty," Jack rolling valleys of P3C-670, taken by the UAV, sprawled out on the projector. Sam watched his fingers tap along the briefing room table.
"But?" she prompted coyly. While majestic, she knew the scene was not enough to pique his interest in the planet.
He waved his hand dismissively at the image. "There's nothing there."
"There are, in fact, plants, O'Neill." Teal'c raised a brow. Sam fought back a snicker.
Jack fixed her a warning glare.
"We've got plenty of plants here. You want to see some flowers, Teal'c, I'll take you to the Botanical Gardens."
Daniel smiled. "You don't see it, do you?"
"Oh, I see it," Jack said. "I just don't see its relevence."
"They're fields, Jack."
"Yeah."
Sam decided to give him a break. "Man-made fields, sir."
"Oh." He cocked his head as he studied the image. "Could use a landscaper."
"Yes, sir. It's likely that no one's been to the planet in a long time. Certainly not to tend the crops."
"But?" Jack returned with his own coy smile.
Sam shook her head. "Well, someone wouldn't have gone through the trouble of planting them if they didn't have some sort of value."
Jack nodded. "They are pretty."
"And faintly radioactive," Sam said.
"Now, see, Carter, I'd put that as a con."
"Sir, the levels aren't anywhere near dangerous. But it is interesting."
"You would know."
There was a silence as the image faded. Sam stared ahead, uncomfortable. It was hard to watch the easy banter about an upcoming mission after knowing what it had cost. If anything, it only seemed to drive home how much things had changed.
Jack's easy tone was noticeably forced. "In retrospect, not all that interesting."
Sam was inclined to agree.
Rutaluen
Deciding it was time for a break, Jacob finally found himself alone with his daughter. He watched as Sam paced the room restlessly. Frowned at her previous statement.
"What do you mean you're not done? I think we have everything we need."
She shook her head. "It's not just about proving who I am. It's about remembering who I am."
I wonder where she gets her stubbornness from?
Not helping. He warned Selmak.
Do you truly believe you can change her mind?
That's not the point.
Selmak wasn't phased. Do you truly believe you should?
This could be dangerous. Just because nothing has happened yet doesn't mean it won't.
She is a grown woman capable of making her own decisions.
She's emotional. Jacob could see the subtle evidence of impatience. And some desperation.
Selmak all but laughed in his ear. And you are not?
Jacob frowned, unwilling to concede the victory. But, he knew Selmak was right. The only responses he could come up with were petty and trite. She delighted in some of the more interesting epithets that passed through his head. Jacob gave a heavy sigh.
Sam stopped pacing, giving him a questioning look.
"Selmak is being... difficult."
Her brow raised. "Really?"
"You know, sometimes I hate it when she's right."
Oldest and wisest. Selmak reminded him.
Since she was right, and he still didn't want to admit it, Jacob merely changed the subject. "How are you doing, Sam?"
"Huh?" The question caught her off guard. He watched her frown until he realized Sam didn't know what he was talking about.
"Well," he began, "we haven't talked in a while. I figure we have a bit of catching up to do. So... how are you?"
"Wonderful, you?" Jacob opened his mouth to counter the blatant lie, but she continued. "I mean why shouldn't I be? I'm alive, aren't I? I'm here, aren't I? The Talare saved my life, even if their methods were a bit... unconventional."
"You can say that again."
"I should be," Sam quickly corrected herself, "I am eternally grateful. To Shara'le and Vanara especially. They did far more for me than I had any right to expect. But I stand here and look at everyone, and I'm acutely aware that I'm not what they were hoping for."
It was Jacob's turn to be caught off guard. He hadn't expected the venting to come quite so easily. Much like him, she could be closed off with her feelings. So he took it as a testament to the amount she was holding onto at that moment.
There is much to be reconciled by everyone. Selmak observed somberly.
"Has it occurred to you that maybe everyone is just a bit stunned that you are alive?" Jacob raised a brow, inviting her to ponder the idea.
After a moment, she shook her head. "It's not all of it."
"Like it or not, it's just going to take time." Jacob moved forward, touched her arm.
When she looked down at the contact, he knew that Sam had noticed the brief hesitation. "How much time?"
"If this is what you're really worried about, then how is the memory device supposed to help?"
She gave a sad smile. "I need to know if I'm even what I was hoping for."
Rutaluen
It was like pulling teeth. After that first memory had slipped out so cleanly, anything else hung on with uncompromising determination. She had to argue to get the level of the device raised. A few more bits slowly shook loose. Being stranded with Jack in Antarctica. Pieces of the mission to Netu to rescue her father. Each one dour, like the mood that filled her.
It probably shouldn't have come as a surprise when her thoughts turned elsewhere.
She took samples of the leaves. Shavings of the bark-like husk that covered the plant. It was when she started to drill out a piece of the woody core that she heard movement. Going still, she looked out the corner of her eye. There was a faint movement in the grass, but that was all she could make out.
Jack was making a sweep of the field, somewhere behind her now. Daniel and Teal'c were near the tree-line, studying the layout of the hollow groves. There was no one within one hundred feet of her.
Ignoring the sample case, Sam stood. Slowly. There was a low rumble. A growl. While her heart pounded, imploring her to run, Sam deliberately walked. And with great effort kept her eyes forward. She could hear whatever it was keeping pace behind her. She moved in the direction she knew Daniel and Teal'c to be.
WIth one hand she held the P90 with a death grip as it hung agains the strap. WIth the other she keyed her radio twice. Her breath hitched when she heard another growl.
"Carter?" Jack's voice came through her radio. Sam keyed her radio once more.
She was about thirty feet from the trees when he spoke again. "I see it. Teal'c, Daniel, you read?"
"We are approaching Major Carter's postion," Teal'c said.
Sam caught a glimpse of Teal'c through the trees. The branch under her foot, hidden by the grass, snapped sharply. She stopped, froze. The creature howled.
"Move!" She could hear Jack's cry even without the radio.
Running for the treeline, she heard the pounding approach behind her. Sam didn't dare to look back. Even as she tore heedlessly through the whipping branches, the thing was at her heels. With nothing else to do, she dove to the side. Momentum carried her several feet as she rolled.
The heavy thud of the creature slamming into the ground was drowned out by gunfire and staff blasts. Teal'c and Daniel were rushing forward. She barely acknowledged Jack bursting through the trees where she had only just been. But the animal was between her and the others. It snarled before launching into another charge.
Sam pushed herself up, struggling to get her feet underneath her. Even though she could hear the roars as bullets hit their mark, the creature still came. She didn't even contemplate turning to shoot at it herself.
The grass hid the slope of the terrain. She was only a few feet from the edge when she noticed the ground simply ended. It was just an instant of hesitation, but it was enough. The creature yelped sharply, and Sam heard it stumble. When she turned her head, she saw it tumbling at her. There was no time to move. She tried, but it bowled into her. A sharp hot stab went through her leg.
Everything blurred together. The collective shouts from her team. Momentum dragging her helplessly towards the edge.
Sam never heard Jack call for the device to be shut off, almost as soon as the memory had begun. Didn't feel Jacob shake her by the shoulders. Or the sharp pull as he removed the memory recall device, already deactivated.
Eventually she noticed she was on the floor, on her hands and knees. The next realization was that she was shaking. Only then did she notice the others crowded around her.
"Look at me," Jacob said. She could only try to breathe. "Come on, Sam, snap out of it."
Sam tried to speak, but nothing came out. She shook her head and tried again. "I'm ok."
"You don't look ok to me." Jack frowned at her as she looked up.
"Just snuck up on me. Need a minute."
"When you feel up to moving, you're coming to the infirmary," Janet said.
"I'm fine."
Janet didn't miss a beat. "Then you can continue being fine in the infirmary."