Chapter 4
The first night she went to him she was drunk. Two nights had passed since she and Bass had come back from their deer hunting trip. Two more nights of no sleep: what sleep she got was filled with nightmares of Jason accusing her, begging her to tell him why she killed him. Again she pleaded and cried with him to try and make him understand, but to no avail.
Bass watched her as she approached. He was sitting with his back against a tree right on the outskirts of camp, gun and swords at the ready. He watched as she stumbled and tried to right herself, trying to make it seem as if she wasn't as drunk as she was.
"Hii Bash," she slurred.
"Hi Charlie," he smiled. "Have a seat," he patted the ground next to him.
They had barely spoken since their night out, she keeping to herself after the big fight with her mother and he keeping busy and trying not to think about her too much.
She plopped down next to him, bottle of moonshine in her hand. "Want a drink?" she smiled.
"I can't, on duty," he replied, pointing at his gun.
"Aww, shootsh," she said, "I won't tell if… yoush don't." She winked at him.
He laughed. God, she's adorable, he thought; and he'd pay money just to see that smile, which she shared very little of these past few weeks and rarely ever shared with him, not that he had ever deserved it. He was tempted to throw back a few drinks with her but knew he'd be in trouble if he did, for more reasons than one, he thought.
"You know, that stuff will rot a hole in your stomach, Charlie," he sighed. "Especially an empty one like yours has been lately. You really need to try and eat."
"Okay, Mom."
"Ouch!" he said, hating to be compared to Rachel. "I just…I just worry about ya', Charlotte."
"I know," her tone softened. She put the bottle down and rested her head against the tree where they sat. "I can't sleep, Bashh," she almost cried. "No matter what I do I can't sleep. He's alwaysh there and he'sh so angry." She flung her hands in the air out of frustration and when they came down one landed on Bass' thigh and rested there.
"I'm sure that wherever Jason is he knows why you had to do what you did. If it had ended differently and he had killed you," he hesitated, "he would hate himself for it, Charlie, and you know that; even though it wouldn't have been his fault just like it wasn't yours. It's those damn Patriots. You need to forgive yourself and then the dreams will stop."
She exhaled deeply.
"Until then, if you'd like me to explain it to him when the dreams come, I can do that…" he trailed off.
Their eyes met. She had a tear in hers. "Yessh, please," she pleaded. "I just want to sleep."
"Okay," he breathed. "Just try to relax and let yourself fall asleep. And if and when the dreams come I'll talk to him and you."
"Thank you," she let out a deep sigh and then yawned, already beginning to relax into sleep.
"No problem," he whispered, kissing her upon her forehead.
As she slumped forward, breathing steadily, he moved her so that her head was resting on his shoulder. Soon thereafter, she grabbed a fistful of his jacket and sighed.
When Scanlon arrived to relieve him hours later, he had already talked her through two nightmares and she was cuddled up next to him, breathing deeply. Scanlon raised his eyebrows at his boss who just said, "Don't ask…and don't tell if you know what's good for you."
"Aye aye, boss," Scanlon replied.
As he scooped Charlie up into his arms, Bass eyed the moonshine and looked at Scanlon and said, "Do me a favor—hide that."
"Will do," the young man replied.
Bass carried Charlie to where he slept outside near Connor and laid her down upon his bed roll. He didn't dare take her back to her own and risk waking everyone around hers up; he didn't need a 2am meeting with Rachel, Miles and Gene. Oh, the questions that would lead to, he thought. Connor's would be bad enough when he woke up in the morning.
Charlie was out cold and he went to find a spare blanket and stretched it out beside her. He needed to be there when the nightmares came back- he wanted to be there. He lay down beside her and looked up at the stars. He didn't think he would get much sleep. He thought about her constantly now, whether she was with him or not. His feelings ran so deep he didn't know what to do. He certainly couldn't push her into anything, given the state she was in but at the same time he wanted to tell her how he felt. He wondered if she felt it too. At times, part of him thought she did.
"Nooo," Charlie cried out next to him.
He turned to look at her. She was having another bad dream. He reached out and gently stroked her arm. "Shhh," he whispered, "its okay." She reached out at the sound of his voice, moving closer. He took her hand in his and kissed her palm. "Shhh, Charlotte. You're okay. Jason isn't angry- he understands, okay? Go to sleep now," he said as he gently stroked the back of her hand. She snuggled her face closer to him and her breathing slowed once again, deep in sleep. He wrapped his free hand around the top of her head and couldn't help but run his fingers through strands of her thick curls. His other hand remained entwined with hers where he ended up falling fast asleep despite his doubts until morning.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
The next morning he woke up to find that Connor was already up and out of their sleep space, while Charlie remained fast asleep next to him. He gently let go of her hand and got up to go find Connor.
He found him stoking one of the camp fires and looking around for the makings of some coffee. Bass pointed to where he could find some and Connor got it without speaking a word. The rest of the camp site was just beginning to stir, people getting up slowly and quietly.
This might not go so well, Bass thought to himself. "Good morning, son," he started.
"Hi Daddd," Connor replied, sarcastically.
"Listen, Connor," Bass said, "Charlie's been having nightmares ever since Austin. She only gets a decent night's sleep if someone talks her through them."
"Yea, I heard you," Connor said. "Talking her through them, I mean. So is this what happened when you guys went deer hunting? Is that why she's now sleeping with you?"
Whoa, Bass thought to himself.
"Listen," Bass said calmly, "She is not sleeping with me. Yes, I helped her sleep the night we got caught outside camp after deer hunting. Maybe that's why she came to me last night, I don't know. She was drunk last night and just desperate for sleep."
Connor sighed.
"Look, I know you two had something," Bass continued. "So if this bothers you, I'll stop. I'll tell her to sleep near her mom or Miles." It pained Bass to say this but he didn't want to hurt his son. There were still other, less intimate, ways he could try to help Charlie. He wouldn't leave her to deal with everything on her own, no matter what his son said. He knew the things her mind was thinking and he wouldn't abandon her; but if lying next to her, holding her hand while she slept and talking to her gently through her dreams was too much for Connor he could also understand that. It drove him nuts to think of the two of them being together.
Connor was watching his father's face carefully. "I know you care about her," he said. "I see the way you look at her." He stated this calmly, with no anger or harsh tone to his voice. "I also see the way she looks at you sometimes. Slightly less now, with everything she's going through, but still the same. She tried to convince me she hates you but I don't buy it. In fact…I think it's the opposite."
Bass looked at him in surprise.
"All it was was sex with us, Dad," he said. "It only happened once…well, almost twice but she stopped that. I always got the feeling someone else was on her mind…I just didn't realize who…that is, until now."
"Look, Connor, I don't know if any of that's true…" Bass started.
"Well, whatever it is," Connor interrupted, "I say go for it. One thing Charlie and that dude, Jason, taught me is that life's too short. If you find something or someone that makes this hell we're living in better, grab it and hang on to it." He paused. "I think you should keep on helping her…with her nightmares, I mean. It freaked me out a little bit at first, waking up to hear her crying and you whispering to her but I get it. And she can't stand her mom right now so sending her to her at night is just cruel and unusual punishment." He smirked.
Bass smiled, "Thanks Connor. I guess I'll keep helping her if she wants me to. I hid her moonshine from her, though, so she may hate me when she finds out."
The two laughed and Bass was relieved that everything seemed to be okay again.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Back at Bass' sleeping area, Charlie sat hunched on his bedroll taking in the scene. She couldn't hear what they were saying, but figured it was partly to do with her, and was glad to see them both smiling. She sighed and got up trying to prepare to make it through another day. It would be slightly easier given the good night's sleep she just had. She thought of Bass and the way he helped her, yet again, and a small smile crossed her lips.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
That night the camp had a little celebration with venison stew, as well as some of the meat cooked on a spit, for dinner. Connor and Bass had done some early morning hunting and had come back to camp with a large buck.
The meal helped boost morale a bit, as everyone had been getting tired of the usual rabbits and other small game.
Rachel and Gene had made the stew; they had tried to get Charlie to help but she had told them no. She had spent most of the day at her broken down house up the hill, where she'd been spending most of her time lately.
Everyone was sitting around the fire enjoying the stew when Charlie came out of the camps main building, which served as both the cooking house for the camp, and was also where the Matheson family slept.
She sat down on a log quietly by herself, and began sipping from a mug. From the smell of it those closest to her realized she was drinking the broth from the stew.
She sure knows how to make an entrance, Bass thought. He shifted his eyes to his feet, smiling.
The looks on Rachel, Gene's and Miles' faces were those of shock and delight. Rachel began to speak but Miles put his hand on her leg and shook his head. "Better not," he mouthed.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
That night she came to him again where he sat keeping watch. She sat down without a word, sitting with her back against the tree.
"How was dinner?" Bass asked.
"Good," she said. "Went down pretty well."
"Great!" he exclaimed, genuinely happy she had eaten something.
"My mom was beside herself. I think Miles had to practically sit on her to keep her from saying something."
Boy, she didn't miss a thing, Bass thought.
"Grandpa tried to get me to add some vegetables and I told him maybe next time," she added. "I thought he might start clapping and shouting 'Hooray!'"
"Seeing you eat made me really happy, Charlotte," Bass said. "You need to keep up your strength and get healthy again."
"I know. I'm trying," she replied.
He hesitated. "How are you doing…otherwise?"
She was quiet for what felt to Bass to be a very long time. Finally, he turned to look at her. The look on her face was somber. He was about to tell her it was okay if she didn't want to answer when she spoke.
"I'm okay, I guess," she sighed, looking at her hands. "My days are long…I don't have any energy or even feel like doing anything. I do like sitting in the sun- it feels good on my face." She took a deep breath. "I still wish sometimes that I could just disappear…but I haven't had the urge to do anything about it." She looked up at him.
"Good," he said, putting a hand on her arm and giving it a squeeze. "That's real good, Charlotte." He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding.
Charlie placed one of her hands on top of his; their eyes locked. "I really don't think I'd even be doing this good if it weren't for you," she said softly. "You're the only one I've talked to about it; Miles tries but I just can't. He'll tell my mom and I just can't deal with her right now- if she knew what you do she'd never let me out of her sight!" She paused. "Thank you for not telling them. I feel like…like…I can trust you." She exhaled deeply.
"I'm glad, Charlotte; you can trust me, I swear. That is, as long as you keep your promise to me," he said.
"I will," she said earnestly.
He squeezed her hand. "Are you tired?" he asked.
"Very," she sighed.
He smiled at her and patted his shoulder, motioning for her to come closer. She grinned, sleepily, and moved to rest her head there. They sat there against the tree, where she fell asleep curled up against him, still holding hands.
Thus began their nightly ritual- one that was both peaceful and cathartic for both of them, while also intensifying the growing closeness between them.
Author's Note: As always, your reviews are most welcome! I really enjoy hearing from you & it keeps me going! Thank you all! Also, deep gratitude to my beta, LS, for all your help on this…seriously, could not have done it without you.