Bless Me Father

I'm Rude

I don't own 24 or any of the people in it. The Fauve person I mentioned is from the story Talk It Out by Aragothwinelfblade and used with her permission. I will mention more about Fauve later.

"So who did you kill and why?"

Chloe pressed her fingertips together, "First of all let me explain something to you. I told you I was a federal agent. That does not mean I'm James Bond. I don't dangle upside down from a piano wire disabling alarms. I don't have a black belt in kung fu, karate, judo, or any other martial arts. My car does not turn into a submarine. And I don't go around willy nilly killing bad guys. We have people to do that but I'm not one of them.

"I work at the Counter Terrorist Unit as a systems analyst or if you prefer, a computer nerd. I don't go into the field unless I absolutely have to. I sit on my butt all day staring at a screen. But a couple of years ago I had to go out into the field to access a computer. Some hit man showed up, killed the agents who were protecting me, and tried to kill me and a civilian informant. I obtained a rifle and shot him to death."

"How did it make you feel?"

"At the time I was the most scared I had ever been in my life. When I killed him I just felt relief. I was shaken up but I was just glad it was over. I know I'm supposed to freak out or some thing but I never did."

"The second time was last week the day President Palmer was assassinated. The people who killed him also killed some friends of mine and tried to kill me. I shot one of them but Jack actually finished him off. Again I felt relief that he was dead. I don't feel bad about either one of them. But I'm not crazy! I don't enjoy killing people! You've been in a war! How are people supposed to feel about this?"

Father Mike felt somewhat shocked. This small, almost bland woman didn't seem like a killer. He wondered how much of the story she wasn't telling. "First of all there is no right or wrong way to feel. Different people react in different ways. There is nothing wrong with how you feel. Second of all you didn't sin. The Church permits killing to defend yourself, others, or society. You are not a murderer. You haven't killed anyone else have you?"

"No, not directly, sometimes I direct people by infrared satellite. It isn't as easy as people might think. Everyone looks like an orange blob and the good blobs look just like the bad blobs. If a large tactical team is hitting a stronghold it's like playing chess where all the pieces are the same color and look exactly alike. I have to keep track of who the white rook and the black bishop are by memorizing their movements and positions. It's easy to forget that some of those blobs are people I care about while I'm sitting like some tin god, safe and sound, miles away directing their movements. Sometimes when someone dies I can see their body getting darker as it cools down. Not many people can do it but I'm the best. She said, not bragging but merely stating an obvious fact.

"I see, but again you are protecting society. There is nothing wrong with what you do."

Chloe shut her eyes for a moment gripping the arms of the chair. "I'm rude."

"You're rude?"

"Yes, and quit pretending you haven't noticed! I treat everybody like crap! I've probably been rude to you. If so I'm sorry but it's just the way I am!"

"Why do you act this way?"

"My friend Fauve thinks it's Asperger's. It gives me all this wonderful intelligence and powers of concentration and all it wants in return is my ability to relate to other people."

"My work is very important. I might be scanning financial records, checking lists of license plates, or tracking that red Ford Mustang through town without confusing it with all the other red Ford Mustangs. If I miss something, if I get distracted, then horrible things might happen and innocent people might die. So of course everyone wants to distract me! 'No I don't want to hear about your boyfriend! I'm busy!' 'I don't give a flying ffffiish about the cute guy on American Idol! I've got work to do!' 'No Angie! I don't want to see your stupid baby pictures. I'm doing my job and you should too!' Angie's baby is going to grow up without his mother because I missed something!"

"So I'm the Bitch Queen! Cranky Chloe! Old Sourpuss! I know what they think of me! But Edgar understood. He never got mad at me no matter how mean I was to him. He was my friend, a good man who I treated like crap and now he's dead."

Chloe squeezed her eyes shut trying to keep the tears from coming out. She didn't want the priest to see her crying. To think she was weak. "Fauve understands and so does Jack, Bill sometimes gets mad at me but I think he understands too." Chloe was finding it hard to speak without her voice cracking so she fell silent.

Father Mike locked his fingers behind his head. Apparently this woman had spent most of her life building a hard shell around herself and now he could see the lonely, hurt woman inside the shell. "Rudeness is a violation of the virtue of charity but if you have a personality disorder you aren't fully responsible. The Asperger's should be considered a gift. Without your intelligence and powers of concentration you wouldn't be as effective. It may have even saved some people's lives. Still you should strive to be nicer to people as much as you can.

"Nicer! Sure! I'll try to remember that."