Staying inside a reinforced, heavily guarded cell and with a Jedi master standing in front of me reading a primitive book. I couldn't see myself in a more irritating situation. Not to mention this weakness of my body because of lack of food. If there were no changes in that picture, even a small one, I would explode. I sat on the thin mattress. I looked at the wall in front of me and realized that I already knew by heart how many friezes each block of metal had. Meditation was impossible under my conditions and my abstinence crisis. Everything was worse than in my first rocky cell that stank of urine. At least there I used all my concentration and willpower to survive the ill-treatment and the wounds.
"I want you to close your eyes and try to calm your spirit, Padawan. Not having patience has always been one of your serious faults."
"And arrogance was always one of yours," I countered irritably.
"Arrogance?" Quinn set the book aside and finally glared at me, but continued to speak quietly, without much emotion. "No, San! You are arrogant. You have incredible power in your hands and what did you do with it? You murdered innocent people, commanded troops in massacres." The calm turned into indignation. "You had the potential to be the greatest jedi. Yet you abandoned us to be the doormat of a Sith lord."
"I left the Order because you failed, you were weak," I said between my teeth. "You let her die."
"Brittany!" She said more to herself than to me.
"Don't you dare say her name, SLUT!" I shouted and Quinn stepped back.
"We failed in her safety, San. I failed and I'm going to have to carry this guilt for the rest of my life," She said softly, looking down at the floor. "But that doesn't justify what you've done." She turned to face me again. "You wanted to avenge her death by allied with the one who ordered the attack to kill her. Nor would I commit the most stupid act. You went to the dark side because you were too weak to deal with your own pain. You preferred to get lost in an illusion of easy power. You've been dependent on a drug that Darth Rack gives you so you don't feel anything. If I'm arrogant, San, you're pathetic! Brittany would despise the woman you became!"
"SHUT UP!" I burst out.
Quinn's words blinded me. I couldn't think of anything but to let myself be driven by the urge to see her head crushed against the wall. I concentrated my energy to manifest a shock wave. It triggered small blasts in the security cameras, cracked the toilet and bent several bars of my cell. The wave also threw Quinn against the wall, but not with the impact I wanted. All she did was fall to the ground for a while. Using the force, I pulled out half of the toilet and threw it as hard as I could against the bars. I repeated the process with the other half until I was able to make enough room to leave.
They tried to turn on the shock, but I jumped against the bars as I felt the electricity burning my feet. I managed to escape. Quinn was still standing up as I jumped on her madly to strangle her. I could feel all the fury, anger, and hate taking over my being and that invariably reflected in my eyes that lost the natural brown color and gave way to red. I would kill her for sure. Suddenly I was surrounded by jedi and a few other soldiers who I couldn't identify the origin. One of them shot me with minimal force of energy, enough for a normal person to lose his strength from the shock. But I wasn't a normal person and I didn't even care about the pain. I wanted to kill.
Then I took more shots that weakened me. There were a few jedi present and those fired their sabers. I could see the blue and green lights illuminating the silhouette of the knights. I could barely see their faces, but I saw Quinn rising and walking toward me. I thought she was going to give me a kick or a punch so violent it would make me faint. And then I would wake up in yet another reinforced cell, but this time to wait for my death. Instead, she hugged me so tight that I could barely breathe.
"I loved her too," she whispered in my ear. "Because she made you happy."
My breath was racing, the adrenaline rushing free in my veins. I was strong, but I couldn't shake Quinn's embrace.
"I love you, San," she continued. "Much more than you think!"
"Shut up!" I said through my teeth.
"I love your intelligence, your strength, your sweetness, your timidity, your humanity. I love everything about you, San, even your intransigence and your red-eyed Darth Snixx self."
"Stop it." My voice faltered. I could feel a beginning of a violent wave of emotions that wanted to leave my chest.
"You are my family, my sister and my best friend. I will never give up on you. And I'm sure Brittany wouldn't give up either. She would like to see you here, fighting on the right side, for the ideals she believed and died defending." She kissed my face. "You have to get back to us, San. You have to get back to me."
The explosion of emotions came out in the form of a loud, desperate cry.
…
I had just turned 17 when I first saw Brittany on a sunny morning. It was a holiday in Corellia, but things were restless on Caldraan Island, a former natural reserve south of the mainland that was ceded by the Corellian government for the establishment of the political center of the Galactic Alliance. It was a huge piece of land that could be considered a small continent. It was the only strip of land on the planet that was totally urbanized. Quinn had been ordered a jedi knight and shortly after the swift ceremony, she embarked on a mission with the military high command of the Galactic Alliance to prevent one of Rack's advances under one of the allied systems.
I had made a mistake at the time, a little trot to make fun of my sister. Master Sylvester didn't like it and punished me. I should wash and make small concerts on dozens of jedi defense fighters anchored in the hangar. I hated doing repairs, hated doing a droid's work. On that day, the Temple was stirred by the presence of a young ambassador of Asgar, Brittany Pierce. A year earlier, the planet was hit by surprise by the Independent League, led by the Sith master, Darth Rack, also known as Yuri Gi Dasperet, the king of Naboo.
Brittany was 21 when I met her. She was a charismatic idealist, with a lot of power of influence among young politicians. After the planet was taken, she played the role of double agent. Brittany passed precious information to the Alliance command and was also secretly organizing a plan of retaliation to free Asgar. When she was unmasked, she had to run away from her own planet. At that time I already knew her history and admired her a lot. She had heard dozens of arguments about the valuable information she was sending. Several allowed the Alliance to take effective action to prevent Rack's advance. After unmasked, Brittany was sworn to death. The jedi order started protecting her, and the masters formed a corps of security guards, and three jedi masters would make a rotation of that command.
That day, while I was yelling at a mechanical droid for a tool, she appeared in the hangar with her beautiful blue dress.
"Can you get this ship to fly?" She smiled shyly.
"They can all fly right away," I replied rather sheepishly. "They just need a good cleaning and little mechanical tinkering."
"It still seems a hard job."
"It's true!"
"Why don't you let the droids do this for you, Padawan?"
"It's just ... that ..." I blushed. "It's just ... I'm ... I'm grounded!"
Then she smiled. Brittany was grateful for my shame, for my messy hair, for the little stain of oil on my forehead. I fell into a deep spell. I fell in love without being able to fall in love yet.
This was my joy when I learned that Sylvester had been assigned to do Brittany's guard. In that time Brittany and I talked a lot and stayed close. Then I walked away from her for two months because I had to accompany my master on other missions. For various reasons Sylvester and I need to make safety of Brittany much earlier than expected. That's when I declared myself and we started a secret and complicated romance.
Brittany became an important player in Alliance diplomacy, and there were often rent killers, mercenaries, assaults, and all kinds of risky situations. But she wouldn't give up and continue to do her duty. We unfolded to be alone and to date. For me everything was worth it. For just over a year, Brittany taught me to love in ways I didn't know. In return, I gave her my body, my virginity, my devotion, my fidelity, my whole being. I've never been so happy.
One day we set off on a delicate mission in the Aok system. It would be the first one I would assume without my master and I was anxious. The Aoks were an aggressive, distrustful and xenophobic race. There was nothing more interesting about Aok, other than its strategic location in the galaxy, it was an alternate route to Naboo. The Alliance wanted to set up a base on the solar system, but first it needed to negotiate with some of the leaders. Brittany was scaled to the mission for being the most skilled to deal with aggressive or backward people.
Quinn had just returned from a successful campaign and as we hadn't seen each other for a long time. She decided to go along with stubbornness and disobeying a direct order from Master Solo. I ended up agreeing with her meddling. Quinn and I shared a Corellian escort fighter VZ200. A very efficient ship with good war power. It was designed for two crew members: the pilot and the sniper. The pilot, who was in the front seat, had control of the two cannons fixed in front of the ship, while the sniper, who was usually me in accent behind the pilot in an armchair a step higher, besides playing the co-pilot, in the hour of combat controlled the four mobile laser cannons. Quinn was always the pilot.
"So." As we entered hyperspace she turned the chair to face me. "You and the ambassador still..."
"Yeah, we still do!" I hated talking about my relationship with Brittany.
One day I had the stupid idea to tell Quinn everything because I desperately needed to share what I felt with someone other than Brittany. I thought Quinn would give me all the support because she herself was in a relationship at the time with Blaze, an intelligence agent. The point is, when I told her everything, Quinn reacted badly. She said that I was violating all possible codes of conduct, but deep down I know that her irritation was because I was thinking of leaving the Order to stay with Brittany.
"San, you know I only want your good! Having such a relationship is complicated."
"I know that, Quinn. I know all the risks, but I love her and I won't give up because of some obstacles."
"I just wish you had waited for your knightly ordination to get involved with someone."
"How good to wait for your ordination has done you. It's not like you're happy with this Blaze guy!"
"That's precisely why I know that maintaining a relationship is something complex for us. My relationship with Blaze was difficult. That's why I broke up with him. But even with all reason, the balance I strive for doesn't make it any less painful. It's being a tough test and I don't want you to go through what I went through."
"You think IF Brittany would break up with me." I was irritated. "I say IF, because she is not like Blaze and different from HIM, she loves me! So IF we broke up you think I couldn't stand it? Do you think I'm so WEAK like that?"
"I didn't say that, San." She was outraged. "Don't put words in MY MOUTH!"
"But it's EXACTLY what YOU THINK. THAT I AM WEAK AND I NEED YOUR ETERNAL PROTECTION." For a moment I was relieved to know that no one else could be listening to our conversation.
"I JUST DON'T THINK YOU ARE MATURE ENOUGH TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP OF SO MANY RISKS," She bellowed. Then, Quinn took a deep breath and kept her voice low. "First because you are still a Padawan and can not have relationships of a romantic nature. Have you ever stopped to think that rule exists for good reason? And second, Brittany is a diplomat in frank political rise! She doesn't have time. I don't understand why you do not give a separate time until you're at least an orderly jedi knight! You've just turned 18! It shouldn't take long for this to happen."
"I don't need your opinion or your suggestions," I said dryly, without emotion.
"GREAT!" Quinn turned the chair toward the control panel, her back to me. "Do what you want of your life! Ruin everything if you wish."
We spent the last two hours in hyperspace in a terrible silence within that escort hunt. Getting out of that twisted black and white tunnel has never been so good. Quinn soon went into jedi mode and we only spoke the strictly necessary. We descend into the largest and most influential Aok territory. It wasn't a warm welcome, but Brittany was willing to turn the tables. She had great and advantageous Alliance offerings that included sending engineers to the most influential territory for technological enhancement. The local leaders were enthusiastic about the possibility of progress for free and that night Brittany went to bed excited about the advances she had made. As for me, at the first opportunity I had, I entered her room.
"Hi, my lady." I crawled into her bed and kissed her cheek.
"Hello my padawan." She turned her face to kiss us properly.
"You did a great job today!"
"Thanks! And as for you... I haven't seen a smile of yours all day." She gave way to her bed and lifted the covers for me. I answered with kisses and maybe she forgot and didn't ask any more questions. But Brittany wasn't to be fooled. "Santana!" She pulled me away. "Do not change the subject! What's bothering you?"
"Let's not talk about boring things for today, okay?" I continued my kisses.
"Santana Lopez." She pulled away. "You're not going to kiss another inch of my face... or anywhere else until you tell me what's going on."
"I fought with my sister... as always!"
"I bet it was because of me." She looked at me sadly.
"Quinn doesn't understand!"
"Don't be upset." She stroked my face. "She just wants your well being and that's why she cares so much."
"I don't understand why she's against our relationship."
"You silly." Britt kissed me on the tip of my nose. "She's not against our relationship. If she were, she would have taken more serious steps, such as denouncing us to the Jedi Council, for example. You're still a Padwan."
"It even seemed to Quinn talking, now." My voice hardened. "She wants us to break up until I am ordered to jedi."
"And do you want this?"
"God, Brittany! No! It's already too hard when I need to get away from you to fight in this stupid war. I couldn't stand it! I'd rather suffer all the pressure in the world and never talk to my sister any more than to get away from you."
"Then we'll be together!"
"Until the end!"
"But I don't want you to stop talking to your sister because of me! I want you to get along with her, after all, when we get married." She kissed my lips. "I would like to see my sister-in-law blessing us."
"Are you proposing me?" My heart pounded.
"Santana Lopez, will you marry me?"
"OH, YES!" I screamed and then held me in fear that someone had listened. "Case today even if you want. I'm off the Order, I'll take it all to stay with you, Brittany Pierce."
"Not so fast!" She gave me the sweetest smile she could muster. "First let's solve this mission... then we have to legalize our situation in Corellia before we get married. What do you think?"
"I think it's perfect!" I dreamed. "I'll be Mrs. Lopez-Pierce."
We made love one last time that night to celebrate our engagement.
The next day, there was an event scheduled for just after the second meal, as the aoks say. The supreme leader invited Brittany for a walk in the city and in some factories. It wasn't a scheduled event and so we spent the whole morning planning the security scheme. Quinn and I would escort Brittany with two speeders. The rest of the security corps would accompany the main vehicle a little further back. In addition, we would have some agents scattered in points of the route that we consider strategic. Quinn made a pretty good plan. There were practically no flaws or risks in that first part of the journey. The problem would be inside the factories because their advice didn't provide the inner plans of the buildings.
"I recommend not doing this part of the event, my lady," Quinn said in her professional tone. "It's not safe. We're going to have to keep the people planted in the strategic passages of the city and we have to use at least six agents to cover the outside of this industrial complex. We're going to have three more and two other officers accompanying the lady inside each building."
"I'll be in the hands of a decorated jedi knight and a very talented Padawan." Britt smiled sweetly at my sister. "In my view, I couldn't be safer."
"Still, my lady."
"Do you trust your skills?" Brittany cut her off and touched her hand gently.
"Yes!"
"So what to fear?"
"It's not because I trust in my abilities that I will overestimate myself, my lady. Jedi are also subject to failure."
"This mission is too important to fear our own insecurities. We can take a big step to win this war against Naboo if we succeed here. I won't fail and neither will you."
"Yes, my lady!" Quinn and I said together.
"Then everyone to work. We have only two hours left until the meeting." Quinn waited for a good part to disperse, including Quinn, so she could talk to me. "Santana, you who are so skilled with repairs, could you help me with the communicator?"
"With pleasure, my lady."
Of course there was no problem with the communicator. It was just a ragged excuse to take me to a quiet place so we could kiss a little. That's what we did when we were alone in the bedroom, but not for long. Quinn came in unannounced, catching us in the act. But she was too worried about the situation to care.
"My lady ... Brittany. Reconsider! I feel a disturbance in the Force ... San, tell her!"
"Sorry Quinn, but I don't feel anything wrong."
"It's because you're no longer in harmony with the Force as you should be."
"What are you suggesting? That I don't care?"
"I'm suggesting you stop thinking a little about your hormones and your..." She was polite enough not to complete the word in front of Brittany. But I understood and looked at her ready to fight.
Brittany stepped between us.
"Hey! Let's calm down!"
"Brittany." Quinn stared at me first, then glanced at Brittany. "Contrary to what my sister or you might be thinking, I came here with a mission to protect you and that's what I have in mind."
"I know that, Quinn, and I trust your judgment. But there is so much at stake and I don't want to back down now."
"I understand your position and that of the Alliance. But my little experience has taught me that it takes patience and caution to achieve certain goals. Sometimes you have to admit defeats and that is the case with this mission!"
"You must have been in touch with your master, haven't you?" Quinn nodded. "What does Master Sylvester think of that?" Brittany took a deep breath and returned to a professional stance. "I mean, from your safety scheme and factory visit?"
"She says there will be no problems if we work together." And she stared at me. "As before."
"So be it." Brittany gave a respectful kiss to my sister's face. "Trust in the judgment of Master Sylvester... my sister-in-law." Brittany smiled slightly.
"Okay!" Quinn finally relented. "I'll see how I can relocate the staff so that more of our people can get into the building."
Quinn was right. I was so blinded by love for Brittany that I relaxed where I shouldn't have been: the reason why we were all on that planet. I wasn't very focused and in tune with the Force. I stopped feeling it as I should. We met the retinue in front of the governor's palace and from there we proceeded to the factories. Nothing abnormal happened in the streets, but when we entered the first building, we had the surprise. Instead of rent killers, Rack's well-trained agents intercepted Brittany. They were all agents on the dark side. I fired my saber and quickly ran after one of them. Quinn had the security guards take Brittany out of there and leave the planet immediately while she was done with the second opponent.
The two of us fought a ferocious battle for a few minutes, until they, out of nowhere, retreated. That's when the aoks themselves started firing on us. I ran to the exit and what I saw left me in shock. Brittany was unconscious on the floor and there was the mark of a shot at the height of her chest. We all got into a car and asked for help to our main ship, which during missions was always orbiting around the planet for security reasons. Nothing! It had been destroyed. We need to run away and hide until we can steal a ship that can take us back home. The entire escape process lasted a few hours, which for Brittany was a long time. She did not resist and died in my arms before we got into the ship.
First I was shocked, then an insane anger took over me. I needed to destroy, kill, do anything to relieve some of that pain. I made it easy: I blamed the Galactic Alliance for having sent it to that mission. Then I blamed the Jedi Order and finally Quinn. I blamed everyone but myself. On the night of the cremation ceremony, I left Corellia for Naboo. At first, to kill Darth Rack on such a suicidal mission that I was certain I would die before I ever left the ship. That's what I wanted! But that's not what happened. Rack felt my pain, my fury, and liked it. Instead of killing me, he held out his hand. He said I had what he needed to destroy de Jedi Order so I wouldn't feel any more pain and all he wanted in return was my faithfulness. I accepted his offer without reservation. That's how I become Darth Snixx.