Longest chapter and, personally, my least favorite.

I know this story is meant to have Sasuke on a roller coaster of emotions because he's losing his 'balance', but it just seems too much in this chapter. I apologize for that.

By the way, a great song is Carry On My Wayward Son by Kansas and Bad Wings by Glitch Mob. Just sayin'

Fulcrum

In a year, Sasuke stops his mental reeling and has finally, fully, adapted to his new situation. He has made a good friend in school, Suigetsu, and an upperclassmen who, for some reason or other, glorifies him. Sakura, his very annoying admirer from home, has been replaced by an equally crazy Karin. She even has a similar hair color, which makes Sasuke immediately distrust anyone with dyed hair. Regardless, Sasuke is making his junior year a good year and Itachi has gotten a job at the local law firm. Even with their father offering Itachi a high position, he refuses to take it until he gets more experience in the field. "I feel as if I don't have what this company needs in an employee. In a year, maybe, but not now."

Their father understands or at least his pride in his son makes him appear complacent.

Sasuke also doesn't spend as much time as he used to at the library, but he can't truthfully say he spends more time at the apartment. For the majority of his time he's at Suigetsu's house, playing video games and picking on his older, live-in cousin, Kabuto. Kabuto is such a freak, they both have decided, and continue to mercilessly tease him. For his part, Kabuto takes the teasing in stride but mainly because he is so self-assured—his boss, Orochimaru, favors him and, to Kabuto, that makes life worth living. See? Kabuto is totally weird.

Anyway, Sasuke didn't go to Suigetsu's today because Suigetsu is technically grounded. Normally Sasuke serves as an exception to the rule, but since he had been involved in the fight that had gotten Suigetsu in detention and consequently grounded, he is not allowed over. Thusly, Sasuke finds himself walking into the needlessly neat apartment he shares with his brother, alone, at three in the afternoon.

He considers doing homework, but tosses his backpack on the couch and makes his way to the kitchen. Sasuke had done most of his work during study hall and he deserves a break. Anyway, it's been weeks since he's been in the apartment without Itachi. Itachi, the perfect older brother. Itachi the best son in the world.

Sasuke pauses by the stairs, considering his options. He can get a snack, watch TV, and be an overall benign presence. Or he can utilize these Itachi-free hours to find something to incriminate his older brother. Because Itachi can't be perfect and he just knows there's something in his room that can prove it.

The stairs groan submissively as he climbs the flight. Sasuke entertains the thoughts of what he may find—an overly emotional diary, a secret action figure collection, or sappy love poems. The door gives easily to his touch as he enters the room; a room he has only seen when in passing or when Itachi calls him in to mention something. Sometimes he came in to drop off laundry, but that was rare. Itachi preferred to take care of his own clothes.

Sasuke begins by checking under the mattress, but it turns up clean. He checks the closet: nothing. He checks the drawers: nothing. He checks the filing cabinets: nothing. Then, deciding that maybe Itachi is perfect, especially considering how organized everything is, he lays down on the pristinely white carpet. He moves a little, running his arms in the motion of making a snow angel. His finger tips brush under Itachi's comforter and he feels the back of shoes.

Intrigued, Sasuke turns over and pulls back the black blanket, noting the loafers and a pair of boat shoes. He also notices a lot of shoe boxes, which is odd considering how the majority of shoes he has seen Itachi wear appear to be outside and visible. He reaches a hand in, retrieving a box. It's a lot heavier than he had expected and the bounty within shifts. When he takes off the lid, he can't help but smile.

So Itachi likes porn?

Sasuke pulls out every box, opening them up to find dozens of porn videos. He also finds some boxes filled with mementos from, what Sasuke supposes, are lovers past. He takes care to rifle through them, noting receipts from restaurants and silly carnival toys. Then, he returns his attention to the sizable porn collection.

Sasuke pulls a box onto his lap, tucking it between his criss-crossed legs. He pulls out the movie furthest to the left so as to remember its place. He looks at the cover, prepared for something horrendously kinky, when he notices that it's dominated by guys. No girls, no transvestites even, but hard, muscled guys. Compelled, Sasuke quickly checks the covers of all the others in the box. Guys. Guys. Guys. And more guys.

His heart nearly stops. Itachi is gay? After another solid hour of checking and rechecking every video: Itachi is thoroughly gay and he must have always known. All the porn videos are of men and quite a few of bondage. Sasuke begins to laugh in slight hysteria, backwardly wishing he had decided to watch TV instead. Then the question of his own sexuality comes up and he is stunned into silence.

Sasuke checks the clock: it's only four. Itachi doesn't get home until six. His mind buzzes and, deciding that this may very well be the only time he'll have a chance, he takes the closest DVD to hand, places the rest back, and makes his way to his room.

Sasuke carefully locks the door before bringing his laptop up. He settles comfortably in his chair, unzipping his fly and pushing the DVD in. He imagines himself briefly as Itachi, getting excited, hot, and heavy for the men that are appearing on the screen. The title of the movie flashes: Alex in Wonderland. It's a bondage one because little Alex, in his blue checkered boxers, is being tied up by a man with white, fluffy ears.

At first, Sasuke laughs at the ridiculousness. The quick repartee, the teasing by the White Rabbit, and the Mad Hatter's bumbling display. Then, though, the King of Spades enters. He has dark hair, dark eyes, and a wicked grin. The blond, small Alex is twisting from the teasing and this excites the King even more. It excites Sasuke too because suddenly his hand is on his cock, imagining himself as the king and brutalizing someone. To have them want you so bad that they don't care if you make them bleed and are excited by it, it's irresistible.

Suddenly, though, he hears the front door open. Itachi is home. Itachi is home early. "Sasuke!" Itachi calls from downstairs. Sasuke looks at himself and then the screen and he is still so hard. And does that make him gay? Should it even matter now because he can hear Itachi on the stairs? "Sasuke, I need to talk to you," Itachi says almost angrily. And then Sasuke remembers the fight and it must have gotten back to Itachi. And how does he stop the video? How does he hide his boner?

And as he hears the knob turn but the door not give, Sasuke groans. Now he looks suspicious. But he'll play it off. Anyway, Itachi will understand that a teenager needs to beat off from time to time. And hell, what was he thinking? "I'll be out in a minute." Sasuke struggles to say over his arousal. The working of the knob stops and is followed by a despondent:

"Okay."

If Sasuke had to credit Itachi with anything, it's quickly understanding a situation. Trying to keep as quiet as possible, Sasuke finishes, imagining himself buried deep in his personal, submissive Alex. He cleans up as quickly as he can, carefully hiding the DVD in the corner of his closet. Eventually he makes it to the door, entirely disheveled, and faces a quietly seething Itachi on the other side.

"Want to tell me why you got into fight?" Itachi asks in his passive tone that means he's pissed. Sasuke tries to play it cool, leaning on the doorjamb in an aloof manner. But he can still feel the tingling in his gut left over from orgasm and, thus, he can't really be aloof at all. He is so thoroughly embarrassed he kind of hopes the world may open up and swallow him whole in that very moment.

"Suigestu got into the fight, I tried to break it up."

Itachi hardens his glare. He's not buying it. Sasuke bares his teeth, a rush of adrenaline invading his system. "You're not my mother," Sasuke bursts, "I keep my grades up and I follow your lame curfew—so what if I got into one fight? That wasn't outlined in the deal and you know it." Since when did Sasuke get so angry? He just feels absolutely furious at this moment and it's exciting. He feels the wrath hot in his blood, burning a few micrometers below his skin.

"I expect you to be responsible," Itachi counters, his voice raising a hair in volume. He is also getting closer in his fury and Sasuke notes the feminine beauty in Itachi's features that contrast sharply with the strength of his eyes.

Sasuke rolls his eyes. "Oh fuck you." He spits.

And then Itachi hits him across the face. Sasuke falls back a little, holding his cheek. "Do you want to be some vagrant?" Itachi asks mockingly, sounding a bit crazed, "Do you want to live your life jumping through loopholes? Do you even want to know how I found out about the fight? They told dad- the school called dad and he called me today. He threatened to cut you off!"

Sasuke stares at Itachi, dumbfounded by the emotional outburst. Then he feels stupid and severely worthless. From one fight, one show of weakness, his father would disown him. Itachi can be gay and perverted, but Sasuke can't even lose his temper. Suddenly he's fighting back tears but it quickly returns to anger. Anger at the unfairness and how Itachi always wins.

The younger charges forward, taking Itachi by surprise and slamming him into the wall. Their faces are close, so close Sasuke can taste the coffee on Itachi's breath. He can also make out the concern in his family member's features and that maybe the punch had been the only way Sasuke would understand. So Sasuke lets go, letting Itachi settle back on his feet. They stand their awkwardly, Sasuke trying valiantly to regulate his breathing. Itachi clears his voice a couple times, his gaze roaming the corridor a little before resting on Sasuke's trembling features. "Even if he disowns you," Itachi says, reaching out and grabbing Sasuke's hand: "I'll still take care of you. No matter what dad thinks: blood is blood and I won't ever leave you like that. Maybe knock some sense into you, sure, but never leave you."

Then why'd you leave all those years ago? Sasuke wants to ask, but instead he clutches the warm fingers now in his own. So many thoughts are rushing through his head: so many fears and portents. And mainly, as he presses into Itachi's embrace, tucking his head beneath his sibling's chin, he wonders why he never feels this right except with Itachi. Maybe he never met the right girl or the right man yet. And maybe he never will.

"I love you," Sasuke whispers, apologizing in those three words. Itachi returns them, tucking a kiss by Sasuke's temple. They embrace for a few more minutes until Itachi mentions he has to go back to the office. He leaves a few bucks so that Sasuke can order out whatever he wants.

"Is this positive reinforcement for getting into fights?" Sasuke jokes, taking the tendered cash.

Itachi smiles a little, the twitch of the lips very becoming on him. "This is so you won't slam me into anymore walls." Sasuke blushes a little bit at the mention, but pockets the cash. He waves his brother good bye and returns to his room.

He finds the DVD where he left it. Staring at it, he wonders why he even bothered with it. It just caused so many problems and so many questions. Was Sasuke gay just because he found that arousing? Or was he just human? Technically he had imagined himself as the man 'pitching', so couldn't he still be straight? He doesn't know and he probably never will.

And above all, why did he feel himself getting excited all over again with Itachi?

Sasuke feels sick, refusing to order out food. Instead he takes a nap, dreaming of fucking men with long hair and tight asses. He can't ever make out their faces nor anything really defining. He just fucks them until he wakes up at 9 to the sound of Itachi coming home and talking on the phone. "Look my brother lives here, that's why you can't come over." A pause and then, "Yes, I do still love you, but that doesn't mean I have to-" another pause, "Good bye."

Sasuke wonders briefly if that's Itachi's boyfriend. He wonders what he looks like, if he trembles beneath his brother or if his brother opens up to him. Does Itachi lay there, keening for release? Has he ever begged?

Sasuke falls asleep and this time undoubtedly dreams of Itachi.

Read and review please!

I hope you liked it, this is the longest so far. And don't worry, Sasuke becomes a lot cooler later and less of a whiny bitch. Character development of teenagers is always so disappointing. Angst, angst, and more angst. D: