December 1977

I never thought I'd actually miss being called Piglet. But I wouldn't tell Black that in a million gazillion years. Rather die by pain of Cruciatus Curse than have him know I perversely liked the nickname.

I realised that last month I was so caught up in my quarrel with Black that I'd completely forgotten to tell you about Roland. So, a week or so after I snogged him and sent my life into a tizzy, I pulled him somewhere quiet and said, where's my money, bitch!

Nah, jokes. I said, I really think I just like you as a friend, Rollo, and I need some time to think things through.

And he was surprisingly okay with it. No dramatic blowouts like I experienced with Black. Just maturity and understanding.

Charlotte and Remus have spent the last few weeks getting to know each other and I have high hopes for them. But every now and then I see Remus look at her like it's painful and I wonder why. What's going through that boy's head?

In early December the temperatures dropped quite suddenly and it seemed there weren't enough fireplaces to keep this drafty castle above freezing point. I walked between classrooms with my hands cupped over my mouth, using my breath to keep the feeling in my fingers. That continued until a pair of quality woollen gloves appeared in my bag and nobody knew who they were from. Charlotte kept harping on about Secret Admirers like we were in some poorly written teen fiction. Psssh. Imagine.

Defence Against the Dark Arts had taken a turn for the interesting. After a few weeks on the theoretic repelling of the Imperious Curse, we'd begun beginners Occlumency – defence against mind reading, basically. A skill Professor Twelvetrees said would help us in the looming battle against the dark forces. See, told you she was a Legilimens - I called it weeks ago.

"The students who are the most naturally astute will find this skill the easiest to master. The incantation is Legilimens and it requires direct eye contact." Professor Twelvetrees told us as we paired up, the whole class sitting comically silent and eyeballing each other.

I partnered up with Remus as he attempted to read my thoughts. I repeatedly chanted hurt Charlotte and it'll be the last thing you ever do within my head, though I don't think he picked up on anything at all.

When we swapped, it was my time to invade his mind. Remus looked seriously uncomfortable at the thought. So was I for that matter, did I want to see into the mind of a teenage boy? No thank-you.

The first two tries I got nothing but my own thoughts of this is dumb, but on the third try I was overcome with a feeling of self-disgust that was so fierce I almost fell off my chair.

"What did you get?" Remus looked extremely troubled. Professor Twelvetrees wandered over, her expression curious.

"Ummm. A feeling of shame, I think. Have you done something naughty recently, Remus?" I joked but he didn't laugh.

Professor Twelvetrees patted Remus on the shoulder for a second and then turned to the class. "Okay, guys, that was a difficult lesson. You can all leave ten minutes early today."

The class packed up, delighted to start lunch a little earlier.

"May, come see me when everyone has left, please." Professor Twelvetrees spoke quietly to me.

I approached her desk a little apprehensive. Was her bookshelf organised to her liking or had I gotten my ABCs muddled?

"I've been in contact with my old supervisor in the MACUSA Auror department - William Fischer. With my recommendation, he will accept you into the Auror training program in New York."

"No. Way. That's amazing! Thank-you so much."

"Whoa, hold your winged horses, young lady. Your N.E.W.T. grades will have to be spectacular. To meet the standard required to train as an Auror at MACUSA, you'll require an Outstanding in Defence, and an Exceeds Expectations or greater in Potions, Charms, Transfiguration and Herbology. So if you're serious about this profession, you'll need to apply yourself from now on. No more skating through lessons on natural born talents."

"Of course!" I said, but balked a little at the thought of what would be required of me. Nothing but study every minute of the day.

Twelvetrees dismissed me with a wave of her hand, then when I was at the door, called out, "Oh, and May, don't tell anyone else about this arrangement, it would be considered favouritism by some students."

I grinned at her, "don't worry, nobody would believe me anyway."

After lunch it was Potions. With Twelvetrees" advice in my head, I'd planned to really knuckle down and make the best goddamned Polyjuice Potion in class.

Halfway through the lesson, Slughorn wandered by the table where I worked with Charlotte.

"Grace has told me of your plans to join MACUSA." Slughorn chuckled. Grace must be Twelvetrees" first name. "You're in for a tough road, my girl, not only do you need the topmost grades to qualify for the training, but the training itself is gruelling. They'll break you in, crush your spirit and then build you back up again," he claimed cheerfully. "But you have it in you to go far. Here, an exclusive invitation to my annual Christmas Party – you never know who you'll meet at one of my gatherings."

Charlotte looked flabbergasted as Slughorn trotted away. "You're going to America?!" She hissed. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because it's classified information." I said in my best American accent. "Joking. I only found out an hour ago. And I have to do some serious swotting to make the cut. I don't even want to think about what my life will be like between now and exams."

"A life of running your parents" antique shop not good enough for May Proudfoot, then?" Charlotte sarcastically replied. "When will you break the news to them?"

"It'll have to be this Christmas, when we return for the holidays."

"They'll be proud of you."

"Hope so."

Following Potions, it was Ancient Runes and after class I told Professor Babbling of my plans to drop the class to focus on the subjects that would bring me closer to my chosen career. It looked like I would need every study period I could get to bring my grades up from A/Es to E/Os and I didn't want to waste time in a subject I didn't need or like.

I met Remus in the library for our weekly tutoring sessions and I told him there would be no more tutoring so I could focus on the subjects needed to be an Auror. He seemed pleased for me but there was something undoubtedly weary in his expression. I took a stab at what I thought the problem might be.

"Remus, I'm really sorry if I invaded your privacy – this morning, I mean, in Defence. I really had not expected to actually gain entrance into your mind." I apologised to him, chuckling a little with discomfort.

"No, no, it's fine. Really. It's just…" Remus sighed. "Did you see anything? Any memories?"

"No… just that feeling of… disappointment and shame."

Remus breathed a sigh of relief and I had the sudden feeling that his life is much more interesting than appearances suggested.

"I actually think you might have been the only student in class to make any progress in Legilimency," Remus said, looking fairly impressed. "You'll make an excellent Auror, I think. That's what Sirius wants to do too – well, I believe he is thinking more along the lines of a vigilante Auror than the official way of fighting dark wizards as a ministry employee."

"Can we not talk about him?" I mumbled.

"Of course," he tactfully replied.

I won't bother telling you how the first half of December went because it would bore you as much as it bored me. An endless cycle of school, homework, study, school, homework, study.

The weekend prior to the final week of school was Sluggies Christmas Party. I'd never attended any of his Slug Club meetings that I'd heard so much about and actually hadn't planned to start now. But after the last couple of weeks of the most angelically studious behaviour, I really needed to break loose for a couple of hours, get a little drunk – you know?

However, I was worried that Black would be there, since he gets invited to every Slug Club meeting just for being a Black (unfair, right?) And I did not want an awkward encounter with him because it would most likely result in more soup flinging.

But then James approached me in the common room and out of the blue told me that Sirius wouldn't be attending tonight – like he knew that that was just what I was thinking.

I approached Charlotte that afternoon, because who wants to go to a party alone?

"Char, wanna come as my plus one to Sluggies party tonight?"

"Aww, that's sweet, but I'm already taken."

I laughed, "so it's official then? Remus is your boyfriend? You have well and truly broken my heart, Charlotte Crossman."

Deciding what to wear that night was easy, because black is the only colour I can wear and not look ridiculous. The dress I'm wearing is actually a muggle style dress – long and fitted. I saw it as a kid on a poster of this brunette actress with a short fringe smoking a cigarette in a long holder. Do you know the one? I'm not really clued up on Muggle entertainment but I think her name was Tiffany? Breakfast with Tiffany? Something like that. Anyway, I'm wearing a dress similar to that one and it's fitted – eat too much and look pregnant fitted – you know?

Stepping into Slughorn's office was an entirely surreal experience – like I'd made a wrong turn off one of the moving staircases. The room was draped in sheer gold fabric and leafy vines crawled up the walls like they'd been growing for years. Tiny golden-leaved trees grew from the centre of the circular tables that were dotted around and in the middle of the room, a dance floor where one enthusiastic couple was swinging around. There was an open bar on my left where a cheery house-elf served every drink you could ever want. I helped myself to a glass of Firewhiskey – I'm going to absolutely watch how much I drink this time.

"You shine up nice, Piglet," came a voice from over my shoulder.

Sirius is here. I thought James said he wasn't coming. Maybe I will get drunk after all.

"Fuck you." I spat at him.

"Hey, don't threaten me with a good time," he threw back.

I turned away so he wouldn't see the amusement tugging at my lips. "Back to talking to me again, I see."

"Yeah, I was a bit of a dog that day. Sorry, I was out of line."

"So what's changed? You had obviously meant what you'd said at the time."

Sirius shrugged. "I was pissed off. You'd blown me off to snog some Hufflepuff in front of the whole school."

"And then I came to you, apologised and explained why, and in return you insulted me."

"Yes," Sirius hesitated, "because I didn't believe you. I had assumed that you were playing games with me to get a reaction out of the other guy."

"So, now you're satisfied that Rollo actually is a friend, just like I said."

"Yes. You didn't bring him as a date tonight, I see."

"I wasn't even planning on coming tonight. The only reason I'm here at all is because James said you wouldn't be." I felt irritated that James had seemingly betrayed me.

"Did he? Don't know why he'd say that." Sirius looked sheepish.

I sighed and looked him over. That boy sure looked classy in dress robes; elegant and properly fitted, obviously expensive and easily the best dressed guy here.

He caught me admiring him. Can't have that. "I'm still angry at you." I fired at him.

"I knew you would be."

I didn't reply and scanned the crowd for someone I knew. Someone who wasn't Black.

"I heard from Remus that you've dropped Ancient Runes."

"Yeah, gonna break it to my parents this Christmas that their only daughter doesn't want to take over the family business after all. All hell will break loose - it'll make the Legendary Battle of Nurmengard look like a playground tiff."

Sirius laughed. "Well, if they disown you that'll make two of us."

"That won't happen." I said and then spotted something quite unusual. "Are James and Lily here on a date? How on earth-" I trailed off, too stunned to complete the sentence.

Sirius grinned. "Lily received an invitation from Slughorn, she invited James."

"But she hates him."

"Nah. She's been warming to him for a while now. Now that his head is back in proportion with the rest of his body." Sirius chuckled.

Huh. "Seeing them makes me think anything is possible tonight."

"Oh, you better believe it, May," he said quietly, his eyes glinting as they roamed my face and lingered on my lips a fraction of a second too long.

I broke the moment by turning away and taking a deep gulp of Firewhiskey. He can't just sweet talk himself back into my good books. He owes me a good fortnight of grovelling, at least.

"Shall I get you another drink." Sirius took the empty glass from my hand and headed to the bar.

I felt a little antsy. Do I want to be here with Sirius after the way he's acted in recent weeks? I looked around for a friendly face but recognised no one. Although, standing nearby and looking equally uncomfortable, was a rather grizzled looking man – in his fifties, I think? Slughorn has obviously invited him to show him off to the students so he'll be someone influential, though I don't recognise his face. I smiled at him when he noticed me evaluating him.

"You know," he said as he wandered over, "this is my first time at Hogwarts."

"Really, where were you educated?" I asked. I didn't pick up on a foreign accent. He couldn't be a muggle would he? Surely Slughorn wouldn't-?

"I was home-schooled by my parents. We had a cabin in the wilds of Alladale. The current Headmaster at the time, Armando Dippet denied me an education at Hogwarts because of my condition."

Sirius returned with the drinks.

"What condition? Sorry. That was rude, and I haven't even introduced myself, I'm May and this is Sirius." I shook his hand.

"Jonny."

Jonny shook Sirius" hand too, but Sirius had gone very still, his eyes took in the man's rough appearance, the deep long scratches etched into his face and limbs.

"You said you have a condition? The kind of condition that affects you once a month?"

I was lost, but the man went rigid in response to Sirius' words.

"Look mate, it's fine." He spoke quietly. "A good friend of mine is in a similar position. He'd actually want to meet you. Mind if I grab him?"

I had a feeling I was no longer a part of the conversation, not that I understood what was going on anyway.

I wandered over to where I could see James and Lily chatting at a table, but as I approached he pulled her in for a kiss and I had a feeling I'd be unwelcome there too.

I turned around again and searched the rest of the party for someone I knew. I felt rather uncomfortable standing on my own and I found myself sipping from my whiskey more often than usual.

"May." A hand on my shoulder. It was Sirius.

"Sorry about that thing with Jonny. It's just really important that Remus meets him and… I really can't say why. I'm sorry, I really did want to spend the evening with you tonight."

You did? That was a surprise to me.

"It's fine." I shrugged. "I'm not bothered."

He shifted his hand from my shoulder and his fingers trailed up my neck and brushed aside my hair. The feather light movements sent a swarm of butterflies down to the deep pit of my belly.

"That dress really suits you, Piglet." He said before lowering his lips to my ear and saying, "makes me want to take it off you."

I stood there stunned as he gave me a casual salute and turned on his heel to leave.

I spent a good chunk of the next half an hour chatting to Twelvetrees about her experiences training to be an Auror at MACUSA, and absorbed any and all advice she had for me on the tests and trials.

Remus eventually turned up and he and Sirius spent almost the whole evening chatting to Jonny. Slughorn eventually joined them and I heard his booming voice over the music, "I thought you two would find much in common, dear boy!"

I wonder if Charlotte knew what that was about?

As it turned out, not only had Charlotte no clue as to why Remus had ditched her to attend Slughorn's party, but she was rather upset by it.

As she put it, they were curled up on the couch by the fireplace in Gryffindor common room, when Sirius burst through the portrait hole, made a beeline straight for Remus and bent down to whisper in his ear. With a short apology but no explanation at all to Charlotte, both boys had hurried back out the portrait hole.

When I returned from the party fairly early (let's just say I've been to better parties), I found Charlotte curled up on her bed and staring at the wall. Once she'd clued me in on her side and I'd revealed that Remus had gone to the party to talk to a man, she looked a little more relieved.

"I guess, in my mind I pictured him running off to meet a girl."

"That really does not sound like Remus." I snorted. I couldn't even imagine him having two girls on the go.

"So who was the bloke at the party?"

"Don't know." I shrugged. "Someone who was barred from attending Hogwarts because of a condition. I think you'll just have to ask Remus."

"I don't think he would tell me." Charlotte spoke slowly. "Now that I've gotten to know Remus, I find him very secretive. Not just a closed book, but a padlocked one. I don't think he will ever trust me enough to tell me what those secrets are."

I silently agreed but said instead, "you never know, Char, he might just take a little longer than others to open up."

Charlotte said nothing and continued to stare at the ceiling.

I honestly did not know where I stood with Sirius. Sometimes I thought he might fancy me - like when I was sucking on my quill tip and staring into the fire in the common room, then I looked up and caught him staring at me. Then other times I thought he didn't – like when he got really competitive in our Defence classes or refused to partner up with me for Occlumency lessons. Though everyone in class refused to pair up with me for Occlumency now, I had become rather accomplished at the skill and had gained access to some of my fellow classmates embarrassing thoughts and memories. They'll be useful next time I need to blackmail someone.

It had been a while since I've had any real fun, so on the Friday, final day of school for the year, I bewitched the baubles from the Christmas trees to follow people around the school and omit the faint tune of God Rest Ye Merry Hippogriff so that only they could hear it. It really did unhinge quite a number of students that day.

I think that's just about everything that happened in December. Oh, aside from that snog from Sirius on the Hogwarts Express at the beginning of the Christmas holidays, but you don't want to hear about that.

Oh, you do? Okay, well you should know that ladies never tell, but I've never considered myself a lady anyway.

It happened late in the afternoon, when we were not too far from London, Sirius pulled me into an empty compartment and tugged down the blind behind my head. He said, I've wanted to do this for weeks and bent his face to mine.

Even as I tell you this now, years after it had happened, it's clear - like the memory has taken root in my very being. The clatter of the train on the rails, the flashing of the dying light on my eyelids, the feel of his soft lips on mine and his hands splayed across my neck and shoulder, holding me firm.

You must have an inkling of what is to come, for Sirius Black's story is not a happy one. When I returned to England in late 1981 after my three years of Auror training in America, I'd found things not as I'd left them. Far from it, in fact.

But now I'm jumping too far ahead in my story, forgive me.